Posted:
So, after a looong time, I'm posting something at udibaba's expense. I hope you'll all like this. Please read the whole post & give feedback.
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A package came hurtling through the front door of the Bajpayee house so fast that images of his last combat with the Jupiter aliens barged into Shankar Dayal Bajpayee's mind. So silly of me, he thought. How can I forget how I destroyed those aliens who were so imprudent that they thought they could bump me off??!!!. How dare that postman throw a post so rudely!!! I guess he attended my last pravachan. Udi-baba strolled towards the package, stooped down and picked it up. The rotten bamboo leaf glued to the package by means of jack fruit latex told him what was inside - a copy of the infamous magazine named "Anushaasan", the letters of which were "engraved" on it with sharp bamboo sticks. It was very difficult for a person to tell whether a copy of the magazine was the latest edition or old, since all editions of the magazine had the same front cover - udi-baba's hideous face, the only difference being that udibaba wore kurthas of different colours in each edition. It was also the first 3D magazine in the world. People could actually experience the 3D effect without any glasses. People often said that udibaba's eyes seemed to emit a fierce glow towards them from the magazine.The magazine was a best-seller. It sold lakhs of copies every month; not because people were interested in the contents of the magazine, but because they used it as a kind of "burglar-repellent". At night, they placed the magazine at some selected locations in their houses. If a burglar tried to break into the house, he would either faint or go into coma out of the shock of seeing udibaba's monstrous face in the darkness.
Udibaba noticed that an extra bamboo leaf was sandwiched between the bamboo leaf at the top and the package. He extricated the odd bamboo leaf from the bundle and realized that it was a letter. Must be from my cousin Bhayankar; he is the one who sends me this magazine every month. The letter read as:
Aapne kaha tha ki aapke chote pothe ki beewi aapko bohat pareshaan kar rahi hain. Ek aadmi hain jo ek yajh ke zariye logon ki sarwanaash kar saktha hain. Voh aaj shaam ko bajpayee ghar aa jayega aur uss ladki ko sabak sikhane mem aapka madath karega. Uss vakht sirf aapke vafaadar log aapke saath hone chahiye. Baake sab logon ko kuch bahaana banaakar ghar ke baahar bhej dijiyega
Bhayankar
Udi-baba was on cloud nine. Oh my prabhuji!!!! This man is indeed bhayankar!!! That heretical girl won't stand a chance now.
After lunch, udibaba told his zoomates that in the evening there would be a meeting of the members of the anushaasan committee at the Bajpayee house and that only the members of the committe, that is udibaba, gorilla and boo-aah daadi were allowed to remain in the house. The zoo-mates except Anant and Navya were instructed to go to a nearby park and spend time there. He turned to Anant and Navya and said, "Anant bete, tumhare shaadi hokar bohat din huwa hain. Abhi tak aapne Navya ko leker baahar kahin ghoomne nahin gaya hain. Kyoon na tum aap donom aaj machchar dekhne jaate?"
"Machchar dekhne? Baba aapka mathlab hain picture??", asked Anant.
"Haan, vahi. Yeh aadhunik shabdem kitne katin hain bolne keliye. Hamare parampara ke praacheen bhaasha mem jo shabnem hain voh toh bahut aasaan hain. Jaise avashya, uttamm, $&(##))*)(%)@)(%*)(*)#*)#. Kitne saral hain yeh shabdem. Haan haan, tum log jao", said udibaba.
Navya was taken aback. What kind of magic has induced this newly-found love in this man? Something is definitely fishy about his behaviour.
Udibaba was chuckling maliciously inside. Go and have a grand time, you fools. Shankar Dayal Bajpayee has always been famous for being a merciful soul. This is the last time you would ever go out together.
In the evening, everybody got out of the house as per instructions. All except Navya and Anant headed for the nearby park. The couple were in a separate car. Fifteen minutes into the journey, Navya realized that they were straying from the intended route. She asked bewilderedly, "Anant, hum kahaan jaa rahe haim? Theater jaane ki raastha yeh nahin hain".
"Jaanta hoon, Theater jaane ki mood mem nahin hoon ab", Anant replied impishly. "Phir?", asked Navya, baffled.
