Memories Can never be recreated.

"I am sorry Dev, I never wished to commit anything like this but I am tired of fight the odds of our life, for our love and for my self-respect.I wished to spend my entire life with you like those of fairytale love stories we read in the nights embraced in each other's warmth over a cup of coffee but now I have realised that 'fairytales' suits best only in the books when real life is a juncture of 'failed' love.

It wasn't that my love for you faded in this duration but I instead of falling for you chose to rise in your love, everything was cheerful until our lives changed to the silent weeps of hearts with mere greetings exchanged in a day that now mirror our relationship for just name's sake.

Now when I would be gone,don't intent to look for my memories but try to search for new ahead. I never knew if I would be the same possessive wife of yours to say it ,"Marry someone who loves you more than I do so that my soul can peacefully rest in my grave with the content of you having someone better than me whom you always deserve." "I read the caveat letter in my hands that tremble with the fear of being her last letter to me as well.

********

He searched his solace in her eyes when she found the cheer to his joys,

He promised her to be with her in their groovy married life but ditched her when she needed him the most,

She left him,may be for a forever and he just cried the weepless tears which now has dried.

*******

{The first chapter is below}

" Abortion?"

Sonakshi's PoV

"Sona...sona...I know it's not your fault but we can't help it;right? Don't take mom's word too seriously, remember that your Dev will always be there for you no matter how ill our fate is."he said with assurance when we lost our baby for the third time but I am unable to witness the same ounce of assurance in his eyes again. I sat in the patio caressing my derm where the vaccine pricked me but the strive my mind is into is inexplicable to frame in terms.

I don't know if he still cares for me the same way as before, his eyes pleads me for extension of my existence but his tongue spits the venom which makes my being pestilential of evil thoughts. I wish if he could understand the pain I have been into being a to-be-mother who has been craving to carry her baby in her arms not just in her womb that one day turned out graveyard for it and today when I can feel the curvature of my belly cocooning a semi-grown foetus in it I am doubtful if I will ever be able to hear the word 'Mumma ' from her buccal.

I heard the click of door being unlatched and I knew he is back now but still I failed to muster up my courage and confront him as I was scared that what if his answer is a
' No '. I sat silently taking in the sounds of his footwear created being in contact with the porcelain floor, the swift motion his office bag must have touched the base to produce noise and not to miss on the bang of the bagnio door which expressed the quantity of his fury. I know he is scared, scared of losing me but I can't do what he is expecting me to do after all I am already a mother with my heart if not in an entire sense for worldly frame of it.

Breathing in the particles of confidence that a wife invest in her husband I entered our room where his provoking cologne mixed with air well arousing the womanly desire in me while the hormones played the menace tunes of pregnancy. Shutting my eyes along with the distracting thoughts I sighed and prayed internally if he would understand me. I was deeply engrossed in the world of my thoughts when a freshly used scent of his shower gel invaded the air making me wish to lose myself in his arms when I was skeptical about the same response from him.

"Dev..."I whispered in my soft tone while his no-response attitude persisted as whipped his floppy hair with the towel ignoring my call royally.
I knew he would do that hence I walked further to tap his shoulder that's when he turned atleast with an emotionless face when his eyes held the same fear wrapped in plead.

"You want anything?"he spoke in a cold voice as I nodded my head immediately.

"I want my Dev-the same caring dev he was a day before;Can you get me?"

" You would eventually lose him after two to three months then what's the need for now?"saying so he walked past me making guilt bud inside my heart too heavy for my lungs to breathe without a lump.

"Dev,please. You know it's not in my hand." I stated helplessly trying my level best to control the tears which were on the verge to kiss my cheeks blurring my view in the process.

"It is still in your hands but the problem is you don't want to opt for it."he said turning around with his eyes emitting flames of his fury.

"Dev, I have lost my babies thrice with my womb serving as a graveyard to their souls. I can't abort this one!"I shouted being frustrated of the games destiny made me pawn to.

"Our babies, they were mine as well Sona but in any of the past cases I didn't had the courage to risk your life and so with this one.We still have an opportunity to go for surrogacy."He contradicted.

"We can Dev but I don't want to.."saying so my welled up tears broke into the burst of fall recalling the past
events and the haunting words.

"Why don't to understand that how much important you are to me?" He said with the lump in his throat as all I did was to crash down in his arms but they didn't coiled over my frame instead his hard protuded chest of pride turned into a stone cold fir my tears where his lips didn't reached to kissed them off.

"Will you take care of our baby after me?" I enquired the question which has been running on my mind since last night but probability of his answer for a ' Yes or No ' absorbed me to the fear.

My heart beated relentlessly in my thoracic cavity in anticipation of his answer but minutes spent on it as he stood emotionless and finally he voiced a simple yet wrenching "No!". Finishing off with the question I enquired he ran and occupied his side of bed that I was able to acknowledge with the sound produced in the process ,switching off the lights in the room he made me stand in the darkness all over again while I turned to face a laying umbra on my bed that belonged to him. My heart bursted into peels of sarcastic laughs at my fate when destiny proved out to be successful to trap me it's whirl.

" It's late , you must sleep." He said with the concern dripping through his words when the tone remained the same, emotionless. Sucking back the flood of tears and the moisty leak of my nostrils I laid down beside him,sharing the same bed and blanket with the mere meters gap between our hearts in appearance when I eventually felt hurt of losing him,may be for a forever.
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Dev's Pov

My chest wanted to explode with the agony I answered her question with,'No' was not just a word for me then but my prayer to her. I laid down with a heavy heart but wasn't strong enough to let my tears spoke about agony I have been confiding in my flesh. Everyone is recklessly selfish for themselves and so is she but none chose to look at my situation where I was the broken mess swing her crying silently for our loss, to witness my dream for our babies shattered with the blink of a day, just none cared for me ditching the superficial love they had for me and budding an intense instead.

