Posted:
Note: This is an AU of Abhigya in college
I don't know why I wanted to do this when I don't feel comfortable doing it. Today seemed to be my last chance. I don't want him to not know that I love him. He might not love me in return but he would get to know that a girl in his class loved him. I felt that my love deserved at least that and hence this decision. I am waiting for him near bike at the parking lot. It is our last day at college. I may not get the chance to meet him again. He considered me as his friend but still we were not close friends. He just knew that I also studied in his class. I still remember my first day at college.
I didn't like it at all. I didn't like the new college I joined. I missed my old college and friends. Had my dad was not transferred to Mumbai, I would have been studying in my college with my friends. Mom gave me only two options - 1. Dad, Mom and me living together or 2. Me staying in hostel. But staying in hostel would mean extra fees and I didn't want to be a financial burden for my parents. So I agreed to come to Mumbai half-heartedly. The college atmosphere was too much of noise to me.
I was late to the very first class. The professor let me in after telling me not to come late again. Professors seemed to be friendly and the students seemed to be exactly opposite. Everyone teased me with my appearance. I tried to not wear spectacles to avoid them making fun of me. But it was a disastrous decision. I neither could see things clearly nor they stopped teasing me. The only solution that worked was to be alone. I isolated myself from others. It was going fine until one day I forgot that I was in my new college and reacted like I was in my college. Some of the students were playing Antakshari and I was secretly listening it. To be honest, I shouldn't use the word 'secretly' as they were singing so loud that the whole canteen could hear them. Suddenly the person who should play the next song didn't sing anything as he couldn't find a song starting with the particular consonant.
"Hey come-on Abhi.. There are so many songs starting with Ah.. Why are you thinking so much? 5.. 4.. 3.. 2"
"Apne karam kee kar ataayein
Yaaraa, Yaaraa.. yaaraa.."
I stopped as I realized the people around me. I felt embarrassed and people started laughing. I took my bag and left the place immediately. I was almost running from the place. When I was walking around the corridor, I heard someone calling me.
"Hey. Stop. You missed something"
I looked at him with a fearful face. The only thought in my mind was "What is he going to tease me with?"
"You left your lunch box there."
"Thanks", I told him without looking at his eyes and tried to leave the place.
"Your voice is good", he told me. He actually complimented my voice. It was something new to me. I repeated the word thanks and left the place. It was our first meeting. I knew nothing about him other than the fact that people called him Abhi. I wondered what his name would be. "Abhishek, Abhinav, Abhijit, Abhay... What could be his name? ", my thoughts were revolving around his name that night.
I had the habit of going to class early before anyone could reach because I didn't feel comfortable walking to the last bench when other students were present. I didn't know whether they were talking about me or not. But whatever they talked, I felt it was about me. I felt like I was an alien at the college. A week later, we got notified about the cultural competitions. I heard someone patting on my shoulders after the class. It was him. I realized that all the time he was in my class. He was my classmate.
"I am going to give my name for the singing competition. Are you coming?", he asked.
My heart wanted to go with him but I refused.
"Are you sure? Why don't you give it a try?", he asked me genuinely.
"No. Tha..nk you", I told him with a smile.
"Abhi.. Come soon", shouted a girl and he went. After that, my favourite pass-time was watching him in the class. After few days, I started stalking him everywhere without him successfully noticing me. I found out that his name was Abhishek when a professor called him by name as he was not concentrating on the class but talking on phone. He seemed to be surrounded by people most of the time and on top of it, he was always accompanied by the girl. Her name was Bulbul. They seemed to be best friends from childhood.
He was charming, handsome and most importantly friendly to people. I liked that he was friendly with everyone. One day, he was standing alone. It was unusual since the girl was missing and he seemed to be a bit sad. I went and stood near him. I cleared my throat and told him, "Hi!". His face which was facing the ground turned towards me.
"Hi", he said. After a pause, he continued "You didn't go to class?"
"I was going to. Saw you standing here and ..."
"I am just feeling a bit off. Nothing else. You carry on"
I decided to leave the place but my heart started becoming crazy.