"Tum kyoon itni ghabra rahe ho? Mere saath hona? Mujhpar bharosa nahin hain kya?", he asked indignantly. Navya looked straight into his eyes for a moment and said, "Pahaad ki oopar se koodne ki plan hain kya?? Agar tum mere saath ho, toh voh bhi manzoor hain".
Miles away, udibaba, gorilla and boo-aah daadi jumped from their seats at the sound of a knock at the door. Gorilla walked over to the door and opened it. A middle-aged man with a beard stood at the entrance. "Main Ramu, Bhayankar ne bheja hain mujhe. Kya hum jald se jald shuru karein?", he asked.
"Ji haan, kripaya andar aa jayiye". udibaba called out from the hall. Ramu entered and went near udibaba. "Yeh yajh karne se uss ladki ka sarvanaash hoga na?", asked boo-aah daadi eagerly. "Zaroor. Maine yeh pehle bhi kiya hain.", Ramu said assuredly.
"Lekin yajh yahaan nahin kar sakte. Ek vishaal jagah ki zaroorath hain.", he said. "Kyun nahin, hamaare ghar ke paas ek khula huwa bageecha hain. Vahaan jaakar shuru karte haim.", said udibaba, and suddenly he remembered that it was there where the aliens had abducted him. "Chalo, bauji, bua daadi", said gorilla in his grating voice.
"Navya ki sarvanaash, Navya ki sarvanaash, HARI OM PRABHUJI", boo-aah daadi sang a horrible verse as they closed the door and started moving.
Far away, Anant slammed the brakes of the car infront of a building. Navya craned her neck forward and by the moonlight read what was written outside - FAIRYLAND FAMILY RESTAURANT(ROOFTOP). "Hum yahaan kya kar rahe haim??", she asked, still having no clue as to what her 'better half' was planning to do. "Baba ne jab movie dekhne jaane ke liye kahaa, tab maine yahaan phone karke rooftop book kiya. Kya mere jawaab se aap santhunsht hain ma'am??. Ab chale?", he got out of the car, walked over to her door and opened it for her. "Please", he said, glancing towards the restaurant's front door. Although she was pleased, an excruciating headache was worrying her. She felt as if her head was going to explode. She prayed this wouldn't hurt their beautiful evening.
"Aap theenom yahaan bet jaayiye.", said Ramu, as he heaped the wood logs he had collected from the surroundings. As the other three sat down on the grass, Ramu was searching for a matchstick. "Aap fikar math karo, isko aag lagaana chahthe hona?. Aap zara hatiye.", udibaba stared at the logs for sometime and the logs were on fire all of a sudden. "Shuru karte haim. Pehle, Aapke donom haath oopar kijiye.",said Ramu. Udibaba, Gorilla and boo-aah daadi raised both their hands.
"Ab kaho, abrakadabra Navya ki sarvanaash, abrakadabra Navya ki sarvanaash." The three of them did so.
They were on the rooftop of the building. There was a single round table on either sides of which were two stylish chairs. They took those seats. They gave order for two cups of pineapple juice which arrived a short time later. As Navya was about to sip her cup of juice, Anant interrupted, "Kya hain yeh Navya? Tum toh bilkul romantic nahin ho". He moved closer towards her, dipped his straw into her cup & both of them began to drink from the same cup. Likewise, they finished the juice in his cup also.
"Movie nahin dekhne ka plan accha tha na?", he asked with an impish look on his face once again as he slid his hand forward over the table and found her hands. He wrapped his hands around hers, raised it and kissed her fingers gently. She clasped his hands more firmly and kissed it in return. "I LOVE YOU, NAVYA", "I LOVE YOU, ANANT". They said it so simultaneously that the three magical words which erupted mingled to sound like a mellifluous Beethoven note. "Let's dance", he said as he took her hand and raised her to a standing position. He raised his hands and stroked her long, smooth hair and the throbbing headache which she had been feeling all those time vanished without a trace. It seemed as though he was somehow aware of her predicament and he had deliberately brushed her temple to alleviate her pain. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead, which gave her the feeling that she would never again have any kind of suffering. They placed one of their hands on the other's shoulder and the other one on the other's hips and began to float rhythmically and gracefully through the floor. The moon was dazzling spectacularly as if to provide the perfect background to their waltz and a bracing breeze was brushing them as though the entire nature were savouring their romance. Neither of them wanted this moment to end.
