Overt, Covert, All Around Misogyny

"The emotional, sexual, and psychological stereotyping of females begins when the doctor says: "It's a girl.

Shirley Chisholm

One could easily find popular discourse these days speckled allover with gender equality. The 'F' word is the new Voldemort. And those are the larger issues. In the modern landscape, we cannot avoid talking about female feticide, child abuse, eve teasing and a heinous plethora of other assaults. While we have to address these issues, often, we forget that the society that we wish wasn't so ugly, is made up of people. A lifetime of marginalization is composed of small, seemingly insignificant acts of exclusion.

Every time a well-meaning lady on the street tells another lady looking at her chest that one open button is too revealing, she is contributing to the perpetuating of the culture of sexism. When one's father tells her that she should wait until she is married to dye her hair or go on a foreign trip, not only does he not make sense, he probably also doesn't know that he is virtually telling his daughter that her rights to anything she desires are not hers unless she is affiliated to another man. When someone kindly suggests that being a woman, there is no better profession for you than teaching, they come from a place where they have internalized that a woman's career is secondary, almost like a modern world hobby.

When the entire society, inherently believe that women don't belong at the forefront with men, where we all believe that the female body will be scrutinized and looked upon sexually and so it should be covered, it can be safely assumed that it is ludicrous to talk about the 'big' issues. For, they come from the 'small' issues and no one is talking about them.

We may only be biologically predisposed to suffer and struggle five or six days every month. However, our experiences invariably and undoubtedly are full of struggle throughout our lives. Some modern women seek a sense of balance between traditional values and gender equality. Some of us are downright unruly and we do not prescribe by the rules imposed on us. Whether we like it or not though, whether or not it is tangible, women cannot outrun the social and cultural limitations. Women are often excluded, told off, insulted, made fun of, not taken seriously, or has her rights taken away from her, these injustices are served to her with a side of Her Own Best Interests with a dash of World Class Ignorance.

Below we cite just a few examples of lesser known, everyday comments that some CC members have had to encounter.

"As a Cricket Team Manager, once I went to attend an Umpiring and Scoring course at a venue that was hosting few other courses. I asked for sign in sheet and was given "Secretarial course sheet. When I mentioned that I came for Umpiring course, the receptionist said "Oh, you are too chick for something like Umpiring. She might have meant it as compliment without realizing that she has been misogynistic to me. Whenever I took my spot as Umpire, players used to give me an uncertain look. Once a player asked me to get off the field and I had to tell him that he was speaking to an Umpire."

"I come from a way too much conservative joint family, where it is believed that if girls are allowed to get higher education, is given freedom and are not married at young age then she will become unsuitable for married life... No good family will take her as their DIL, so for girls benefit and secure her future they are married off as soon as they turn 18...I faced a lot of objections and my parents along me we had to struggle a lot, so that I can continue my studies after 12^th."

"This happened a few years ago. I was staying at my relatives place. Whenever I used to behave in a way which was not "ladylike" like answering back or waking up late my uncle used to scold me. One day I couldn't take it anymore and started crying. His response was something like "If you behave like this who will marry you in the future". I was just 14 at that time. For a while it affected me a lot."

"I was having a debate with my father about my education the other day and I told him that if I did X I'd probably turn 28 and still be studying. And he assumed that (at 21/22) it is my wish to get married and not study so much, that's why I'm expressing concern about taking the aforementioned route to education. I was so deeply and utterly offended because I don't want to not study that long because I want to be married, HELL NO, I want to (probably not) study that long because I want to become financially independent as soon as may be. Now, our parents don't mean to hurt us or offend us, but they just don't know any better. Neither do the well-wishing women on the streets who think it is okay to stop you in your tracks and tell you the strap of your bra is showing or whatever."

We now urge you to think, and invite you to share your own incidents with us. We hope that our largely female family here at IF is sensitized towards sexist comments that nobody knows are sexist, via this thread. Or maybe they do, but they think it is futile to try and do something about them. As is illustrated above, a lot of the times, people just assume things about other people. And that culture needs to end. Maybe it only unsettles people when a woman is an umpire because they don't know any better. Maybe a woman doesn't understand that another woman has willingly worn a dress that reveals their cleavage. Maybe women, lady-like and not-lady-like alike, are not combustible substances that must always be covered.

Maybe, we should start by accepting that everything does outrage us these days. We do feel like we will explode, but only because the judgments and assumptions and remarks are not things that we signed up for. We, at CC, will not take them. We will try our best not to. We hope you don't either.