Sorry guys I had a migraine. I asked my daughter to post , but she didn't know how.
so in had her write a message. anyway here it is. i don't know know if you all will like it or not.
Chapte 5
Main Kahin Nahin Jaaungi!!!!!!
Everyone at the table turned around startled, and saw Nidhi standing in the doorway. It was apparent from her face and her voice that she was angry. Ashutosh was about to get up and go to her, but decided against it and remained seated. Her manner towards him lately had been very cold and aloof, and he did not think that she would not welcome any kind of overture on his part at this time.
Ashutosh looked up when his father and Bhua, both got up, and walked slowly towards her.
Baba---Nidhi...
Nidhi looked at him with accusation in her eyes,
Nidhi---Baba, aap sab ne mil kar yeh decision kar liya ke bahar jaana hai, aur mujhse poocha bhi nahin.
Baba---Beta aisa nahin hai. Hum sab...
Nidhi---Aap sab kya Baba. Aap sab soch rahein hain ki there is something wrong with me. Hain na?
Baba---Nidhi, beta aisi koi baat nahin hai. Hum sab ko teri chinta ho rahi hai. Humein lagta hai ke agar ke do chaar dino ke liye ghar se bahar kahin jaayegi, toh tujhe thoda accha lagega. Bahar khuli hawa mein tujhe thoda better feel hoga.
Bhua---Haan meri bacchi. Thoda bahar nikal ke ghume phiregi toh toh tera man bhi halka ho jayega. Isliye humne yeh fiasla kiya hai. Beta jaane waale toh chale jaate hain, lekin beta un ke saath zindagi toh nahin khatam hoti na. Bacche hum chahe na chahe humein toh jeena padta hi hai.
Nidhi---Nahin Bhua, Nahin Baba mujhe kahin nahin jaana. Mujhe kuch nahin hua hai, aur I don't need to feel better. Baba, I am perfectly fine and can make my own decisions. I don't need anyone to make my decisions for me. Main koi bacchi nahin hoon...
Baba---Beta, maa baap ke liye toh bacche hamesha bacche hi rehte hain, chahe woh kitne bhi bade kyon na ho jaye.
Nidhi made to ague further, but Baba held up his hand stopping any further argurments ,
Baba---Nidhi Beta tu agar sacche dil se mujhe apna Baba maanti hai, toh beta tujhe meri baati bhi maanni hogi. Aue waise bhi, main tera Baba nahin toh tera sasur toh hoon hi na, uss naate se bhi tujhe mera hukum maanna padega. So beta, I do want any more arguments. We have decided that you and Ashutosh are going, and that is it.
Nidhi, could not say another word. Her father's upbringing was too finely ingrained into her nature, which forbade any arguments against elders. She lowered her head in defeat and nodded. Baba and Bhua looked at each other in relief, and then Baba turned towards Arman,
---Arman, tu jaa beta, jaakar inn dono ke liye saare arrangements final kar aa. Aur haan beta, agar ho sake to aaj hi ke liye. Theek hai.
Arman nodded, and slowly rose from the table and walked up to Nidhi. He pulled her into a his arms for a gentle hug, trying to give comfort and solace. Nidhi leaned wearily against him.
--Nidhi tu phikr mat kar, hum sab tere saath hain na. Sab Theek ho jayega.
Nidhi stayed silent, and kept leaning against him. After a few seconds, Arman gently put her away from him and smiled at her. But just as he turned to leave she caught hold of his arm, preventing him from doing so. Arman looked at her in question,
---Kya baat hai Nidhi? kuch chahiye?
Nidhi Nodded and looked at Baba and Bhua, but kept hold of his arm
---Baba, please...Bhai aur Anji bhi hamare saath jaa sakte hain. Please Bhua...
Then she turned to look at Arman with pleading eyes,
---Bhaiya aap chalenge na? Please...
Arman was torn, he did not know what to say. How could he refuse her? Arman turned his gaze to Ashutosh, silently asking him what he wanted. Ashutosh looked at Arman, and then at Nidhi who was clinging on to his arm, as it were a lifeline, and gave a slight nod. Arman then turned to Dr. Mathur, to see if he was also alright with that. Both He and his sister smiled and nodded their agreement also. Arman smiled and turned back towards Nidhi,
---Theek hai Nidhi. Agar tum yeh hi chahti ho, toh then I will also come with you guys. So, Anjiji...is it ok with you also? Shall I make the arrangements then?
Anji hesitated looking at Ashutosh helplessly. He smiled gently at her, understanding her dilemma, and patted her hand in reassurance and nodded. Anji smiled gratefully and nodded to Arman.
After he had left, she turned towards Nidhi,
---Nidhi chal pehle teri packing karte hain, phir main ghar jaa kar apni kar lungi. Come, let's go.
---Anji, main karlungi. Tu jaa kar apni karle.
---Nidhi...
---Anji please. I am fine, and absolutely capable of packing for myself. (at her hesitation Nidhi smiled and took her hand) Accha aisa kar, tu apni packing karke jaldi se aaja. Tujhe toh pataa hai mujhe der lagti hai. Then we can finish up whatever is left over here.
Anji squeezed her hand, and then look over at Nidhi's in laws. The both smiled at her and indicated that it was ok.
---Theek hai Nidhi. Main abhi aayi, itni der mein tujhse jitna hota hai, tu kar le. And then I will help you finish up.
Nidhi went to her room and took out a suitcase and laid it on the bed. But instead of going to her closet for her things, she walked over to her father's photograph. Ashutosh had hung it up for her, on the wall near her side of the bed. It had been a kind and thoughtful gesture on his part, one which she was very grateful for. But, then he was a kind person. She had seen plenty of proof of that, in the way he had helped take care of her father during his last days.
