Chapter Nine
"Kaha se aarahi ho Nidhi?"
Nidhi frowned but smiled tentatively. "School se. Aur tum itne jaldi ghar aagaye?"
"Why? You don't want me to come home so soon?"
Nidhi sighed. "Ashutosh, kya hua? Ever since you returned from your Europe trip last month, you have been acting odd. Baat baat pe chid jaate ho, mujhse teekse baat karna bhi bandkardiya tumne. Trying to talk to you is like trying to walk in a minefield. You don't even..Kya hua? Office mein koi problem hain?"
Ashutosh leaned back in his chair and regarded her with hooded eyes. "I was in Europe for more than six weeks. How did you manage? Missed me?"
She leaned over the table with a grin and pulled his cheek. "No. I didn't miss you at all. I was very very busy."
"Thought so. But good to hear you finally confirm it."
Nidhi looked startled. "Mein toh sirf.."
"No no. it's ok. What you said is correct. Why would you even miss me? I work long hours, come home tired and crash most of the days, work even through weekends..you must have got tired, right?"
"Well, I do wish you would take a break once in a while, yes, but I understand. We knew what we were getting into when you started this company na."
"When I was in Europe, a guy from the office came and gave you a laptop, didn't he?"
The abrupt change of topic unsettled her. "Haan. He said you told him to keep it at home."
"Did you use it?"
Nidhi bit her lip. "Mera laptop ka charge khatam hogaya and I wanted to send an email." She immediately inserted. "But I shut it down properly and put it back in the bag. Why? Was there a problem?"
Ashutosh's eyes were impassive and his expression stony. Wordlessly, he opened his draw and withdrew a file. Taking the papers out of it, he extended them to her.
"Kya hain yeh?" A sense of forbidding made her back away from the papers.
"Divorce papers. Sign them and you will be free forever. You can do whatever you want and be with whomever you want."
"Wh..what? Ashutosh, yeh kya pagalpan hain? Is this some kind of a joke?"
Ashutosh stood and walked around the table to come and stand in front of her. "What is there to joke about? You want something..or rather someone better than me. I am giving you what you want. Go ahead and take it."
She looked into his eyes for a long long moment. "Is this..Is this about Armaan? Because I can expl.."
Next moment, his fist connected to the table making her jump and step back. "Don't you dare to take his name in front of me Nidhi!" His shout bounced off the walls and hit her like a sucker punch.
She raised a pleading hand. "Ashutosh..meri baat suno please.."
"Kya sunu? Haan? Bolo Nidhi..Kya sunu mein?" He threw the divorce papers on the table and caught hold of both her arms forcefully. "You met him. A Number of times. While I was in Europe. Kabhi park mein toh kabhi restaurant mein. You thought I wouldn't know? But I waited. I waited and trusted you to tell me what it was about. We spoke every day while I was away and not once you mentioned meeting him."
"I wanted to.."
"Oh that's great! Just great. You wanted to, but what? He said your dumb husband won't know anything, don't worry? Was that what he said? And how did he manage to get the client information out of you, huh? How could you do that Nidhi? How could you?"
"Wh..what? What client? What information? Ashutosh, yeh..yeh kya bolrahe ho? Shaanth hojao. You know I would never.."
"I went to secure one contract and came back home to realize that I have lost one of the biggest clients of ours. Why? They terminated saying their business information that they share with us has been leaked." He came so close until he was almost on her face. "It was there only in that laptop. It was a secure one. But someone broke the security and leaked the information."
Nidhi staggered and collapsed into the chair; a look of shocked hurt stamped on her face. "You think..you actually think I..Ashutosh, you think I did something to jeopardise the company that was your dream?..our dream?" She impatiently wiped away the tear that rolled down her cheek. "Ashutosh.."
But he turned away from her. "But that dream cost you too much, didn't it? You started feeling stifled, didn't you? You wanted out, didn't you?" He turned and picked up the papers and forced them into her hands. "Fine. I am giving you that option now. Sign these. Tomorrow we are going to present ourselves in the court. After that a six month waiting period and then you are free. Forever."
"Ashutosh.."
"Get out Nidhi."
Her eyes lost all the light as the finality of the words sank into her. She got up on shaky legs. "Out. Out of this..room? Or..or..out of this house Ashutosh?"
"I don't care. Just get out."
Nidhi jerked and looked down as her fingers pulled at something. Her mangalsutra. Her fingers closed and formed a fist around the dangling end as her mind scrolled through the images.
Images of her sitting outside the study room all night waiting for him to come out, images of him coming out in the morning and declaring that they would be leaving for the court in the next one hour, images of the lawyers and the judge as he asked her if she was sure and she had been unable to reply. The judge giving them a six month waiting period. And HK! Tears rolling down his face as he pleaded with her not to leave without a fight.
