I loved the first chapter of TLMH but didn't comment on it earlier, so I might as well cover two chapters in one comment now!
First and foremost, you have a wonderful way with words, Zahra! Your descriptions are able to conjure up images in my mind, and that's one of the main reasons I find myself hooked to fanfics every now and then. I can literally see and hear Mishal and Mahhi in this story, even though it's nothing like LTL. And I'm loving it! *sigh* I've turned into such a huge MisHi fanatic in the past few months since I first started watching LTL. It's great to see an AU fanfic where I can imagine the actors in it with no problems at all!
Favorite parts:
Chapter 1
'Whoa there,' a voice said. It was a male voice- a voice which was such a velvety rumble to her ears that it had her closing her eyes in response. As she opened her eyes in a state of dreamy languor she became conscious of a pair of large, striking, black eyes gazing down at her.
Ahhh, that "velvety rumble"...Beautiful description there! And the "large, striking, black eyes"...Wow. I love Nakusha's observations; even in her "state of dreamy languor" his voice has such an incredible effect on her already.
She remembered him telling her his name, and remembered reveling in how beautiful it had sounded to her ears.
She was hopelessly drawn to him, drawn to everything about him.
Awww. Definitely the sweetest thing I've read in a long, long time, that comment about how beautiful his name sounded! Hopelessly attracted to him, driven insane by the feeling of his eyes following her every movement - driven to the heights of passion...
And now here she is, searching for him, to tell him that he is the father of her child. I admire her for that - her determination to find him, despite the fact that she knows next to nothing about him.
Chapter 2
It had been two months and he still could not stop thinking about her. The way her hair cascaded effortlessly and gracefully down her back, the scent of jasmine that emanated off her to reach him, the way she had shuddered at his touch.
And I'm still marvelling at the beauty of this sentence and the rest of the paragraph! I was pleasantly surprised that Dutta is still so enchanted by Naku - a very pleasant surprise indeed!
Dutta paced around the room, running his hands through his hair incessantly. She was here to see him- but why? Why suddenly after two months? He had no clue, but it was horrendously turning him into a nervous wreck.
This part made me laugh, especially the last sentence. Dutta Patil, a nervous wreck? *frowns* I think I can imagine it, and it's a pretty cute image, haha!
His reaction upon seeing Nakusha is priceless. Instantly captivated, it seems...Of course things are awkward, and that comes across so well in the way she reacts to his touch, even if it is as simple as a touch on the arm.
Dutta turned away to stare outside of the window, not capable of looking at her any longer and not uttering a single word. He squeezed his eyes shut, cursing himself for having put her in this situation.
The last sentence here says so much about Dutta. He's shocked, understandably, but in spite of the shock, he berates himself for putting her in such a situation. How many men would even let that thought cross their minds?
'Please don't misunderstand me. I haven't come here to ask you for money, or to ask you to support me and the baby...I'm here because as the father you had the right to know,' she said painfully. She could see his body tense and felt the tears spill out from her eyes. The tension that spread across the room almost suffocated her. He would not even look at her, so there was clearly no point in staying there any longer.
Oh my gosh, my heart went out to Naku! And my admiration for her went up several notches as well. She seems strong-willed; she doesn't beat around the bush at all either. She doesn't know quite what to make of his reaction (or lack of reaction, rather), so she decides to leave. *sigh* Dang it, I want to know what happens next!
Please PM me when you update!
~ Borna
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