Rishbala SS: Shadows of the Past (Chapter 7, Pg. 38) NEW 8-13-15 - Page 22

"You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one." ~ Huffington Post

Past cannot be forgotten but neither can it be changed; to hold on to it and let it fester like an open wound is to remain stagnant. Sometimes lending a kind ear or a firm hand is enough to keep from being sucked into the deep pool of misery. But some need a good, swift kick in their open wounds to start the healing process; nothing but tough love suffices.

Week 2

Madhu

Dr. Zara Syed steeples her fingers underneath her chin and stares thoughtfully at Madhu. Annoyed and acutely uncomfortable with the doctor's quiet, direct gaze that seems capable of discovering her deep, innermost secret, Madhu glares at Dr. Zara and snaps, "Do you plan on being a mute during the entire session are you actually planning to start your session? I am here at your insistence because I thought I should give you one last chance to prove me wrong. To prove that you are capable of helping me." She laughs derisively, "But I was clearly right from the beginning. You are nothing but a quack."

The doctor stretches her lips into a wide, amused smile, unfazed by the abuses hurled at her by Madhu. She sits forward in the chair and leans her elbows on her knees and asks intently, "Sometimes I like to test my patients to see how they react to the silence."

Madhu mutters under her breath, "All you're doing is testing my patience with your nonsense."

Dr. Zara continues blithely, "In fact, I was hoping that we would take up this opportunity to strike up a conversation. You would bring up your fears, hopes, etc." She sighs dramatically, "Alas you didn't. Things rarely go according to my plan. But that's life right, isn't it? We have to make adjustments, often make compromises. Speaking of compromise Mrs. Kundra, what are your thoughts regarding it? Do you feel angst that as the wife you have had to do the adjustment, make sacrifices?"

RK

The small, quick change in movements are the only indicators he is nervous. The restless energy emanating from his person is palpable. Sitting on the edge of the one sitter sofa, RK glares at Dr. Zara as he yells in frustration, "Why the f**k are you asking me if I am attuned to others emotions? And what the hell does it matter whether I know how to compromise? Why would I know it? I didn't reach my current level of success as a superstar by COMPROMISING but by being assertive and projecting my own vision on to others. That's the key to my success. But why the f**k are we discussing about it? We are HERE TO DISCUSS ABOUT MY BIWI AND HOW THE f**k I CAN HELP HER TO GET OVER THE LOSS OF OUR CHILD! STOP f**kING WASTING MY TIME AND TELL ME NOW A PLAN OF ACTION OR I AM WALKING THE f**k OUT OF HERE. AND I WILL BLOODY DAMNED WELL MAKE SURE NO ONE ELSE FROM WITHIN THE INDUSTRY COMES TO YOU FOR COUNSELING SO YOU CAN'T f**k WITH THEIR HEADS!"

Dr. Zara leans backwards on to the chair leisurely, her posture screaming nonchalance. She smiles slightly and drawls casually, "I applaud your hard work and dedication to reach the top of your field Mr. Kundra. To become a superstar in this day and age, is nearly impossible yet you did it. That is indeed a big accomplishment."

RK interrupts impatiently, "Tell me something I don't know!"

Dr. Zara continues blithely, "Being implacable, uncompromising perhaps did contribute to your success. But it certainly has not helped your marriage."

Startled, RK exclaims, "Excuse me?!?"

She continues ruthlessly, "Tell me Mr. Kundra. Have you ever had to make any major adjustments in your marriage? Did you ever make any sacrifice for your marriage, for your wife? Didn't you impose your own views and wishes on to her when you demanded she abort your unborn baby? Did you consider her values, her emotions, beyond that of yours? To help your wife, Mr. Kundra, you'll first need to acknowledge that you are flawed, you have many faults and most importantly, that you are not blameless for your wife's current misery."

Week 3

Madhu

Giving her a thoughtful look, Dr. Zara asks, "Do you think you are the only woman who has ever had to make a tough decision that you have come to regret?"

