'Should I call her? Should I wait for her to call me?' Big Question. 'It was just two days ago. What should I do? Should I ask her out? Its like we are in college again… Wondering whether I should approach a girl or not. But what do I even know about her? How has she been? What does she do?' Samrat paced up and down his living room with his phone in his hand. He just couldn't make up his mind. Usually men don't have this anxiety before calling a girl, they just do it. But Samrat just didn't know.
"Samrat, please tell me your coming to office today!" Samrat's dad asked. "Dad, next week, 100% !" he replied. His dad shook his face and left. "I'm just going to do it!" he told himself as he called her.
It rang. He waited for her to answer the phone. He waited. He waited. It went to voice mail. He was confused whether he should leave a message or not. Then after a pause he said, "Hey, its me, I… um… just… just call back." 'I totally called too soon. I should have waited a few more days before calling. What would I tell her anyway? Will you go out with me? I am such a fool, made a complete ass of myself. Great going Shergill!' He shook his head and went to his room. He smiled thinking about her.
Flash Back
It was December, their final year, senior prom had begun. Samrat had come alone. He had just had a bitter break-up with Tanya, a mean and arrogant girl, who took too much pride in her. Samrat roamed the halls with a mocktail looking for Mayank. He was nowhere. His eyes suddenly fell on the girl sitting with a bunch of girls. She wore a silver short dress. Her eyes had a sparkle in them, most probably reflecting the lights and her dress. He wanted to go speak to her. Something about her attracted him. It was like she was an angel. Her hair was left open and she kept combing it with her fingers. She wore red lipstick and had a thick layer of eyeliner above her eyes. She looked gorgeous. He didn't realize how long he had been staring at her. One of her friends told her that some one was staring at her. Her eyes met his and it happened. He just knew that she was special. He smiled a little and looked away. He felt stupid. He had seen a girl for just a few minutes and he was already in love? What rubbish. He had thought. But it wasn't. After a while, he found himself asking her for a dance. They danced and danced for god knows how many tracks. Both were having the time of their life. Samrat didn't even enjoy dancing but that day was different, he could dance all his life. She talked to him about herself, asked her about him. Both of them were so different yet understood each other perfectly and there it began, the love which both couldn't get over.
Samrat smiled as he thought about their first meeting and frowned as he thought about the day they broke up. It was he who had done it. He had left her. How could he decide to go back now? This should be her decision now. Not his!
Flashback
Samrat was so happy that he would see Gunjan after 3 weeks. He had missed her so much. His basketball tournament was done and now finally he would be with her for the rest of the semester. He looked forward to meeting her. This was a surprise for Gunjan. He was so confident she would be happy.
He climbed up her window and entered her room. Gunjan was already asleep. It was dark. Samrat slowly went closer and then looked at her. Her face was so pure, so innocent. She slept so peacefully. For a minute Samrat though of going back, but he just couldn't move. He bent over and kissed her. Her eyes shot opened and she screamed. Samrat was startled and he put his had on her mouth. "Shhh. Its me!" Gunjan switched on the lights and was so ecstatic. She jumped in joy! She threw herself at him. She was so happy he was back. These three weeks had been so tough on her also.
That wasn't the problem, the problem arose when Samrat was using her bathroom and he noticed birth control pills. He stomped out of the bathroom and questioned her, "What are these?" "Samrat? You were snooping through my things?" Gunjan asked astonished. "Tell me Gunjan… were you pregnant?" his eyes were narrowed on her and he just couldn't believe it. "Samrat…" she said not being able to find the words to explain. "Listen to me!" she said holding his hands when he was leaving. "Tell me?" Samrat asked wanting an explanation. He had given her a chance. "I did.. I mean, I had a pregnancy scare. I didn't want to take chances!" "Whose kid could it be?" Samrat said without thinking. "What?" she asked. "I.. I didn't mean it that way!" he said. "Oh please. I know exactly how you meant it. You think I go sleeping around with people?" she questioned getting pissed. The conversation was becoming heated.
"Look, this is serious Gunjan, we just did it once! How could you even think?" "Samrat Shergill, get out!" Gunjan had screamed. "You are out of your mind Gunjan! You are so careless. I can't believe you wouldn't even tell me about it!" he shouted. "Shut up! My parents will wake up! And it was just a scare Samrat. I didn't want to make you conscious!" "So what if you were really pregnant? Would you have told me then?" he asked. "Well yes!" "and then I would have been helpless, sitting with a kid at 21!" "I am not going to stand here and tolerate your nonsense!" Gunjan screamed. "Then Don't!" Samrat said bolting out.
And just like that, in anger, Samrat had ended it. It was a bad end. He was scared. It had been too much for him to take it. He did regret it but it was too late! They could never go back there. Gunjan wouldn't let him. He had let her down. He had not trusted her. Questioned her about how many men she slept with. It had been so wrong. He didn't know how to rectify that mistake…
Tears scrolled down his cheek. He realized how it had all been his fault, his fear, his insecurity. He wished he could make it right and then he realized. 'Unless I call her I won't be able to make anything right. How will she know I want to get back together? If she refuses, then fine, she has the right to. This time its her choice, but I have to put it out there.' He was determined. He called again.
This time she picked up after a few rings, "Hi!" she said. "Hey Gunjan. How are you?" he asked trying to frame what he's going to say in his mind. "Fine, you tell me?" "Great!" he said. There was an awkward pause on the phone while both hoped the other person would say something. Finally, Samrat gathered the strength to say it, "Gunjan, would you, like to have dinner tonight?" he said with his eyes shut. He didn't want her to say no. It would break his little heart. "Tonight…umm…" she said hesitantly. "If your busy its perfectly all right. We can do this some other time.." Samrat said quickly. He didn't want to push her. "No, I would love to, but…" she said pausing, "I have plans tonight, I promised Rajeev I would have dinner with him tonight…" "Rajeev?" Samrat asked with his heart broken into two. 'She did say she would love to..' he said trying to console himself. 'But who the hell is this Rajeev?' he hoped it wasn't a potential boyfriend. "He's a business friend. We met over a tour. Anyway, Samrat, today…" she said sadly. "It's alright Gunjan, you don't have to say anything. Some other time." He said with a heavy heart. "Sorry." She said. "Its okay, bye. Have fun!" he said keeping the phone.
'Sigh.' He tried to calm himself down. Being rejected isn't easy to take. 'If she really wanted to go with me, she could cancel with Rajeev. But she didn't. She doesn't care anymore. She shouldn't also. I hurt her so much.' He told himself. He was upset but he justified it. He blamed himself. Always. The rekindling of this relationship was a bad thing for him. If he hadn't met her again he would have never realized how much he missed her and how much she had meant to him.
Late at night he lay in bed wondering what Rajeev and Gunjan would be doing. How could he sleep when the woman he was in love with was out with some other man? His potential competition!
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