"You can talk to me if you need someone to talk..", I stammered as I didn't know how to continue.
He stood silently and I don't know why I stayed there for about 10 minutes.
"Thank you. It meant a lot to me", he said and left the place.
I didn't know what I did other than standing like a statue. But it made him feel good and that made me happy. It was after two days, I saw that he left his notebook on his desk. I waited till everyone went out of the classroom and took it. His handwriting was not so good but he had followed the lectures sincerely as it was evident from his notes. I thought of taking it home but then felt that I should leave it there as he might come again to search for it. A greeting card fell from the notebook as I kept the notebook on the desk. I opened it and it was a 'Love you' card from Bulbul. It was the first time I felt so bad about my life. I didn't know when I started loving him but I was in love with him unconsciously. A part of me told me that the girl might have loved him but he wouldn't have loved her. But that argument didn't have any base. She was his bestfriend and why would he not love her? My mind tried to reason me.
Months passed as I tried to be away from him and now its my last day at college. I couldn't keep my feelings to myself. In spite of how much I tried to keep myself sane and not think about him, I would end up thinking about himself for hours without getting any conclusion. Studies was my only distraction. Whenever I focused myself on books and lectures, I could cope up. It was funny that I called my studies a distraction from him. The thought of not getting to meet him again made me mad. I decided that I would just tell him that I loved him. He need not reciprocate but my love shouldn't go unnoticed. I just wanted to know that I loved him. That was enough.
"Hi"
His voice brought me back to present.
"I... I want to tell you something..", I said trying to avoid eye contact.
He looked at me as if he wanted me to continue.
"I... I.. I", I stammered for almost 2 minutes with the single letter.
"Are you ok?", he said as he kept my hand on my shoulders.
"I love you", I told him looking at his face.
He started smiling while keeping his hand on his forehead. I didn't know what to do. I didn't expect that he would laugh. I just wanted to tell him that I didn't imagine what his reaction would be. I started walking away anxiously.
"Sun rahaa hai naa tu"
I turned around as I heard him sing. He was still smiling but there was a change this time. He had tears in his eyes.
I don't know why I wanted to do this when I don't feel comfortable doing it. Today seemed to be my last chance. I don't want him to not know that I love him. He might not love me in return but he would get to know that a girl in his class loved him. I felt that my love deserved at least that and hence this decision. I am waiting for him near bike at the parking lot. It is our last day at college. I may not get the chance to meet him again. He considered me as his friend but still we were not close friends. He just knew that I also studied in his class. I still remember my first day at college.
I didn't like it at all. I didn't like the new college I joined. I missed my old college and friends. Had my dad was not transferred to Mumbai, I would have been studying in my college with my friends. Mom gave me only two options - 1. Dad, Mom and me living together or 2. Me staying in hostel. But staying in hostel would mean extra fees and I didn't want to be a financial burden for my parents. So I agreed to come to Mumbai half-heartedly. The college atmosphere was too much of noise to me.
I was late to the very first class. The professor let me in after telling me not to come late again. Professors seemed to be friendly and the students seemed to be exactly opposite. Everyone teased me with my appearance. I tried to not wear spectacles to avoid them making fun of me. But it was a disastrous decision. I neither could see things clearly nor they stopped teasing me. The only solution that worked was to be alone. I isolated myself from others. It was going fine until one day I forgot that I was in my new college and reacted like I was in my college. Some of the students were playing Antakshari and I was secretly listening it. To be honest, I shouldn't use the word 'secretly' as they were singing so loud that the whole canteen could hear them. Suddenly the person who should play the next song didn't sing anything as he couldn't find a song starting with the particular consonant.
"Hey come-on Abhi.. There are so many songs starting with Ah.. Why are you thinking so much? 5.. 4.. 3.. 2"
"Apne karam kee kar ataayein
Yaaraa, Yaaraa.. yaaraa.."
I stopped as I realized the people around me. I felt embarrassed and people started laughing. I took my bag and left the place immediately. I was almost running from the place. When I was walking around the corridor, I heard someone calling me.
"Hey. Stop. You missed something"
I looked at him with a fearful face. The only thought in my mind was "What is he going to tease me with?"