Offended, Madhu glares at her, silently murdering the doctor with her eyes. Furious at the implications that she is a ninny with entitlement issues, she snaps, "Of course I don't think I am the only woman in the history of this planet to have ever made a tough, regrettable decision. And I don't appreciate you making a mockery of my feelings and my intelligence."

Offering up a truce with a placating smile, Dr. Zara apologizes, "I meant no offense Mrs. Kundra. But I can't help but wonder why you have carried on, bottling your grief inside you for the past year? Why the silence? Why didn't you speak to your mother or any other female close to you? Didn't you trust them to understand what you are going through? To understand and respect your decision even though you regret it?

RK

Raising an eyebrow superciliously, Dr. Zara glances surreptitiously at RK, pursing her lips as she considered his last words thoughtfully. Choosing her words with precision, she asks in a neutrally, deceptive tone, "So tell Mr. Kundra, what is your concept of a marriage? Is it a partnership of equals, of mutual understanding or one partner, namely the husband, is superior to his wife and therefore his needs comes first?"

RK frowns fiercely, not liking the questions being directed at him, implying that he is a bad husband. Growling ferociously, he snarls, "Doc...if you are trying to determine if I value my marriage or not, you are barking up the wrong damned tree! I value my marriage and f**king well love my biwi!"

She smiles politely at him, contemplating her next words. Cautiously, she states, "I don't doubt for a second that you love your wife. I know that you. It is your desire to save your marriage that you agreed to go through counseling. But tell me Mr. Kundra does loving your wife equal to respecting her? Have you even given her the respect she deserves?"

His eyes turn into molten steel, burning with the sudden desire to strangle the life out of the doctor. Keeping a tight leash on his tethering temper, he enunciates each word in a dangerously soft tone, "You. Know. Nothing. About. Me. And. My. Biwi. And. About. Our. Marriage."

Dr. Zara nods her head and agrees politely, "You're absolutely right. I don't know you and how you are in your marriage, how you behave with your wife. But isn't it also true that you manipulated your wife into having an abortion with your unspoken blackmail to end the marriage? Did you have a discussion with her about it and actually listened to her thoughts and respected her feelings? I most definitely do not know you Mr. Kundra but based on your responses and the way you projected your own wishes forcefully on to her, I can easily infer that have no respect for Mrs. Kundra. And that is the crux of the matter."

Week 4

Madhu

Dr. Zara steeples her fingers under her chin and inquires thoughtfully, "I have heard the guilt in your voice over the last few weeks and I must ask, do you think you are a bad person for aborting your child?"

Madhu blinks her eyes in a valiant attempt to keep the tears threatening to spill at bay. She lowers her head and nods. Speaking softly, "I sacrificed my own child to save my marriage. A mother is supposed to protect her child, no matter what. My own mother did, even though my biological father threatened to kill her and my sister. But she didn't care and did everything in her power to protect and save me from harm. But I gave up on my baby for my own selfish reasons. I murdered my own baby, so that makes me a bad person."

Passing Madhu a box of Kleenex, Dr. Zara sympathetically pats her hands, her eyes warm and full of kindness. In a gentle, kind tone, she speaks, "I know it was excruciatingly difficult for you to express your feelings so thank you for being brave and trusting me enough to open up to me."

Dabbing at her eyes with the tissues bunched up in her hands, Madhu confesses softly, "I have been thinking ever since you asked, why I didn't trust my mother or anyone else in my family, to help me. Just thinking about it now, I could have asked them for advice before I had the abortion. I am certain now that they would have found an acceptable solution and it's just killing me that I didn't even think about it. What kind of woman does that make me for not fighting to protect my unborn baby?"

Dr. Zara clucks her tongue sympathetically and states with conviction, "Your one decision that you thought would ultimately save your marriage, does not make you a bad person. Many women before and after you have had to make similar tough choices; to abort their babies due to various reasons. So does that make them all bad? Unworthy of ever being happy again?"