"Beta, woh gusse mein hain. Tu janti hain uske baare mein. Ek baar baat toh karle..aisa koi karta hain kya bhala? Think of your parents, his parents..your whole life revolved around each other. What you both are doing now is wrong. So very wrong."
"Mein kya bolu kaka jab woh sunne keliye taiyar hi nahi! Itne saal saath rehke guzaarne ke baad bhi usko mujhpar vishwaas hi nahi. He actually accused me of betraying him in the worst possible way. It is not about his anger kaka. He thought of something that was so unthinkable. It makes me realize that our marriage is nothing but a farce. Our love was nothing but a farce. A shaky building that was built without the foundation of trust. And now it has collapsed. Mein jaarahi hoon kaka."
HK caught hold of her hand. "Kaha? Kaha jaogi? Ladki ho..akeli ho..mein bhi saath chalta hoon beta."
"Nahi kaka. He needs you more now. You know he needs you more. Stay with him and take care of him kaka. He always took care of me. Always. But if you also leave, who would be there for him? Rahi meri baat, Mumbai mein I have a colleague. I already spoke to her. She used to work with me in the play school. I will go there initially. Uske baad dekhte hain."
"Beti, mein aise nahi jaane desakta tumhe.." He collapsed onto the floor and wept like a small child.
Nidhi got down on her hunches and wiped his cheeks. "Mein kaha jaarahi hoon kaka. Once I settle down, I will call you and let you know. Phir you can come and stay with me for a while. Chalti hoon. Apna khayaal rakhiye."
Her eyes went to the upstairs study room and she climbed those steps again and knocked on the door softly before opening. Ashutosh was standing at the window facing away from her and he didn't even turn around when she entered.
"I am going Ashutosh." She looked down at her mangalsutra. There were no tears in her eyes. She was too numb to cry. May be it would come later. Praying for strength and gathering all her courage around her like a cloak, she silently apologized to her parents for disappointing them and removed the thin gold chain of black beads and a small locket dangling at the end of it. "Ashutosh, tumhe pata hain? I never thought of myself not yours..not before the marriage and not after. But now I think..I think..you have never been mine. And if that's the case, then I have no right to wear this anymore." She silently extended it to him. He didn't move or face her. Silently placing the chain on the desk, she walked out of the room and the house.
Ashutosh opened the door and stepped on a crumpled piece of paper. Instinctively he bent to retrieve it. More papers were scattered on the floor of the foyer. A knot formed in his belly and grew larger as he saw the contents of the page. His eyes quickly scanned the room and the hall. Where was she? A sick feeling enveloped him. Had she remembered everything?
"Kaka?" His voice was low, almost tentative.
HK came out of the kitchen with a broad smile. "Aagaye beta. Nidhi kabse tuhaara intezaar kar rahi hain." He lowered his tone as if sharing a secret. "She wore that sari you gifted her. Achche se tareef karna uski."
Ashu wordlessly extended the papers to HK. "Kaka, when did this come?"
"Kuch der pehle koi post aayatha shaayad. I saw her signing it."
"Kaka, she read this." He gave HK the papers and ran up the stairs only to come to a jerky halt. Nidhi was sitting there on the floor..at the door of the study room. She was staring sightlessly into a void. He dropped to his knee in front of her and touched her hand.
"Nidhi?"
"I found this," she said as she thrust rumpled papers she was holding towards him.
"Oh God!" He knew without looking what they were. Those damn divorce papers. He kept them there because he wanted to be able to tear them in front of her and beg her for a second chance. He couldn't even bring himself to look into her eyes. "You..you remembered?"
Her hands shook as she continued to hold out the papers and tears rolled down the cheeks. She nodded once. "I kept having these dreams about you being angry, that you hated me. I thought I was going mad to even contemplate something like that. But that was my mind telling me to wake up and face the truth."
"Shhh." He pressed a finger to her lips and shook his head. "God. No! Never hated you, Nidhi. Never. Nidhi..please..no. Just..just relax. I need to..let me explain. I know I don't deserve it but give me a chance to explain? Please?" He placed a tentative arm around her stiff shoulders and led her to their bedroom, made her sit on the bed and got down on his hunches before her.
"Nidhi, you have and always been my perfect friend, lover, partner and wife. But I also knew that I was never perfect. Not as a husband. Not because I didn't love you. I always did. But somewhere along the way, my ambitions and dreams took over me. I lost myself and you after our marriage. I was scarcely giving you the time of the day. Missed birthdays, anniversaries, events, vacations..I knew that but assumed I had all the time in the world to change all that. Then I was off to that trip to Europe. I wanted you to come with me but you said you didn't want to leave that playschool midway for three months and you refused. I went alone. After a few weeks, one of my team member mentioned seeing you with Armaan in a park. He made a snide comment but I pushed it away. Then later someone else told me about seeing both of you at a restaurant. I pushed away but I waited. I waited for you to confide in me and share the news with me. But you never did. I came back and waited for you to tell me at least then. You didn't. You were never home when I called.."
