ff: ''a many splendoured thing', update pg. 102 - Page 73

if it had not been the onset of winter, prem would probably have been happy spending all night in that same spot. but the corner of his mind that was still alert was nagging at him for the brutal welcome he had just delivered to his beloved. even then, it was not clear that he would have listened if he hadn't felt heer's hand suddenly slipping down from his hair, and the movement of her lips stilling on his.

prem jerked upward, suddenly clear-headed and getting back to feeling horrified. ''heer, you are hurt. and i'm...'' he shook his head, and stood, lifting her up in his arms.

heer tried to protest. she felt like she would have been happy there, on the ground, cradled in his arms. ''no, no, prem,'' she said, sincerity shining through even though her voice sounded thready. ''i'm fine.'' she frowned as she tried to link her fingers together around his neck and failed. ''only.. my hands don't seem to be working just now.''

she peered at him, her eyes, large in her white face, adding to the air of fragility around her. ''it could be tiredness. or!'' she said triumphantly, ''it could be jet-lag, no? i've been on a million flights since yesterday, prem. france is not so well connected to the rest of the world, did you know? why don't they allow more private airlines is something i don't understand at all, prem. things wouldn't be so expensive, then, would they?'' she chatted as he carried her through the little side door, and through to the restroom in the office.

''prem, this is the women's room.'' heer's eyes grew round. ''you can't be here.''

prem would have been amused if he wasn't so worried. ''yes, darling, i know. i just want to see how badly you are hurt. and i don't want you to have to go up to my bathroom to find out.'' he explained carefully as he made her sit on the marble ledge around the basin, before reaching over to switch on the lights.

she remained pliant when he struggled to take off her overcoat. but she snuggled against his chest when he put his arm around her shoulders to support her, while he soaked a washcloth.

focus, prem, focus! he shook his head, and tilted her face back, gently wiping the blood off. it was a cut, long and a little jagged. but as he peered closely at it, he could see that it was not deep. relief flooded him just seconds before his senses got hijacked by heer who chose that moment to kiss him on his jaw. his eyes closed, soaking it in, for a moment. then his eyes flew open -- he had to make sure she was okay!

''heer.'' she frowned. why was prem groaning? was he not happy to see her? was something wrong? he had kissed back so sweetly when she first kissed him. but now..? she went still, the haze in her brain suddenly vanishing. she had been gone for a long time. she had been so focussed on finding out what she herself was about -- maybe she had forgotten how to understand prem. what the look in his eye meant. what his touch meant.

her head hurt now, the dull ache starting from the base of her skull, overriding the sharp sting on her forehead.

prem saw her eyes grow quiet a second before they were shaded by her eyelids. he sighed. he slid a finger under her chin, tightening his hold around her shoulders, gently forcing her face up to look at him. there was a dull red in her pale cheeks now. prem thought he had a fair clue about what was going on in her mind just now.

''heer, i need to make sure you are not badly hurt first, darling.''

first? and what came second, she wondered, suddenly realising that prem groaning was not necessarily a bad thing. but she still wouldn't look at him.

''heer.'' he leant forward to brush a kiss on one eyelid. ''look at me.'' and then the next. ''please?'' this was whispered against her lips and she had to look at him.

up close, she could see the way his iris was almost the same colour all through. how it was so dark that if she looked long enough, she would forget there was a beginning or an end to the depth of his eyes. there was only those eyes. and as had been the case that night so so very long ago, when he had come to her to tell her he loved her, now, forever and always, there was nothing but truth to be read in those eyes. that his heart was hers then, as it was now. and as it would be till the end of time. whether they lived, or not. whether they were, or were not. prem's heart was hers.

she had not needed words that night. and she did not need them tonight either. the truth was so clearly in his eyes, the same as it had been that night.

despite the thunderous beat of her heart that was almost making her chest hurt, or the tears that threatened to well up in her eyes, heer's lips tilted slightly, as she realised one last thing: when she had left him, she had understood so little. she had been uncertain about so many things.

except him. even in those moments of utter confusion, she had always been sure of him. and she was not going to change feeling like that about him just now. there was no need.

prem felt his breath catch in his throat, so bewitched was he by that wry little smile, so unexpected and so at odds by the quiet desperation that he thought he had seen just a little while ago.

''heer?'' she watched his forehead crinkle as his brows drew together over his eyes. she noticed that they cast a longer shadow over his cheeks, and wanted badly to smooth her fingers over them -- she wanted to know whether they actually felt the same way they did in her dreams.

he saw her eyes turn dreamy as they moved along the line of his cheekbones. he felt her gaze like a physical touch, and wanted to drown in the feeling. but first things first.

he curved his hand along her cheek, cradling her face, and asked again, his voice turning gently persistent, ''heer?'' his thumb moved along the corner of her mouth, rubbing against the tilted corner of her lips. for some reason, he knew it was very important to know the reason for that tip-tilted smile.

she heard his voice. there was an entire question in the way he said her name. but she ignored him. she was on another quest as her fingers lifted slowly and finally ran her fingertips delicately along the line of his cheekbones. so soft. and then along his jaw. so strong. just like she remembered from her dreams.

prem felt his legs sag when he felt her hands moving from his face into his hair. for a moment, he had this surreal feeling that he was in an alternative universe. was this really happening?

