SF: Your Ghost

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Chinchinchoo

@Prinsesse.Suvi

Sparkler

+ 4

Posted: 14 years ago

#11

Amazing!! Truly awesome..and the idea is very interesting and creative..whats with ghosts these days?😆 lik everywhere.there are stories about ghosts and love and stuf..well today only..and I guess its only me reading (and writing) that type of stuff😆

But I loved it..so emotional..so heart breaking..poor Dutta..and Naku😭

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MelodiousDreams

@MelodiousDreams

Rocker

+ 4

Posted: 14 years ago

#12

That was incredible! So hauntingly beautiful...

I was completely drawn into the world you created with your words...Every moment of Dutta's yearning and pain for Naku was conveyed so well that I had a soft smile on my face when Dutta felt her presence and then finally saw her...And I felt terrible when Dutta heard her scream.

If I try to quote all my favorite parts, this comment will end up being very, very long - I love your writing style...There's something inherently poetic about your way with words - there's so much soul behind the dialogues. I have to say that I really, really love the way that you've captured Dutta's and Naku's ways of speaking, moving, and thinking perfectly. In my mind's eye, I could see and hear everything playing out as if I was watching Mishal and Mahi enacting their parts in the story. Dutta's and Naku's dialogues (and Dutta's thoughts at times) are characteristically crisp and short, but it's so easy to grasp the deep emotions that are behind each and every word that is exchanged between them.

Some of my most favorite parts:

Then Dutta bent his head, closed his eyes, and waited. Like always, he felt the cool tingle of an invisible breeze first. It brushed over his face, stealing his breath. The scent hit him next, filling his senses, almost drugging them. Every fibre of his being stretched toward this strange unseen presence, reaching and reaching until his bones ached.

Push your old numbers and let your house ring

Till I wake your ghost

And then... finally...

"Saab."

He felt her breath against his ear, her whisper erasing his exhaustion, his grief. He opened his eyes and there she was, standing right in front of him in a simple saree and that loving smile on her lips.

"Naku," he whispered, relief washing over him in waves.

Simply too beautiful. Amazing descriptions...So powerful and touching.

"Will you come outside with me, Saab?" she asked softly.

He gazed up at her, taking her in. "It's raining."

She smiled, lightly tugging at his hands. "Will you come outside with? Please?"

The brevity and simplicity of these interactions is so nice. Just how I would have imagined them to speak...Her soft, soothing voice and light touch; his terse replies and soulful gaze...He's so immersed in drinking in her every feature that his "It's raining." is a rather apt reaction, and it made me smile...So very Dutta-ish, in more ways than one.

"Saab," she said, still smiling. She lifted her head, swinging their joined hands lightly. "Can you feel that?" She stepped closer and pressed his hand against her damp cheek. "Bappa washed away your sins. You've been reborn." She released his hand and spun around in a circle.

He looked down. The blood had vanished from his hands.

I loved this part a lot. I can't really put my justifications into words, but a few things I liked were:

- the way Naku swings their hands a little bit - still as endearing as ever!

- "Bappa washed away your sins. You've been reborn." - Naku's faith in Bappa and her deep devotion to her Saab

- Naku spinning around in a circle - a perfectly beautiful moment of peaceful, innocent bliss

A scream tore through the night, submerging him in ice. His head whipped up to find her standing still in the middle of the rain, hugging her waist. Pain flashed in her widened eyes as they stared back at him, silently pleading.

"Why can't I stay?" she whispered.

The most heartwrenching part of the entire SF. When Naku whispered, "Saab, I want to stay.", my heart went out to her. Her whispered words made my heart ache for both her and Dutta...they didn't deserve this...And yet, this is the only way Dutta will be able to see her and be with her for a few moments every night...He would go through this pain a million times just to see her, wouldn't he?

I sincerely hope to see more fiction pieces from you, Elysia!

Edited by PaNa4ever - 14 years ago

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divya17-7

@divya17-7

Navigator

Posted: 14 years ago

#13

hi elsy.....

oh, u wrote n incorporated the song so well.......... god bless u........

it is very emotional to imagine naku dead n dutta all lonely again..............

i just loved it...... will look forward to many more from u

tc
divya

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Wanderbug

@Wanderbug

Dazzler

+ 4

Posted: 14 years ago

#14

Beautiful....i could feel the pain in both of them...its night 9#.....want to know more...when will the ff start....is this teaser or was that first installment...plz continue and add me to the PM list...plz

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381490

Hibernated

Posted: 14 years ago

#15

Omigod, so many responses 😲 Mujhe laga koi bhi nahi response de ga 😳

Thank you so much, guys. Your responses are amazing and totally made my day 🤗 You are awesome 😳 Thank you so much! Your comments touched my heart 😳

@ PaNa4ever: Your review blew me away 😲 I really appreciate that you took time to write such a long review and even quote from the story. Incredible. Thank you so much.

@ everyone: Guys, love you all for the amazing response. Really. Thank you from my heart 😃

@ shilpita87: Yes, "night #9" means that it's the ninth night of her ghost appearing. Dutta is counting nights, not days. Thank you so much for your comment. It's a part of a longer FF, the ninth night is the first "chapter". There are five chapters all in all 😊 I don't know if I'll be posting them when I'm done writing, but if I do, I'll be sure to let you know. This was just something I did in a spur of the moment thing, so I hadn't actually planned on posting more 😊

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skavitha08

@skavitha08

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

#16

@elysia ...spur of a moment main itna accha likha 😲 plan karke likthi tho u wud have taken our breaths away 😆 then we will come to as ghosts at night saying we want to stay but no more staying cause u killed us 😛😆 maardalla....sorry just kidding but your write up does not look like a hurry burry one...but it is which amazes me 👏

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381490

Hibernated

Posted: 14 years ago

#17

Originally posted by: skavitha08
@elysia ...spur of a moment main itna accha likha 😲 plan karke likthi tho u wud have taken our breaths away 😆 then we will come to as ghosts at night saying we want to stay but no more staying cause u killed us 😛😆 maardalla....sorry just kidding but your write up does not look like a hurry burry one...but it is which amazes me 👏

Lol, thank yoooou 🤗

Woh kya hai na, I write novels, lekin I was taking a break aur mujhe accidentally LTL mil gaya during that break. So I started watching and fell in love with it the show (duh, who wouldn't? 😉), and after two months of watching LTL, I felt like writing something randomly and this was it. Lol.

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skavitha08

@skavitha08

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

#18

Originally posted by: Elysia

Lol, thank yoooou 🤗

Woh kya hai na, I write novels, lekin I was taking a break aur mujhe accidentally LTL mil gaya during that break. So I started watching and fell in love with it the show (duh, who wouldn't? 😉), and after two months of watching LTL, I felt like writing something randomly and this was it. Lol.

Oh You write novels...no wonder you are so good.... i love reading novels El (if you don mind me calling you like that) let me know which novels you wrote would love to read them....

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381490

Hibernated

Posted: 14 years ago

#19

Originally posted by: skavitha08

Oh You write novels...no wonder you are so good.... i love reading novels El (if you don mind me calling you like that) let me know which novels you wrote would love to read them....

I don't mind. People call me El, Ely, or something else entirely. It's all good 😉

I haven't written published novels, but it's more like a spare time hobby thing. Just like some people sing or dance. It's something that's really important to me and helps me relax and such. I'm far from publish-worthy, lol. It's just something that enjoy to do 😊

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