He glanced at Nidhi, who still sat on the bed, her arms clutched around her slim waist. Her eyes haunted him. There was so much pain - and confusion - as she tried to understand his thoughts behind his actions all those months ago. He ran a hand through his hair and gripped the back of his neck, as he got up and turned away from her.
"Then when there that security leak happened and I lost the contract..that company went and signed up with Armaan's. He called up and gave me that news. I guess you now know what I have been doing while you were in Europe, huh?"
"And you thought I was..I was having an affair with him? That I would sell you out? He was married for God's sake! They had just adopted Prithvi who used to come to the playschool. He was having adjustment problems and I was just trying to..he..lp. I didn't tell because I knew you wouldn't like it and didn't want an argument over it. Prithvi mattered more than the on-going fight between the two of you."
"I didn't know all that until after that blast. His wife doesn't like publicity and he kept himself out of limelight most of the time. I was never interested anyway and never came across that piece of information."
He knew that no matter what he said, everything boiled down to the fact that he didn't trust her. He had no excuse for his idiocy and he knew it. Yet, he had to explain. He couldn't not explain.
"I forgot your birthday..again..while I was in that trip. But he remembered and asked me what I had given you and added that he hoped you liked that gift you'd been given."
Nidhi opened her wardrobe and threw the small teddy bear at him. "That was the gift I got! From Prithvi!" There was no pain in her eyes now. Only blazing fury.
He closed his eyes. "I didn't know that. And you went out with him to some place..some house.." He was determined to get everything out and not hide any more.
"I had told Anji of my plans to open a play school of my own. She said she knew someone and we went there to see the building. She was there with Armaan. But the price they quoted was too high and I didn't like the place either."
He gave a resigned nod. He got the facts too late. "I didn't know that. And you never shared any of this with me. Not even after I came back from the trip."
"Because I didn't think it was a big deal. And I liked having Anji as my friend. And I loved Prithvi. I didn't want you to pick a fight with me over that."
His eyes fell on the papers still clutched in her hand. "I knew those papers were a mistake. That I could not let you go..that there has to be something more than what I thought. I realized that I was stupid. HK used to give me day to day updates about you. He told me you were in Mumbai. I was planning to come there to tell you all that. Then he told me you were going to meet the lawyer. After the blast, I was frantic as I rushed to Mumbai..hoping and praying that you hadn't gone to meet him that day. As a last ditch effort, I called Armaan to find out if he knew anything about it. He rushed to the spot and both of us searched for you together. We went to all the hospitals, clinics.."
"The lawyer had contacted me that day and I went there. He wanted to discuss alimony. That was when it hit me. Until then I was living in a kind of..shock..and a kind of stupid hope that you would change your mind. But that day..when he said that, I couldn't take it anymore. I went a little crazy I think and ran out of their office. Where and for how long I don't know.."
Ashutosh plopped on the other side of the bed facing away from her and buried his head in his palms. "I was dying little by little since the day you walked out. And when we were searching for you and everything came out..I wanted..I wanted to die. From that day on and until the day I found you again, I spent every day wishing for that death to come and find me."
She stared down at the papers in her hand. "What were all these last few weeks about? You didn't.." She swallowed and her face lost all colour. "You don't love me anymore. Our marriage was over and you wanted out. "I don't care where..just get out!" That was what you had said, right? Then..then..what am I doing here now? Why did you bring me back here?" Her mind seemed to be working overtime as thoughts flew in one after the other. She hugged herself and rocked back and forth as if comforting herself.
"Why am I asking that stupid question? You brought me here because I didn't remember anything. I was the dumb and stupid soon to be ex-wife who forgot that she was going to be your ex-wife. You didn't have a choice, did you?"
Ashutosh was in front of her the next moment and pulled her into a tight hug. "Nidhi..nahi Nidhi..please don't say that. It was not like that.."
She pulled away and got up. "I know. It was not like that. All said and done we had been friends since childhood. You took pity on me. You are not a bad guy. I know that. You must've thought, it was the least you could do." She looked around and rubbed her arms in agitation. "What..what do I do now? Where do I go?" She swallowed and turned away from him. He could see her trembling. "Don't..don't worry. I will..I will figure something out. I will think of something."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_aacuqG5NKc&noredirect=1
He staggered back at her words, his gut boiling. He wasn't prepared. He'd lived with the knowledge every second of every day that she'd eventually remember and that he'd have to explain, but he still wasn't ready. He wasn't ready to face the prospect of losing her when he'd only just gotten her back. He took a deep breath to steady his fried nerves. This was important. This was his life. He couldn't - wouldn't - let her go. He held out an imploring hand.
