FF: Ankahee | Thread 1| Chapters 1-33 - Page 48

Originally posted by: memad

riya..n her kbc questions😆

Originally posted by: rekha.366

😳😳next madhu in action 😆 and i have a doubt kya rk panchvi pass hai😆😆he is so dumb and idiot😡

Originally posted by: rekha.366

😳😳next madhu in action 😆 and i have a doubt kya rk panchvi pass hai😆😆he is so dumb and idiot😡

Originally posted by: aDarkAngel

OMG !! Hilarious ! Am rofling now 🤣 !!

Just to confirm.. Let play " are u smarter than a 5th grader " with RK and am sure he will be out on first question itself ...crying " I...me ...can't do it" 😆😆 later to call up Maya for her to console him n tell him that he is RIGHT !!

Originally posted by: rekha.366

🤣🤣🤣 omg yes maya mummy haina 😆😆and maya mummy will said nahi rk beta you are right . you should moved on DID is better😆😆

Chapter 19

RK literally ran to Madhu's apartment as soon as he got off the cab. The ten minutes he had spent waiting for the cab outside the club had been the longest ten minutes of his life so far. He cursed his decision to not take his car to the party a million times - he had expected to be too drunk by the time it was over, for him to drive. He had already wasted too much time in knowing what he should have known along. Now, he couldn't get to his Madhu fast enough and apologize. His Madhu. Was she still his Madhu? Would she forgive him and accept him again?

Would he have, if he were her?

One by one, every unkind word he had told Madhu in the last few days came back to him. He had told her he didn't love her! He knew she was suffering and in pain, and he had let her suffer alone. He wouldn't forgive himself for all that he had done, because RK knew that he had been so blind to Madhu, he didn't even know right now what all had he done.Not once, not once did he have the guts to look her in the eye and say something. To apologize.

When had he become such a coward?

Sitting in the cab, RK had looked at Madhu's note again. She had said sorry for not understanding sooner. RK couldn't even imagine what it must have felt like for Madhu to write that. "You wanted freedom" Madhu had said, referring to his own words. If this was how freedom felt like, Rishabh now reflected, feeling lost and helpless, he wanted to be held captive forever. He had a home, in Madhu's heart, and he had stormed out of his own free will looking for God-knows-what. And now that she had said goodbye...

The front door to Madhu's apartment was locked. Madhu hadn't reached home yet. Where could she have gone? Well, she did say something like she had somewhere else to be. But where? RK decided to sit outside her door and wait until she came back. As time passed, RK's anxiety grew. What if Madhu had gone away forever, and never came back? What if he never got the chance to apologize? What if she refused to forgive him? What if she no longer loved him?

Over an hour passed. RK thought about calling Madhu, but resisted. This was not a conversation that could happen over phone. Too many of their conversations had happened over the phone, and as useful as the phone was, it left a lot uncommunicated. Madhu wouldn't believe anything RK said until she saw it in his eyes. Still, as time passed and Madhu did not come home, his fears multiplied. Where was she? Was she safe? What if...what if...Madhu had done something to herself? No! that thought scared him like hell. Maybe she was with some friends. Trishna wasn't home either, maybe they were both together. RK consoled himself, but his anxiety kept growing. He just hoped Madhu was safe. Suddenly he was reminded of the night Madhu had been calling RK to tell him about her promotion, and he had not responded until past 2 am. He remembered Madhu's texts and how worried she was. At that time, he had thought Madhu to be silly, but now, he realized how he had been so self-absorbed he hadn't even considered how she would have felt. He had apologized for not celebrating her promotion news, but even then he had never understood the importance of the little things. The care, the concern, the worry. Madhu had smiled with him in his joys, and struggled with him in his struggles. What had he done?

Ria was right. This relationship had been all about Madhu giving and him taking. And everything she had needed something or asked for something, Rishabh either had denied her, ignored her or thought of her as needy and demanding. He had felt bad when he felt Madhu did not want to be a part of his life, but the truth was, he himself had never made an effort to be a part of her life. She had asked so tenderly if he would come to her sister's wedding - RK knew from her voice even at that time that it was important to her. Not only had he refused, he didn't even have the guts to ask about whatever Madhu's trouble with her family was. He had just been grateful she hadn't expected him to do more!

RK felt like a coward. That wasn't who he was, that wasn't who he had wanted to be. But to Madhu, he had been so unfair. He actually didn't even deserve a second chance from Madhu after everything he had done, he realized. But he still had to apologize to her. It wouldn't be enough, but he still had to begin somewhere and hope that one day all the hurt he gave Madhu gets healed. Now, she should just be safe...RK prayed as tears continuously fell from his eyes, and he broke down under the weight of his guilt and his panic for Madhu.

*****************************

Madhu finally walked up to her apartment. It had been more than 2.5 hours since she had left RK's party. She stopped, when she saw RK sitting on the floor in front of her apartment door, crying. RK heard the footsteps and looked up to see Madhu. She looked disheveled. Her hair were open, her eyes red.

"RK..." she faintly said, shocked at seeing RK in that condition. He looked broken.

"Madhu...Madhu...I am so sorry Madhu...please forgive me..." RK mumbled.