Nidhi looked at her father's picture, with a sad eyes and gently traced his face with her fingers, remembering her him. That's all she had left now, she thought to herself, just memories of him. She was still lost in her thoughts, when Ashutosh walked into the room a few minutes later. His heart went out to her, when he saw her. She looked so lost. He wanted to go to her and try and comfort her, to put his arms around her and tell her that everything would be alright and that he was with her. But, he could not do any of those things. He was sure that she would not listen or let him near her. Ashutosh was really puzzled at this change in her. She had been fine, and it had seemed that they had been getting closer and more comfortable with other for the fist week or so after their marriage. But then, almost over night she had changed. She had become cold and distant, not talking to him unless he specifically asked her something, not even looking in his direction anymore, even when she was speaking directly to him. And he was not even getting any more vibes from her, like he had been previously. She hardly paid any attention to him. And even though they slept on the same bed, she was as indifferent to him as if he were invisible.
Ashu smiled, remembering the last time that she had really paid attention to him. It had been the day after their wedding. He had forgotten his clothes and had to come out of the bathroom with only a towel. Her reaction had been priceless. Then he remembered what had followed. Ashutosh felt his pulse speeding up, as he remembered their encounter. It all seemed so long ago, as if it had been a dream. Now she treated him like a polite stranger, there was absolutely nothing in her manner or her eyes that would indicate that she was the least interested in him. He could probably walk around buck naked, and she probably would not even bat an eyelid, he thought wryly. Ashutosh wondered what had happened. He had no clue, she had not said anything, but had just closed up within herself. She had been like this, since almost a week before her father had passed away. In fact, that last week, she had even been reluctant to let him do anything for him, coming up with excuses to keep him away. Which was the reason that he had been on the living room couch the night his father in law had passed away. Ashutosh had felt bad that he did not get the chance to say goodbye. In the short while that he had known him, Ashutosh had developed a strong affection for Col. Verma, and wished that he had gotten a bit more time to know him better. Ashutosh sighed, and looked at Nidhi, who was still staring at her father. She had not said a word to him. In fact, she had not said that much at all, to anybody, since her father had passed away. She had also not stepped into his room since then, either. Nor had she cried, not even a tear, which was the cause of everyone's concern.
Ashutosh walked into the room and went straight to his closet and started taking out the stuff he needed to pack. He was aware that she knew he was in the room. He had seen her stiffen up when he had walked in. As he was packing he saw her suitcase sitting empty on the bed.
So, without looking up, and continuing with his own packing,
---Nidhi, Arman called and he said that all the arrangements had been made. We have to be leaving for the airport in a few hours.
Ashutosh shook his head in frustration as she silently went to her closet and started taking her things out. She had not said a word in acknowledgement. Things had to change, he thought, he had to find out what the matter was, what had happened to make her change like this. He didn't know if it was anything he had done or said, or whether it was something else entirely. All he knew was that he missed her smiles, and the shy blush that crept up her cheeks, whenever she had looked in his direction. After their first kiss, he had been looking forward to taking their relationship forward. But now, it was in doubt whether she would ever talk to him properly, let alone make love with him. He crossed his finger and hoped that this trip would give him a chance to find out and try and fix whatever it was that was bothering her, and more importantly, also allow her to cry and finally mourn her father. Although he had not thought so earlier, but in light of the circumstances and her behavior towards him , Ashu admitted that maybe it was for the better that Anji and Arman were going along with them. Their presence would act as a buffer between them, and might make her relax long enough to give her brain a chance to break the barriers her heart had built around her emotions.
Ashutosh kept a silent and unobtrusive watch on everything she was packing. He made a mental list, which he would give to Anji, of the things that she had forgotten or were not appropriate for the trip. Ashutosh finished packing, and put his suitcase near the door, and then turned around and glanced at Nidhi, before making his way downstairs. He saw that his father was in the living room by hmself, and when he asked about Bhua, he was told that she was in the kitchen, getting some things together for their trip. Ashu sat down quietly, and leaned his head back against the sofa.
---Ashu thak gaya beta?
Ashu stayed as he was, but smiled
---Not physically Baba, but mentally, yes. I am really tired. Actually...I am more worried, than tired. I hope that this works Baba. Because I don't know what to do..
---Ashutosh beta, we have to hope. Beta Nidhi ki jagah apne aap ko rakkh kar dekho. Think what she is going through. Her mother passed away when she was small, and now her father. She probably feels all alone in the world. I know that hum uski family hain. Lekin this relationship is very new to her. It will take time for her to rely on us.
---Baba, I know. But, she is very stubborn.
---Haan beta. But that is also her strength. A young girl without a mother, and with a father who was in the army, probably had to develop this strength to survive. Par tu phikr mat kar beta. I am sure sab theek ho jayega.
Ashutosh nodded, and once again became silent, he did not even know when he fell asleep. The next thing he knew was Arman shaking him awake.
---Ashu bahut so liya, ab toh uth ja yaar. Chalna nahin hai?
Ashutosh came awake with a start and saw Arman standing in front of him smiling.
---Thank god tu finally uth gaya. Main toh soch raha tha ke tujhe sote sote hi utha ke le jaana padega. I was just about to go to the nearby gym and hire a pehelwan. Hum mein se toh koi bhi itna strong nahin hai, jo tujhe godh mein utha sake. Isliye.
---Tu bahut dramebaaz hai. Ek baar awaz lagata toh main uth jaata.
--- Ashu tu itni deeply so raha tha, that you did not even know when Anji and I came. You know I even carried all our suitcases, to the door. Lekin ab bas, Haan? Mera iss mahine ka manual labor ka quota khatm ho gaya. Ab teri baari hai. Main aur kuch nahin karne walla.
Ashutosh got up, and punched Arman lightly on his arm.
---Ouch, kya yaar. That hurt.
Both friends smiled at each other.
It was a was almost a two hour flight from lucknow to Mumbai, and then about 3 and a half hours by taxi to the village of Wai, near mahabaleshwar. All in all, by the time they checked into their respectve rooms, they had been traveling for about 8-9 hours, and they were all exhausted. That, Nidhi had not put up any fuss about being in the same room with Ashutosh, had come as a surprise to him. He had thought, and also been ready for any arguments that she might possibly have put up, and he almost felt a little let down that she hadn't. As they were unpacking, Ashutosh turned to her
---Thank you Nidhi.
---for what?
---For not saying anything about us being in the same room.
---Why would I make a fuss about that? We have been sharing a room for more than a month now. This is pretty much the same thing.
---Yeah...but I still thought that you might object.
