PR Crazy Comments Corner - Page 97

My friend's husband send this to me and other ladies within our circle of friends and I found it so funny. I would like to share this with you guys...

Before I start, the following assumptions should be clearly understood-

1. The concept of 'time' for bachelor men is quite different from other human species. Also men never use a clock inside the kitchen.

2. Men don't understand subjective measurements like 'pinch ful', 'some', 'little' , oblique terms like 'saute', 'to taste', 'half-fried', 'when almost done', half-done, ' 'completely done' and obscure colours like 'golden brown', 'sparkling yellow', 'dull green' etc.

3. Men love to multitask even there's only one job at hand.

So, the recipe of 'Quick vegetable pulao' as given runs a risk to become a lump of brown completely burnt yuck thing stuck on the stainless steel wok, in no time.

How to make quick vegetable pulao:

Wash and soak the rice for 1 hour, drain and keep aside. Slice the onion finely and chop the potatoes into small pieces. Heat oil in a pan and fry the onions till golden brown, add all the vegetables, cinnamon, cloves and cardamoms. Saute for 2-3 minutes, add little water and cook till the potatoes and peas are half cooked. Then add the drained rice, salt and red chilli powder. Mix well. Add 2 cups of water and boil.
• When the water starts boiling, reduce the flame and cover and cook till the rice is done.

So, I thought I would exemplify how a recipe should be written for men, which works. Please note I have writing this based on my personal experience while I was alone at home. I am not allowed to enter the kitchen when my wife is around for some mysterious reason, which I guess is nothing but 'inferiority complex'.

Men's recipe for Rembrandt Mutton Curry

This is for 4 men who have skipped breakfast.

Equipment

Pressure cooker (5 litres, the one which hasn't exploded yet)

Gas burner (working condition)

Mixie ( the thing that makes maximum noise in the house after wife)

2 tall glass

CD player

Kitchen knife

Ingredients

1 Bottle of Rum (preferably Old Monk)

1 Bottle of cola

Tray ful of Ice cubes

CD of Kaminey

1 kg of Mutton (cut into pieces with bones)

4 onions < 35mm dia cut into cubes

2 Tomato < 45 mm dia cut into peices

200 gms of Potato (2 nos. not bigger than a standard paperweight seen in Govt. offices)

1 Nescafe cup of oil (preferably Mustard)

2 spoon turmeric powder

3tbsp. Garlic paste

3tbsp. Ginger paste

2 green chillies < 50 mm in length

One lemon cut into 4 pcs

3 tbsp. Salt

Garam masala powder (peppercorns, cloves, cinnamon, cumin seeds, cardamom)- available readymade

Coriander leafs

Before you start the process, cross check if you have arranged all the equipment and ingredients ( especially the mutton and gas-burner). Now follow these instructions meticulously-

Put 60 ml and 45 ml Rum in two glasses. Add cola and ice to the first glass, squeeze one piece of lemon. Keep the other glass away from flame. Put onion, Tomatoes, green chillies into the mixie. Turn it to max, sip rum from the first glass and put the cd of Kaminey to play, pump up the volume. Stop the mixie when the first song says ' chal chal sadko pe hogi dhan tan'..' Take half of the onion tomato-paste, half of ginger garlic paste, I spoon each of salt and turmeric powder, mix thoroughly with mutton in a container. Wash your hands and sit quietly and sip your rum while the mutton marinates and the CD ends. You can as many drink you want, but don't touch that 45 ml glass. Put the pressure cooker on gas and pour the oil. Have two more sips while the oil is heating up. Put the CD to replay. Empty the balance content of the mixie and whatever paste is left out in the pressure cooker and start stirring till the remix version of 'Pehli baar mohabbat' starts on the CD. Don't bother about the paste which is fallen on the kitchen counter and floor. Pour the marinated mutton in the cooker. Put the potato pieces as well. Increase the flame of the gas and keep stirring. The mix will keep on changing its colour and viscosity, don't bother. When the title song' kaminey' stats playing, pour the 45 ml rum into mix, Ignore the superb aromatic smoke that would come out from the pressure cooker, pour a cup of water and close the lid (with the weight-valve) and reduce the burner flame to medium. Enjoy your drink till the CD ends. Ignore the cooker whistles in between. Opening the lid when it allows you to, and pout the garam masla powder and mix it. Boil the curry . Squeeze balance lemon and sprinkle coriander leaves as decoration (aka garnish).
• Serve hot with rice/ roti.