RK

She stops playing the recording on her phone and steals a glance at RK. Dr. Zara knows that she just broke doctor/patient confidentiality by letting RK listen to her last session with Madhubala. She is well aware that she broke her profession's strict code of ethics but given the circumstances and the nature of her patients' issues, Dr. Zara admits to herself, she would do it again. If it helps her patients let down their defense so she can through to them, then so be it.

Feeling a twinge of sympathy at the proud man, valiantly attempting to hide his tears; she says softly, "I hope you understand Mr. Kundra why I wanted you to hear your wife express her anguish. It's not to hurt you but just so you can understand the extent of the damage your decision has caused."

RK squeezes his eyes shut in pain; he can still hear Madhu's anguished, tearful voice as she finally opened up and expressed her heartbreak. It is breaking his heart that his biwi thinks she's a bad person when she is one of the sweetest, kindest and most loving person he has ever known. He did it to her; he managed to break her with the one thing he should have vowed to protect, their unborn baby. He opens his eyes and speaks in a faraway tone, "You know doc, you may find it hard to believe, but I wanted our baby too." He smiles slightly, staring at a point on the wall above Dr. Zara's head, he continues, "When I had first found out Madhu was pregnant, I was ecstatic. Finally I was going to be a dad and I would get to teach my child the things I didn't have an opportunity to learn from my own father. I wanted to shield our baby from all the pain and heartbreak that I had growing up. But then our monetary woes got the best of me and I didn't want to bring our child into this world if I couldn't provide him with the comfort he deserved. I just thought it was for the best to proceed with the abortion, never thought that it would slowly and softly kill my biwi."

Shifting her body slight, she rests her head on her palm. Speaking in a quiet, modulated tone, "I can understand your rationale Mr. Kundra. Many have also decided to not bring a child into this world due to financial strains, thinking it's the best for everyone, so it would be unfair to say you were plain, dead wrong. It is an acceptable decision, that is, as long as both parents are in mutual agreement. But knowing your wife's history and her values, didn't it even occur to you that Mrs. Kundra would view abortion as a sin?"

Week 5

Madhu

Lightly tapping her shoes on the hard floor, Dr. Zara folds her arms across the chest and inquires thoughtfully, "So Mrs. Kundra, would you agree that Mr. Kundra was deadest wrong when he asked you to have an abortion even though he rationalized it was due to financial woes?"

Nodding her head in agreement vehemently, Madhu agrees and speaks in an angry, hurt tone, "Yes! So what if our future financial stability was in question then? We don't need money to give birth to a baby. At least not a loads of it to keep our baby happy, healthy and safe. Kids need love, not expensive toys and luxurious comfort to keep them happy. But RK...he just didn't understand!"

Dr. Zara smoothly counters, "I am in complete agreement with you Mrs. Kundra that a baby foremost needs love. It makes no difference to them if they are living the life of luxury or an ordinary life. But you must admit is very expensive to raise a child from a newborn to adulthood. Your unborn baby may not have needed the kind of luxurious life that was due to him as Superstar RK's progeny, but if you add up the cost of all the basic necessities along with the cost of education, it helps to have a nice, sizeable bank account."

Madhu frowns as she argues, "RK's version of financial difficulty is not the same as it is for anyone ordinary. Even with all the strains and the gamble he made on our first movie together, he had more than enough money to allow me to give birth to our baby."

Agreeing with a nod of her head, "No doubt Mr. Kundra has a very skewed view on what he considers as monetary issues. But let's think for a moment, what if your debut movie together had failed miserably? He had taken a big gamble, mortgaging everything to finance the movie. If it had failed, then Mr. Kundra would have lost everything, including his ample bank account. Now having money may not matter much to you, but think of the kind of stress it would have had on him at the thought of the what ifs, what if he couldn't provide the basic necessities needed to survive? From his point of view, how could he have allowed his own child to come into this world only to suffer immensely? Not after the trauma he went through after his father's death."

