Gradually, as RK's breaths slowed down, Madhu parted slightly from the embrace and supported RK to her bed. She straightened his legs on the bed, but then as she turned towards his face, the sight of a lone tear on his cheek shook her up momentarily. She stuttered to her feet, her hand losing physical contact with RK as she felt something within her break watching the enormous pain RK was in.
At that moment, Madhu would realize later, she forgave RK completely for any and all physical and emotional pain he had given her thus far. At that moment, Madhu would realize later, her heart suddenly unfroze and started feeling warmth, pain and compassion one more time.
Suddenly, RK held her by the wrist, his eyes still closed. His grip was tight, but his hand was cold. Or perhaps, it was Madhu who was cold having broken the warm embrace with RK.
With a protective instinct, she stepped forward and sat next to RK on the bed and whispered "I am here".
Almost by its own accord, her hand gently caressed RK's face, initiating touch like she had never done before.
"Rishabh..." she murmured, having learnt his name fro Patil kaka, along with a few unexplained facts that nevertheless helped Madhu understand RK's pain. She wondered what kind of a woman Dipali was who had cheated on her husband and brutally left him, when he clearly seemed to care for her. And RK's mother supported her? Didn't those women realize that men who actually cared for the women in their lives were rare? She wondered what kind of men were nice and respectful to their wives like Patil kaka had said RK was? Madhu didn't know a lot about RK or his life, but from whatever she knew she felt strongly validated about something she always suspected - he too had suffered, for no fault of his, at the hands of those he trusted. Somehow, that made his bitterness evoke empathy instead of pain inside her.
With Madhu's gentle strokes on his head, at first RK he seemed to have calmed down, probably falling asleep when suddenly his eyes shot open and he jerked her hand away, startling Madhu and breaking her out of a cloud of protectiveness that had emerged seeing RK so vulnerable. For a second or two, her mind blanked as she came to terms with the rapid changes in her own thoughts as well as in the expressions on RK's face and she sat there unmoving. Then, as she tried to step away from the bed, RK pulled her towards himself.
In one swift motion he had turned and she was under him and he hovered over her, his bloodshot eyes staring directly at her. For a second she was afraid seeing a rage in RK's eyes similar to what he had the first night, but then, she shut her eyes, knowing that she had to give RK what he needed. He was rough with her, but Madhu neither resisted nor reacted to the pain from his bites and bruises.
Instead, she had tuned out her mind to another place where neither RK's brutality nor her own disappointment at missing the gentleness she had come to associate with him would reach her. Tranquil and secluded in that hidden corner of her mind, she wondered once again on the treacherousness of love and trust, and how they changed people's lives unrecognizably.
Her unasked question was simple, but non-trivial
"Who could she blame for what had become of her? Who could Rishabh blame for what had become of him?"
Duniya ki khudgarzi pe ilzaam laga to lo magar
Khud ki khudgarzi ko bhulaooge kaise
Tum hi to mohabbat ke chhalawon ke pecche bhaage the
Ab dard ki gali se be-ilzaam laut aaoge kaise
***********************************
Several hours later, RK opened his eyes to find himself entangled with Madhu in her bed. She was awake, but to his horror RK realized she was trapped under him and he immediately rolled over. A fresh scratch on Madhu's neck caught his eye as she sat up, pulling the bedsheet over to cover herself as much as possible, her eyes away from RK.
"I...uh..." RK stuttered, at a loss of words. He remembered the previous evening, how pained and broken he had felt, and how he had come to Madhu in a quest for comfort. She had held him, hugged him, calmed him down until he almost felt safe again, but then, she had caressed him, and then caress, that touch reminded him of...
"Good morning" Madhu said and tried to stand, wrapping herself with the bedsheet. "Hiss" she grimaced in pain as she stood.
RK gulped, remembering how brutal he had been even though he had himself felt terribly disgusted the last time he had seen injury marks on Madhu.
"Does it hurt a lot? I.." RK struggled for words.
"No, not really." Madhu lied, still looking away.