----There is nothing to object about Dr. Ashutosh(Ashu winced when he heard her call him Dr. Ashutosh, in that formal tone. He had gotten used to her shyly calling him by his name) We are married, naturally we would be in the same room. There is nothing complicated about that. Anyway, please excuse me, I think I will go freshen up a bit.
Ashutosh silently watched as she gathered her things and rushed off into the bathroom. He ran his hand tiredly through his hair, as he stared after her. Then he turned and slowly went to the window to look outside.
It was almost evening and the sun was in the process of going down. At any other time he would have been awed at the awesome beauty of their surroundings, but tonight all he could see was Nidhi, and his growing obsession with her. He had tried to pass it off as frustration. But he was slowly beginning to realize that if he was not careful it might become much much more than that. Ashutosh had tried, very hard, to hold himself back, and to keep aloof from her. But, he had failed miserably. He stood staring out for another couple of minutes, and then with a sigh turned back to finish his unpacking. he had just about finished when the bathroom door opened, and Nidhi stepped out.
Ashutosh looked up and saw that she did look fresh, but was still as indifferent as ever. So, far she had not even acknowledged the hotel or the village, that they had brought her too. The fact that Nidhi had refused to look out the window and had kept her eyes closed feigning sleep during the beautiful, 3-4 hour drive from Mumbai, was the only thing that gave him hope that maybe, maybe they had done the right thing in bringing her here. Ashutosh had also been able to get a quick word with his friend in London, who told him that they should not try and mollycoddle her in any way, and that they should go ahead and start visiting any and all areas that held memories for her, as soon as possible, until they got a reaction. He wished that they could go out right now, but that was not possible as it was getting late, and they were all tired and had decided that they would leave right after breakfast tomorrow. He knew that Anji and Arman would be mapping out their itinerary before they went to sleep.
After he had put his stuff away, and had freshened up, both he and Nidhi went down to the lobby where they were meeting with the other two for diner. The four of them were about move towards the dining room when someone called Nidhi's name, and they all turned around.
---Nidhiji, is that you?
Nidhi looked up reluctantly. It was obvious that thought she had recognized the person the voice belonged to, and was not too happy about it. She turned around slowly to greet the short stocky man, with a wide grin and pleasant face, standing behind them.
----Miss Nidhi, It is you! I thought I recognized you from the back, but I wasn't too sure. This is certainly a pleasant surprise. How are you? Its good to see you again, although I had not been expecting you for at least another few months.
Ashutosh saw the smile she tried to paste on her face, as she spoke,
----Hello, Desai sahab. How are you?
---I am fine Miss Nidhi...or should I say Dr. Nidhi? App Dr. ban gaye ho na?
---Jee. I am a doctor now.
---That is excellent. It is so good to see you, aur iss baar toh aap apne saath mehman bhi lekar aaye hain. Good, good. We can use all the business we get. I welcome you all to our little town, and I hope that your stay will be pleasant.(he directed at al of them)
Then he looked expectantly at Nidhi, who sighed in resignation.
---Desai sahab, aapko Anji toh yaad hogi naa, meri friend. And this is Arman, yeh mere bhai hain, aur yeh...This is my...husband...Dr. Ashutosh.
Then she turned to them,
---And this is Mr. Desai. He is the manager here, and has been for many many years.
---Yes, I have been here for many years. It is a pleasure to meet all of you. I have Known Miss... sorry Dr. Nidhi and her father since she was a little girl. And Congratulations to both of you on your marriage. Your Father must be over the moon. Doc bhi ban gaye and shaadi bhi ho gayi. I remember last time you guys were here, your father told me that the next time I saw you I was supposed to address you as Dr and not miss. He was so proud...Where is he by the way. Woh aapke saath nahin aaye?
Ashutosh saw Nidhi's face go pale, as she went absolutely still, staring down at the little man. When he saw her pale face, and when she did not answer, Desai turned to Ashutosh with a puzzled look on his face. Ashutosh looked at Arman, who inclined his head.
---Actually Sir, maybe you could come with me for a second, please.?
The manager looked even more puzzled, but he went off with Arman without a word. As he was leading the manager away, Arman looked at Anji and nodded in Nidhi's direction, to which she gave a slight nod of understanding. Then she took hold of Nidhi's hand, and led her off in the direction of the dining room. As Ashutosh watched the two girls disappear around the corner, he thought about the interaction he had just witnessed between Anji and Arman. He was amazed that the two were in such perfect sync, and marveled that they could both understand each other so well, without having to said a word. Ashutosh was still thinking about that when a couple of minutes later, Arman walked back, with the manager, who had a very sad and serious look on his face.
---Dr. Ashutosh, I cannot apologize enough Sir. I had no idea, otherwise I would not have said a word. I can only imagine what Miss Nidhi must be going through. She must be devastated. I am so glad she has you and both of your friends with her, to help her through this extremely painful time. She and Col. Verma shared a special bond, and I have rarely seen a father and daughter who are as close, as these two were. Sir, if there is anything I can do to help, please do not hesitate. And please give Miss Nidhi my apologies, and also sincere condolences. Ashutosh nodded as he shook the managers hand.
---Mr. Desai, I do have a small favor, if it not be too much trouble.
---Anything Sir, Please.
---Well, since you know why we are here, I was wanting to know whether you knew what places Nidhi and her father used to frequent on their trip here. You know, place like their favorite restaurants, of favorte food, picnic areas, local attractions, etc.
The manager beamed
---Yes Sir, I know exactly what you mean. And that is not a problem. You see Col. Verma and Miss Nidhi always informed the staff of where they were going, before they left the hotel each morning. Which was a really smart thing, that not many people think of. Imagine all the unnecessary tragedies and what not, that can be avoided if even half the people were as smart as the two of them. Anyway...I will go and make a list, and if you want I can also make arrangements for someone to take you around to those places.
Ashutosh and Arman were extremely pleased and thanked the manager. After he had left, they made their way to the dining room.
