Part 3
"Sometimes beautiful things come into our lives out of nowhere. We can't always understand them, but we have to trust in them. I know you want to question everything, but sometimes it pays to just have a little faith."
Lauren Kate, Torment
I couldn't sleep..not that it was anything new. I couldn't get rid of the uncomfortable feeling..it wasn't right, the day was not supposed to end the way it did...I tossed on my left... my mind kept on repeating everything like a record playing itself again and again...
Once he left I had collected my miserable self up...washed my blotchy face still confused at his reaction...it looked like he wasn't repulsed by me.That was overwhelming and not quite believable
Few minutes later when I reached downstairs I had expected them to be gone or atleast ready to leave...but everyone seemed to be in a very deep conversation I couldn't hear them yet so I walked further within the range of ear-shot
"..she is not ready for marriage..." I heard him say, I stopped in my tracks...how did he know?
"Rishu I think you should think about it" His mom intervened but stopped immediately when he muttered which sounded like "please mom"
I can't understand a thing
"..I think he is right, she needs to trust him before anything else.." bhai said siding with that guy on whatever discussion they were having.."
What is going on here???? every head turned towards me... I might have voiced my question aloud.
"Madhu come here" Ma looked...happy? hopeful?..but..he just said that marriage wasn't a good idea...
Someone please tell me whats going on I begged inside
"Rishab wan'ts to date you" papa answered my unsaid request unsure...
"what?" dating???..
This time it was him who spoke to me "I want to know you better" I had avoided looking at him all this time..not knowing what to expect as it was not even 15mins since I told him about my rape... he...looked unfazed
"Why?" I repeated void of any emotions
"Because I think we can make this work and also because I like you" he said straight forward...I blinked very baffled...
"Yes and we think its a good idea.." bhai said smiling gently... I looked at my papa for help but he seemed to have decided to agree too...I was outnumbered.
I tossed again on my bed closing my eyes wanting to get rid of all these thoughts. They were happy!!! My family was happy!! it meant that I could not gather up the courage to say no...how could I? this was the first ray of hope they had seen in between the darkness that had been there for so long...
I just lay there starring at rotating wings of the fan... why couldn't have he just gone like everyone else did?
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"I am asking you for the last time! Are you sure about it?"
I sighed, it was the tenth time she was asking me for the last time...getting into the same conversation again and again was really getting tiresome..
"Yes mom" I said and pulled the duvet ready to sleep praying that she gets the clue but it is nearly impossible to avoid a conversation when mothers are hell bent on proving their point
"You don't understand beta!! It doesn't works this way"
"Mom please not again...I was extremely tired of discussing this topic" why can't she trust my instincts like dad did??
"There is nothing to discuss" I muttered royally pissed off
But Mom being mom was not ready to give up yet. Wanting to make sure I got her point which I think I understood quite well she came and sat next to me..
"You don't need to be a martyr. Its not your responsibility rishu" she said softly
"I am not doing it out of pity...I am equally as selfish as everyone else is and I would never do that to my life. Madhu is good girl and I want to know her more...there is no other reason for my decision..."
"WHat if you come home tomorrow and declare that you want to marry her????"
"If I like her enough and she feels the same then I will marry her" I said as a matter of fact...again...what is the point of this conversation??
My mom looked scandalized "Noo...for godsake!! we can find you another girl who is more beautiful than her...who is untouched"
My blood boiled and I had to remind myself to hold my tongue as it was my "mom" in front of me... "It doesn't matter to ME!! and its my marriage! shouldn't it be my choice??? and Madhu IS A NICE GIRL..and you can't deny it either"
"Yes she might be a great woman but she is not PURE!"
That.Was.It
"Alright! if it makes you feel any better then let me tell you that I am not P.U.R.E either" I said dead pan serious looking into her eyes...as much as the shock on her face satisfied me it also made me insanely uncomfortable...I sighed slowly taking hold of her hand before continuing
"And I wasn't forced into it like she was ...so she is at much better position than I am...and if we see it that way then its me who doesn't deserve her and not the other way around"
"Mom rape is bad, not because you loose your purity..if there is any such thing like purity...but it is bad because someone else takes control of your body against your consent...I am sorry if I was rude but please understand..."
