Share jokes..... - Page 2

sum of u might hav hear this one b4 but just in case:
george bush is visiting a school.in one class he asks "can someone giv me an example of tragedy"
a lil boy gets up and says "if my neighbour was playing in the street and a car came along ran over him n killed him that wud b a tragedy"
bush;no that wud b an accident
a lil gal gets up and says "a school bus carrying 50 children falling of a cliff and killing evry1 inside wud b one
bush:no im afraid that wud b great loss
the room goes silent
bush:whats wrong cant any1 explain tragedy to me?
finally a lil boy gets up and says "a airplane carrying bush and getting bombed wud b a tragedy"
bush:excellent great!!!now tell me y did u say that
lil boy:well it wudnt b an accident and it certainly wudnt b a great loss

three army chiefs b discussing abt their army and showing off abt their men.(the armys r american,chinese, and iraqi)
the american chief says if i order my men to shoot themselves when i throw this feather down they will
chinese chief:so will mina
iraqi chief:no doubt abt it
all together "cum on them"
first the american chief goes and drops a fetaher steps back out with the 2 oda chiefs a minute later we hear gunshots and all 3 of them go to c and evry1 is lying dead on da floot.
the chinese chief duz exactly the same thing and so do his men
when its the iraqiq turn the iraqi chief goes and drops the feather and for a gud 10 mins theres no noise or any hearing of shots when they go to c all the iraqi men r lying on da ground blowing and not letting the feather fall

This old man and old woman (husband and wife) die and go to heaven. There, St. Peter gives them the grand tour of their new home. It's a HUGE mansion with a limo driver, gardener, etc.

The old man exclaims, "That's ours?"

St. Peter says "Yes, it is yours, forever and ever."

The old man is a little suspicious and says, "How much is the rent?"

St. Peter says, "It is free. After all, this is heaven."

Across the street is an expansive golf course with beautifully manicured lawn, interesting layout, and fun golf carts.

St. Peter says, "You can play here whenever you want."

The old man says, "What are the green fees?"

St. Peter replies, "None. After all, this is heaven."

The old man is very impressed. They go inside the house and on the dining room table is a gigantic feast with roasted meats, desserts, fine wine and all the fixings.

The old man says, "How many calories?"

St. Peter says, "None. After all, this is heaven."

The old man gets a look on his face like he suddenly understands what heaven is all about.

Then the old man suddenly turns and slaps the old woman, yelling, "You stupid witch! If it weren't for your damn bran muffins and tofu and other health food, not to mention making me give up booze and cigarettes and take exercise every day, we could have been here YEARS ago!"

Xmas Shopping
Christmas was coming near and it was time for Little Johnny to finish his holiday shopping. He went into a toy shop, took a toy plane, gave the shopkeeper fake money and started to leave.

The shopkeeper spoke up, "Excuse me little boy, this isn't real money."

Little Johnny didn't reply and continued walking.

The shopkeeper repeated himself, but Johnny kept walking.

The third time the shopkeeper called him, Johnny replied, "What?"

The shopkeeper said, "I'm sorry, young man, but this is not real money."

Johnny looked at the plane in his hands, looked at the shopkeeper and finally said, "And this isn't a real plane."

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.
"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE...
I PRAY FOR A NEW MUSIC SYSTEM...
I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."
His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
To which the little brother replied, "I know, but Grandma is!"

Interesting topic!
A stranger was seated next to Little Johnnie on the plane when the stranger turned to the boy and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
Little Johnnie, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," said Little Johnnie. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pelleile a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."
"Well, then," said Little Johnnie, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

Johnnie wanted $100 to buy a remote control car, so he prayed like crazy for two weeks ... but nothing happened.
Johnnie decided to write God an urgent letter, requesting $100. When the post office received the letter addressed to God, USA, they forwarded the letter to the president.
The president was so amused by the letter that he told his secretary to send Johnnie a $5 bill, figuring this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
When Johnnie received the cash, he was so delighted that he wrote a thank you note which read:
Dear God:
Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through Washington, D.C. Next time, don't do that because, as usual, those jerks took 95%.
Love,
Johnnie

Reward
One day Bush was out jogging and accidentally fell from a bridge into a very cold river.
Three boys, playing along the river, saw the accident. Without a second thought, they jumped in the water and dragged the wet president out of the river.
After cleaning up he said, "Boys, you saved the President of the United States today. You deserve a reward. You name it, I'll give it to you."
The first boy said, "Please, I'd like a ticket to Disneyland!"
"I'll personally hand it to you," said Bush. "I'd like a pair of Nike Air Turbos," the second boy said.
"I'll buy them myself and give them to you," said Bush. "And I'd like a wheelchair with a stereo in it," said the third boy.
"I'll personally ... wait a second, son, you're not handicapped!"
"No, but I will be when my father finds out whom I saved from drowning."

well i let out all my jokes hope u liked em.i know they were alot hope u dont mind.

😆 😆 😆 extremely funny!! i still cant stop laughing...the one that i laughed the most at was the fake money and airplane one...
😆 😆 😆

-sadaf