He sighed and sat on side of his bed ' He know what Nidhi wanted to ask and also knew why abruptly she stopped, She don't have to tell him what she feel for him, he always knew'even when he left her, he knew!..
Persistence, He did not had during that point of time, he was more into accepting what came on his way, he did not knew to claim his right on something or to fight back for his rights, his happiness' He wished, he should have fought a bit too hard for them but he dint...he gave in so easily without much fuss '
He sat there as Images of the night came to him'Memories where he walked under cold winter night, with aching bones; freezing toes and Nidhi at his side, she clinging to him, cuddling in his arms'.as he dragged her towards home. He remembered controlling his rage to kick that guy Vishal who mixed alcohol in her drink '..It was stupid prank but he felt outrageous'.he remembered looking at nidhi's delusional face; with that smile, and innocent face she looked even more adorable to his eyes. He remembered standing outside her home as she stumbled and took his freezing hand in her hands and smilingly, unhurriedly...Whispered "'. I love you", as if it is the most common thing she ever uttered to him 'He remembered staring at her knowing in certainty that he is love with her and no amount of reality can change that, as he reached out for her, dugging deep into her emotions to find immense love for him '.he saw, felt it as he took her in his arms and kissed softly on her forehead .To find her drifted to slumber in his strong arms'..
It is a memory which he always carried; it is that memory which haunted him most of the night '.A memory which he always remembered but she could not recall 'A memory where he understood the depth of his love for her and also her immense love for him '..Still within week after that he kicked aside everything and left her '.broken heart and helpless!
Nidhi once again walked towards Small Park, she saw the same car standing outside'.chauffeur nodded his head as she smiled at him 'She opened the gate and peeked inside to find Ayaan sitting alone in his swing just like she found him yesterday '
She saw his eyes lit up as she sat next to him 'After a while of silence, he looked up at her and asked "Hello, what's the matter '?"
Nidhi grinned and suddenly made a serious animated face "I don't know '.whats going on! ..I think , I am looking for someone !!..."
Ayaan giggled looking at her animated face: "it's ok! I am looking for someone too 'maybe we could look out together?"
Nidhi smiled: Oh is it '
Ayaan nodded his head ..."yess"
Nidhi: by the way, I am dory
Ayaan smiled widely and screamed in happiness "and 'I am Nemo"
"Nemo ...that's wonderful name '" Ayaan jumped out of his swing and came to her side "you too like Nemo '.?"
Nidhi took his small hand and smiled " yes, I do '.."
"Even Richard like Nemo'." He grinned widely
"Who is Richard '?"
He leaned on swing '"He is my friend from London '.!"
" so you must be missing your friend now '.?"
" Naaa'." He looked away as if he is thinking something and after a while he spoke again "But I miss big ben'"
Nidhi pulled him to her." who is he?"
'Its not he ' its big clock tower! '"
" bigger than you ..?"
" yeaaah 'bigger than me , bigger than baba too '."
Nidhi chuckled looking at his expression as he extended his tiny hand to show how vast the clock is '.
Ashuthosh extended his legs and stretched his body to allow proper blood circulation, after sitting in same position for hours he felt numb in his feet 'slowly he got up and closed his laptop and walked towards cafeteria for some refreshment '.he smiled as he remembered their first meet, his and nidhi's'..The bright autumn day filled with sunshine as he stood staring at her ,nidhi 'even before he could look away she came to him running and accosted him on his very first day outside the gate where small protest is going on '
"but what are you protesting against?" he asked her half heartedly, not at all keen on involving in something like this '" Professors! And this whole university because of the hike in semester fee, it's a shame!"She replied with frown and annoyance 'Even before he could disagree she gave him placard and asked him to yell as much as possible '..In return , he stood there under scorching sun light in between those face who is going be his students protesting against people who is going to be his fellow collogues 'After the protest, when she emerged from principal's office with small victory smile, startled to find him still standing under a tree holding dustbin with all placard in it.." goodness , you still protesting are you ?"
