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"Nidhi...so gayi kya?"
Ashutosh had walked in with leaden legs in his room to find Nidhi lying on the bed, the covers drawn up to the chin and her face turned away from him. He climbed in the bed and gently roamed his fingers through her hair, called her by whispering against her hair...
"Just leave me alone..."Nidhi was still in tears.
"Aise kaise chhod do? Kya chhodane ke liye yeh haath pakda tha kya?" Ashutosh smiled sadly as he turned her face towards him, "Ek kaam karte hai...kal Dr Bharati se baat karenge...abortion ho jayega...just don't worry, it's a simple 10 minutes procedure...aur phir tum to khud ek Doctor ho na...Yeh sab jaanti ho...Ab to smile karo...? Nidhi smiled half heartedly, trying to read his face but couldn't read anything in those eyes, eyes that were devoid of all emotions as a tough decision had been taken.
"Arre Dr Ashutosh, Welcome..." Dr Bharati called out, "Aaj yahan kaise? And how are you Nidhi? Have a seat, please..."gesturing towards a couple of chairs in her clinic.
"Now what can I do for you?" She asked courteously. Ashutosh and Nidhi both fidgeted with their hands, unsure about how to initiate the discussion. "Arre, kya hua? Tum log aise khamosh kyoun ho?" Dr Bharati's eyes darted from Ashutosh to Nidhi and back in anticipation.
"Dr Bharati, Nidhi is pregnant..." Ashutosh finally found his voice as Nidhi studied her fingernails, her eyes averted, "and we don't want this child, so..." his voice trailed off.
"Not a problem, Dr Ashutosh, and what about you, Nidhi? You also don't want the child?" Nidhi had averted her eyes and her fingers continued their fidgeting with her dupatta. "I just can't understand Dr Ashutosh, what's the problem? Why is the child unwanted?" Ashutosh chose not to answer the question, and Dr Bharati looked at Nidhi in anticipation of an answer.
"Dr Ashutosh, please forgive me for interfering in your personal matters, but as you are a colleague so...can I take certain liberties?" Ashutosh nodded his consent. "May I speak to Nidhi about this?"
"Oh sure, Dr Bharati, I will be in my cabin, just let me know when it is done, so that..." Ashutosh stood up wearily. He just didn't want to be a part of this exercise, but at this point, it was Nidhi's wish that mattered the most. He was totally lost in thoughts as he walked back to his own cabin and nothing he saw or nobody he met on the way registered.
He settled behind his desk, steepled his fingers and rested his chin on them, his thoughts far away from the present. He thought about Nidhi, her career, her brilliance, her innocence... he was responsible for a setback in her career when he had sacked her from KGH. He clearly remembered her eyes, full of accusation, as she confronted him head-on in the fashion show later, and how Armaan had then smelt something brewing...and his confession after that. The display of pain and dejection in her eyes at the Mumbai convention were a vivid memory, as if this had happened just yesterday...how desperate he was, to talk to her...to apologize...but he simply could not. Then his fate had decided to smile at him as she confessed of her love for him and he had also bared his soul to her.
Today, they were happily married...and she selflessly loved him despite all his shortcomings, fulfilled all voids in his life... and this, a small wish, he was in no position to grant her... Even in the past, he had thought only about the betterment of her future when he had sacked her, hoping that she would move on, so what was the difference today? Why was he feeling so hollow from within? A small tear trickled from his eye and landed on his finger bearing their engagement ring.
He smiled to himself as he fondly remembered their engagement...a landmark event in his life when her family had formally accepted him. And then their fairytale marriage...and life beyond...all was a dream come true...and today, was a dark blot... But then, didn't he owe that much to her? His thoughts flew to Nidhi, maybe by now; it would all have been over...
"So Nidhi, now that we are alone, why don't you talk to me? What's the problem?" Dr Bharati bolted her cabin door from within and sat on the chair next to Nidhi. "I am not sure whether I should have this child...I want to pursue my career right now...and this is a pure accident...so..." Nidhi's voice, shaky and unsure, had trailed off.
Dr Bharati sighed inwardly. Taking deep breath, she started, "Nidhi...Your concerns are highly valid; are you unsure about yourself, about your husband's viewpoint...or even the family contribution in this direction?
"No, Dr Bharati...I don't know what to say...or how to put it...I am totally not prepared for it...and what about my career?" Nidhi was highly apprehensive.
"What do you mean by preparedness? My experience tells me that no two women experience the same during their respective pregnancies, and the same woman will definitely have different experiences for each pregnancy. And mind you, we are not talking about materialistic preparedness, which I am sure in your case is not a problem. So, my dear girl, when mother nature gives you nine months, it is in a way to prepare you to welcome the new creation in this world...the creation that will lie deep within you, experience the same surroundings as you, and in general, be a part of you..."
Pregnancy and the birth of a child are two natural processes, a gift that the creator has given to a woman...the ability to procreate. ... And a pregnancy doesn't mean the end of the career path for you, you can have both!! You have about 2 months to complete your internship, which can continue as it is...and then you can take a break for a year and a half or so, have a child, and then go back to your career..." Dr Bharati continued confidently, "you are not the only woman who has faced such a dilemma...even I have gone through this stage. Even I did my post graduation after my first child was born...and what counts at this stage is the family support. But then I am sure, Dr Ashutosh will not only allow for that, but also contribute actively in the process of childcare...plus you have all the support from a loving family..."
"Terminating your pregnancy at this stage is not a difficult thing for me...it's just a 10 min job...but then the loss of this child will remain as a scar...on your physique and Ashutosh's psyche...have you ever thought in that direction? Believe me, Ashutosh has never confided about these personal matters in me, but his yearning for a child is highly palpable...he loves you so much that he is readily willing to sacrifice his unborn child for your happiness..."
Nidhi had tears in her eyes as Dr Bharati concluded, "The decision is entirely yours...I only wish that you should not regret it in future..."
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