Part 2: Your Paro
Rudra went straight to BSD headquarters, where his superiors were very much ashamed of what they did without the prior enquiry. He was honorably reinstated.
Meanwhile, Paro was busy gathering her stuff and preparing to leave, when she heard the knock on the door.
"Parvati", called Dilsher.
He headed inside the room and saw her small suitcase.
"What happened? Are you leaving?" Dilsher asked Paro. He could see Paro's swollen eyes. She has been crying. What else can he expect, loving Rudra was a punishment, and the poor soul is paying a heavy price for this love.
Paro sadly replied, "Yes Bapusa, I don't want to but your son left me no choice, or infact I left him with no choice. I was the one who wanted the sindoor in my maang. I was the one who pushed him to his limits. He was right when he said that every thing will not happen according to my wishes. I thought we were meant to be together. But Bapusa, every time he takes my name, every time he looks at my face, I can see he is fighting an inner battle inside him. He blames me for all the wrong that has happened in his life, I won't deny, he maybe right. It's like he said, my bhagaya (fortune) was his durbhagaya (misfortune), he is in too much pain due to me, I can't see him like that. I wanted to give him happiness but not at the expense of this. Look what I have done to him, due to me he is resort to being a..."
'Say it, say what you have in mind, say it Parvati, or even better I will say it for you Jallad na.'
Dilsher added with a heavy heart.
"No Bapusa, it's my fault, I am to be blamed. I knew how important BSD is to him and because of my impulsive act, he was suspended. During those wedding vows, everyone saw how cruel he was being, but nobody saw how broken he was, nobody saw the pain. For the time being even I, the one who proclaimed to love him the most also thought that he has become the Jallad, but he never wanted to be part of this. It was all in my mind, I thought I had a right on him, just because it was destiny. He was doing his duty all along. It's not necessary, if I have feelings for him, those feelings should be return. I have learnt it the hard way, therefore, I am leaving. I don't want him to feel guilty for what he did to me."
She had folded her hands to ask for his forgiveness, tears flowing nonstop. Dilsher came closer to her and put his hands over her folded hand and softly said,
'Beta, but he does love you, he doesn't say it because he doesn't understand his feelings. He thinks love doesn't exist. He is trapped in his own nightmare, and that nightmare started when his mother left him. His theory was simple, when a mother who carried him in her womb for nine months, who is the very example of unconditional love can leave her only son, then the fault is with him. He has made up a reason and that reason is, he is unlovable. He is denying your love, because he thinks you don't understand a simple fact that nobody can love him and sooner or later you are going to realize it too. He may appear very strong from outside but he is still that fourteen years old, waiting for someone to love him, to hold him, to make him believe that love actually exist and that he deserves to be loved. You don't know but he needs you in his life. Your love is like a ray of sunshine brightening the darkness of his life. He is afraid, if he allowed this light to penetrate, everything will change. He is terrified of that change.'
"But Bapusa, do you really think he can love me, considering how I ruined his life?" Paro said with a bit of hope.
'You have not ruined his life. You have made it special. We just have to make him realize that.' Dilsher confidently replied.
"How Bapusa, how? I have tried everything but the element of doubt is always there. He cannot trust me, he will not trust me." She was exhausted, loving Rudra was taking a toll.
Dilsher looked straight into paro's eyes and asked her, 'Will you listen to this old man and do what I tell you to do?'
She was willing to do anything, her mind was exhausted but her resolve was firm. She wanted to be part of Rudra's life, she wanted his love, for that she would do anything. She nodded her head eagerly.
'Were you going back to your village in Birpur?' Dilsher asked.
"Yes." Paro replied.
'Why?' Dilsher wanted to know the main reason.
"I didn't give him a choice, it was all in my head, I want him to accept me without any pressure, not because he has to but because he wants to. I don't want to coerce him anymore. I know I was wrong, I want to rectify my mistake. I will do what he told me to do and leave him." Paro was on the edge, her only hope was Dilsher.
'Ok then you go there. Wait for Rudra. I know you want to give him the choice, and trust me my dear girl, he will come and get you. But remember when he comes to get you, you must willingly come with him as if you were waiting for him. He had to know that you left him only because he wanted it not because you don't love him anymore, in fact leave a note for him. Write whatever is suitable and don't forget to mention your whereabouts. He might not come immediately to his senses, but I know your absence will not let him live in peace. Your presence has become his habit. He will suffer every second, not knowing where you are or how you are? Let him suffer a little bit, this way he can have a taste of his own medicine. The thought of you will make him restless and the fact that you are waiting for him will make his decision more firm and he will come for you.'
Parvati nodded in affirmation. She trusted Dilsher, he had already become a father figure to her, and she has very high regards for him. Dilsher put his hand over Parvati's head to bless her and told her to leave before Rudra comes.
