Meher's mistakes, Abeer's mistakes Ishann going to suffer

shruthiravi thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#1
In many families even if the parents are not divorced blame game happens in front of children. And children's mind is like clay and they absorb it just like that only to play out those things in an adverse way in their adulthood.
Kuber had insulted Madhavi many times and Madhavi tolerated it. Somewhere Abeer got it in his mind he has the right to abuse his wife the way he wants. Whenever something Meher does offends him, he goes abusive. Only difference Kuber doesn't apologize, Abeer apologizes, but continues the behavior. In a way no real change.
Meher has seen her dad living 2 lives. Not trustworthy. Takes advantage of her mom. And anything and everything Abeer does somewhere it gets connected to Shyam. Her distrust on men stems from her childhood and Abeer's impulsive behavior has poured oil in the already burning fire.
And now she has told Ishaan he cannot see his father because his father is bad. So Ishaan has grown up thinking his father is bad and he hates his natural father. You never create such an impression in your child by telling him or her one of the parent is bad. That is not the right approach to bring up a child. Yes the child's question needs answer , either he should be told who the father is or tell the child he will know things when he grow older. But never the other parent is bad.
And Abeer it was not at all right to teach the child to do goondaism. The child should be encouraged to complain to the principal, parents should speak to the principal and trust has to be bought in the system. A child of 7 years should never be told to throw stones, fight and all. You can send the child to self defense class and make him more confident by mentoring him or her to react to such bullies. But street fight for a 7 year old is not at all right. And today as far as Ishaan goondaism goes I would side with Akshat. He was right in reprimanding Ishaan. Any good father will reprimand if his ward comes from school fighting. If Meher has given Akshat right to be a father it is not just for mollycoddling, a father also punishes the child to teach him the right values.
If only Kuber has punished Abeer the right way in childhood than give him all luxuries he would have turned out to be better than this impulsive, egoistic young man.
And now making Ishaan ask for photo of his father, telling him how good his father is, creating a likeable impression on him, Abeer is going to repeat the same mistake Meher did. Instead of papa bad, mama will be bad for Ishaan.
And I want Abeer to do just that, make Ishaan hate Meher and come in front of him as the most ideal father and person. Ensure Ishaan is solely dependant on him.
And then without Meher, let Abeer handle Ishaan. Let his teachings ensure Ishaan become a school bully, let principal call him with Ishaan's complaints, let Ishaan trouble him for homework, let Ishaan cry for small small things between his auditions or performances forcing Abeer Malhotra to do the thing he has got PHd in. Some impulsive action that breaks Ishaan and let something major happen to him.
Because only that incident can show Mr Abeer Malhotra a mirror. Of what he truly is. By that time Meher will also learn her lesson, how it feels if your child hates you. Then both of them can come together and realize a child needs both parents.
Edited by shruthiravi - 9 years ago

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malikakas thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#2
Brilliant Shruti. I agree with every word.
Meher is wrong for telling Ishaan negative things about his real father. He is too young for that kind of negatively. It will only create insecurity.

But what Abeer did was wrong today. You cannot teach your child to brawl. Yes stand up for yourself. Don't be afraid of bullies. But tell the teacher, call your parents. Let the adults handle it. Also learn to be the bigger person and walk away. Abeer is starting Ishaan on a path of becoming a bully himself.

Akshat's advice was actually the correct thing. I don't think there was anything wrong with him yelling at Ishaan. Ishaan should get in trouble for fighting and not listening to him and talking back to Akshat. Ishaan is learning bad manners with Abeer.

I loved your idea of Ishaan hating Meher and Abeer being forced to take full responsibility. And then let him face the consequences of how he raises Ishaan. And on top of that destroy KM industries so Abeer has no money to fall back on.
mandy0310 thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#3
I was shocked with Meher, for a woman who worries about what her child will and will not find out she sure had no issues telling him his father was a bad man. It shouldn't be surprising to me though because just a few epis ago she told Ishan the same thing about Abeer the only difference is Ishan not knowing this is his biological father

As for what Abeer told Ishan. Abeer did ask Ishan to talk to his teachers only to learn that did not solve anything, things got worse from there. Abeer then saw his son talking to Akshat and what happened? The adults involved could not solve the problem so Abeer used the last resort. I am not saying he is right for encouraging his son to engage in a fight but he is not wrong either in not wanting his son to live in fear. Abeer has only known for a few days now that he is a father, obviously he is going to make mistakes but that does not mean he is a bad person or that he take a page out of Meher's book and instigate his son against her.

