Posted:
Alright friends, ever since I saw the Ashni convo in front of the wall aka new Ajanta' paintings, I have been tempted to make this post. So, here I am with my second attempt at deciphering yet another of KP's famous cryptic (subtle) convos. In my view this convo could be a turning point in the Ashni relationship and a new beginning to more understanding and sharing between them.
Please read further and once again let me know if I am reading too much into this sequence. And also please feel free to chip in and give your take and maybe by the end of this exercise we (as in Forum members) would have worked out all the answers. The format is the same as the one before... but everything is red is my speculation, an extrapolation of the real or extended meaning of those words.
Ashu is sitting in front of the wall when Nidhi walks in...
(Ashu gives her a cursory glance but does not look at her)
Nidhi : Aap khana nahi kha rahe?
Ashu: Nahi (He still avoids looking at her and gives her a shot answer in his blunt manner hoping that Nidhi would go away and leave him alone.)
Nidhi: Kyon? (She knows the reason but insists on hearing it from his mouth and she has no intention of leaving him alone to sulk. Maybe this change in approach when dealing with a moody Ashu is a direct result of Nidhi's growing maturity and increasing confidence as a person and wife, could be a result of handling responsibilities at KGH.)
Ashu: Actually mujhe kuch acidity si feel ho rahi hai, soch raha hoon dinner skip kar doon.
(Here he cannot look at Nidhi because he cannot look at her in the eye and utter a lie to her face. But since she has asked him a question, he is now forced to answer her. For her part, she knows very well AShu is lying but she wants him to open up, so feigns ignorance and keeps looking at him, until finally he gives up and is compelled to look at her.)
Ashu: Actually mujhe bhook hi nahin hai.
(Now he is changing his stand, once again trying to escape her accusing glare by saying whatever comes to his mind, but this time he has turned towards her. As it turns out this reason is even more mundane than the one before!)
Nidhi: Kuch toh kha leejiye, nahin toh acidity badh jaayegi. Kuch le aaon, thanda doodh lae aaon?
(First she calls his bluff, and at the same time continues to goad him, but the next moment feels sorry for troubling him with too many questions when he was not willing to talk and so proceeds to tempt him by offering just milk.)
Ashu: Tum jaante ho mujhe khane ka man kyon nahin hai...
(Finally here Nidhi achieves her purpose, she has made Ashu open up and accept the real reason, that is Khushi. Till now he was avoiding discussing his feelings about her going but now Nidhi has successfully forced him to open the topic himself.)
Since she got the opening she was searching for, now Nidhi sits down and places her hand on his arm which BTW he does not remove.
(Here is the tough part of the convo and I am going to try to figure it out... everybody's input is welcome here...)
Nidhi: Hume Khushi ke bina jeene ki aadat dal leni chahiye. Khushi mausam ki tarah hai, jo aaya aur hcala gaya, mausam jaane ke baad bhi insaan zinda rehta hain na?
This is quite easy, she says life will go on, just like we do not stop when the seasons change we cannot stop when people come and go from our lives. One needs to move on. (Nidhi's optimistic view)
Ashu: Nidhi, mausam har saal aate hain, Khushi har saal nehin aane waali.
He says that life stops when people leave you and go, seasons come and go but people don't and when they go they leave a vacuum behind. (Ashu's pessimistic view)
(Maybe he had experienced this for 6 years when BB left him and Ashu's life came to a standstill.)
Nidhi: Khushi ke aane se pehle bhi toh hum jeete the na?
Simple question, but the reason behind this could be that Nidhi is trying to understand the underlying reason behind AShu's bleak view. She is genuinely perplexed here and wants to know why they cannot go back to living like before Khushi came into their life.
Ashu: Khushi ke aane se pehle hume kya maalum tha ki Khushi ke jaane ke baad zindagi itni khaali ho jaayegi.
When Khushi (new people) enter our lives they bring with them a certain freshness and we end up experiencing a new way of living and even change ourselves, our life to suit this person. This we do not realize till that person leaves. Before Khushi came into our lives we did not know what we were missing but now we do. (Maybe as he utters this he also understands that this holds true for Nidhi as well, who came into his life and has fundamentally changed it and he needs to cherish her. After this point Ashu opens up a lot more, hence I am drawing this comparison to Khushi and Nidhi)
Now Ashu places his hand on the painting and Nidhi places her hand on his. This time Ashu makes no attempt to break this contact. He is warming up to her and this convo.
Nidhi: I know. Khushi apni gair haaziri mein aur bhi maujood ho gayi hai hamare beech.
(Now Nidhi has understood Ashu's POV that we do not necessarily miss things that we did not know existed. Once we experience something, we become greedy for it and it is difficult to forget it.) She responds by saying that Khushi has left behind a happy memory and new experiences associated with taking care of her that Ashni will always treasure and cherish, she has probably understood Ashu's POV fully.
Her hand is still in his and they remove it from the wall, but Ashu still holds her hand or lets her hold his. So, this time he is maintaining that physical contact and is not trying to run away from her.
Ashu: Acha hota agar Khushi hume milte hi nahin, kam se kam uske na hone ka dard jhelna nahin padhta.
This is straight forward, Ashu clearly regrets meeting Khushi, for now he has to once again face the dejection of someone leaving and going away.
Nidhi: (After a few seconds) Kitni ajeeb baat hai
(I feel when he says this, this time Nidhi perfectly understands this feeling as she is going through the same. For the first time she has experienced first hand what it feels like when someone close to you just goes away, she has understood Ashu's loneliness as an orphan a little bit more now)
Ashu: Kya
Nidhi: Khushi jaakar hume aur kareeb le aayi. Hamare beech kuch aisa chod gayi hai jiska hume pata bhi nahin tha
I think here she is talking about this shared grief that has bound them. This is the first instance of loss that they are sharing. (Maybe she is also referring to Khushi's stay when Ashni had shared a better understanding and worked as a team, which is an experience they can treasure their whole life.)
Ashu: Haan Nidhi, Khushi jaate jaate bhi hume kuch de gayi...
Here Ashu finally acknowledging Nidhi's grief as well, and accepting that they indeed shared this feeling, it was mutual.
I feel this is Nidhi's small victory, if she could get Ashu to share his sadness and pain because that was one time when he preferred to be alone till now.
So, now for your comments...
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