"You left your lunch box there."
"Thanks", I told him without looking at his eyes and tried to leave the place.
"Your voice is good", he told me. He actually complimented my voice. It was something new to me. I repeated the word thanks and left the place. It was our first meeting. I knew nothing about him other than the fact that people called him Abhi. I wondered what his name would be. "Abhishek, Abhinav, Abhijit, Abhay... What could be his name? ", my thoughts were revolving around his name that night.
I had the habit of going to class early before anyone could reach because I didn't feel comfortable walking to the last bench when other students were present. I didn't know whether they were talking about me or not. But whatever they talked, I felt it was about me. I felt like I was an alien at the college. A week later, we got notified about the cultural competitions. I heard someone patting on my shoulders after the class. It was him. I realized that all the time he was in my class. He was my classmate.
"I am going to give my name for the singing competition. Are you coming?", he asked.
My heart wanted to go with him but I refused.
"Are you sure? Why don't you give it a try?", he asked me genuinely.
"No. Tha..nk you", I told him with a smile.
"Abhi.. Come soon", shouted a girl and he went. After that, my favourite pass-time was watching him in the class. After few days, I started stalking him everywhere without him successfully noticing me. I found out that his name was Abhishek when a professor called him by name as he was not concentrating on the class but talking on phone. He seemed to be surrounded by people most of the time and on top of it, he was always accompanied by the girl. Her name was Bulbul. They seemed to be best friends from childhood.
He was charming, handsome and most importantly friendly to people. I liked that he was friendly with everyone. One day, he was standing alone. It was unusual since the girl was missing and he seemed to be a bit sad. I went and stood near him. I cleared my throat and told him, "Hi!". His face which was facing the ground turned towards me.
"Hi", he said. After a pause, he continued "You didn't go to class?"
"I was going to. Saw you standing here and ..."
"I am just feeling a bit off. Nothing else. You carry on"
I decided to leave the place but my heart started becoming crazy.
"You can talk to me if you need someone to talk..", I stammered as I didn't know how to continue.
He stood silently and I don't know why I stayed there for about 10 minutes.
"Thank you. It meant a lot to me", he said and left the place.
I didn't know what I did other than standing like a statue. But it made him feel good and that made me happy. It was after two days, I saw that he left his notebook on his desk. I waited till everyone went out of the classroom and took it. His handwriting was not so good but he had followed the lectures sincerely as it was evident from his notes. I thought of taking it home but then felt that I should leave it there as he might come again to search for it. A greeting card fell from the notebook as I kept the notebook on the desk. I opened it and it was a 'Love you' card from Bulbul. It was the first time I felt so bad about my life. I didn't know when I started loving him but I was in love with him unconsciously. A part of me told me that the girl might have loved him but he wouldn't have loved her. But that argument didn't have any base. She was his bestfriend and why would he not love her? My mind tried to reason me.
Months passed as I tried to be away from him and now its my last day at college. I couldn't keep my feelings to myself. In spite of how much I tried to keep myself sane and not think about him, I would end up thinking about himself for hours without getting any conclusion. Studies was my only distraction. Whenever I focused myself on books and lectures, I could cope up. It was funny that I called my studies a distraction from him. The thought of not getting to meet him again made me mad. I decided that I would just tell him that I loved him. He need not reciprocate but my love shouldn't go unnoticed. I just wanted to know that I loved him. That was enough.
"Hi"
His voice brought me back to present.
"I... I want to tell you something..", I said trying to avoid eye contact.
He looked at me as if he wanted me to continue.
"I... I.. I", I stammered for almost 2 minutes with the single letter.
"Are you ok?", he said as he kept my hand on my shoulders.
"I love you", I told him looking at his face.
He started smiling while keeping his hand on his forehead. I didn't know what to do. I didn't expect that he would laugh. I just wanted to tell him that I didn't imagine what his reaction would be. I started walking away anxiously.
"Sun rahaa hai naa tu"
I turned around as I heard him sing. He was still smiling but there was a change this time. He had tears in his eyes.
Ye Hai Mohabbatein
Mangal Lakshmi
622