Fatherhood

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gemini54

@gemini54

Voyager

Posted: 8 years ago

Today I want to talk about Fatherhood

Before I do that I want to applaud all the single mothers out there who have raised phenomenal children and the Single Fathers and the devoted fathers out there who are the first real heroes in their child's lives👏

One thing I can say is I am addicted to this forum and have discovered my love of writing again because of this forum😉

Fatherhood is not always exulted as Motherhood be it in Mythology, stories etc. Yes, the bond between a Mother and a child is a kind which cannot be explained because the child is within her but at the same time the important role that a Father plays in a child's life cannot be refuted too . That is why single parenting is difficult because one parent has to be both a father and a mother

Parenting does not come with a manual it is ever learning process. My father in law was a great father but he really did not take active interest in the daily activities of my husband , but he taught him spirituality and humbleness a trait that my husband took to heart..he is not spiritual but humble.

My father was a Go getter a very confident man. I was his pride and joy and really could do no wrong he was similar to Bijoy but he was not EXACTING like Bijoy just was proud of me and helped me to be what I am today.

My husband is a very involved father the kind who played with the boys, watched football games with them , took them to games, attend PTA 's cooked for them..in essence was their hero but one thing he was not was an exacting father. He did not attribute the children successes as his successes but feels their happiness is his success

Enough of my Personal spiel now to the show...

We have three kinds of fathers in this show:

an absentee father- Dev did not have one, Soha does not have one in her early years, Vicky had one but not an effective one

And an exacting one We have Bijoy who is vocal his daughter is pride and joy but he is an exacting father a father who never really gave a chance for his daughters marriage to work why? because he did not trust Dev after the break up he had reasons to but sometimes in life we have to get past our initial reasons and look to what makes our child happy. And we as parents often times just let go of our pride because our children s happiness is paramount than our pride

Dev seems to be in a new avatar but he seems to be a proxy father for Golu from what I read today an indulgent parent when Soha comes in will he be an indulgent parent? , an exacting parent? or a supportive parent remains to be seen

Closing with this thought

A dad is someone who holds you when you cry, scolds you when you break the rules, shines with pride when you succeed and has faith in you even if you fail

Thoughts?

Edited by gemini54 - 8 years ago

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pkbdas61

@pkbdas61

Dazzler

Posted: 8 years ago

Sabita, this is really a topic that is an ocean.. it can be discussed at lengths and breadths that can be unfathomable. Thank you for this. I was hesitating to write about fathers in a predominantly female oriented forum.

I think there are also stages in fatherhood. I have experienced it myself.. it starts of from being protective and ends at being supportive, with many facets inbetween. Really no one trait is over-powering at any point in time unless there is some skew in the person of the father personality.

The key thing is that as the father stages, so the children too. Getting these two stages in absolute synchronism is one hell of a task and needs some luck too. I have seen fathers who have been very understanding and supportive but still the child has gone astray. I have seen fathers who were very protective and whose children were groomed well. Here is where i say there is some element of luck,

There is yet another important factor from a father's perspective. The impact of society on a child. In today's world, it is imperative for fathers of young children to help them unlearn a lot of what they pick up from their society, school, friends circle etc. it needs a lot more patience than in the 60's or 70's. There is unbridled access to information, even for children with growing minds... children ask a lot more questions, are wanting to know more and quickly.. and fathering a child is an extremely difficult task.

Phew! you have got me going back memory lane.. and a lot of thoughts cross my mind..

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Drcs

@Drcs

Navigator

Posted: 8 years ago

We all know it takes two to tango still in parenthood, father's role is underrated. Even though role of father has drastically changed over the years, the male tendency to not communicate effectively their feeling still acts as a hindrance and prevents a relationship from developing further. It is always said if you haven't experienced something then you will not miss it. I lost my father when I was 5 yrs., but to be honest, I have never missed my father... our mother brought us up without letting us feel the vacuum in our life... My FIL was a strict disciplinarian and the father-son duo had a matter-of-fact relationship where my MIL was the intermediary. Though they respect and love each other more of it coming from a dutiful son-father angle. I haven't seen them having a friendly talk but they were very much attached. I always felt their's is a complicated relationship yet carried out with lots of love and respect. So whenever I see Bijoy's interference in KRPKAB I used to feel suffocated and have thought many a times such over-indulging father I wouldn't have been able to tolerate. But mamaji's passive involvement with Vicky is also bothersome. KRPKAB has fathers who are poles apart they are two extremes... One is an over-indulging father whereas the other one played a very passive role in his son's life...in real life also we see such fathers which is a pity...

