What kind of a fool am I? Why did I let her go on alone? I know the territory so much better than her after all. And yet, I allowed my stupid handicap to override my good sense. I allowed her to take a risk that I had no business letting her take. Even as these thoughts are swirling around my mind, I find my legs acquiring a life of their own. I feel myself rising to my feet, almost magically, mindless of the excruciating pain. I, who had begun to wonder if I would ever be back on my feet, find myself on them even without realizing how. Is this the power of love? That enables you to bear extreme pain and hardship at the thought of your loved one being at risk? I don't have the luxury of time to dwell on all this now. I find myself half walking and half running in the direction that Nidhi had gone off in. Her voice, calling out to Mallika, is ringing in my ears, giving away her exact location. Thank the Lord for that!
As I take the turn leading to the edge of the cliff, the sight ahead of me freezes the blood in my veins. Nidhi is at the edge of the cliff, seemingly unaware of the danger she is in. Mallika seems to be moving towards her. My mind and eyes though do not allow space for anything other than Nidhi. I can see her teetering at the edge of the precipice. She seems to be losing her footing, reaching out to grasp something and finding nothing but thin air.
"You are free to do as you please", " No one will go after her, she deserved it". "her absence will bring blessed peace"", all my wise words come rushing back into my head. Had I actually said all that? Had I actually believed there was life beyond her, life after her? Was this God's cruel way of punishing me for my sins? Was he going to take my life away from me and leave me among the walking dead? Was he fulfilling my wish and proving to me that it was no ordinary wish but a death wish? For I knew that life without her was nothing short of death! I knew that even as I spoke those words! And yet, I could not stop myself from inflicting that cruelty. As much on myself as on her! I had appointed myself as judge and jury and passed judgment on her, a judgment that I believed was fair and just and free of all favour. What a man I was, I was able to punish myself and my beloved even, when confronted with incontrovertible proof of her inhuman act! My integrity and my principles would remain uncompromised when it came to justice. I would rise above personal good and stand up for justice and fair play! I would be covered in the glory of my righteousness even as my beloved bore the weight of my brand of instant justice.
Now, as I watch her teetering at the edge of the precipice, all my righteousness, all my principles and all my sense of justice come crashing down around my ears. I am being stripped of all my layers of self-pride as I watch my life going down. The folly of my words hits me so hard that I reel back from it! I don't care for justice, I don't care for truth, I don't care for anything else, God! Right now, I don't care for anything else but my angel! I don't know what is right and what is wrong, who is right and who is wrong, but I simply don't care! All I know is that if she slips and falls over the edge, I will not survive her! Righteousness and truth be damned! Right now, all I care for is my Nidhi.
There are probably less than a hundred feet separating us but it feels like hundreds of miles. I push myself to run faster, my feet are flying across the ground and yet my goal post seems to be moving further away. I run like I have never run before, for never before have I had to run to save my life. Mallika is shouting out something to me but I can't hear. And frankly, I don't care! An irrational anger rises within me, a desire to throttle her for putting my Nidhi's life at risk. She knew the territory so well and yet she had gone and risked herself. And now, she stood out of harm's way while my life appears to be ebbing away before my own eyes. But none of that matters now! All that matters is that I get to her on time. I don't know what I would do if I did not! I'd probably plunge in there after her! I don't think my soul can survive without its mate. It had remained hidden and shrivelled for so long before she brought it back to life. Without her, it would die all over again. A soulless existence was no more appealing to me, although that is how I had lived in the past. But not after I have known love and life with her! Not after I have known bliss in her arms!
I can see those arms flailing; I can see her going under. I think I am going to lose her. I make up my mind; I am going after her one way or the other. I push myself to make that final dash. For a minute, it seems my life is lost but then our fingers meet and clasp. In that touch, in that touch I find my life coming back to me. I pull her hard and she collapses into my arms. I hug her so hard that I fear I might break her bones.
"Don't do this to me, my darling...don't you dare...if ever you want to go over, take me with you...I can't bear to travel the distance without you...you are my life, my love, my peace and my soul...how would I survive without you...don't you dare leave me...don't you dare!"
I can't seem to stop the gush of words from my lips. I don't even know what I am saying; my words seem to be babble. All I can hear is her repeating my name again and again, like it has brought back life's breath to her. If it has, then I want a part of it too. My lungs are out of air, I can't breathe. I need the blessed breath of life too. So, I fuse my lips to hers and share in her life's breath, filling my lungs with it. We hug and kiss like there is no tomorrow, unmindful of the company. Nothing else matters, no one else matters, just us and just our lives together. Ashutosh and Nidhi together forever!
Geet - Hui Sabse Parayee
Advocate Anjali Awasthi
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