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Sometimes words fail us, when an event or occurrence leaves us in a turmoil. And as I start penning my thoughts today, I am unsure of what will come gushing out.
For me it was all about faith, not love. Paro's faith in Rudra and more than that her faith in her Shivji. The cynic in me, the bitter realist in me, cannot fathom such single minded devotion towards man or God. I started off in life with a lot of faith, just like Paro. No, correction, definitely not like Paro coz that kind of faith and belief is very very rare. Just like you, a normal God fearing and worshipping human. But certain events in life hardened my core, the bitter realist giving rise to doubts about how strong is my prayer and whether it is being heard or not?? Whether they are ever answered or whether they are even worth answering?? And such is life, as we move on, the world around us, the people, the instances, the experiences, convert us all into skeptics.
As kids we are innocent, our faith, our worship, our prayers are all pure and therefore, strong and true. But as the world kicks in, as we grow up and learn to survive, the innocence is eroded, our faith gradually fades in the harsh light of realism, our prayers become more selfish, our faith more calculative.
Paro is this case, has been blessed. The reason, she has lived a sheltered life that has kept her innocence and faith intact. Nothing has corroded her belief in goodness and God. Nothing has eroded her mountain like devotion to the Kailash Pati. Nothin has rusted her iron grip on the chains that bind her with her Bholenath. Lucky her...
I wish I am not what life has made me, wish I did not have the look of disbelief when I heard that chant or the scenes of utter devotion. Wish did not think practically that am I watching a love story or an episode of Mahadev or a religious movie like Meerabai or Sant Tukaram. The lost and pragmatic me was impatient for something else, cause this kind of devotion, faith, has already slipped through my worldly fingers, and now seems too far to regain. My mind wandered about how the 21st century viewer will take and absorb this scene. Can't deny that I didn't find ways to ridicule some of it (wrong I know but true). The modern rush rush keeda in me, couldn't absorb the dose of religion that was being offered in profusion. Her one legged balanced stance, had me hopping on my two feet in mental agony.
What can I say, Paro's mindset and actions are not comprehensible to one and all. For I belong to Rudra's category of humans...real, bitter, harsh, battle weary, worldly wise, wounded by life, and having more faith in our thoughts and actions and little in the almighty above. Ordinary people out there are like Rudra, losing a bit of themselves everyday with each struggle. God for them is like aspirin, needed desperately when in pain, in the belief that it will give us instant relief. Although we do bow down to him, but lack the complete surrender that a soul like Paro can claim. And how can I ever understand or even claim to comprehend a soul like her?? I am as frustrated, as incredulous, as stunned, as unreceptive as Rudra is...just a normal flawed human, not God. And with each passing day, as her devotion grows, so does the distance between me and her.
Rudra believes what he sees and Paro sees what she believes. They say faith can move mountains and so she will, but some unfortunates like me and Rudra, lack that power.
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