Ashutosh glanced over at Nidhi's sleeping form, next to him. He was glad that she was sleep. It was obvious that he was not the least bit affected by their proximity, unlike him. This bed was considerably smaller than the one at home, and because of that they were closer to each other also. So, everytime she turned or moved her hand, she would accidentally touch him. As he lay sleepless, Ashutosh remembered the expression on her face from earlier that evening, when the hotel manager had mentioned her father. Although it had tore at his insides, he had been pleased also. It was the first time she had reacted like that. The last thought before he drifted off into an uneasy sleep was that he was glad that they had come.
After breakfast the next morning, they left the hotel with plans to spend the day going around and visiting the village and it's nearby areas. Actually, it was not really a village, but a small bustling town. Not only was it located in the hills, but also along the banks of the river, Krishna. Arman had found out that Wai Village was also known for its Ganesh temple, known as the The Moraya Ganpati Temple, which was a very popular hindu pilgrimage. He said that there were many other, smaller temples, that they could also visit, along the river. Arman also informed them that they would have to rent a car or taxi, as none of the places were close enough for them to walk, and he was not in the mood for trekking.
During the whole conversation Ashutosh kept a close eye on Nidhi, who had remained stubbornly silent, refusing to participate. At the same, he also saw that her gaze had wandered around, and that there were times when she would hesitate, and swallow or her lips would quiver slightly, and felt heartened by this. The three of them had decided that since they were there only for a couple of days, that other than the main temple at mahabaleshwar, which was about an hour away, they would only go to the places where Nidhi had been with her father. Ashutosh had found out from Anji, that village had seven Ghats that it was also known for, and there were not only temples but also waterfalls, hills and ponds in the area that they could go to. The apparent peace and beautiful tranquility of the area was why CV had always come here and where the father had daughter had liked to spend their time. It had been his thinking that this place rejuvenated the body, and healed the spirit.
They started by visiting the Ganpati temple, and then hired a car to take them around. Since they had come during off season there were not many people, which made things a lot easier, and less stressful and noisy. By the end of the day, both Arman and Ashutosh had come to the consensus that they could not understand why people went out of country to places like switzerland etc, when they had so much beauty and magnificence in their own country. The Hills, mountains, and lush vegetation not to mention the ponds and waterfalls were breathtaking. He could understand why Nidhi and her father chose to come here year after year. This was a place where you could get in touch with yourself, and feel closer to God. It was late by the time they got back to their hotel. And although it had been a pleasant day, Ashutosh Arman and Anji were disappointed. Nidhi had hardly reacted to anything. She had gone along with them, but had been unaffected by both the beauty of nature as well as any memories that she might or might not have had. After dinner, they all once again retired to their rooms for the night.
The next day, was pretty much a repeat of the previous. Towards the end of the day, (Nidhi had gone to the washroom ) when they had a moment alone, Ashutosh Arman and Anji looked at each other dejectedly, and admitted that the trip had been a waste of time, and that Nidhi was not going to react. They decided that they might as well go back home, even though they were booked for another couple of days. Then Anji asked Ashutosh what they would do, since this idea had not worked. He told her that they would probably have to take Nidhi to a psychiatrist. But, he would call his friend and get his advice on the matter, as a precaution. When Nidhi rejoined the group, they all got into the car, and Ashutosh asked the driver to take them back to the hotel. Once they were on their way, the driver told them they were very close to a place that they should see, called Menavali Ghat. He said that it was barely 3 km from the village and insisted that it was place worth seeing. Ashu was reluctant, but gave in at the driver's persistence.
Menavali Ghat, he learned was the place where the temple that had appeared in Shah Rukh Khan's Swades was located, and was also the reason why it was so famous. This was the place which the movie referred to as Charanpur, the driver informed them, with a proud beaming smile on his face. When they got there, Ashu found out that irrespective of its filmy notoriety, the place was very calm and serenely beautiful, definitely worth a look. It's silence and serene beauty seemed to fill you with a soul soothing peace, he thought to himself, as he stood admiring the awesomeness of nature. After a little while he noticed that Nidhi was not there with them. Arman and Anji were worried, but he told them not to be, and that she probably had just gone back to the car. But, she was not there and when he asked the driver if he had seen her, the driver said had not seen her since they had gotten out of the car. Ashutosh rushed back to Arman and Anji.
Nidhi had wandered off, she wanted to be by herself. it was getting to much for her, trying to hold it all in. this place was full of memories of her father. They had spent such wonderful times in this place. But here, this was the place that they had spent most of heir time on their last visit. She remembered the last day here with her baba. They had brought a picnic lunch with them, and as usual, he had ended up giving it to the children who had gathered around. She remembered him laughing when she had angrily demanded what they would eat. He had pulled her into his arms and said that he would buy her lunch when they got back, but these children were hungry now, and would not get anything later. Of course she had only been kidding. And her father knew that. Nidhi closed her eyes, she could still fell his arms around her, and here his voice. She was still s idling when she opened them, but her smile died abruptly as she came to the realization that she would never be able to here her fathers voice, or see the love for her in his eyes. She would never feel his arms arms around her, comforting her, again. And then all of a sudden it was as if a dam had broken and the floodgates had been opened. Nidhi screamed loud, long and hard,again and again and again. Kicking at the ground and beating her fists against a tree, and then she threw herself down on the ground, and started crying loud harsh sobs, for her father, for herself. Cursing fate and god.
The three of them started looking around and calling her name. About 15-20 minutes later, when they still had not found her, and were about to call the authorities in panic, Ashutosh heard a loud gut wrenching wail. He whirled around in the direction of the sound, and that was where he spotted her. Nidhi was a few yards away underneath a huge tree, on the river bank, and apparently the sound had come from her. Ashutosh called out to Arman and Anji, as he ran to her.
She was lying on the ground, and crying, huge heart breaking sobs, that would have melt even the hardest of stones. The three of them looked at each other and closed their eyes in relief. Then, Ashutosh bent down and picked Nidhi up into his arms. She put her arms around his waist, and buried her face against him, as she continued to cry her heart out. He sat down with her in his arms, and cradled her on his lap, making soothing sounds, and running a comforting hand down her back and hair. It seemed like forever, when her sobs quietened down, to mere hiccups, although the tears kept running down her cheeks.. Ashutosh tried to talk to her, to tell her that they should go back to their hotel. But, Nidhi did not answer, she only clung tighter, refusing to let go of him even when he tried to stand up. He looked at Arman and Anji in resignation and with their help, stood up with her in his arms, and carried back to the taxi, and up to their room.