"not anymore ,I waited to give you back these ?"
" don't tell me , they left you all by yourself with this, what utter nonsense people !" she declared , looking at his face in concern and she took his hand and dragged him to canteen "common , you look tired '.I will buy you a drink "
" no , that's fine '..!'
He tried to let go of her arm as he suddenly felt uncomfortable." ohh common, just a drink 'by the way I forgot to ask, are you new here? I have not seen you before?"
Ashu nodded his head as he took seat next to her in canteen "yes '.I am "
" I am nidhi '.nidhi verma ,What's your name ?"
"Ashuthosh '"
" you joined here for which course ?"
Ashuthosh stiffened and looked at her "Actually ...I 'I am not student ' "
She nodded her head as she got busy uncorking coke bottle ' "I heard that one of your professor met with an accident and I came to replace him for couple of months'."
Nidhi , who was busy drinking her coke suddenly coughed as his words jabbed in her throat '"you '..you what ?"
Ashuthosh chuckled looking at her expression "professor '"
She buried her face in both hands " god , why dint you tell me and I made you protest against you 'how stupid it sound !"
Ashuthosh chuckled some more and shook his head "that's fine '"
Nidhi grinned " by the way , I dint knew that you are professor 'I mean'.look at you 'you are so young and handsome 'I mean .."
He chuckled looking at her embraced face which turned pink by now '" I think we should go now and thanks for joining in today '."
And she got up hastily, before going away she turned around "Ashuthosh '..Do let me know if you faced any problem with your students, I know to straighten them up '.you can count on me, you know that rite?! "She grinned and left as he nodded his head
Not sure why?, may be the way she uttered his name or the way she looked at him ,or the way she smiled at him 'He remembered standing there, looking at her disappearing figure with smile a on his face, as his ever so clam heart suddenly exploded with happiness '.
He was pulled out to reality when someone poked on his shoulder " let me help '" he turned around to find nidhi standing beside him '.he slid away as she came forward and helped him to get tea from vending machine '." Here , take this ...I saw you standing here for long time 'so thought you might need help "
He smiled " yes ..I was thinking about something and completely forgot that I came here for tea "
She nodded her head and walked away to sit in one of chair 'Hesitatingly he came forward and stood in front of her" do you mind..if ..if I join ?" he waded in slowly
She briefly nodded her head as he pulled a chair and sat in front of her ..After brief silence he spoke " I did not expected you here ?"
"here ?"
" yes , here in Mumbai'."
" why so ?" nidhi stared at him
He gave faint smile " your dream '"
She stared at him clueless " don't you remember once you told me your dream is to get married as soon as possible and make half dozen babies '."
She looked away to hide her blush "ohh god , you still remember that ..it was such a stupid dream .."
Ashuthosh chuckled " no no ..not stupid ,its strange , I never heard anyone telling that their dream is to get married 'and half a dozen!! Seriously.."
Nidhi smiled looking at him " what about you '? Even you wanted to be professor '.why you left that profession? You were so good at it and your students; they liked you a lot '"
Ashuthosh shrugged his shoulder " I just could not 'to be specific ,I had to " 'as she stared at his face , she sensed there is sudden sadness in his face , something which she could not filter in thoughts 'after a while he asked hesitatingly .." so ..did you ?...you met anyone ?" she saw his face tightening as he sat their waiting for her answer'."No" after a while she muttered , he looked at her with a mixture of surprise and relief '..now it was her turn , " did you '.met anyone 'you fell in love with anyone ?"