"Ab, aap log apne aakhem bandh kijiye.", the three of them obeyed. "Ab, Shankar ji, apne haath se apna mooh conver kijiye, jaise ki aap kuch bolna nahin chaahtha". Udibaba did so. "Om prakashji, apne haath se apne aakhem cover kijiye, jaiseki aap kuch dekhna nahin chaahtha.", Gorilla did so. "Ab, Buaji, apne haathom se apne kaan bandh kijiye, jaise ki aap kuch sunna nahin chaahthi.". Boo-Aah did so.
"Ab, agle 15 minutes 'Navya ka sarvanaash', 'Navya ka sarvanaash' bolte raho. Haan, dheere se, taaki sirf aapko sunai de",
"Aapko yakeen haina ki aise karne se Navya ka anth hoga??", they asked in unison. "Zaroor", replied Ramu.
She was lying cuddled in his arms. They were lost in a blissful wonderland. They were holding each other tightly yet lovingly, never wanting to let go of the other. It was the sound of Anant's mobile that woke them. They scrambled to their feet with a start. Anant extricated the mobile from his shirt's pocket. The screen showed "Home". He answered, "Hello"
It was his mother's voice. "Anant, tum kahaan ho? Tumhare baba, papa aur bua daadi ghar mem nahin hain."
CLINK! CLINK! CLINK!. The three of them had been keeping themselves from opening their eyes and moving out of the bizarre posture which Ramu had told them to assume. Finally, they opened their eyes. The sight was confounding. A circular metal vessel was placed infront of each of them and each of those vessels contained some coins which they instantly realized had been thrown to it by the people who passed them. Turning to their right side, they noticed something else. A large banner was hung beside them. Udibaba and Boo-Aah daadi, having never seen even the doorstep of a school, couldn't read what was written on it. But Gorilla, being the most educated one (4th grade failed) among the three , read it:
VICTIMS OF FATE'S CRUELTY: Dear Friends, the three people sitting near this banner in crazy postures are very desperate. They recently retired from an asylum, having completed a 22-year long service as mental patients. Since they still have some latent madness in them, nobody is willing to give them a job. In this situation, they find it extremely difficult to earn a living. They have decided to earn money for the rest of their lives by enacting the famous "THREE MONKEYS". This decision is based on the fact that they bear striking resemblance to some members of a long-dead monkey species. Please contribute generously and help these monkeys, pardon, poor people.
They turned to each other and instantly realized that they had been made a laughing stock by someone who had attended udibaba's pravachans. Ramu had no intention of helping them, all he wanted was to take the mickey out of them. They jumped to their feet and stormed in the house's direction.
"Maine toh tumhare papa aur baba se kaha tha apne liye ek mobile phone khareedne ko. Lekin baba ne usse parampara ke khilaaf maankar manaa kar diya. Tum Mohan ko leke jaakar doondo.", said sugandha. "Ji, Maa", said Anant obediently. But they didn't have to take even one step forward. From the distance, bua daadi, udibaba and gorilla were approaching.
"Aap log kahaan dhe itne samay?", asked sugandha fretfully. "Woh, hum log...haan, unn committee members ko busstop dikhaane gaye the", lied udibaba, having no intention to reveal the humiliation which had befallen them. "Hum to pareshaan ho gaye dhe. Aao, khaana khate haim", she said, relieved. Miles away, Ramu's phone rang. He picked it up and said, "Kaam ho gaya. Unn theenom ko sab public ke saamne bandar banaa diya."
"Daanku daanku Ramuji, tumhare gharvaale uss udibaba ka pravachan sunkar maraa thaa na??. Ab unke aathma ko shaanti mila hoga. Food Night, rakhthi hoon", said Rama, smiling smugly to herself as she hung up the phone. She had carried out everything to a tee. Udibaba's cousin Bhayankar had never sent him any letter. It was she who waited for the postman, got the letter from him and glued an extra bamboo leaf to the package. She looked around, made sure nobody had heard anything, and strolled towards the dining table. Navya and Anant were walking abreast towards the table, smiling at each other, their hearts rejoicing over what that wonderful evening had gifted them.
