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You'll find English translation in green. Enjoy!
C h i k o o B a n a C u p i d
He touched the light trace of blood smeared around the doorframe and hesitated. To call his boss... or not to call his boss? His nearby coworker was approaching him, lifting every twig and leaf for clues as to the couple's disappearance. The arrogant brat would gladly reveal the blood for a rise in ranks, so Chikoo made up mind and decided that making a lasting impression on Rocky would be worth it.
"Rocky Saahib! Yaha aaiye!" ("Rocky Saahib! Come here!")
Rocky ushered his gang around the hut and smiled at the evidence presented. He thumped the newest edition of their gang hard on the back, oblivious to his wincing in discomfort and pain.
"Well done Chikoo. Well done"
Loading bullets into his gun, Rocky commanded his men to assemble. They would catch these f**king runaways and demand the raise from Shyam. ASR with his ladylove. Caught red-handed and vulnerable
"Are we ready for this, men? On the count of three, we break in. One... Two..."
"Rocky Saahib! Ek minute!" ("Rocky Saahib! One minute!")
He frowned at the disruption, and turned to see a rather sweaty and uncomfortable Chikoo pleading with his hands folded tightly.
"Rocky Saahib, humari biwi hume kamre mein sone nahiin degi" (Rocky Saahib, my wife won't let me sleep in our room)
A very impatient Rocky lifted his brow in confusion. "Kya? Biwi kaha se aa gayi?"("What, where did your wife come from?)
"Woh kya hai naa, humari biwi Khushi aur Arnav ka romance dekhne ke liye bekaraar hai". ("The thing is, my wife is so eager to see Khushi and Arnav's love scenes")
The other gang members murmured in agreement.
"Ha Rocky Saahib, humari begum bhi bina love scenes wala IPKKND dekh dekh ke thuk gayi" ("Yes, Rocky Saahib. My wife is also tired of watching IPKKND without love scenes")
"Jab se Barun film mein kam karne ke liye gaaya hai naa, humari biwi hume roj roj daant thi hai, Saahib." ("Ever since Barun has left for his film, my wife scolds me daily")
"Hume bhi theekh 8 baje juuthe khane padte hai" ("I get beaten by shoes at exactly 8")
Rocky considered the situation. He was a handsome, eligible and intelligent bachelor looking to settle down with a life partner. If he could tell the single ladies of his community that he was a catalyst that initiated Arnav and Khushi's steamy romance, it would make a great impression. And it would make a fascinating fact on his Shaadi.com profile. He smiled devilishly.
"Chikoo ek kaam kar. Waha pe naa, ek khidki khuli hai. Ek bootiful, shexy sari ko dhoond ke la aur chup chaap hut ke andar dal de." ("Chikoo, tell you what. There's a window open there. Go find a beautiful, sexy sari and quietly drop it inside")
The gang clapped in agreement, and decided to allocate exactly thirty minutes for Arnav and Khush to romance. Just enough time to satisfy their forever unsatisfied partners with a couple of decent Rabba Ve moments. For good measure, they racked their brains to recall the plots of the passionate fan fiction their wives raved about... a few men getting brain blasts to create a romantic mood for the television couple.
"Rocky Saahib, hum dono gujnoo doondh ke aate hai"("Rocky Saahib, we'll go find fireflies")
"Aur hum Rahat Fatah Ali Khan ka album aur ek CD player leke aate hai."("I'll get a CD of Rahat Fatah Ali Khan")
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The song was winding down and only three minutes of the time they had allotted was left. For precaution, the goons were holding handfuls of leaves and twigs to crumple in order to indicate their impending arrival to Arnav and Khushi. Nothing would be worse than them walking in on an ahem ahem moment.
"Ready. Three, Two, One. Now"
Immediately, they started crushing the leaves in their hands... walking slowly to give the couple time in case they needed to redress and situate themselves. As they knocked open the door and pointed their guns, Chikoo sighed in relief to see that ASR was indeed shirtless, confirming the occurrence of passion moments ago. He quietly thanked god for letting this rather handsome captive dress quickly enough to put on his pants and undershirt. Chikoo could imagine the broom being swung at his head if his biwi heard he saw the great Arnav Singh Raizada in all his naked glory.
As per standard procedure, they asked angrily about the whereabouts of the girl, purposely ignoring the blatant white sari that Chikoo had chosen sticking out of the hay. They had decided their wives would prefer a more dramatic reunion, and the bachelorettes would definitely find Rocky more sincere and sympathetic. Victoriously, they led Arnav Singh Raizada out of the hut with happy grins. They would sleep soundly tonight.
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Chikoo ran as he saw the belan being waved in his direction... tears rolling down his face as his furious wife chased him down the driveway.
"Kaminey! Aadha gantha kuch hota bhi hai kya?! Tujhe pata nahiin mere ArHi kitna dheere dheere se romance karte hai! Ek ya do din baahar ruk na chahiye tha, suar ke aulad! Mere ASR baby ko KLPD kar ke bhag gaya!" ("You piece of shit! You only gave them a half an hour? Don't you know how slowly they romance?! You should have given them a day or two! My ASR baby had a khade lund pe dokha' because of you, you ass!")
Cricket
Bhabhi Ji Ghar Pe Hain?
10