Chapter 85
Once back home RK went to take a shower. They were to start shooting early the next morning too. He was really tired and Madhu sat on the bed looking again back at the stuff that she had bought. RK came out in his towel and was looking in his suitcase for his night wear. He saw Madhu still in the same jeans and top and with all the stuff lying around her.
"Can you please find my night suit and give it to me, instead of wasting your time staring at these."
Madhu had a swollen face, she was really feeling so not good about every thing right from the dresses to Jersey to this. It was all too much for her to bear. She got up meakly to find his night dress. This was surprising to RK, he had asked her to search for his nightsuit so that she would come out of this guilty trans she was in and would start an argument with him. she looked so unhappy. Madhu brought his night suit to him.
"You are one of a kind woman Madhu, I have yet to come across a woman who would be upset because the gifts given to her were expensive."
"Unfortunately you have very conveniently overlooked the women who never wanted any gift from you expensive or not. Closest example your mother, besides they are not gifts, they are things I had demanded."
"Correction Biwi you never demanded them, you were going to get them yourself. I insisted to come with you" RK said buttoning up his Shirt. He was reminded how selfless his mom had been. Forget about a gift she never even saught for spare word of concern neither from his father nor from him.
"But I wanted them"
"There lies the big question, what made you want them all of a sudden Biwi."
"You won't understand. Let me return it, I cannot use them. You know I have spent more than twice my salary on myself since I bought those clothes. I cannot afford all these luxuries." These words stung RK obviously she did not consider herself to be a part of him. He wanted to retaliate to her comment but then he remembered how closed out she could be. He just stared at her as she took away the towel that he had left on the ottoman.
"Well if you are worried about answering the income tax raids then don't be for one, I never had any raids before and two I always pay my taxes well in advance. Even if you cannot afford it your husband can."
"I don't take grants from any one." Madhu said haughtily and as soon as she uttered those words she wished she had not. RK was not giving any grant to her, he never had boasted of his wealth to her. All he had been doing all day was he was trying to be friendly with her. Madhu looked at him he appeared angry, upset and sad all at the same time. She knew she had crossed the line but she had done it unintentionally. She tried speaking to him,
"RK it came out in a very wrong way…."
"Biwi just leave me alone, or rather" He left the sentence in between and picked up his keys and went out.
Madhu came out in the balcony, she knew there was no point stopping him right now. He wouldn't listen. She called her mom. Padmini answered the phone "hallo"
"Ma how are you?" Madhu asked she was really missing her. She missed her life before her marriage. When, even though their lives had been in peril still they were always close to each other. Where, they never had to give explanations to each other. Where, they always remained happy no matter what. Where, there were no complications and fears of loosing someone.
"Madhu, Madhu say something beta, why are you so quite?" Padmini was trying to get Madhu to say something. She knew by the mere heaviness in her tone that she was sad.
"Ma I miss you"
"Did you have a quarrel with Rishabh" asked Padmini
"No Ma Just that every thing appears strange here. I miss the familiarity, I miss the simplicity. Ma why did this happen to me?"
"Baby what has happened? Tell me Madhu please."
"Ma it is all so complicated."
"What is complicated baby?"
"RK, Sir, Me, Dipali and above all this relationship."
"Madhu no matter how much you deny it I know RK forced you to marry him, but I also know that you love him. Had you not, you wouldn't have staked you career for him. Love is a wonderfull thing Madhu but unfortunately being in love is not so wonderful. It is as complicated as it gets. There is nothing simple about it. When you fall in love with a man like RK then rising up becomes even more difficult. It becomes complicated when we marry whom we love. Ironical but true.
"Ma I don't understand anything"
"When we love someone we love that idea of someone we se him as, we love the philosophy that is behind that someone. When we marry that someone that philosophy becomes real. He becomes a man. A man capabale of commiting many more mistakes than we thought him to be capable of. We don't know how to get along with that man. Our idea of a man and the real man enter into a never ending conflict. This creates complications. Marriage is a worldly relation and needs to be confronted with worldly attributes. Love is a philosophical situation and needs no confrontation atall. It just needs to be accepted. Marriage is real and love is ethereal. Don't try to mingle them for they cannot be mingled. It is this very reason that Mallik and me never thought of marrying each other. We did not have the capacity to confront the devils in us. We all have one may be smaller, may be larger but one is there in all of us, hidden or express but there. Madhu answer this question for your self and the complexities around you will reduce. Do you want this marriage to work?
"Ma I do I really do want to be with him for ever and ever." Madhu answered her voice trailing of shrouded in doubts and hurt.
"There are four pillars to a marriage, and all are equally important and mutual too. Physical bonding , mutual respect, mutual trust and mutual acceptance. Remember it connot be one sided you cannot keep giving and expect nothing in return. This is the very reason marriage is a worldly relation. It is based on a barter system, you get as much as you give. You give as much as you get. The minute one exceeds the other it becomes a parasitic relationship. Unfortunately most marriages are not equvilateral. They tend to tilt in one direction either towards the husband or the wife. Madhu you have to learn your limits, how much you can command and how much you can cave in. Only you can know when your relationship is healthy and when it is drifting towards ailment. For now from what I can see you don't even have a relationship. All that you have is an idea of relationship.
"Ma I have fallen in love with him. why him of all the people?"
"I wish love responded to anyone's questions. I wish it adhered to any logics and commands. Madhu you are in a complicated situation with a complicated man. You need to handle it with as much simplicity as you can. Don't bring in any third person who is not there. Who is Dipali? Does she really matter between you two? Sir is a different issue altogether, don't try to sort it out within your marriage. Don't jumble up every thing, deal with them individually. Only then will you be able to see the clear picture. Only then will you be able to decipher weather this entire thing is sustainable or not."
"Ma I feel so scared"
"It is okay to be scared Madhu, take it a day at a time. Give your self and Him sometime. If even then you see that things won't settle down between you then you will have to rethink your options. Above all always remember no matter what I am with you and for you." Madhu heard the door knocking and Mangesh going for the door.
"Ma I think RK is back, I will call you some other day. Thankyou ma" Madhu felt relaxed atleast she had some clue as to how to go one with her life. Atleast she had someone to bank upon. She felt more confident and tired too.
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