"Nidhi.." His eyes fell on the red sari that she wore.
"Kyu? Gift hain mere liye? Kya hain? Bolo na!"
"Kaunsi movie? Are we going out or staying in?"
Kitni Baatein Yaad Aati Hain
Tasverein Si Ban Jaati Hain
Main Kaise Inhein Bhooloon, Dil Ko Kya Samjhaon
Nidhi's eyes fell on the snap of the two of them on the bedside table.
Kitni Baatein Kahane Ki Hain
Hothon Par Jo Sahmi Si Hain
Ek Roz Inhein Sun Lo, Kyun Aise Gumsum Ho
"I don't..I don't think I should..I am going to sleep in the den today." Saying that she placed the papers beside the photo frame and walked out of the room.
Kyun Poori Ho Na Payee Daastan
Kaise Aayee Hain Aisi Dooriyaan
Donon Ke Dilon Mein Chhupa Hai Jo Ek Anjana Sa Gham
Kya Ho Payega Wo Kam, Koi Kya Kahe
Donon Ne Kabhi Zindagi Ki Ik Mod Pe Thi Jo Paayee
Hai Kaisi Wo Tanhai, Koi Kya Kahe
The house resounded with a deafening silence that night. Both of them lost in their thoughts and in their past. Ashutosh softly banged his head on the wall beside the mirror.
"Hey my Superman, time for a break. Yeh rahe snacks aur yeh rahi garma garam chai."
"Ashutosh, meri dori baando na please?"
"Arre, aise kyu khade ho? It's ok Ashutosh. No need to feel so guilty. Birthday hi toh hain. We will get another one next year and you can celebrate in a big way then. Chalo ab mujhe cake kaatne do? Nahi toh it will be past 12 and the day will be over."
"You won't ever leave me, would you, Ashutosh?"
Kitna Veeran Hai Ye Sama
Saanson Mein Jaise Ghulta Hai Dhuan
Kaise Aayee Hain Aisi Dooriyan
Kitni Baatein Yaad Aati Hain
Tasverein Si Ban Jaati Hain
Main Kaise Inhein Bhooloon
Nidhi continued to look out of the window of the downstairs den at the inky black sky. Her mind tried to filter through what she remembered now versus what he had just told her that evening. But her heart firmly encased in all the precious memories.
"You have a headache? Aajao. Yaha baito, mein dabadeta hoon. You are way too tense my Lois. Baat kya hain? Exam tension?"
"Nidhi, I got something for you. Your favourite vada pav. Chalo, lagjao kaam pe."
"Don't close your eyes when I'm making love to you! Look at me; watch my face while I enter you."
"I was thinking about our honeymoon. That small hotel where we could smell all kinds of odours from the downstairs kitchen..after that trip I swore to myself that I would bring you here one day and make it truly memorable in every single way."
"Beti, kuch toh khaale. Raat ko bhi dono bhooke hi sogaye. Aur aaj subah se woh apne study se baahar nikla hi nahi. Tum yahaa.." HK sat down beside Nidhi who had closeted herself in his room since that morning.
"Bhook nahi hain kaka. Kabhi kabhi lagta hain..kitna achcha hota if I had never remembered."
HK gave a tender smile. "Nidhi, why do you think whatever happened these last few weeks was not the truth?"
"Phir uske pehle jo bhi hua woh? Woh bhi toh sach hi tha na kaka."
"You know Nidhi, when your parents passed away, you cried for weeks on end. And Ashutosh was always with you, trying to cheer you up and wipe your tears away. One day I told him, "Ashu beta, you need to cry too. Warna teek nahi hain." He said, "Kaka, mein ronelaguga toh Nidhi ko kaun sambhalega? She needs someone on whom she can depend on. I need to be that someone. I need to be strong." And he never cried. Not even when we thought we had lost you."
HK gave a wry laugh before he continued. "The same guy sat and cried like a baby when he brought you back from that hospital. "Nidhi was in a coma and I never knew. I thought she was dead. I wasn't there when she needed me." Those were not the words of a man who doesn't want you, Nidhi."
Nidhi sighed and got up. "Mein baahar jaarahi hoon Kaka."
"Lekin kaha? Aur itni subah?"
"Pata nahi kaka but I need to get out of this house."
HK got up as quickly as he could. "Wapas kab aaogi?"
"Pata nahi."
"Aaogi na?"
"Pata nahi." And with that final word, she walked out of the house.
Edited by Suvika. - 11 years ago
Current Affairs
