RishBala OS: I Wish I Knew

I Wish I Knew

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Love.

It can be beautiful…or painful.

Forever.

It could mean a lifetime…or a minute.

In my case, forever meant six months. I, Madhubala Rishabh Kundra, do not believe in forever.

Nothing lasts forever, especially love. The heart was made to be broken. If forever existed, I would not be in the state I was.

He made my heart flutter and then shattered it into a million pieces that can never be put together in the same way. He turned my world into a beautiful place and then snatched it away from me within an instant.

I believe that no one should ever give his or her heart away to someone else. Who knows…they may not be able to handle it in the same way you did. Or like in my case, they may break it with their own two hands.

Never let someone break you though. Just forget what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you. Wake up the next day and do everything you used to before you ever met the one who ruined your life. Never let the individual know that they successfully broke you down…because the biggest coward is a man who awakens a woman's love with no intention of loving her.

Also, you may find love again. Isn't it ironic? The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it…

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I woke up the next morning, wanting to start life back from where I had left off before meeting him. I had called the parlour I had once worked at, with hope to go back. Not even halfway into my question and my boss had agreed to accept me once again. I wondered if it was because I had been married to the biggest star in India…or if it was because she genuinely wanted me back. I didn't let it bother me too much. Within 30 minutes, I was out, looking for a ride to the parlour. No taxi passed. Luckily, my eyes managed to find a bus on the other side of the street. I quickly rushed towards it and entered. I paid for a ticket and then looked into the bus as the driver began to drive off. With one look in the bus, you'd think there were no other buses in the world. Not one empty seat. No space to breathe. And on top of that, the heat within the bus was unbearable.

I managed to push my way through the people until I caught hold of a pole to keep my balance. I noticed many eyes in my direction but ignored them, hoping for no attention after the heartbreaking night I had. The last thing I wanted was to be reminded of him.

I kept my eyes straight-ahead, looking anywhere but the people around me. I felt the bus come to a stop and continued to stare forwards.

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I hurt her. Mission accomplished, right? But why didn't I feel the way I was hoping to? Why didn't it feel like success…why didn't it feel like everything I had wanted was finally mine? I got my revenge. I broke her emotionally. She's going to cry lifetimes. Be happy.

I continued to repeat that to myself, but was unsuccessful in thinking myself into happiness.

I woke up, planning to go back to work as though nothing had ever happened. So I quickly got up, got ready, and left with my own car. I wanted to be alone. I needed to be alone. Especially after the one night I had been waiting for had happened.

I came to a stop with the car. A red light before me. I turned my head, staring at people through my tinted windows. There, on the side of a street, a couple, hand in hand. I remembered her. Not in the way I was hoping. The last thing I wanted was to be reminded of her. Was I missing her? No.

I turned my head the other way. A bus. Advertising of food on the side. I looked through the windows of a bus. It seemed as though a zoo had escaped and all the animals had decided to take the bus. Too harsh? Well, all of them looked disheveled. Especially one. Her hair, a mess. On either side of her face as though she were hiding. She began to turn her head in my direction. All but her eyes turned in my direction. My heart caught in my throat. There stood the woman whose world I had destroyed the previous night. She looked like a mess. All eyes were on her. She closed her eyes. She looked uncomfortable. A part of me wanted to enjoy the scene before me…but it couldn't. Even if I told myself to enjoy her discomfort, I couldn't. I mostly wanted to jump into the bus myself and pull her out.

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I watched as more people entered the bus. A teenager and her friends. One of them caught eye of me, as I turned my head in the other direction. Though I couldn't see them, I could hear their whispers.

"Isn't she RK's wife?"

"Ex-wife! Didn't you read the paper today?"

"What?! Ex?!"

"Yeah, I heard she cheated on him."

"I doubt that. Who would cheat on superstar RK?!"

"I'm just telling you what the paper said!"

I closed my eyes as I tried to zone out the whispers. It sucked having the news out in the public. Rumours were bound to be made.

I sighed as the bus began moving again, glad that no one else would enter the bus.

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I began following the bus. Why? I don't know. I just knew I had to help her. The next stop it would take and I'd be in there pulling her out.

A few minutes passed, when finally the bus came to a stop. I parked my car behind the bus and quickly jumped out. I ran. I ran and jumped into the bus. I heard gasps. I heard screams. I ignored them. All I could see was her. I didn't notice anyone but her.

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I heard gasps. I wondered if someone else had recognized me. My hand tightened on the pole as I closed my eyes tighter. It wasn't until I felt a hand on my shoulder that my eyes snapped open. I hoped it wasn't another RK fan. I hoped I wouldn't have to be reminded of the night. I slowly turned. I turned and saw him. Saw the man who broke me. Worse than seeing a mere fan. My eyes widened. I was reminded of the horrid night. It took all my energy to turn my back towards him.

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She turned her back. I put my hand on her shoulder again, only to see her shrug it off. So I grabbed her arm. I pulled her.

"What are you doing!? Let me go!"

I ignored her…until I heard a whisper.

"She definitely cheated on him."

I stopped. I turned to see a teenager. He became visibly frightened by my glare.

"Let me go!"

Her voice managed to stop me from attacking the boy for the false accusation on my wife. I continued to pull her, holding her as she struggled to get free. The bus driver stared at me as I nodded my head while pulling her off the bus. I watched as the bus driver drove off while Madhu attempted to free herself.

"Let me go! I'm late!"

"Where are you going?"

I put my attention back on her, holding her arm as tightly as I could, knowing she'd run the instant I let go. With my question, her eyes shot up in my direction. She stopped struggling as I saw the pain behind her eyes. Her eyes watered but her expression was full of anger.

"That's none of your business Mr. Rishabh Kundra."

"What were you doing in a bus? A superstar's wife never travels in a bus."

"What? I'd like to remind you that I'm not married to a superstar. Remember? Also, I don't have money raining in my home like you. Now, let me go."

"No. Not until you tell me where you're going."

"I'm starting off from where I left off."

"That's not what I was asking."

"The parlour."

"You're not going to the parlour."

I began pulling her back towards my car. She managed to pull free this time. I turned to see a tear falling from her eye. She quickly wiped it away.

"You don't have a say in what I do anymore Mr. Rishabh Kundra."

"Yes. I do."

"What right do you have?!"

"I'm your husband. You're my b…"

"No. It's all over. You ended it. Last night. Don't make me remind you."

She turned, walking away.

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It took all my willpower and energy into reminding him of the previous night. It hurt me, so I turned. I turned as quickly as I could, not wanting him to see the pain on my face…in my eyes…

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I quickly rushed towards her and grabbed her arm. I pulled her to face me when suddenly she lost balance. I put out an arm and grabbed her. I noticed a crowd on the other side of the street, seeing her in my arms. I knew a new news would be published, 'RK-Madhu Back Together', and I knew it would be false.

I stared down at her, into her eyes, when I saw everything I had been avoiding. A pain so deep, it seemed un-repairable. A pain that only one with a broken world would have. A pain that yelled out 'I can't live anymore'.

I watched a tear fall from her eyes again. This time I couldn't help but gently wipe it away. She closed her eyes as my fingers made contact with her skin again. Then she opened her eyes slowly and stared at me. In a low voice, she questioned my actions.

"Why…"

It was a question I didn't know the answer to myself. A question I wish I had the answer to. A question…I knew I never would have the answer to. So I replied.

"I wish I knew…"