Ashutosh lay her gently down on the bed, and covered her up, before turning to the two who were standing quietly, and looking on with concerned eyes at Nidhi.
---She will be ok now. You both don't need to worry.
---Jeejaji, I can stay with her.
---No Anji. Thank you, but I will stay. Why don't the two of you have dinner, and then get some rest.
---Par aapne bhi toh kuch nahin khaya hai, aur Nidhi ne bhi nahin.
Then Arman spoke up.
---Anji, Ashu theek keh raha hai. He should be the one to stay here with Nidhi. Hum log iska aur Nidhi ka dinner inke kamre mein bhijva dete hain. That way, they can eat when are ready too.
Anji looked at Arman, and nodded reluctantly. They left shortly afterward, but only after getting Ashutosh to promise that he would call them, no matter what time, if he needed them. Ashutosh went over to Nidhi and sat down beside her, and ran a hand over her shoulders. She grabbed his hand and held it to herself, as she continued to cry. Ashutosh had no idea how long he had been sitting like that, with her holding on tightly to his hand, before he felt her relax. He looked at he and realized that she had finally fallen into an exhausted sleep. He gently extricated his hand from her hold, and got up.
By the time he had finished taking a shower and checked on Nidhi, again their food had also arrived. Since he was not that hungry he decided that he would wait for Nidhi to wake up, and eat with her. Ashutosh checked the time, and found that it was still fairly early and he was not really sleepy, so he took a book from his suitcase, and settled down to read. He must have dozed off, because the next thing he knew were the sound coming from the bed, and also Nidhi thrashing about. He rushed over to her, realizing that she was having a nightmare. Ashu saw that she has been crying also. He tenderly wiped the tears off her eyes, and bent down to place a kiss on her forehead. When he straightened up again, he saw that Nidhi was awake. She had opened her eyes a and was staring up at him.
---Nidhi, sweetheart you were having a nightmare? Are you all right? Is there anything you need, anything I can do for you?
She shook her head. Them she slowly reach out took his hand from her shoulder, and held it tightly against her, as she closed her eyes again.
---Ok then...Theek hai toh if you are awake then why don't I go get you something to eat. It's been a while since you last ate, you must be hungry by now?
Just asAshutosh made to move, Nidhi sprang up and put her arms around his neck, clinging tightly on to him.
---Sweetheart, you need to let go of me. I just need to get the foodd.
---Nahin, please don't go. I don't want to be alone.
---Nidhi, main kahin nahin jaa raha hoon. I am right here. But, honey you need to eat. Chalo, let go of me. I promise I won't even leave the room. You see Anji and Arman had our dinner sent up here. you see its right there. I just need to get and up and go get it ok.
Nidhi nodded, and slowly let go of his hand, but she kept her eyes on him, as afraid that he would bolt at any second. Ashutosh pulled up a small table near the bed, an set the food down on it. then he sat down and asked her,what she wanted to eat. Nidhi looked at the food with disinterest, and said,
---Mujhe bhookh nahin hain.
---Nidhi, kuch toh khaana padega. Tumne subha se kuchh bhi nahin khaya hai. Aise toh kaam nahin chalega, tum bimaar pad jaogi.
---Nahin, Ashutosh, mujhe sach mein bhookh nahin hai.
---Nahin that won't do. Chalo main tumhe apne haath se khilatha hoon. Hmmm.
Ashu started feeding her but just after a few bites she refused to have anymore. Ashutosh sighed , and took comfort from the fact that she had eaten something. He put the food away and said that they still had a long night ahead and that she should try and get some rest.
But Nidhi shook her head and said that she needed a shower first.
Ashutosh stood up and helped her gather her things. He told her that she could close her door but asked her not to lock it. Nidhi nodded tiredly. Ashutosh knew that she was being too compliant, but that was because she was still in shock. Making sure everything was alright, he finished his own dinner. By the time he had finished and cleared up everything, he noticed that quite a while had passed and Nidhi had not come out, and the water was also still running. Ashu went to her door and knocked,
---Nidhi...Nidhi sweetheart are you alright? ...Nidhi...
When she did not answer he got quite concerned, and tried to open the door, thankfully she had listened to him and it was unlocked. Ashutosh hesitantly peered in.
---Nidhi honey I just want to make sure you are OK, please say something.
When she did not answer, he opened the door all the way and looked in.
Nidhi was sitting with her back towards him in the bath tub, and the shower water was pouring over her, her arms wrapped tightly around her up drawn knees, and her bare back shaking, although little sound came from her. He could sense that she was crying but was trying to contain her sobs. Ashutosh walked up to her and ran a soothing hand on her head. Then he reached out to turn the shower off. Ashutosh got a small towel and dried her hair the best he could. Then he knelt down in front of her. She was resting her head on her knees, and her shoulders were shaking, it was apparent that she was trying hard not to cry out loud. Her effort at trying to control her tears broke his heart. He took her hands and helped her stand up and wrapped her in a huge bath towel to cover her up. He then picked her up and carried her to the bed and sat her down. He got her comb and gently started to comb her hair.
---Nidhi, sweetheart, you need to let it out. Go ahead and cry honey. You've held it in long enough.
She shook her head.
---Yes sweetheart, you have too. It will make you feel better, and also help you grieve.
Ashutosh finished detangling her hair and put the comb down, then he sat down next to her, and gently tucked her hair behind her ear, and put his arm around her shoulder, bringing her head to rest on his chest. Then pulling her along with him he pushed back against the bed, and pulled her along, so that Nidhi was lying down with her head resting on top of him.
---You need to let it out honey. I am sure your father would not want to see you like this. You remember what he had said. He had asked you to promise him that you would not cry, and that you would always remember him with a smile. Sweetheart you have to let go. Then he leaned over and kissed her on top of her head. Somehow, it was that gentle kiss that seemed to push her over the edge, and her tightly held restraint broke, opening the flood gates. Nidhi started crying in earnest, with heart breaking sobs, tears streaming down her reddened face.