Rudra entered the haveli in the evening. He was content, he got his job back, his honor was restored and with that came the guilt of marrying Paro in the drunkard state. What ever the girl did, she did not deserve that. He was angry at himself. Bapusa is right 'I completely stop using my brains when I am furious.' He knew apologizing would not be enough. He doesn't even remember half of the things he said or did. Well, he will make everything all right. He will try to be civil with that girl, though her presence sometimes ignite an inner battle but he will try to work things out.
Dilsher was standing in his room with a piece of paper in his hand.
"What is that?" Rudra enquired.
'Read it yourself, it's for you.' Dilsher handed the paper in his hand and sat on the bed. He did not leave the room. He wanted to see his son's reaction.
Rudra took the paper and started reading
Major sa,
I am going to my mami sa's place. You were right when you said I have done everything to ruin your life. How can I claim to love you and be responsible for your destruction. I don't deserve you, but I am happy that I am your suhagan. Your sindoor will always be with me. I am giving my bhagaya to you and taking all your durbhagaya with myself. May this give you the peace and happiness you always wanted.
Your Paro
Rudra read it again and again, he couldn't believe she left him. She left him, the way his mother left him. Will this torment never end.
Dilsher was very closely looking at his son, he knew his short tempered son would come to only one conclusion, therefore he had to intervene, to show him the way.
'What happened?'
'She left me.' Somehow Rudra was shocked, though he knew the day would come when Paro would actually leave him but he still had hope. But that hope died with this letter.
'But that's what you wanted, she did what you asked. Did she say where she was going?' Dilsher probed.
"To her mami's place in Birpur." Rudra said without any emotions.
'So she left a forwarding address for you. Why would she do that? Maybe she wants you to write to her. So did she mentioned that she was leaving you?' Dilsher wanted his son to come to his senses, but it seemed Rudra was determined to remain irrational.
'Come on read it again and tell me why she left?'
Rudra didn't have to, by now he knew the letter by heart, "She left because she thinks she is responsible for my destruction."
Slowly the letter started making sense to him. She wrote your Paro at the end. She didn't leave him, not once did she mentioned that she was leaving him. She just wrote where she was going. She wants him to come to her mami's place and claim her as his bride. She is waiting for him. Her letter only mentioned how much she loves him and she would always be his no matter what. She was giving him a choice, whether to accept her or reject her.
Dilsher was observing Rudra's expression very closely. He knew that his thinking bulb has been switched on but he wanted to add spice to his wound so he turned away from Rudra to hide his smile and said, 'She was always the self sacrificing types, she is a very firm believer in the institution of marriage, so that poor girl would spend the whole life as your suhagan and here you are free from all the shackles. Why are you sad, you should be happy. Good riddance. Now you can live your life as you want. Go celebrate and don't forget to get drunk, I have heard when you consume alcohol, you always end up doing stuff you wouldn't even dare to do in your dreams. Like for instance, marriage.'
When Dilsher turned around, Rudra was not there. He was on his way to claim his bride. Dilsher knew, even though Rudra may not realize his love but he was very possessive man. Paro is his wife and she belongs to him now and he would make sure that she remains with him. Mission accomplished.
Later in Birpur, when Paro was sitting on the bed with her mami sa after the dinner, her concentration was on the small window, from where she could see the Main Street. She was physically with her mami sa but mentally she was reaching out to Rudra. She didn't know when she left the haveli, it would be that difficult. Last time when she boarded the bus for Birpur, she knew she belonged here and she would get away from that Jallad. But now, the whole scenario has changed. Her home is where he is, she is part of him and he is part of her. The sooner he realizes this, the sooner he will come to her. The shadow of doubt was looming in her mind but if anyone understands her major sahib acutely, it is undeniably his father and now he has become her father as well. She would not disrespect him by mistrusting him. So there she was in her own world when mami sa nudged her.
'Are you listening to me, baisa?'
Paro suddenly realized that her mami sa was talking to her, she looked at her as if the trance broke.
'I was saying that will he come to get you?' Mami sa was just as disturbed. When she heard the whole thing from Paro, she was not really sure that the Major would come for her, but didn't want to distressed her already broken niece. But she needed answers too, she wanted to shake Paro into realizing that she should come out of her wonderland and be practical.
"He will, he has to mami sa." Mami didn't want to shake her faith at least for tonight. She would let her niece sleep, thinking that everything is going to be ok, tomorrow is another day, may be then she could talk to her about all the havoc which has been created in her life. She was about to switch off the lights when she heard a jeep outside, thinking in her head who could be here at this time of the night, when she heard Paro,
"He came, mami sa, he has come to get me, I knew he would. He made his choice. I am his choice."
With that she ran towards the door, to open a new avenue of her life. It was going to take a major part of her life to make him trust her, but she will make it, now that he has chosen her himself, she will not let him go out of her life. She would always be 'his Paro'.
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