Ek Nayee Safar (YKS rewrite Fanfic)

farahwalikhan thumbnail
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Posted: 7 years ago
#1
So I loved YKS and I also loved the chemistry between Ahad and Sajal. Very nice but there were things in the story that bothered me - the fact that Daniyal died, the fact that Noorie had to resort to illegal means and take her own life and the fact that Zubiya's backstory was kind of boring and really a more elaborate version of Noorie's story. So I've meshed Zubiya and Noorie into one girl and named her Noor-ul-Ain played by Sajjal Ali. Daniyal also will not die although the defamation may still happen. Urooj was interesting.
So main characters:
Shaz Khan as Barrister Daniyal:
Hira Mani as Gaiti Daniyal
Ahad Raza Mir as Dr. Asfandyar
Sajjal Ali as Noor-ul-Ain

I will post the first chapter soon :)

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farahwalikhan thumbnail
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Posted: 7 years ago
#2

Okay so I'm starting a new story finally. I loved YKS and I think Ahad and Sajjal had amazing chemistry.

--

1. Two Worlds

Noor-ul-Ain was a young girl who had recently graduated from college last year and now was doing a small job to support her family. Her father had been against it at first but didn't say anything because she was helping support the family. When she was at home, she taught her little brothers and sisters to make sure they passed their exams in school and all. She was running a little late as she headed back home and everyone had left the school she taught at so she was the last one out and it was raining.

She put her dupatta over her head covering it to shield herself from the rain as she took the street to walk back home, shivering a little from the cold. She was so focused on getting home that she didn't even notice the car as it pulled up beside her and a man grabbed her. Her mouth opened in silent scream and she tried to struggle as a second arm grabbed her as well and pulled her inside the car, her books dropping out of her hands and onto the cold, rainy ground.

While in one place, such tragedy occurred with a poor village girl being kidnapped, in another place, wedding bells were ringing. The son of famous barrister Usman Ali, Barrister Daniyal was getting married to his true love Gaiti. Today was the mehndi function while tomorrow was the actual rukhsati.

"Bhaiya, Gaiti Bhabhi pyari lag rahi hain na? (Brother, Gaiti sister in law is looking pretty isn't she?) Asfandyar, Daniyal's little brother more commonly known as Asfi said as he wrapped a friendly arm around his older brother.

"Gaiti toh hamesha pyari lagti hai, (Gaiti always looks beautiful) Daniyal said looking into his now wife's eyes as they had the nikah ceremony yesterday. She had been his hope, his dream, his aspiration as she waited for him to return. She believed in him even when everyone else had their doubts. "Mera maan hai yeh. (She is my pride)

Gaiti blushed at the compliment and smiled, lost in her husband's eyes, momentarily forgetting that Asfi was even there and she would have continued to stay where she was, lost in the moment with Daniyal but Faryal, Asfi's fiance and her cousin had walked over then.

"Come on let's have some fun, Faryal said dragging Asfi away and the two began dancing together to various mehndi songs causing both Daniyal and Gaiti to laugh.

"Yeh donoon humhare ghar hi raunak hain, (These two are the light of our home) Daniyal said smiling watching the two get others joining in their dancing although raised his hands in defense as Asfi came to try and encourage him to dance.

"Come on Bhaiya, (Come on Brother) Asfi encouraged practically dragging him away as Faryal came over.

"Aye na Gaiti baaji, (Come on Gaiti, sister) Faryal said and Gaiti chuckled but joined them. The next day was the wedding and everyone was so happy although Lubna had to practically drag Asfi away from the newly married couple.

Daniyal took Gaiti's hand in his own and kissed it. "Aaj mere saare sapne poore ho gaye hain. (Today, all my dreams have come true)

Gaiti blushed a bit. "Mujhe khushi hai ke aaj hum saath hain. (I am happy we are together today.) She leaned closer to her husband as he caressed her cheek, pressing his lips against hers gently. The two laid in each other's arms, content at being with one another.

farahwalikhan thumbnail
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Posted: 7 years ago
#3
Guys I could use some feedback?
Posted: 7 years ago
#4
The story looks promising, though I would suggest, don't delve too much into the details of Noor-ul-Ain's misery, because that would be too hard for a reader to read.
Wish you all the best for the future parts.
Posted: 7 years ago
#5

Originally posted by: farahwalikhan

Guys I could use some feedback?

Don't worry much. This forum has a very slow and less response.
Just write away whatever you imagine about the story.
Though my personal suggestion is, what is already shown in the show, don't give those description much. Coz readers want to read something apart from what they've already watched on television.
Hope this helps.
Edited by Aazeen02 - 7 years ago
farahwalikhan thumbnail
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Posted: 7 years ago
#6
Thank you so much. This helped me a lot.
Posted: 7 years ago
#7

Originally posted by: farahwalikhan

Thank you so much. This helped me a lot.

You are welcome
farahwalikhan thumbnail
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Posted: 7 years ago
#8
So I was thinking to skipping to Noor running away from home and maybe Asfi could be with Daniyal when he recieves the call and he meets Noor?
Posted: 7 years ago
#9

Originally posted by: farahwalikhan

So I was thinking to skipping to Noor running away from home and maybe Asfi could be with Daniyal when he recieves the call and he meets Noor?

Go ahead, just tell in brief what you want the readers to assume.

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