She stared at our hands for few silent seconds then sighed through her nose, her eyes lowered as if she was tired..she looked at me slowly patted my face and left the room without uttering a word. I knew, part of her agreed with me... She was far from a cruel person..she was kind and helpful. Like any other mother she was just worried and I was sure that she would come around it was just a matter of time.
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1 year later
"Will you marry me"
I gapped at him as he was sitting on his knees, holding a box with a simple but glittering ring. I was shocked although somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I would have to face this situation one day...ohh noo
How do I tell him that I wasn't ready...I don't know what love was, I thought I was in love before and it turned out to be the biggest betrayal of my life ...I trusted Rishab, heaven knows I trusted him... but...I was panicking..I don't know what to say...what should I say??
"Madhu" Rishab got on his feets "you look so pale..whats wrong?.."
"Woh.."
"You are having second thoughts?" his voice shook as he asked that...noo
"no...I dont know" why...why do I hurt the people I care for...he could have fallen for someone so much better, but he fell for the complicated insecure me...and I cannot even make him happy...I blinked as my vision blurred...it was so sudden
"Ohh god Madhu!! please don't cry! I should have asked you...I thought things have been so good between us...I thought you were ready...I am sorry... I was so happy that I wanted you for myself..." That only made me cry more...he was so right, things have been way better then I could have ever imagined..he practically dragged me out of my soul sucking depression, filled my life and painting with beautiful colors..he made me come out of my shell...
Since the day we started to date he tried to make me comfortable around him...and most important of all he did not do anything out of pity and he made sure I was well aware of it from the start... He unknowingly brought my true self back. I still had my insecurities I still had my fears...but for me now, it was no longer the end of the world..He taught me how to be again...then why was I pushing him away??...
Do not let them win..you can't let them win
I remembered his words clearly...he has always been right. It was time to it go...won't be easy but for everyone who loved me, I will have to try harder... I have to push myself
Even right now I could see nothing but love and worry for me in his eyes "Can I get a hug"
Rishab's eyes slightly widened in surprise...I had problem at being touched, all I allowed him ever was to hold my hand and he never complained once...
"You don't have to do this Madhu" He refused sternly his lips setting into a hard line..."and certainly not because you feel in debt...I have told you before that I am with you because of my own selfish love"
"I need a hug! can you just stop arguing and hug me??" I snapped ...he looked at me unsure finally taking a step forward. I schooled my expressions for I knew he would be scrutinizing me closely...
My eyes closed as I felt his arms go around me, I could feel his warmth while he held me quietly...I stiffened..those horrid memories were returning...goosebumps rising on my skin...I pushed him but Rishab only tightened his arms...
"Please baby noo...don't block me out, I am not him..I would never leave you no matter what...I love you" he whispered in my ear
"Rishab please I can't" I sobbed..."Let me go.."
"Yes you can, otherwise we couldn't have come this far"
"Please for... me" his voice begging... I tried to calm my erratically racing heart..we stayed like that for minutes but it felt like hours...I tried to dodge all the attack of those black memories...he was right...we can withstand this only if I tried harder...I knew I was pushing my luck but I gently put my arms around him accepting his warmth...
"I love you" he said pleased..
"I...love...you too" he pulled back keeping his hands on my shoulders...I breathed in, proud of myself
"I didn't quite get that.." he smirked
"I love you and if you haven't changed your mind then yes I will marry you" I said it quickly in one breath before I change my mind by overthinking it
A smile which contained nothing but pure happiness broke oh his handsome face...I could swear that my heart skipped a beat...I was the reason behind this smile...
He cradled my face in his palms, his touch like a feather and kissed the top of my head...
"Thank you" we both said together..
"And will I tell you that these two lived happily ever after? I will not, for no one ever does. But there was happiness. And they did live."
The End
A/N:Hey lovelies!! So finally this story comes to an end... I know that no one can really understand the emotional and mental trauma of a rape victim...but I tried my best. I hope I did justice to it.
I wasn't sure about posting this topic at first but all your wonderful comments made my day. Thank you so much for staying with me 😊
Love you all
P.S- Stephenie made this wonderful banner for me within minutes of my request...thanx dear! I loved it🤗
XOXO
Ronnie ❤️
Edited by -Ronnie- - 10 years ago
Ishaani
Cricket
