Originally posted by: tia.o
<font size="3" color="#006633">Aswarthy, I agree with you. You see when Sona first fell in love, she eagerly took all rights on Dev which Dev gave her. But when he first broke up with her, he asked her, "Kis haq se?" Making her feel the rights he gave her were his to keep and take away at a moment's notice as per his and his mother's whim.</font>
<font size="3" color="#006633">After that they went separate ways.</font>
<font size="3" color="#006633">During the break up, Dev kept exercising his rights on Sonakshi, but again he never gave the rights to Sonakshi or claimed it when Ritwik offered it on silver platter until his mother got it back for him.</font>
<font size="3" color="#006633">Then they got married. Marriage vows give certain rights - exclusive rights on each other and everything that belong to each other including family, wealth, property etc making two people one legal and social unit.</font>
<font size="3" color="#006633">The equation are different for dating couple and married couple. All married people know it. Because you want it or not, family get connected by marriage. Specially when the wife comes to live with in-laws.</font>
<font size="3" color="#006633">But everytime Sona tried to exercise her rights as a family member, as Dev's wife, she was told that 1. She is interfering in family matters indicating that she is not family, 2. She has no right to express her opinion since she was solely procured for Dev's amusement and that's who she will remain, 3. She has no right to ask questions about existing status quo because she won't understand (well, no one would unless they are psychiatrist), 4. She should just let things continue the way they are and unless she is in the bedroom, blend in with the wallpaper.</font>
<font size="3" color="#006633">Keep in mind, anytime Dev tried to do something for her family or went behind her back to help them in any way (as little as he did or they needed them to), she never told Dev to not interfere in her family matters. But Dev did. Every single time.</font>
<font size="3" color="#006633">Even Dev's Mama, Mami, Vicky had rights to speak and do what they want in every single thing happening in the house, but not Sona.</font>
<font size="3" color="#006633">Dev gave her limited rights of a wife. He gave her all rights on him unless it fringes on family's rights, then she had no rights. And we all know just how much of a rights Dev gave Ishwari. To the point of letting her orchestrated their marriage, honeymoon and family planning.</font>
<font size="3" color="#006633">Don't get me wrong, Sonakshi was to be blamed there as well. She should have put her foot down. Which she did in Shimla. But Dev did not understand her point at all and just wanted to get the argument done by giving her option to change hotels so that they can get started on their honeymoon.</font>
<font size="3" color="#006633">But when problems are swept under the carpet, at one point they keep accumulating and become so huge that it gets impossible to clean up. Which I also said then. But CVs were laying separation track so I guess they had to ignore the signs of cracks in a relationship.</font>
<font size="3" color="#006633">As a result of Ishwari getting lion's share of rights on Dev including rights on their personal and private decisions, Ishwari kept infringing on the right of a wife and the wife kept getting her rights taken away. But Dev always wanted exclusive and all rights on her. He still does. That's why he wants her to beg for his help and gets pissed off when she doesn't.</font>
<font size="3" color="#006633">Sorry that's not how it works in a marital relationship.</font>
<font size="3" color="#006633">I think that's exactly what Sonakshi meant.</font>
<font size="3" color="#006633">Keep in mind, a wife is not a mistress whom you can tell to keep her presence and opinions in the bedroom because she should not interfere in family matters because she was brought for one purpose only. A wife is one half of a marital relationship and her husband's equal in the eyes of the society, legally and also that's how she should be considered by her husband and his family.</font>
<font size="3" color="#006633">Yes, the wife can be kept separate if you live a separate life where the family matters don't impact her life in any way. Just like anything happening to Bose house never impacted Dev in any way. But when her life is getting impacted, expecting her to stay out of family matters and letting her know that her input isn't welcome is exactly the right Sona was talking about which Dev never gave her. That made her feel as an outsider under her husband's roof. That would make anyone feel like an outsider. A lot of women have faced it and still facing it. But that's grossly unfair.</font>
<font size="3" color="#006633">As I mentioned in my post that Dev got the order of events screwed up. She left because he didn't give her due rights. Not the other way around.</font>
<font size="3" color="#006633">Sorry. I just realized how long a comment I wrote. But Dev's lame excuses to constantly blame Sona while he snuggles up to Ishwari is a personal pet peeve of mine.</font>
Kabhi Neem Neem Kabhi Shahad Shahad