Edited by Drcs - 8 years ago

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gemini54

@gemini54

Voyager

Posted: 8 years ago

Sir first of all thanks for the reply. you need a pat on your back for you seem to be a phenomenal Father👏

I would love to read more of your thoughts because even if we mothers write about fathers it is so much better when we hear from the fathers themselves

My sons essay for his college was about his father his hero..so Dad's are the first heroes in any childs lives

Thanks again

Originally posted by: pkbdas61
Sabita, this is really a topic that is an ocean.. it can be discussed at lengths and breadths that can be unfathomable. Thank you for this. I was hesitating to write about fathers in a predominantly female oriented forum.

I think there are also stages in fatherhood. I have experienced it myself.. it starts of from being protective and ends at being supportive, with many facets inbetween. Really no one trait is over-powering at any point in time unless there is some skew in the person of the father personality.

The key thing is that as the father stages, so the children too. Getting these two stages in absolute synchronism is one hell of a task and needs some luck too. I have seen fathers who have been very understanding and supportive but still the child has gone astray. I have seen fathers who were very protective and whose children were groomed well. Here is where i say there is some element of luck,

There is yet another important factor from a father's perspective. The impact of society on a child. In today's world, it is imperative for fathers of young children to help them unlearn a lot of what they pick up from their society, school, friends circle etc. it needs a lot more patience than in the 60's or 70's. There is unbridled access to information, even for children with growing minds... children ask a lot more questions, are wanting to know more and quickly.. and fathering a child is an extremely difficult task.

Phew! you have got me going back memory lane.. and a lot of thoughts cross my mind..

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pkbdas61

@pkbdas61

Dazzler

Posted: 8 years ago

Originally posted by: gemini54
Sir first of all thanks for the reply. you need a pat on your back for you seem to be a phenomenal Father👏

I would love to read more of your thoughts because even if we mothers write about fathers it is so much better when we hear from the fathers themselves

My sons essay for his college was about his father his hero..so Dad's are the first heroes in any childs lives

Thanks again

surely, will do. i am collecting all my thoughts, going back memory lane and will certainly write again, with lot more detail.

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Tia.0

@Tia.0

Sparkler

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

Sabita, I am not surprised to see that we both picked the same thread of thought watching the episode. We tend to think alike. Again, excellent points by the way.

I agree with Mr. Das that father, or for that matter, parents's role evolve as their child grows up.

The other day I was reading an article by a Child Psychologist which one of my friends shared. The psychologist was saying that the biggest problem in parenting is lack of transition as the child grow older.

As Mr. Das rightly pointed out, when one's child is a baby, parent needs to be the caretaker. From feeding them, bathing them, clothing them etc. they basically have to keep the baby alive by providing everything a baby needs.

As the baby grows up, the life supporting helps tend to reduce. The child can eat on his/her own now, can probably wear his/her shoes and walk on his/her own. Parents are still parenting but not as a caretaker.

When kids become teenager, parents start to evolve as friends. Because that comfort level is needed during tough years of puberty so that they can share their fears, insecurity and concerns with their parents openly. Though at times parenting strict rules still required, but teenager are given generally more freedom.

As the children become adult, parents becomes more of a supporting role in their life. They are there to help and to give advice or to fall back on in tough times. But the children have to live their own lives, make their own mistakes, build their own experiences now.

Problem with Ishwari is that she did not evolve.

And problem with Bijoy is that he lost his trust on Sonakshi's judgement when it comes to Dev just like she had lost her trust in Dev.

Dev on the other hand is a guardian of someone else's child. Even though Golu's parents are at best negligent, at worst careless, they are still his parents.

In Christianity, there is a concept of Godparents. They are decided in case the parents can't care for the child for whatever reason (death, accident etc.), the responsibility of the child falls on the Godparents who are responsible for the child's upbringing.