Ashu looked away , he wanted to tell her everything but he just couldn't 'his words jammed in his throat , he felt his heart beating too fast ,rushing his worried blood around veins like outraged Ebola virus 'after a brief silence he heard him speak " I always 'felt 'Like I am waiting for someone ..someone I loved all my life .." and he looked up at her 'there was everything in his eyes , those unexpressed emotions , those unspoken, unheard words ..Those tangled, twisted promises 'everything , looking at his intense eyes , suddenly she felt suffocated as overwhelming sadness took over her '.in an reflex action she got up and left muttering that she got work which needs to be finished soon '.looking at her retrieving back Ashuthosh understood that only way to find her back in his life is to unravel the truth , by letting her , letting him resolve those emotions which he kicked aside so long back '.he closed his eyes thinking that when time comes he will tell her everything 'everything about why he left her '!
"Hey there "nidhi called out as she saw Ayaan waiting for her
He waved his hand and gave one of his bestest smile'after brief silence, Ayaan looked at her " Nikki told me everyone has mommy 'is it true ?"
Nidhi stared at him '."I donno '.As I dint had one "she muttered still staring at his changing expression '
He looked down pressing his rabbit to his chest and after a while, he spoke " even I don't have '.Mommy"
She twitched her lips as his little sad face pained her, he continued staring down and suddenly he looked up "why so?...why nikki have mommy and I don't have ?"
She looked away as fresh tears gathered in her eyes '.She remembered asking something like this with her baba so long back and she remembered her baba's sudden sad face when he registered that question '..She smiled faintly and whispered " may be because '.we have bestest Baba with us "
Slowly His lips stretched to form a small smile " dada told me '.baba love me very much but he is just busy with office '.!"
Nidhi extended her hand and in a swift movement he jumped out and came to her 'She cupped his face "and do you love your baba?"
He scratched his chin and then slowly nodded his head and mumred" Yes, very much '"
Nidhi smiled and bent forward and softly kissed on his forehead.
Nidhi reached her apt to find rohan waiting for her '.looking at her depressed face , rohan shook his head in frustration " Nidhi why don't you take one Bacardi bottle and put one fag in your mouth ..you will look just like Devdas twin sister ' why don't you cheer up a bit ..Don't you get bored putting on same sulking expression "
She glared at him as she opened the door, he kicked off his nike and slouched on couch, pulling out his fag packet '.. Nidhi shouted " rohan , keep your fag outside my Apt '.wait till I tell your mum what you are up to here '."
Rohan gave her total miffed off look as she put kettle to make tea ,her red puffy eyes told him she is been crying , staring at her he uttered " women ! '.why so melodramatic sometime '." Slowly He came next to her and asked "now what happened?..."
She dint spoke for some time and then she looked up and muttered to no one in particular "its baba 'tomorrow it's going to be 8 months " As thick fat tears rolled down her cheeks 'he hastily put hand on her shoulder " nidhi 'why don't we go outside for dinner today , I will call manya also , it's going to be fun?" he spoke and moved away from her '.She know that, it's his way consoling her because she know he is not good at handling sudden emotional outburst '.it always make him uneasy , she gave small hiccupping smile " why Manya ?..."
Rohan grinned '." Ohh common Nidhi , it is my only way to convince her for a date '."
Nidhi banged her head .." rohan , don't you ever get tired of flirting around , dint you told me last week , you are asking someone ..What's her name 'neha 'you are going to ask her out , what happened ?"
"Please don't ask, she is such a bore ", he looked away distractedly as his fingers busy punching manya's number '.
After placing order, rohan informed her that Manya is on her way and she will be here in 15 minutes...Nidhi nodded her head as she slumped in soft couch " so , how is Ashuthosh ? '"he asked smilingly
Nidhi gave him startled look "what?"
"Ashuthosh '..That's what his name rite?"
"How you know? I mean '."
He cut her in between " what you think , I am fool that I don't understand what is going on..Those weird questions during middle of night and your absurd mood shifts every other day ...huh"
She looked away 'sensing her silence he continued " I did not expected this ..this sudden sadness , this mixture of absurd expression on your face '."
She glared at him "what do you mean ?"