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Hit the button if you liked this post
Yours lovingly
Dan😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛
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A package came hurtling through the front door of the Bajpayee house so fast that images of his last combat with the Jupiter aliens barged into Shankar Dayal Bajpayee's mind. So silly of me, he thought. How can I forget how I destroyed those aliens who were so imprudent that they thought they could bump me off??!!!. How dare that postman throw a post so rudely!!! I guess he attended my last pravachan. Udi-baba strolled towards the package, stooped down and picked it up. The rotten bamboo leaf glued to the package by means of jack fruit latex told him what was inside - a copy of the infamous magazine named "Anushaasan", the letters of which were "engraved" on it with sharp bamboo sticks. It was very difficult for a person to tell whether a copy of the magazine was the latest edition or old, since all editions of the magazine had the same front cover - udi-baba's hideous face, the only difference being that udibaba wore kurthas of different colours in each edition. It was also the first 3D magazine in the world. People could actually experience the 3D effect without any glasses. People often said that udibaba's eyes seemed to emit a fierce glow towards them from the magazine.The magazine was a best-seller. It sold lakhs of copies every month; not because people were interested in the contents of the magazine, but because they used it as a kind of "burglar-repellent". At night, they placed the magazine at some selected locations in their houses. If a burglar tried to break into the house, he would either faint or go into coma out of the shock of seeing udibaba's monstrous face in the darkness.
Udibaba noticed that an extra bamboo leaf was sandwiched between the bamboo leaf at the top and the package. He extricated the odd bamboo leaf from the bundle and realized that it was a letter. Must be from my cousin Bhayankar; he is the one who sends me this magazine every month. The letter read as:
Aapne kaha tha ki aapke chote pothe ki beewi aapko bohat pareshaan kar rahi hain. Ek aadmi hain jo ek yajh ke zariye logon ki sarwanaash kar saktha hain. Voh aaj shaam ko bajpayee ghar aa jayega aur uss ladki ko sabak sikhane mem aapka madath karega. Uss vakht sirf aapke vafaadar log aapke saath hone chahiye. Baake sab logon ko kuch bahaana banaakar ghar ke baahar bhej dijiyega
Bhayankar
Udi-baba was on cloud nine. Oh my prabhuji!!!! This man is indeed bhayankar!!! That heretical girl won't stand a chance now.
After lunch, udibaba told his zoomates that in the evening there would be a meeting of the members of the anushaasan committee at the Bajpayee house and that only the members of the committe, that is udibaba, gorilla and boo-aah daadi were allowed to remain in the house. The zoo-mates except Anant and Navya were instructed to go to a nearby park and spend time there. He turned to Anant and Navya and said, "Anant bete, tumhare shaadi hokar bohat din huwa hain. Abhi tak aapne Navya ko leker baahar kahin ghoomne nahin gaya hain. Kyoon na tum aap donom aaj machchar dekhne jaate?"
"Machchar dekhne? Baba aapka mathlab hain picture??", asked Anant.
"Haan, vahi. Yeh aadhunik shabdem kitne katin hain bolne keliye. Hamare parampara ke praacheen bhaasha mem jo shabnem hain voh toh bahut aasaan hain. Jaise avashya, uttamm, $&(##))*)(%)@)(%*)(*)#*)#. Kitne saral hain yeh shabdem. Haan haan, tum log jao", said udibaba.
Navya was taken aback. What kind of magic has induced this newly-found love in this man? Something is definitely fishy about his behaviour.
Udibaba was chuckling maliciously inside. Go and have a grand time, you fools. Shankar Dayal Bajpayee has always been famous for being a merciful soul. This is the last time you would ever go out together.
In the evening, everybody got out of the house as per instructions. All except Navya and Anant headed for the nearby park. The couple were in a separate car. Fifteen minutes into the journey, Navya realized that they were straying from the intended route. She asked bewilderedly, "Anant, hum kahaan jaa rahe haim? Theater jaane ki raastha yeh nahin hain".
"Jaanta hoon, Theater jaane ki mood mem nahin hoon ab", Anant replied impishly. "Phir?", asked Navya, baffled.