"Mitish...Madhu...I...I didn't want to give you pain" he said, holding her wrist gently stopping her, though she still didn't face him
.
"It's ok RKji. If giving me pain lessens your pain, it is fine. But if it doesn't..."she turned her face and looked him in the eye "...if it doesn't, then, you know...I am Madhu, not Dipali."
She removed her hand from RK's loose grip and limped away to the washroom, leaving RK engrossed in his thoughts.
An hour later, he heard the kitchen stir, which meant Patil was here.
"Patil kaka, bring two cups of tea to Madhu's room" he bellowed loudly from the stair, loud enough that both Madhu and Patil could hear him. In the shower, he had tried to come up with a way to apologise to Madhu for his behavior from the previous night, but couldn't. He didn't know and didn't believe he owed her an apology - she was here to do his bidding, after all. At the very least, she wouldn't expect one. But still, her words still rung in his ears.
"I am Madhu, not Dipali"
She was not Dipali. He was angry at Dipali. And Radha and Sikky. And himself. Why then, did he take out his anger on her every single time?
Perhaps because she was like a slave to him, someone who had no option but to take whatever he dished out at her. Perhaps because she was the only one who couldn't walk out on him as he had taken away her free will, her very freedom. She was the easy target. Maybe, even, it was her job. But why did it feel so wrong, so wretched, so unfair? He did not have to like her, trust her or be nice to her. He did not even have to respect her. But subjecting her to a fury she did nothing to create was inhuman, at least for him, and most importantly, pointless. The anger momentarily went away, but came back just the same, especially his anger at himself.
She had already opened her door by the time he reached her room, having heard him call Patil kaka. He sat down, wondering what to say, while Patil quietly kept the key and left. She stood across from him, waiting to get her instructions.
"Sit" he said, and she complied, tentatively.
"Did you put any medicine there?" he asked, gingerly pointing to the gash on her elbow.
"Yeah. It will heal." she responded, and sipped on her tea.
"I had too much to drink. I am not used to..."he began to say, then looked at her. Her face was calm, unsurprised. A sudden wave of embarassment came over him. He had cried in front of this girl! He had allowed her to see him at his most vulnerable! How could he...
"My father used to beat me when he was drunk" she suddenly said, surprising him. "I am used to avoiding getting beaten by drunk men.."
"You...you didn't resist." RK voiced the thing that had been nagging at him since morning, since he realized she had been extremely kind and gentle with him all night when she could have easily pushed him off, given how drunk he was.
"You needed it."
"Can I say some one thing?" Madhu said after some time, startling RK who had just finished in tea and had stood up to leave as the conversation had dried up. He turned to look at her and saw her calm face. How could she look this innocent?!
"This world can hurt us only until the point we let it hurt us. Good and bad things happen to us, but how we take them is our choice. Misery is also a choice. So is happiness."
RK stared at her speechlessly for a few moments, then left the room.
************************************************
"What is this Patil kaka?" Madhu asked as Patil entered the room with lots of boxes in his hand.
"Rishabh beta has sent some things for you. Do you want some tea?" he answered
"No kaka. Thanks."
"Okay. I will be in the garden. Call me if you need anything." Patil said and left.
Madhu opened the boxes and found a few new clothes, all in her size, all Indian. There were three anarkali suits, another two churidars two simple nightwear, some innerwear and one sari.
"Your kurta needed a replacement. Hope you like these." read an accompanying note kept in the first box. Inadvertently, a smile crept up on Madhu's face. The kurta she had been wearing last night had torn at a couple of places. Although she had already repaired it now, borrowing needle from Patil kaka, she knew this was Rishabh's way of apologizing for whatever happened last night. He was a man, and in Madhu's experience men rarely explained why they did heartless things, especially to their mistress, but deep down, Madhu knew Rishabh was a good albeit anguished man. At least he didn't pretend to care, unlike her own father and fiance. RK was honest, whatever he was, and without him, her fate was set to be much worse than this. Gratefully, she smiled and tried the clothes on.
Happiness is a choice.
Fan Fictions
Anupamaa