Rohan smiled meekly " what I mean is ,other day when you told me about him '.you looked so different than what you are now 'you were so content in his memories 'there was no regrets, no complaints that he left you 'you looked .." he closed his mouth as if trying to find perfect word to explain " you looked more content with the fact that he is happy somewhere '.Happy and nothing else mattered to you '.so what happened now?"
She stared back as his words penetrated through her '.after a while of silence she asked " so is it ..Wrong, my reactions towards him '.this all anger and confused emotions?"
Rohan shook his head " no ..I never said that " as he took menu card and absently checked it '.
" It's this question which haunts me '.."
Rohan kept aside the menu card as he looked up "what question?"
"why he left me ..If he loved me?"
" what made you think that he loved you and love you still ?"
" I don't know '.there is this image in my head , blur and vague . more real than a dream more delusional than reality '.where I tell him that I love him and he smile at me agreeing he too 'Love me ." she gave shaky laugh " you must be thinking I am getting delusional isn't it ?"
Rohan shake his head '. she continue after a while "I don't know why ? There is part of me still love him but again there is part which want to get rid of him '.go away from him and whenever he try to come near me '.something snap inside me and I push him away '.deliberately I hurt him "
Rohan give out a shaky laugh "it's true that human brain is complex thing to understand '"
"What do you mean?"
"you very well know what I mean Nidhi! You are plain scared '.not from him but thinking that he might hurt you all over again '.there is this memory you carry 'memories of those days where you found it too hard to get over him 'its registered intensely in your brain '..its reflex action of your brain which making you feel all like this ,making you behave like this with him "
Nidhi stare at him still not convinced, rohan chuckle looking at her lost expression and after awhile he speak "falling in love ,first time when we were so young , its innocent and so beautiful ..We give everything to that relationship '.. we will be So immature and unaware to handle a relationship but still so much in love '.we peddle though it fighting to save something which grew inside us ..the thing called love'.as days passed we see , we are failing 'unable to keep alive that emotions called love..There are so many distractions, so many ways 'we get lost and when you find your back 'you realize, it's too late to mend your mistake ''you both fall apart hurt, confused and full of unresolved emotions ''Instead of resolving emotions we jump into another relationship to get over the emptiness 'its natural! With each passing year 'you fall in and out of so many relations that one day, you realize you are too tired, too exhausted to love anyone again like once you did ''"
Nidhi stare at him strangely as she slowly reaches out check his drink, he chuckle "I am not drunk "
Then what was that all about ?"
" nothing '.!"
" nothing ..huh ?"
" is it necessary to search for morals in each everything I say'..?"
' what ? Rohan ..I think you lost it , what are you ?"
Rohan chuckle "reincarnation of tortured soul '."
She push him away playfully , as he look down and slowly mutter " I am tired Nidhi , exhausted 'getting in and out this fake relationships '.where '.where we claim to be in love but in the end 'there is everything except love "
Nidhi stare at him, Sensing her gaze he look up " Nidhi , resolve your emotions ..running..Running away from him will not give you anything '..face it " he mutter '..For fraction of second, she saw different rohan, the rohan she know...the ultimate flirt, the one who have such a broad smile and who rarely crib for anything is not the one who is sitting in front of her 'he looked so different to her , it is just a second the his eyes lit up as he see Manya coming towards their table '..as he call out " manya , you look hot , fancy coming out for date with me '.." he grin 'Manya push him away " don't even dream of it Rohan .."
Nidhi giggle looking at his face , thinking about what he just told!...she agree , yes , may be that is the only way to freeherself from this tangled emotions..by letting him again back in her life ..may be that is the only way !
I wanted to write another cute ASHNI Phone convo but kept it aside as this one came out big chapter ...Next chapter , i am planning to write ASHNi dance , some romance and thinking to unravel the truth ..😲
its going to roller coaster ride for me to write everything in one go ...I will give my next chapter by tomorow 😊...Please do comment
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