My mind hurled many accuse on my bring for killing my own blood in the mirage of my love but letting go of someone who is yet to arrive is an easy option than letting that someone abandon you when you have devoted your soul to one.What she planning to is nothing but an attempt of sucide ;and I just cannot tolerate it anyhow. I had a sleepless night and may be she too as the twisting sounds were heard all night,I laid firm at my portion since I am yet to muster my courage and bore my orbs in her after that disgusted answer of mine.

"Dev...Dev..."she whispered in a sobre vox conveying the quantities of lumps her throat must have incurred last night ,alas I am all unaided of the wound my heart too incurred.

Letting a simple groan escape my mouth pretending my fast asleep state I turned to face only to free for the moment when her eyes keenly observed my features as her palm clasped mine uninvited.

"You didn't sleep last night;why?"

"Huh?"was the only word that escaped my buccal with the essence of confusion etched on my visage while the dread in my cerebellum.

"Dev,why don't you understand me?...My feelings?"

I muffled a sarcastic laugh that was unworthy to taunt the plans of my life.

"Your feelings?your emotions?...I just wish if you could understand my fears...of losing you."I stated with the pain flowing through my words if my eyes were strong enough to not show it.

"Dev, it's our baby!... please don't think of killing her."she cited in a soft helpless whisper when my heart desired to melt but I couldn't afford that or else I could lose her.Not paying heed to her words ahead,neither her calls nor her weep I entered the bagnio to let my tears have the facade of water droplets flushed from the shower overhead.

Rushing out of the cabin my eyes undesirably searched for her,they freezed when I absorbed her sight of caressing the crib placed at the centre of our stanza. I couldn't imagine to witness the past tormented Sonakshi again nor I was potential of losing her forever,may be our marriage wasn't because of love but this planned deal has bonded me in love with her conditionally at the deepest.

"Do you even remember how many times we plan to buy a royal cradle for our baby?but unfortunately it turned out to be just a dream then and now when you can have the chance of holding your daughter, loving her even more as you teased her mom for-, making unforgettable memories with her;why you want to back out Dev?"she said in her disconnected vox with the shrilled lips of suppressed cry,I wasn't surprised of her routine of acknowledging my presence evwn when her orbs were directed to an entirely different direction.

I didn't know if I should melt myself in the frame of her arms and flush out my apprehensions or be the same stone-hearted jerk who might succeed in his draft of adding sense to his wife and bring her back to the old selfish self she was for me,for our love.I ditched the latter but tried to transmit the purgatory I confined in my mind to the real owner of it. Covering the extent between our talipes,my cathetus coiled around her belly feeling the slight movement of our baby inside a saline secretion of feelings leaked even after my deadly struggles.Pressing my palm a little deep I felt a curve,may be of her head. Guilt of killing a life for saving one wasn't less when killing the one you craved to feel with a fatherly affection to mixed in it. I felt my skin wetted by her tears which my hands weren't enough to wipe off,I felt a hard thwack from the foetus under her raiment where my palm rested as if complaining for my sinful touch but Sona stood frail with her weep being suppressed but the deep inhalations of mournful breathe her tongue ditched her compelling me to turn her around and feel her heart beat closest to mine with the little gap in between due to protuded belly.

"Sona,I couldn't imagine to abort her till I came to know about all these complications but darling you mean world to me. I crave to hold my daughter in my arms, I crave love her even more than I love her mom,I desire passionately to create unforgettable memories with her but I wish you to rest your nob on my shoulder merrily when I hold her in my arms;I wish you to be little possessive of me when I love her more; I wish you to click our secret pictures when we create numerous of unforgettable memories together." I voiced what has been running in my mind since the time her piercing words poisoned my ear drums as she sucked in the constraint of her nostrils.Unwillingly I detached her from my flesh and cupped her jowl with utmost love I had for her to pour out with the lips moulded into either's as the gloomy pleasure released through the tension in the room.

"Dev,you are lucky enough to be there with her when I would spend this mere duration of nine months in my womb you would see her grow. You will be there to sing lullabies at night and watch her walk for the first time. She will be like my soul, one half will reside in your memories while the other in her. Forgive me Dev...for whatever I did till now and this injustice of being the mother to your child first instead of your wife but I can not abort her even if this cost me my own breathes."She spoke breaking our kiss and conjugating her palms with mine while the ocean of tears never ceased to stop from either of ours.

"You can be there with her but just please agree for the surrogacy and abort the baby."escaped my buccal in a soft whisper og helplessness as she just smile in gloom before breaking my heart all over again "I can't do this, if this cost me my shattered dreams I agree in terms to destiny but I so not can-do this. I am sorry Dev...I am helpless this time.".

"Promise me you will take care of her after me,you will shower her love of my share too, you will be there to protect her from the tiniest of the hurl and won't let an evil devastate her fate."she spoke wiping her flow tears and raising a hand before me with a hope of assurance to her when I killed my conscience for my selfish addiction to my love "I would be there for het only if you will be there for me 'cause I can't live without you."

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They known about the sex of child because they live in a foreign land where it is already revealed to parents after the fourth sonogram.