Despite everything that had happened, seeing RK in that condition broke Madhu. She could be strong if RK was happy, but seeing RK in pain tortured her like no pain of her own self ever could. She walked up and knelt next to RK, holding his arm.

"RK...RK...what happened RK? Why...is everything ok...get up, please get up." Involuntarily, tears streamed down Madhu's cheeks. She had somehow steeled herself to watch RK's coldness and aloofness, but her resolve was not strong enough to watch RK so helpless, so despondent, so broken.

"No Madhu...I am a jerk...I am a moron, a loser, the world's biggest idiot. What I did to you..."RK spoke as he cupped Madhu's face with his hands and wiped her tears even as more fell "...I hate myself...I don't know what happened to me Madhu...please punish me...but please forgive me Madhu." RK was hysterical.

"RK...get hold of yourself...first get up...stop crying." Madhu stood up and opened the door, then helped RK to get up and come in. Her own feet stumbled as they both walked in. Madhu faced RK.

"RK...if my saying so will absolve your guilty conscience, I forgive you. Now go, please. I am a human being RK. I feel pain. And there's only so much pain I can take. Seeing you like this...I can't take it RK. I don't have anything to give you...I have no place in your life" Madhu spoke with much difficulty.

"There's no life without you Madhu. There is no me without you. I was a fool. I didn't understand. I was too confused to know what I wanted. I wanted to fix the problems between us, but I didn't realize the only way we could do that was together, with more love, not with distance. I had to lose you to realize I can't live without you. I have been so unfair to you Madhu. I realize I have hurt you so many times. I was so absorbed in my own selfish little world that I forgot you. My mistakes, my sins...and you never complained Madhu.

Please give me one more chance Madhu. I love you. I really really love you. Look into my eyes Madhu. Before today, I didn't even understand what love was. I loved you, I wanted you, I needed you, but my love was weak. It wasn't strong like your love Madhu. But today, I know love is giving, not selfishly taking which is all I did. Today, when I saw you leave, I felt like my life was walking away from me. I am nothing without you Madhu. You taught me what love really means. And now that I know, I don't want to lose it. I know I broke your trust, but please, if you can, punish me, but don't throw me out of your life. Please give me one more chance Madhu. I will never ever hurt you again..." RK broke down and knelt in front of Madhu, begging for her forgiveness.

Madhu's heart broke.

RK's words shocked her. Only a few hours ago, she had finally accepted that she could not be a part of RK's life. She had finally decided to let go, knowing that her love meant nothing anymore. But she had left an RK happy and content in his life without her. Could she leave an RK so broken, so helpless as the one in front of her? Was her resolve really so strong that she could watch him in pain?

Why now, she questioned destiny? When she had finally given up hope...

Madhu had walked home from RK's party. She had let tears flow freely as she walked the dark streets, hoping the pain would immerse her and bring her face to face with the new reality of her life.

Which meant nothing.

Which had nobody.

Which didn't even have space for anybody else to come - she had nothing left to give.

There were only the stolen memories and the constant pain of the love in her heart. She had set RK free, but she knew she was going to be captive to that pain forever. Nobody could take that away from her. That darkness, that was hers alone and as she had walked home, she had tried to get used to the new paradigm of darkness which was supposed to define her life from now. She had let herself be completely vulnerable to RK and was destroyed, but at least the ruins of the destruction were hers to keep.

But now, RK was back here, already, trampling over those as well. What was she supposed to do now?

Turn RK away? Could she knowingly, intentionally, hurt him like that? Would she be able to survive, knowing that there was something she could do that could take away RK's pain that she wasn't doing? Was she that strong? And what was the point of that strength? Who was she going to show that strength to? Herself? Did she matter? Did she care about her self-worth in her own eyes more than she care about the only man who she had loved more than anything else in the world? Who she still loved and will always love - there was no doubt about that

And was it self-worth or ego that was stopping her? She had always known there was no room for ego in love, so then, if she let RK suffer, would it not be for some sort of a twisted, petty revenge for making her suffer? Did she want revenge?

She loved him, dammit.

But that didn't mean she could go back to him now, could she? The last six days had been hell, and Madhu didn't know how she was alive. She couldn't go back to that again, could she? But now, now that she had let go, could she gamble everything again and let it happen to her again? Would she survive if it happened again? Did it matter?

Then she asked herself, what would she do if her mother was here, asking for forgiveness for the way she treated her? She would jump in her arms in a heartbeat, wouldn't she?

RK looked at Madhu and their eyes met. Madhu saw in RK's eyes guilt, pain and love for her. More importantly, she saw truth. She knew what RK was saying now was the truth, his truth, at least in this moment right now. She knew that no matter how strong she thought she was an hour ago, she wasn't strong enough to breathe watching her Rishabh in that much pain.

And so, she walked straight into RK's arms, even as RK hugged her tightly, unwilling to ever let go.

"I love you Madhu...I really really love you. I am so sorry." RK mumbled. Madhu said nothing, nothing at all, just silently hid her face in RK's chest.

Destiny recognized that Madhu's silence was a challenge. Not to RK, but to destiny itself. I am here, I am vulnerable.

Destroy me a second time, if you can.