"Tum kyoon itni ghabra rahe ho? Mere saath hona? Mujhpar bharosa nahin hain kya?", he asked indignantly. Navya looked straight into his eyes for a moment and said, "Pahaad ki oopar se koodne ki plan hain kya?? Agar tum mere saath ho, toh voh bhi manzoor hain".
Miles away, udibaba, gorilla and boo-aah daadi jumped from their seats at the sound of a knock at the door. Gorilla walked over to the door and opened it. A middle-aged man with a beard stood at the entrance. "Main Ramu, Bhayankar ne bheja hain mujhe. Kya hum jald se jald shuru karein?", he asked.
"Ji haan, kripaya andar aa jayiye". udibaba called out from the hall. Ramu entered and went near udibaba. "Yeh yajh karne se uss ladki ka sarvanaash hoga na?", asked boo-aah daadi eagerly. "Zaroor. Maine yeh pehle bhi kiya hain.", Ramu said assuredly.
"Lekin yajh yahaan nahin kar sakte. Ek vishaal jagah ki zaroorath hain.", he said. "Kyun nahin, hamaare ghar ke paas ek khula huwa bageecha hain. Vahaan jaakar shuru karte haim.", said udibaba, and suddenly he remembered that it was there where the aliens had abducted him. "Chalo, bauji, bua daadi", said gorilla in his grating voice.
"Navya ki sarvanaash, Navya ki sarvanaash, HARI OM PRABHUJI", boo-aah daadi sang a horrible verse as they closed the door and started moving.
Far away, Anant slammed the brakes of the car infront of a building. Navya craned her neck forward and by the moonlight read what was written outside - FAIRYLAND FAMILY RESTAURANT(ROOFTOP). "Hum yahaan kya kar rahe haim??", she asked, still having no clue as to what her 'better half' was planning to do. "Baba ne jab movie dekhne jaane ke liye kahaa, tab maine yahaan phone karke rooftop book kiya. Kya mere jawaab se aap santhunsht hain ma'am??. Ab chale?", he got out of the car, walked over to her door and opened it for her. "Please", he said, glancing towards the restaurant's front door. Although she was pleased, an excruciating headache was worrying her. She felt as if her head was going to explode. She prayed this wouldn't hurt their beautiful evening.
"Aap theenom yahaan bet jaayiye.", said Ramu, as he heaped the wood logs he had collected from the surroundings. As the other three sat down on the grass, Ramu was searching for a matchstick. "Aap fikar math karo, isko aag lagaana chahthe hona?. Aap zara hatiye.", udibaba stared at the logs for sometime and the logs were on fire all of a sudden. "Shuru karte haim. Pehle, Aapke donom haath oopar kijiye.",said Ramu. Udibaba, Gorilla and boo-aah daadi raised both their hands.
"Ab kaho, abrakadabra Navya ki sarvanaash, abrakadabra Navya ki sarvanaash." The three of them did so.
They were on the rooftop of the building. There was a single round table on either sides of which were two stylish chairs. They took those seats. They gave order for two cups of pineapple juice which arrived a short time later. As Navya was about to sip her cup of juice, Anant interrupted, "Kya hain yeh Navya? Tum toh bilkul romantic nahin ho". He moved closer towards her, dipped his straw into her cup & both of them began to drink from the same cup. Likewise, they finished the juice in his cup also.
"Movie nahin dekhne ka plan accha tha na?", he asked with an impish look on his face once again as he slid his hand forward over the table and found her hands. He wrapped his hands around hers, raised it and kissed her fingers gently. She clasped his hands more firmly and kissed it in return. "I LOVE YOU, NAVYA", "I LOVE YOU, ANANT". They said it so simultaneously that the three magical words which erupted mingled to sound like a mellifluous Beethoven note. "Let's dance", he said as he took her hand and raised her to a standing position. He raised his hands and stroked her long, smooth hair and the throbbing headache which she had been feeling all those time vanished without a trace. It seemed as though he was somehow aware of her predicament and he had deliberately brushed her temple to alleviate her pain. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead, which gave her the feeling that she would never again have any kind of suffering. They placed one of their hands on the other's shoulder and the other one on the other's hips and began to float rhythmically and gracefully through the floor. The moon was dazzling spectacularly as if to provide the perfect background to their waltz and a bracing breeze was brushing them as though the entire nature were savouring their romance. Neither of them wanted this moment to end.