As for Akshat, why is it okay for him to scold and raise his hand at Ishan? How is that any different from the point he was trying to make about violence not being the answer? Also this is not the first time Akshat has shown he has a temper. Meher was wrong to go apologizing to Akshat when she should have been shown with her son. Meher should have been the one to talk to Ishan sensibly especially after learning just how bad things were in school instead it was all about Akshat's feelings getting hurt.
shruthiravi thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#4
@Mandy I only told the way things are unfolding there is every chance Ishaan will end up hating Meher. Reason being Meher's mistake has ensured that she is unable to answer Ishaan's questions properly. And if a child doesn't get satisfactory answer and if you think you can hide info from him, cajoling him, frightening him it might work for some time, but not every time. One way or the other Ishaan is gonna know Abeer is his father. And when he knows, with the current impression he has on Abeer the child will draw conclusions. Because a child's mind is open. He will feel a sense of betrayal from his mother. And that is a very strong emotion for a 8 year old.
And whatever be the reason teaching a child bullying is against my principles. You can teach the child to be assertive, go back to principal's room and demand explanation of the child's repeated behavior. Make the prinicipal bring the bully's parents. Threaten them of expulsion of the ward. Such kind of pressures has to be put. You have to spend time with the child to make him believe in the system. You have to put effort to make the system work. Teaching bullying from childhood makes the child distrust system as they grow old and sometimes they will take law in their hands. You can expose the bully. But system has to punish him is my take and an 8 year old should only be taught that.
I only told Meher's mistake will ensure Meher will walk Abeer's path. By that I mean how you feel when your child hates you and Abeer's present mistake will ensure he will walk Meher's path. That is how it feels to bring up a child alone irrespective of other support system like grand parents, child care etc etc available.
Basically they will understand each other, know why the other is behaving the way they are. And understanding is grossly missing in both of them.
VIMAL.SM thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#5
Abeer just want to make Ishaan like him.Who take impulsive decision n get in to violence.What kind of father he is.Akshat was right Ishaan was behaving like Gunda.Also Akshat yelling at Ishaan is the way any sensible dad will do.They cannot see their son becoming like a Gunda.

Now I want both Akshat N Meher to talk with Ishaan properly and advice him.Also they should stop feeding negative things about Abeer.That would in turn make Ishaan doubt Meher N Akshat.
Edited by VIMAL.M - 9 years ago
chemgirl thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#6
Great post and replies
I agree with of you guys...both meher and abeer are so much involved in their own imterests that neither of them are worried about the effect on ishaan...a boy of Ishaan's age needs both his parents' support...its their problem if they are divorced...but they are both responsible gor the kid...neither should have to take up the responsibilty alone and both have a right on the kid..but neither abeer nor meher realizes this...Meher wants Abeer to stay away from Ishaan and Abeer wants Ishaan to be his photocopy...but what about what Ishaan wants??? Does anyone care???

Ishaan needs his mom's care and is as much Meher'son as Abeer's...so he would have some of his mom's character too...making him a mirror to Abeer just bcoz he is more like him is not right for a kid of that age...and Abeer is Ishaan's dad and expecting him to stay away from his son when he has just learned the truth is very unfair...yes he made mistakes but unlike shyam he has a good heart and has a lot of good qualities too and meher knows this...but she is adamant too..this is finally gonna hurt both mehbeer and Ishaan.

And meher's leaving everything to akshat is also not gonna work in her favour since Ishaan knows he is not his father...and Ishaan has already started retorting...after all he has some impulsiveness in his genes...If Ishaan starts hatingeither of his parents it will be very difficult to change him as he is just as stubborn as them and as sensitive.
shruthiravi thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#7
@Vimal agree to you. Akshat and Meher feeding negative info to Ishaan about Abeer is gonna backfire. Because they need to understand Ishaan is old enough to observe and draw conclusions. See what Akshat did is right. And this is another rule of parenting which again Meher is missing.
Ishaan retorted because Meher started scolding Akshat. So the child had an upper hand there. If one parent scolds and if the other parent knows the reason is right, they should not interfere. Instead after the scolding when the child sulks, gently go to the child and in a mature fashion explain nicely why papa did what he did or why mama did what she did. Once the child is calm, other parent can also go and cajole the child telling, he or she didn't scold the child, but the act he committed. Parents always have to show a united face in front of the child. Even if one is wrong, that should be discussed in private and not in front of the child.
And coming to Ishaan look at the way he intrapreted the story. One holding the princess is trying to protect him from the other prince who can harm her. So in boy's mind letting go is defeat, holding on is protection. He completely ignores the pain part of the Princess. How she feels when 2 people pull her hands from both ends.
So Ishaan has Abeer there. Where irrespective of the pain you give to others hold on, because by holding you are protecting.

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