Posted:
Hi guys I'm back with a short OS, it is about how I would have liked the episode to have gone after Abhi rejected his confession.
OS Set Me Free-
That was it, he had said it. I thought for a few minutes that this brightness on my horizon of darkness was going to get brighter but he darkened it within a blink of an eye. He didn't care...
It was them words still echoing in my ears -
Of course I didn't mean it, she's playing games with me and I hate people that play games.
Whatever he said after that I don't know and wish not to either. My mind shut down to his words. All I knew was that he didn't mean a word of what he said out there, I was as good as dead for him. My existence didn't matter to him so what was I doing here? Why was I humiliating myself and a feeling arose within me that I thought I had lost long ago, lost since my marriage but it was back. A burning in my heart, the one that had left ashes behind but I wasn't going to let that be my weakness. That was what made me continue.
I shouted all of a sudden, "Stop it, just shut up". Both Purab and Abhi looked at me surprised I guess by my reaction.
Purab questioned me what the matter was but I showed him my hand so he stopped talking. I turned to Abhi "So what you said was a lie?" I asked him again why I don't know, to break my heart over again? Or to learn that I wasn't worth this?
"I- of course not" He said them words that I still wished not to hear.
"They why did you say it?" I asked another simple question but why he was finding it hard to answer why I don't know.
"Because, you saved me and it was my responsibly to do the same"
"And why was it you reaponsibility?"
"Because it is you who gave me a new life"
So that was why, he feels in debt to me. Wow, that was it. I was such a fool and I had proved it to him and myself.
I took a deep breath before continuing. "You hate me?"
"Listen Pragya I never said that" he spoke but I was becoming more impatient and I wanted to let something out, whether it was anger or pain I really don't know and now I couldn't care less to be honest.
"Then why did you say I was playing games with you, why did you say you hate people that play games with you?" I was shouting now.
"Listen Pragya, you know I didn't mean all that, you are a nice girl and I do like you, like Daadi and"
"Stop lying. You like me huh? So you think that's what a nice girl deserves? Hatred from the man whom she loves the most? Rejection and humiliation? What do you think? I have no self respect? I do, but I was foolish enough to think that my feelings and desires matter to anyone here." Tears were rolling down my cheeks now and I wiped them furiously.
Abhi tried to interrupt me but I didn't let him. "What did I not do for you? I tried everything to make you know that you can have your time to think about my proposal, I didn't want to push you into things because I knew you don't like it. I knew, but did you once think about my feelings before accusing me for playing games with you?"
He was silent now, and for some reason it was irritating me, why was he not answering my questions?
"And you Purab, you and Bulbul were hell bent on trying to make him realise his feelings for me but now can you see why I didn't want to do all this? Or is this pain still not enough, there is still more to go through?"
Purab too looked down to the floor. Both stood there heads down, not saying a word. That was when I broke down, I didn't want to but then who does? Tears sprawled from my eyes as my shoulders shook with sobs. I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up to see him looking at me as if he was sorry. Maybe he wasn't? I had misunderstood his feelings for me so many times before so maybe I was now as well. I had alway liked him, he hadn't, I thought about him, he didn't, I love him and it hurts to admit he doesn't.
I moved his arm off of my shoulder, shocking him. I got up and walked out not once looking back at him. I didn't even know where I was going. I still loved him but I just needed some time alone, I needed to be free...
OS Set Me Free-
That was it, he had said it. I thought for a few minutes that this brightness on my horizon of darkness was going to get brighter but he darkened it within a blink of an eye. He didn't care...
It was them words still echoing in my ears -
Of course I didn't mean it, she's playing games with me and I hate people that play games.
Whatever he said after that I don't know and wish not to either. My mind shut down to his words. All I knew was that he didn't mean a word of what he said out there, I was as good as dead for him. My existence didn't matter to him so what was I doing here? Why was I humiliating myself and a feeling arose within me that I thought I had lost long ago, lost since my marriage but it was back. A burning in my heart, the one that had left ashes behind but I wasn't going to let that be my weakness. That was what made me continue.
I shouted all of a sudden, "Stop it, just shut up". Both Purab and Abhi looked at me surprised I guess by my reaction.
Purab questioned me what the matter was but I showed him my hand so he stopped talking. I turned to Abhi "So what you said was a lie?" I asked him again why I don't know, to break my heart over again? Or to learn that I wasn't worth this?
"I- of course not" He said them words that I still wished not to hear.
"They why did you say it?" I asked another simple question but why he was finding it hard to answer why I don't know.
"Because, you saved me and it was my responsibly to do the same"
"And why was it you reaponsibility?"
"Because it is you who gave me a new life"
So that was why, he feels in debt to me. Wow, that was it. I was such a fool and I had proved it to him and myself.
I took a deep breath before continuing. "You hate me?"
"Listen Pragya I never said that" he spoke but I was becoming more impatient and I wanted to let something out, whether it was anger or pain I really don't know and now I couldn't care less to be honest.
"Then why did you say I was playing games with you, why did you say you hate people that play games with you?" I was shouting now.
"Listen Pragya, you know I didn't mean all that, you are a nice girl and I do like you, like Daadi and"
"Stop lying. You like me huh? So you think that's what a nice girl deserves? Hatred from the man whom she loves the most? Rejection and humiliation? What do you think? I have no self respect? I do, but I was foolish enough to think that my feelings and desires matter to anyone here." Tears were rolling down my cheeks now and I wiped them furiously.
Abhi tried to interrupt me but I didn't let him. "What did I not do for you? I tried everything to make you know that you can have your time to think about my proposal, I didn't want to push you into things because I knew you don't like it. I knew, but did you once think about my feelings before accusing me for playing games with you?"
He was silent now, and for some reason it was irritating me, why was he not answering my questions?
"And you Purab, you and Bulbul were hell bent on trying to make him realise his feelings for me but now can you see why I didn't want to do all this? Or is this pain still not enough, there is still more to go through?"
Purab too looked down to the floor. Both stood there heads down, not saying a word. That was when I broke down, I didn't want to but then who does? Tears sprawled from my eyes as my shoulders shook with sobs. I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up to see him looking at me as if he was sorry. Maybe he wasn't? I had misunderstood his feelings for me so many times before so maybe I was now as well. I had alway liked him, he hadn't, I thought about him, he didn't, I love him and it hurts to admit he doesn't.
I moved his arm off of my shoulder, shocking him. I got up and walked out not once looking back at him. I didn't even know where I was going. I still loved him but I just needed some time alone, I needed to be free...
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