#15 I am OkayAn interfering God brought us together more than once. His wings were clipped, tongue serrated for the blasphemous act of his. He held his smile with blood-smeared lips and closed his eyes in silent prayer when the falling gallows fail to defy gravity.
*****
There are no last and final words. There are no hurt looks, anguished pleas and shaky tears. Lavanya's response to Arnav's...news was - "Okay" The much awaited stream of harsh and hurtful words doesn't come. Arnav waits, rocking slightly on his heels and palms fist into tight angry entities. Lavanya silently packs her things into the suitcases she had brought with her.
When Arnav doesn't move for several minutes, Lavanya turns around and asks, "Do you need anything else?" He takes a moment to tear apart her words, dissect them under microscope, run tests and perform mathematical calculations on them. Maybe then he would understand what she is truly feeling because Lavanya carefully masks her face void of any emotion or remnants of a heartbreak.
"Lavanya..." Arnav cannot bring himself to say anything.
He likes his world to be quiet and conversations short. But this is the first time in his life he desperately wants someone to speak, to scream, to shout.
To communicate.
Lavanya's ever expressive eyes are hushed but they sneak in a whisper between silent and unsaid words. He wonders for one suffering minute if he should screw it all and yell "It was all a joke." His stupid heart caged in silver ribcage flutters uncontrollably at the prospect, now that shards of angry bits of dream are slowly coming off the tender skin - for the skin to heal and repair. The soothing moments spent with Khushi feels like cluttered bullets from a revolver in a shaky hand; unhinged and uncontrolled.
Free.
He sees her hands have stilled, clutching a ratty old tee that once belonged to him. His throat feels suddenly clogged when the memory hits him. There are too many memories with Lavanya which are now forever going to be burned around the edges by drops of acid.
He watches her solemnly when she flicks the tee on mattress, clearly proclaiming her intention to leave it behind. It stings a little but guesses its for the better for both of them.
"I am sorry." He whispers sincerely.
"Why?" She asks, continuing to stuff things into her suitcase. Only now her actions have become more frantic, her breath shallow and eyes glazed.
It's hideous when he draws a minor gratification from her profile. It's affecting her as much as it affects him. Even during their breakup, they were perfectly balanced.
"For...everything," he waves his hand and makes a sweeping gesture. Lavanya cocks an eyebrow at that, the hurt expression dissolving into something else.
"Are you really?" Lavanya chuckles mirthlessly.
Arnav whips his head and tries to grasp the shreds of righteousness he believed he possessed. "You think I am lying?" He asks waspishly.
She shrugs a shoulder and snaps her suitcase shut with a loud bang. "Maybe you are, maybe you aren't. You asked me to marry you and I said yes because I believed you loved me." She snaps another suitcase shut with a force more than necessary. "Clearly I was wrong. This was all a long driven foreplay with Khushi."
It stung. It stings him more than she intends to. Her words are caustic but not out of the realm of wrong. He wishes it was better when she was quiet. Maybe they would meet sometime in future and would pick up the same thread of conversation from where they had left off.
Maybe then the amount of vitriol in the words wouldn't burn this bad.
"It just...happened." He replies feebly.
Lavanya throws her head back and laughs freely. He knows her too well to see its anything
but free. The forced aloofness bristles the delivery and her hurt finally crystallizes and shatters around her like broken glass.
Its to sharp to tread towards her and he feels suddenly scared to move there bare feet.
"Oh wow. f**k you." Lavanya bites back harshly.
She tucks her purse under her arm and rolls two large suitcases behind her. She offers a smile to Anjali who is waiting for her by the car and ignores everyone else. She walks out without looking back the whispered prayers of the interfering God finally becoming silent.
The cycle of meeting and parting is finally over with the final outcome of this endless loop resulting in heartbreak rather than a lovely union. Starlight after starlight she crashed and burned while the fingers that clutched her arm flexed and un-flexed with passing time.
One lifetime ends and the other begins right in its shadows. She walks out of the Raizada Mansion, left alone in dark crevices of her own mind.
Maybe next time when she is offered a hand to be raised from perdition, she hopes the angel this time will have snow white wings.
She was done with the Black winged one.
Note: Finally! An update!!
We are just one chapter away from completion :=) Thanks everyone for all your comments and support :-)
Edited by greenteaholic - 10 years ago