second kid's responsibility?

Dear all,
This is a bit sensitive subject discussed via PM by a sweet and smart friend SWETA. I am just wording it, though the thought credit is hers 😊.

What are parents the most proud of? Almost always their children!
They are the best gifts of God according to them. In most instances, children are born healthy, ready to grow up and lead their own independent life after few years.
However, some parents are blessed by God to have a more difficult responsibility. In a positive light, I like to think that they are the chosen souls with extra loving hearts and stronger minds.. whose children have certain limitations- of physical / mental kind.
We all applaud them and appreciate their parenthood and sacrifices in the face of a social adversity. We have discussed their challeneges in few topics in DM already.

The questions for this debate include-

1. Is it fair for them to opt having a second child knowing that after them, the second child would be the immediate family responsible for taking care of the elder sibling?
2. I would like to add- is it fair for the parents to expect one sibling taking care of the other in the long term? How about after they have their own spouse and family?

( let us assume that 2nd prengancy will be well-monitored and assures a healthy baby- second special child discussion could make the debate more complicated)

PS- Sweta- I hope I have structured it how you like it to be. Do let me know about any edits required. I would be glad to do that 😊

very touchy topic QT and Sweta...and presented beautifully 😊 Will be back with comments

QT and Sweta very sensitive and touchy topic 😳 . QT nicely put it for debate 👏 . This topic needs bit of thinking and soul searching on my part before posting. I will come back with my thoughts and comments.

QT & Sweta, Very well presented. 👏

I am not sure how much of an argument I can provide here. I want only one kid. Though everyone around me is pressurizing to go for second one before I hit 30 (2 more years) 😕. The reason everyone provides is to give company to my only child. It is like the second one is here to serve some purpose. Anyways I have no intention because I always wanted only one child.

Originally posted by: Maya_M

QT & Sweta, Very well presented. 👏

I am not sure how much of an argument I can provide here. I want only one kid. Though everyone around me is pressurizing to go for second one before I hit 30 (2 more years) 😕. The reason everyone provides is to give company to my only child. It is like the second one is here to serve some purpose. Anyways I have no intention because I always wanted only one child.

unn logo ko bolo ki company hee provide karni hai phir toh dus barah batchey aur karney hongey😛

I know how that pressure works......we also wanted only one child in the beginning but once she was 5...we wanted more and that's why we had our second daughter....not because people wanted us to have more. I don't know why people butt in these personal matters😕

Originally posted by: mermaid_QT

Dear all,

The questions for this debate include-

1. Is it fair for them to opt having a second child knowing that after them, the second child would be the immediate family responsible for taking care of the elder sibling?

Can we blame them for yearning a child with whom they can do what countless people in the world do with their children...enjoy the cute shaitaani, feel proud of academic accomplishments...just have a normal child to uplift their spirits every now and then.

Please keep in mind that I am not suggesting that they are not proud of their special needs child. I am talking about experiencing the rewards of bringing up a regular normal child.

2. I would like to add- is it fair for the parents to expect one sibling taking care of the other in the long term? How about after they have their own spouse and family?

I think it is okay to expect as long as they are not forcing the second child to take care of the special needs child. Caring comes naturally and should not be forced down as a duty because then the second child will harbor guilt feelings if she/he is not able to devote as much time as parents expected to the special needs child.

( let us assume that 2nd prengancy will be well-monitored and assures a healthy baby- second special child discussion could make the debate more complicated)

PS- Sweta- I hope I have structured it how you like it to be. Do let me know about any edits required. I would be glad to do that 😊

I am also worried that the second child may grow up feeling a bit insecure as he might feel that parents love the special needs child more. I salute all parents who manage both kind of kids beautifully and I salute all those parents too who work so hard to ensure the special needs child is taken care of and loved unconditionally.

1. Is it fair for them to opt having a second child knowing that after them, the second child would be the immediate family responsible for taking care of the elder sibling?

If the whole purpose of having second baby is to take care of first child, its not fair. Definately not from 2nd child's stand point.

2. I would like to add- is it fair for the parents to expect one sibling taking care of the other in the long term? How about after they have their own spouse and family?

Expect one sibling to take care of other - YES. After First sibling has his own family, at that point expectations should dim down, keeping in mind priorities and commitments change.

BTW - 1 and 2 are not contradicting, 1 = Purpose , 2 = Expectation.

Good Topic!! I have seen families going through this situations and I applaud them.

Gauri, very heart felt post! loved it.. 😊 👏

Raj.. that is one of your best i have read 😊 .
to the point- very practical, yet very hearty. 👏 👏 👏 really loved it!
thanks both..

Originally posted by: Gauri_3

unn logo ko bolo ki company hee provide karni hai phir toh dus barah batchey aur karney hongey😛

I know how that pressure works......we also wanted only one child in the beginning but once she was 5...we wanted more and that's why we had our second daughter....not because people wanted us to have more. I don't know why people butt in these personal matters😕

Gauri, 😆😆 why not have a Cricket team, right? Your choice was right. You wanted another one so you had it. It is sad to hear when even the women my age talk about having another to provide company for first one. I find that injustice. We have first one because we want a child and then second one to give company to first . One should have kids because one wants them.

@ last line- Oh Gauri! don't even go there. I can still understand older women relatives but imagine even the people you meet in day to day life advicing about kids.

Originally posted by: raj5000

1. Is it fair for them to opt having a second child knowing that after them, the second child would be the immediate family responsible for taking care of the elder sibling?

If the whole purpose of having second baby is to take care of first child, its not fair. Definately not from 2nd child's stand point.

I will come back on this from another POV in a bit.