Here Dev seems to be playing the role of an unofficial Godfather and has taken up the Guardian responsibility. But that responsibility comes with a price. Guardian is not there only to spoil the kid, but also teach them from right or wrong. It was a small glimpse today. But the lesson Golu got is not the lesson you want to give to a child.

Edited by tia.o - 8 years ago

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sona_naksh

@sona_naksh

Sparkler

+ 2

Posted: 8 years ago

awesum post sabita ...as much as motherhood is talked abt ...fatherhood is a neglected topic ...although for a child father is as important as a mother

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havima

@havima

Voyager

Posted: 8 years ago

Gemini i had mixed emotions reading the title. Lets just say tht my experience isnt worth mentioning as a kid or a teenager. I was a rebel nd a go getter which doesnt sit well with him till date. He is happy abt our achievements(me nd my sis) only if some outsider praises us.

In total contrast my husband is setting fatherhood goals nd my girls are closer to him thn me. Even my cousins consider him as the best. In their own words thy say "we wish we get him as a father in our nxt birth". He is indulgent friendly has lots of patience in talking nd listening nd always goes to the root cause of any problem nd analyse them in 360 degree perspective. Have learnt a lot frm him in the last 15 yrs. Only negative point on him is he stopped me frm working as he was very possessive nd protective abt me. Maybe he is insecure cos of my rebellious nature😛.

Will discuss this thread with him nd appreciate his parental efforts once he arrives

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gemini54

@gemini54

Voyager

Posted: 8 years ago

Havima first of all hugs I did not intend for this topic to bring out mixed emotions but just as a topic to discuss how fathers do shape our lives whether it is good or bad.

I applaud your husband for setting goals we need more like him

Thanks for replying

Originally posted by: havima
Gemini i had mixed emotions reading the title. Lets just say tht my experience isnt worth mentioning as a kid or a teenager. I was a rebel nd a go getter which doesnt sit well with him till date. He is happy abt our achievements(me nd my sis) only if some outsider praises us.
In total contrast my husband is setting fatherhood goals nd my girls are closer to him thn me. Even my cousins consider him as the best. In their own words thy say "we wish we get him as a father in our nxt birth". He is indulgent friendly has lots of patience in talking nd listening nd always goes to the root cause of any problem nd analyse them in 360 degree perspective. Have learnt a lot frm him in the last 15 yrs. Only negative point on him is he stopped me frm working as he was very possessive nd protective abt me. Maybe he is insecure cos of my rebellious nature😛.

Will discuss this thread with him nd appreciate his parental efforts once he arrives

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havima

@havima

Voyager

Posted: 8 years ago

#10

Oh no. Dont be. Hve reached a place where i can see atleast 180 degree of ppl's perspective( hubby rubbing on me). Now tht we r parents be it motherhood or fatherhood i ve started applying this quote in my life 'children come thru u nt fr u', hence trying my utmost level to hear my kids out before passing advise or have discussions though i loose it much earlier thn my husband.

Any points to hve more patience is welcome frm u ppl😊

Havima first of all hugs I did not intend for this topic to bring out mixed emotions but just as a topic to discuss how fathers do shape our lives whether it is good or bad.

I applaud your husband for setting goals we need more like him

Thanks for replying

Originally posted by: havima
Gemini i had mixed emotions reading the title. Lets just say tht my experience isnt worth mentioning as a kid or a teenager. I was a rebel nd a go getter which doesnt sit well with him till date. He is happy abt our achievements(me nd my sis) only if some outsider praises us.
In total contrast my husband is setting fatherhood goals nd my girls are closer to him thn me. Even my cousins consider him as the best. In their own words thy say "we wish we get him as a father in our nxt birth". He is indulgent friendly has lots of patience in talking nd listening nd always goes to the root cause of any problem nd analyse them in 360 degree perspective. Have learnt a lot frm him in the last 15 yrs. Only negative point on him is he stopped me frm working as he was very possessive nd protective abt me. Maybe he is insecure cos of my rebellious nature😛.

Will discuss this thread with him nd appreciate his parental efforts once he arrives

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