| Food Jokes |
| Joke : 1
Q: "Waiter, this soup tastes funny!" A: "Then why aren't you laughing?" Joke : 2
Q: How can you get breakfast in bed?
A: Sleep in the kitchen! Joke : 3
Q: Which is the funniest soda?
A: Joke-a-cola! Joke : 4
Q: Why don't ghosts like water?
A: It dampens their spirits! Joke : 5
Q: How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
A: Because you never see a rabbit wearing glasses! Joke : 6
Q: What is the most dangerous veggie to have on a boat?
A: A leek! Joke : 7
Q: Where do cucumbers go for a drink?
A: The salad bar! Joke : 8
Q: How is a banana peel like music?
A: If you don't "C-sharp," you're gonna "B-flat"! Joke : 9
Q: What key do you use to open a banana?
A: A monkey! Joke : 10
Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter?
A: I won't tell. You might spread it!
|
| Joke |
| Naughty Child
• A naughty child was irritating all the passengers on the flight from London to New York. • At last one man could stand it no longer. • "Hey kid," he shouted. • "Why don't you go outside and play?" Joke
|
Fortune Teller
• Fortune teller: I can see great disappointment for someone very close to you. • Customer: That's right- I've no money to pay you. Joke
Sun or China
• Bob: Which is the farthest, the sun or China? • Rob: China. • Bob: Why? • Rob: Well, you can see the sun, but you can't see China.
Joke
School
• Dad: Do you like to go to school? • Boy: I like to go to school and come back from school, but I hate the bit in the middle.
Joke
Hair Cut
• Man: How much is a hair cut? • Barber: Twenty Rupees. • Man: How much is a shave? • Barber: Five Rupees. • Man: Shave my head, please...
Joke
Elephant
• Teacher: I'm now going to tell you about the elephant, but if you don't pay attention and look at me, you won't know what it looks like.
Joke
Deaf Man
• A deaf man who could not afford a hearing aid hung a piece of string over his ear. • " Do you hear better with that piece of string over your ear? A friend asked. • " No, but people shout when they talk to me." said the man.
Joke
Paint Rabbits
• Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head? • Because from a distance they looked like hairs (hares).
Joke
Friend's Joke
• My friend is very superstitious. • He won't work any week that has a Friday in it.
Joke
Geography Ttest
• Mother: Did you get a good place in the geography test? • Fred: Yes, Mum, I sat next to the cleverest kid in the class.
| Animal Jokes |
| Joke : 1
Q: How do you get a mouse to smile? A: Say cheese! Joke : 2
Q: How do you tell which end of the worm is the head ?
A: Tickle the middle and see which end laughs. Joke : 3
Q: Pretend you're in the jungle and a tiger is after you. What should you do?
A: Stop pretending! Joke : 4
Q: What animal drops from the sky?
A: Rain-deer! Joke : 5
Q: What animal is best at hitting a baseball?
A: A bat! Joke : 6
Q: What animal never needs a haircut?
A: A bald eagle! Joke : 7
Q: What animal talks the most?
A: A yak! Joke : 8
Q: What bear has no teeth or claws?
A: A gummy bear! Joke : 9
Q: What cereal does a mouse eat?
A: Mice Krispies! Joke : 10
Q: How do you spell "mousetrap" with only three letters?
A: C-A-T! |
| Beautiful? |
| There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said "You're cute!" Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of "beautiful" it was "cute." She said "What happened to 'beautiful'? His reply was "The drugs are wearing off!"
| | Allah Ditta | | Allah Ditta was in the army. During the war with India, Allah Ditta used his intelligence to kill many Indian soldiers.
He would hide behind the bushes and shout Indian names like - Dalere Singh etc. and the soldier named Dalere Singh would get up to say "I am here!" Then Allah Ditta would shoot him down.
This went on till Allah Ditta almost wiped out all the soldiers single handedly! Suddenly the Indian commander realized that Allah Ditta was killing all his soldiers by fooling them. Therefore, he decides to use Allah Ditta's own method to kill him and starts calling him names like Allah Ditta etc. Allah Ditta realizing that the Indian was using his trick, suddenly says "Who called me?" and the Commander gets up to say "I called you." Allah Ditta shoots him also down! When an insect falls into a mug of beer the…
Englishman:
Throws his mug away and walks out
American:
Takes the insect out and drinks the beer
Chinese:
Eats the insect and throws the beer away
Pakitani:
Sells the beer to the American and insect to the Chinese and gets a new mug of beer.
Indian:
Accuses the Indian for throwing insect into his beer
Relates the issue to Kashmir
Asks the Enlishman for Military aid
Takes a loan from the American to buy one more mug of beer | Lawyer Brains | | A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains for sale.' He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says 'Doctor brains $8.00 a pound' and another sign that says 'Paramedic brains $12.00 a pound, Nurses brains $30.00 a pound, truck driver $40.00 a pound and lawyers brains $90.00 a pound.'
So he asks the man behind the cashregister, "how come his brains are only worth 8.00 and a lawyer's worth 90.00?"
The man replies, "do | | Indian Prime Minister | | In a conference, three scientists - an American, a German, and an Indian, were talking and bragging about the technological
advances their respective countries have achieved in the field of medicine. Says the American, "In Washington, there was a baby boy born without forearms so we attached artificial forearms on him. And now that he's grown, he has become an Olympic professional boxer and a gold medallist at that!" The German replied, "That's nothing to what we have done. Back in Berlin, there was a baby girl born without legs so we attached a pair of artificial legs on her. Now she is a three-time marathon gold medallist in the Olympics!!" The Indian interjected, "Is that all you have, just gold medallists? In Mombay we had a baby boy born without a HEAD! We attached a COCONUT and he is now the Prime Minister of India !" | | | Sardar Ji | | 1- Sardarji is buying a TV
"Do you have colour TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please." 2- Sardarji calls Air India.
"How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
"Just a sec," says the rep.
Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up. 3- Sardarji is filling up a job application
He promptly fills in the lines on NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc.
Then came the column SALARY EXPECTED
After much thought he writes: Yes 4- Sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object.
He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
The clerk replies, "That is a Thermos flask."
The Sardar asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The Sardar says, "I'll take it!"
The next day, he walks into work with his new Thermos.
His Sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?"
He said, "It's a Thermos flask."
The boss asks, "What does it do?"
He replies, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke." 5- Sardarji fixed an answering machine at home.
Two days later he disconnected it because he was getting complaints
like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai."
| | | Bed Time | | Bed Time
One night a father sent his kid to bed. Five minutes later the boy screamed, ''Dad! Can you get me a glass of water!?!'' ''No. You had your chance.'' A minute later the boy screamed ''Dad!! Can you get me a glass of water?'' ''No. You had your chance. Next time you ask I'll come up there and spank you.'' ''Dad! When you come up to spank me can you bring me a glass or water?'' | | | | | |
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Edited by indian_masala - 19 years ago
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