---It's going to be alright now. It's Ok Honey, you cry your self out. I am right here. I won't leave you.
Ashutosh murmured reassurances, and ran a smoothing hand down her back, while carding her and holding her gently against himself. It took some time for her sobs to quieten down. Ashu saw that though she had stopped crying, she looked devastated. Nidhi clung to him, her breath catching now and then, as she struggled to regain her composure.
---How do you feel Honey? A little better.
She shrugged and he sighed as he held her close, feeling her trembling heat through the damp towel. Something inside him unfurled, warming him from within. It was something he'd never felt before: part protectiveness and part desire. He wanted to shelter her. He also wanted to join his body with hers. As he held her, the two urges merged into something unique and strangely powerful.
So this is what it feels like to love a woman, he thought with awe. This feeling of helplessness and power, this euphoria,...This was love. Ashutosh knew it had been coming. He had tired hard to resist, but had been helpless against this strong tidal wave of emotion that had engulfed him. No matter how hard he had tried, he could not have prevented it. He realized that it had started the day he had first seen her, and it had steadily grown, without him being any wiser about it. And now, the realization was suddenly threatening to overwhelm him. At the same time he was happy, happier than he had been in a long long time.
Ashutosh shifted, and leaned back to look at her. She still looked so lost and lonely. He knew that it would take time for her to get over the loss of her father, and that there was nothing he or anyone else could do. But, he felt so helpless, so useless, to see her this way. Ashu wished there was some way he could bring back the smile on her face, and the life back to those beautiful eyes. He wished that he could...
---Nidhi I don't know what to do. I wish there was a way I could ease your pain and sadness.
She bit her lip; as the tears welled in her eyes again. He lowered his head to place another kiss on her head, and tightened his arms around her.
---God, no, Sweetheart don't cry. I didn't mean to make you cry again, please.
He felt her hands slide up his chest and come to rest on his shoulder. He felt relieved that she hadn't completely closed herself off from him. Maybe her fathers illness, and the stress of it had been the reason why she had been so aloof, he thought. Ashutosh raised his head and found her looking at him. He smiled and reached out to gently stroke her cheek with his fingers. She closed her eyes and laid her head back on his chest.
Ashutosh was rubbing his fingers unconsciously on her shoulder, when he realized that she was still wrapped up in a wet towel.
---Nidhi, honey you will sick if you stay in this wrapped up in this damp towel. Why don't you go and get changed into some dry clothes. He shifted, and started to get up, when Nidhi rose up on her elbow, pinning him down, and pressed a soft kiss on the side of his lips. Ashutosh swallowed, he again tried to get up, but she held him down, and bent her face to his neck and started nuzzling him, placing soft kisses there, and at the same time her other hand slid inside the open neck of his shirt. Ashutosh closed his eyes, and tried to get a control over the feelings that were suddenly threatening to overwhelm him. He caught hold of her hand, stopping its torment. Then the next second, Nidhi was pressing soft kisses over his face, and throat, clinging to him. Ashutosh drew a huge breath and pulled himself away, and stood up.
---Nidhi you have no idea what you are doing. I am going to sleep on the sofa, before anything happens that we will both regret tomorrow.
Nidhi caught his hand just as he was about to move,
---Ashutosh, don't you want me anymore?
---Not want you!! Do you have any idea what you are saying? Of course I want you, very much so. But, not like this. Not when you don't know what you are doing. NO Nidhi. I will not do anything that I know you will resent me for in the morning.
Nidhi whimpered and put her arms around his waist, pressing her face into his stomach, making his gut clench with this innocent act of hers.
---You are wrong. I know exactly what I want. And The only thing I will resent you for is leaving me right now. Ashutosh mujhe aapki bahut zaroorat hai. I want to feel your arms around me. Main aapki bahon khud kho khona chahti hoon. Sab kuch thodi der ke liye bhool jaana chahti hoon. I want to feel safe and secure, as if I am not all alone in the world. Main jaanti hoon ke aap mere se pyar nahin karte, aur hamari shaadi, is not a normal one. But, aap mere pati toh hain na? Aur main aapki patni hoon. Kya aap mere liya itna bhi nahin kar sakte.
She rose up on her knees, and looked him in the eye,
---I need you tonight, please don't go away from me, please don't make me beg. I need you Ashutosh.
Nidhi brought his hand to her chest to where the towel was secured, and left it there. Then looking him straight in the eyes she brought her hands to the buttons of his shirt and started opening them slowly, all the while looking at him. Ashutosh had not moved a muscle. He could not believe this was really happening. He had dreamed about it, of course. But the next instant he shook himself. What had he been thinking? of course this could not happen now. She was upset, and still in shock. This was not the Nidhi he knew. Right now even she did not know what she doing. In the meanwhile Nidhi had managed to undo all the buttons on his shirt, and was about to push it off his shoulders. He caught her hands,
---Nidhi, sweetheart please don't start this. You are upset, and I know that you will regret it in the morning. Don't sweetheart.
Nidhi looked at him, and slowly withdrew her hands,
---You don't want me. Its'ok. My Baba, and Maa didn't want me either, that's whay they left me all alone.
Nidhi dejectedly made to move away, when Ashutosh grabbed her shoulders.
---Nidhi what rubbish are you talking about. Both your parents loved you. And Of course I want you. I want you so much I ache with it. But...
She put her fingers on his lips,
---No more buts then...please. Just show me. I don't want any more words. People telling me they love me...and then leaving me. I want you to show me you want me. Please.
She tentatively placed her lips on his,
---You are not going to deny me, are you Ashutosh.
Ashutosh knew that this was going come back to him in some way, but, for the life of him, there was no way he could say no. Ashutosh grabbed her hard against his bare chest, and brought his lips down on to hers. He tangled his hands in her hair, which was still half wet from her bath, and kissed her hard and desperately. Nidhi moaned, put she did not protest at the punishing force of his kiss. Her moan made Ashutosh realize that he needed to keep himself in check, that he needed to slow down. He lifted his face, and kissed her eyelids, which were puffy and swollen from crying. Then trailed his lips to her throat, and kissed her there again and again, whisper soft kisses, just barely grazing her soft creamy skin. Taking her head gently between his hands and tilting it, he touched his lips to the underside of her jaw, which was indescribably, unbearably soft; and then to the edge of the jaw itself, laying a path of soft kisses along the graceful curve of bone beneath smooth-stretched skin. When his mouth passed lightly over her ear, she took in a startled little breath. When he closed his lips over her delicate earlobe, he touched his tongue to it, and heard her sigh, and he tightened her arms around her.