"Ab, aap log apne aakhem bandh kijiye.", the three of them obeyed. "Ab, Shankar ji, apne haath se apna mooh conver kijiye, jaise ki aap kuch bolna nahin chaahtha". Udibaba did so. "Om prakashji, apne haath se apne aakhem cover kijiye, jaiseki aap kuch dekhna nahin chaahtha.", Gorilla did so. "Ab, Buaji, apne haathom se apne kaan bandh kijiye, jaise ki aap kuch sunna nahin chaahthi.". Boo-Aah did so.
"Ab, agle 15 minutes 'Navya ka sarvanaash', 'Navya ka sarvanaash' bolte raho. Haan, dheere se, taaki sirf aapko sunai de",
"Aapko yakeen haina ki aise karne se Navya ka anth hoga??", they asked in unison. "Zaroor", replied Ramu.
She was lying cuddled in his arms. They were lost in a blissful wonderland. They were holding each other tightly yet lovingly, never wanting to let go of the other. It was the sound of Anant's mobile that woke them. They scrambled to their feet with a start. Anant extricated the mobile from his shirt's pocket. The screen showed "Home". He answered, "Hello"
It was his mother's voice. "Anant, tum kahaan ho? Tumhare baba, papa aur bua daadi ghar mem nahin hain."
CLINK! CLINK! CLINK!. The three of them had been keeping themselves from opening their eyes and moving out of the bizarre posture which Ramu had told them to assume. Finally, they opened their eyes. The sight was confounding. A circular metal vessel was placed infront of each of them and each of those vessels contained some coins which they instantly realized had been thrown to it by the people who passed them. Turning to their right side, they noticed something else. A large banner was hung beside them. Udibaba and Boo-Aah daadi, having never seen even the doorstep of a school, couldn't read what was written on it. But Gorilla, being the most educated one (4th grade failed) among the three , read it:
VICTIMS OF FATE'S CRUELTY: Dear Friends, the three people sitting near this banner in crazy postures are very desperate. They recently retired from an asylum, having completed a 22-year long service as mental patients. Since they still have some latent madness in them, nobody is willing to give them a job. In this situation, they find it extremely difficult to earn a living. They have decided to earn money for the rest of their lives by enacting the famous "THREE MONKEYS". This decision is based on the fact that they bear striking resemblance to some members of a long-dead monkey species. Please contribute generously and help these monkeys, pardon, poor people.
They turned to each other and instantly realized that they had been made a laughing stock by someone who had attended udibaba's pravachans. Ramu had no intention of helping them, all he wanted was to take the mickey out of them. They jumped to their feet and stormed in the house's direction.
"Maine toh tumhare papa aur baba se kaha tha apne liye ek mobile phone khareedne ko. Lekin baba ne usse parampara ke khilaaf maankar manaa kar diya. Tum Mohan ko leke jaakar doondo.", said sugandha. "Ji, Maa", said Anant obediently. But they didn't have to take even one step forward. From the distance, bua daadi, udibaba and gorilla were approaching.
"Aap log kahaan dhe itne samay?", asked sugandha fretfully. "Woh, hum log...haan, unn committee members ko busstop dikhaane gaye the", lied udibaba, having no intention to reveal the humiliation which had befallen them. "Hum to pareshaan ho gaye dhe. Aao, khaana khate haim", she said, relieved. Miles away, Ramu's phone rang. He picked it up and said, "Kaam ho gaya. Unn theenom ko sab public ke saamne bandar banaa diya."
"Daanku daanku Ramuji, tumhare gharvaale uss udibaba ka pravachan sunkar maraa thaa na??. Ab unke aathma ko shaanti mila hoga. Food Night, rakhthi hoon", said Rama, smiling smugly to herself as she hung up the phone. She had carried out everything to a tee. Udibaba's cousin Bhayankar had never sent him any letter. It was she who waited for the postman, got the letter from him and glued an extra bamboo leaf to the package. She looked around, made sure nobody had heard anything, and strolled towards the dining table. Navya and Anant were walking abreast towards the table, smiling at each other, their hearts rejoicing over what that wonderful evening had gifted them.
***************************************************************
Hit the button if you liked this post
Yours lovingly
Dan😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛
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