RK

Dr. Zara lightly taps her fingers on the arm of the chair contemplatively. She gives RK a considering look and speaks resolutely, "Mr. Kundra, last week you brought up finance as the main reason for asking your wife for an abortion. And in a way, I can understand your point of view. But besides all the assets that you had mortgaged to finance your first production, but didn't you set aside a significant portion of your earned income as cash in your bank accounts?"

RK blinks his eyes in surprise and nods. Speaking slowly with precision, he adds, "Yes I did have a large bank account then but it was paltry compared to the properties I had mortgaged out. What if our first production had failed? Then I would have had to declare bankruptcy and use that money to pay off part of the loan." He adds miserably, "As much as I wanted our child to be born, I didn't want him to come into this world if I couldn't provide for him. If I couldn't take care of his basic needs."

She cocks her head to the side and speaks after careful consideration, "Perhaps I am wrong Mr. Kundra, but I feel that your definition of basic needs is significantly skewed. I can understand your fear of not being able to provide for your child. Every parent goes through that kind of fear. But if you had lost all your wealth then both you and your wife could have taken up any job and earn like normal people do. Sure money would have been exceedingly tight and you would have had to have given up a lot of comforts but a child doesn't need all comfort and luxury to live an enriched life. Take your wife for example, she grew up in a household that didn't have much to offer in terms of luxury and she turned out wonderfully. Mrs. Kundra got plenty of love from her family and that's all your baby would have required as well to survive through your financial setback. So really Mr. Kundra you had no grounds to coerce your wife into having an abortion because the financial strain argument is just hogwash."

Week 6

Madhu

Angrily swiping away a stray tear, rolling down her right cheek, she asks resentfully, "RK had always said that he could never tolerate tears in my eyes yet he is the one who always makes me cry. Couldn't he see my tears and understand that asking me to abort our baby was like asking me to kill myself?"

Dr. Zara pats Madhu's hand kindly and adds sympathetically, "I can understand your anger and resentment at your husband for ignoring the pain he has caused you. Without a shadow of a doubt, he has treated you shabbily; with utter disrespect. But have you considered the emotional duress he was under at that time? Aside from monetary woes, Mr. Kundra, from what I know, was partially paralyzed. Imagine a man who prided himself on his strength and virility, needed assistance in doing simple tasks. He felt helpless and ashamed; felt less than a man. In his mind, if he can't even take care of himself then how will he take care of a baby? You were already burdened with taking care of him and also tasked with the job of making sure your film does not tank. He thought adding a baby to the equation would have complicated things further and an additional burden on you that he didn't want you to shoulder."

RK

Quirking her eyebrows, Dr. Zara asks in a slightly mocking tone, "Did I hear you correctly Mr. Kundra? You think your temporary paralysis serves as an excuse for your boorish behavior? So because of your physical state, your wife couldn't have your baby?"

RK frowns and states defensively, "No! I never claimed my physical limitations at that time excused what I had done. I know now I was wrong but I still can't help but think that if I hadn't recovered, a baby and a paraplegic husband would have been too much for my biwi to handle."

Dr. Zara sighs and counters, "Mr. Kundra, you and I both know that your wife would have been able to handle it should such a situation had come about. You speak of your partial paralysis as being hard on your wife but it was extremely hard on you as well. And I get it. I truly do. But the truth of the matter is, you have always been sinfully full of pride. So when you lost function on your right side, you did what came naturally to you; you lashed out at the one person who loved you the most. I am sorry but I refuse to buy the argument that you asked Mrs. Kundra to have an abortion because you thought the circumstances were too strained for her to successful complete her pregnancy. No sir. It was all about you; all about your hurt pride and ego. For the sake of your oversized ego, you forgoed unconditional love from your wife and unborn child. Your wife didn't think you were less of a man because you had trouble walking but the minute you asked for the abortion, you became less of a man. A coward who would go to any extent to satisfy his pride. If you have any hopes to save your marriage Mr. Kundra, put that larger than life ego on the shelf."

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