Ashutosh kissed her cheek, and tasted the salt of her tears. By this time his instincts had taken over; and any hesitation or arguments his mind might have had, was pushed back and forgotten. He'd never felt so unencumbered, so free of restraint, or so driven. The heat of desire consumed his entire body'his very soul. He himself, vibrated with a power and energy that went beyond lust, to something else entirely, something that promised limitless possibilities, and unimaginable happiness.
His mouth hovered over hers, he looked her directly in the eyes. Nidhi met his gaze unwaveringly, but with a sharp little glimmer of wonder, a spark that shot between them like heat lightning. He felt the same wonder, the same ecstatic incredulity. They smiled into each other's eyes, Ashutosh had never experienced such intimacy with anyone.
He looked at her lips, his own lips tingled with the need to touch them. After that first time, he had been waiting, wanting, imagining , craving for a chance to do it again. The prospect filled him with an excitement that made his senses whirl. Nidhi watched him intently, her breath coming faster, as he lowered his mouth on hers. The moment before he touched his lips to hers, she closed her eyes.
His tongue flicked against the seam of her lips, seeking entrance, and she willingly complied. Ashutosh threaded his fingers through her hair, holding her head at the angle he wanted, and Nidhi put her arms around him, running her hands along and familiarizing herself with the muscles and plains of his back. Ashutosh slid his hand down her graceful spine and pressed her against his lower body as he cupped the nape of her neck, keeping their mouth melded together. When he finally released her, he was trembling harder than she was. The fronts of our bodies were plastered together , as he leaned his hot forehead against hers, and brushed her lips with his, softly at first, and then with growing passion. He deliberately traced the outline of her lips with the tip of his tongue, nibbled and sucked her bottom lip. The small caresses brushed fire across her skin, and sent an arousal through her body that made her tremble, as she moaned in pleasure.
Her lips were like warm satin and he reveled in her soft sighs of capitulation and pleasure. Her hands roamed over his shoulders meeting behind his neck to bring him closer, demanding something. Answering her demands, Ashutosh deepened the kiss, devouring her mouth greedily, flicking his tongue across her lips, he darted it between them until it found her own. Nidhi gasped as his tongue slipped between them... to meet hers. Nidhi pushed her fingers into his hair, and held his head as she explored this new pleasure and a hum of satisfaction coursed through him. Ashutosh slowly and carefully lowered her onto the bed and settled against her, one leg resting between hers, the proof of his desire was hard against her stomach. She pressed her hands to the small of his back to urge him closer. Breaking the kiss, he shifted his weight and moved down, lowering his mouth to her shoulder. Nidhi shivered as he rained kisses and tiny nips along her shoulder, and the down to where her towel met her skin, preventing him from exploring further. Ash levered himself up and looked down at her. He slowly and very deliberately, giving her time to stop him, pulled the towel out from where is was secured, and slowly pealed it away from her body. Nidhi looked at him unwaveringly, and smiled as he stared at her bared body. Awe, and admiration filled his eyes, and was evident on his face as he feasted on the beauty of her naked form.
Ashutosh hesitantly and reverently trailed his fingers from her neck down to her thighs. Then laid his head against her chest gently. Content to just stay there with his arm holding her tightly against, almost underneath him. Ashu felt her shudder as his whisker roughened cheeks, grazed the skin on her breasts, as he nuzzled her. Perfectly content, and with his eyes closed he continued his nuzzling with both his cheeks and his mouth, while he explored her body leisurely with his other hand. Taking his time to learn contours, and discover the treasures that he had only imagined about. Soon the restlessness began again, and he raised himself and let his lips follow the path that his hands previously had. He started from her face, and spent some time teasing her lips and playing with her tongue. He he continued his journey downward. He was relentless, sparing her nothing, not accepting any gestures of modesty at trying to keep any part of herself from his eyes, leaving not even an inch of her unexplored, by both his hand and his lips.
By this time Nidhi was mindless with desire, she was desperate, needed the release that only he could give.
She shoved her hand in his hair and pulled him up to her. Her breath caught in her throat as his lip accidentally grazed her breast. Seeing her reaction. Ashutosh willing leaned down giving his undivided attention to her breasts. He went on and on relentlessly bringing her to the edge and then pulling away, slowing down, before beginning again.
---You are so beautiful Nidhi. I can't believe how beautiful you are. I don't think I have ever seen anyone in my life as beautiful as you are.
Nidhi smiled,
---So are you.
And deciding it was time for a little payback , she deliberately ran her hand over his torso, down his stomach, and she would have gone further, when Ashutosh's hand snaked out and caught her.
---Nidhi...Stop that
She laughed and then pulled him down to her for a soul searing kiss. Using what she had just learned from him. She slid her tongue into his mouth tasting him as he had , her not long along, and exploring his body with her hands. After a while Ashutosh , out of breath, raised his head,
---I want you, Nidhi. I want you so much...
---Then have me. I am not stopping you.
---I know, but it will hurt. I don't want to hurt you.
---Ashutosh, I want it too. Please don't stop.
Ashutosh laughed softly,
---Baby, I couldn't stop now, for all the tea in china. I just hope that you don't hate for it in the morning.
He looked at her with so much longing, and also for her permission, and she nodded.
Nidhi breath hitched up in anticipation and excitement when he nudged her legs apart, she throbbed with need when she felt him hot and hard, between her. Then with no warning, he entered her in one swift thrust, making them one. Ashutosh waited while she regained her breath, and her body got used to him.
---I am sorry honey, I did not know of any other way. I wanted to make it as painless as possible. I am sorry.
Nidhi reach up to place a tender kiss on his lips
---I am fine. And it has stopped hurting now.
Getting the hint, Ashutosh covered her mouth with his. He tried to be gentle as possible as he sought to give them both pleasure. But as the pressure built up, he lost all control, loosing himself in her, as he plunged them over the abyss, and took them soaring into a world of pleasure, and satiation.
Afterwards, Ashutosh held her, and buried his face against her neck, as their breathing returned to normal. He started to lift himself off of her, when she stopped him,
---No, not yet. Please stay a while longer.
Ashutosh laughed tenderly, and kissed her,
---Nidhi sweetheart I wish I could stay like this forever, but I am too heavy and you will be crushed.
And he slipped off of her, coming down on her side. After pulling the cover over the both of them , he took her into his arms,
---Sleep now honey. Tomorrow is a new day.
He was amused to see that he did not have to urge her to sleep. She already was, apparently she had dropped off like a light. Her steady breathing told him that. He sighed with contentment , and happiness. He hugged her tightly, holding her close, as he closed his eyes.
He had never known that this was what people meant by making love. To him it had always been just sex. He had never known the difference till today. If he had he might have waited...
Ashutosh had a smile on his face the next morning when he got up. He ran his hands over the bed and his eyes flew open when he realized that it was empty . He wondered where Nidhi had gone. Then hearing the water running in the bathroom, he relaxed and sank back into the bed, dreaming about the amazing night with his wife. Just thinking about her, made him want her again. He couldn't wait to get her in his arms, and have his way with her. He had a smile on his face imagining all the things that he would do when...
Just then the door opened and Nidhi stepped out. Ashutosh noted that she was wearing a blue churidaar suit, which was his favorite color. He smiled and sat up, and held out his arms
--Come here sweetheart...
She looked at him. Ashutosh was puzzled, and a strange dread filled his gut, when he saw the indifference that was there again,
---Why? (she asked coldly)
---Well, aren't you going to say a proper good morning to your husband?
She inclined her head,
---Good morning Dr. Ashutosh.
---Is that all?
---Aur kya chahiye aapko?
---Nidhi after last night I thought that...we... I thought that we had gotten past the formalities. I thought that since we had...
---You mean since we had sex.(Ashutosh winced at the cold way she said that) Dr. Ashutosh that was a part of our bargain...the contract that we signed. Well to give you the baby you want, we had to have sex. And since, you have already fulfilled your part of the deal, it was my turn. It's as simple as that. I am sure that you did not think that it was anything else. I am sorry I don't know if this month will show results or not, as I think that today was yesterday was about the last day of this cycle for any chances of pregnancy. So If I does not happen this time, I will let you know when the time is right next month. and we will try again. Now, I think that you had better get ready. Arman and Anji ka phone aa chuka hai. They are waiting for us downstairs. I am ready, main chalti hoon. AAp jaldi se tayyar ho kar ke aajayiye.
---Nidhi, wait! Yeh kya hai! what is this, why are you behaving like this?
---Like what Dr. Ashutosh?
----Like we are strangers, and that what happened last night did not mean anything to you.
---We are strangers Dr. Ashutosh. The only connection we have to each other is through the contract. That is what you wanted from me right. Well...and...What do we really know about one another, really. And what last night was, was me trying to fulfill my part of our contract. We don't need to pretend in front of each other that there is anything more. I promise that if I don't get pregnant this time, I will let you try again next month. Until then we can be ourselves in the bedroom, and we can pretend married bliss in front of everyone else.
---NIDHI!!!!!
Nidhi whiled around to see a shocked Anji, in the doorway. Damn she must have left it ajar when Ashutosh had called to her, just as she had beeb about to leave.
Ashutosh excused himelf, and Anji averted her head, as he went into the bathroom and closed the door.
Anji closed the door and walked angrily up to Nidhi
---I can;t believe that you can be so cruel. How could you treat him like that? Do you know how worried he has been about you? Nidhi however your marriage started, for whatever reasons, but right now Jeejaji has begun to care about you. I think that he even love you.
Nidhi laughed loud and almost hysterically,
---Anji you are really stupid. Ashutosh does not care about me. All he wants from me is his child.
---Nidhi, that might have been before, but not now. I have seen the way he looks at you. The concern and caring in his eyes is unmistakable. Have you even forgotten how he took care of uncle. Nidhi he did it for you, he is a very good person.
---Anji he is a good person, and he is an excellent doctor. And he was very nice to my father, and he also did a lot for him But he does not care about me, nor did he have any personal feelings for my father. What Ashutosh did for my father, he would have done for anybody who was sick, it was an act of humanity, I heard him say that to Arman with my own ears. He said that it was his duty as a doctor to take of sick people. And that he felt sorry for me, because I was alone and had no one. He said that he couldn't just stand by and not help someone who was ill, specially when they were in his house. His house, what a joke. That is my house Anji. My Baba was in his own house, not anyone else's. Apparently, he was doing what any good and decent human being would have done. And the only concern he has with me is that I will be giving him a child. After which we will part ways.
---Tu yeh kya bakwaas...
---Main koi bakwaas nahin kar rahi hoon Anji. And yeh sab mere words nahin Dr. Ashutosh ke hain. I overheard him say all of this to Arman. It was about a week before Baba died, and I needed to ask him something, so I went looking for him. Anyway, he was in my study with Arman, talking. I was about to leave when I heard my name. So I stopped, and couldn't help my self from listening. Main bhi aise hi sochne lagi thi, jaise tu. But hearing what he had to say that day cured me of any all misunderstandings that I might have had. Par ab, uss raat ke baad I have no illusions. So If this is what he wants, then this is how it will be. I will abide by the contract and give him his child, and then, I never want to see his face again as long as I live. And in the mean time, we can both live our lives, with any interference from one another. I need to start getting used to being on my own Anji. Like Dr. Ashutosh said, I have no one. Aur jis ke paas koi nahin hota, they have to learn to rely on themselves. That's exactly what I intend to do from here on out.
Anji watched Nidhi walk off with her head held high, but she knew that her best friend was also walking out with a broken heart. She felt angry at the man whom she had begun to like and respect, and now found out that he had been putting on a show.
Well she would not let him hurt Nidhi. Not anymore than he already had. And she would find a way to break that contract, even if it was the last thing she did.