he tried to remember how his day had started. he had woken up in another city. he remembered the long flight back home. he remembered preparing for a board meeting the next day. and then, sliding into a pool of longing and need for heer like he always did, at the end of the night. and then? then what happened? everything became hazy from that point.

he had gone to the terrace, prem remembered. there had been that song. and then? he thought there had been an intruder. and the intruder had become heer.

was he hallucinating again? he shook his head. did hallucinations run for this long? he could feel her fingers in his hair -- like he did in his dreams. he could feel face lay along his -- like from his memories. and prem gave up thinking when soft came her lips against his. sensory overload, from the present or memories of the past? he really did not care. he thought he could live happy if memories felt this warm, as soft, and as real as what he held in his arms just then.

prem gasped as he felt a sharp nip on his cheek. ''what...?'' he drew back, his eyes, wide, dark and dazed to see heer's face peering quizzically up at him.

''sorry.'' a contrite look took over in her eyes as she rubbed the skin that she had just bitten. ''but i'm not a hallucination, prem.''

prem's mouth twisted wryly. ''no. it would appear that today you are not.'' he drew back, all the while keeping his arms firmly around her. '' although you have been for the longest time.''

he pulled her closer to him, still supported on the basin ledge. and felt the mists of the surreal universe get dispelled by the feel of her arms tightening around him. this was real. it was not a hallucination.

''weren't you in france to do an art course?'' he was growing more puzzled as he did the mental check on all the facts that he knew.

when she nodded, grimacing a little at the ache, he said, ''we should get you some painkillers for that, i think.'' and then continued, without missing a beat, ''it has not been a year. so the course is not yet over. you can't have been wanting warm weather. because there's been a cold spell going on here, just as it has been across the ocean.''

heer nodded again, smiling as she listened to prem listing facts, her father would have liked prem so much.

it was prem's turn to become quizzical as he looked at heer and asked, ''heer. what are you doing here?''

heer's face split into a wide smile, and prem's world went topsy-turvy again. ''i need to show you something.''

he wanted to get a doctor to look at her cut. he would drive her to one if she did not want to rouse the household, he said. but she was firm on that one. the cut had stopped bleeding. he instisted on checking it again to make sure it was not deep. he winced to see the darkening skin that was already forming around it. she would have a whopper of a bruise when she met the family. he worried about the stories that were going to get started again now that she was here. she couldn't wait for anything other than showing him what she had for him.

she wanted to go back out to the garden with him to pick them up. but he was firm on that one. so she sat and tried not to be impatient as he locked up the gate, and brought in her package and her portfolio bag.

he thought that at the least, he should carry her upto the den in his arms. but she was firm on that one. she wanted him to see what she had got without any delay. he had to content himself with having her walk a little ahead of him, while he carried her precious package.

prem was still adjusting to a reality where heer was actually in front of him to wonder much about what she thought was so important for him to see that she left her art course mid-way to come to him. he obediently carried the package into the den, and lay it on the table for her.

he tried to insist that he hold her while she unwrapped the package. but she was so sweet when she told him it was a surprise that he was content to sit and wait in his father's old armanchair, and watch her struggle with the wrappings from there. when she turned to gesture him to come to the table, prem remained sitting where he was, with a slightly goofy grin on his face.

heer went to him, her hands gently raising his face to hers. ''prem?''

''i still can't believe you are here.'' she could hear the echos of those long nights and empty days he had gone through in that quiet voice, and felt a lump in her throat. she hoped that what she had to show him was worth all that emptiness. she hoped that it was all worth it.

wordlessly, she took his hand and led him to the table.

the package she had unwrapped was a painting. it was a , full portrait of his mother. gayatri as she had been on the night of the unveiling of the cathedral's plans. in the portrait she was seated. she had a regal air about her, and prem realised suddenly that his mother always did. gayatri juneja never slouched, never looked beaten. she looked like she could take on the world, and would emerge victorious. not in a loudly triumphant way, but with grace and kindess and a smile. prem felt startled. he had known his mother all his life. and yet, it had taken this painting to realise how special she was.

''heer, this is marvellous. i had never thought of maa..'' prem's eyes were wandering slowly over the canvas, glowing with the light and colours of the portrait, as he spoke, his voice hushed and slow. but that voice died out, abruptly as if he were strangled, when his eyes fell on the bottom right hand corner of the painting.

and prem went still.

he stared. he stood at the edge of the painting, his arms braced on either side of the portrait, bent and rigid. he looked like he had been carved out of stone, so ridigly did he stand.

heer, suddenly nervous, started babbling to fill in the empty space of silence that started from prem and was rushing to swamp the room. ''i was wondering... this den doesn't have any pictures of your parents and when i was ... i thought that you -- well, all of you -- might like it to have a portrait of your mother above the fireplace. there was nothing... ''

she could not take it any more. the adrenaline rush of that first meeting was draining away. fast. she was tired, so tired that she was beginning to sway on her feet. she really did have to run for several connections before she had landed in his city. and then she had to run when the taxi wouldn't go fast enough. and then she had taken a fall. and had a bump on her head, that had been a dull ache before when prem had held her, was throbbing now. she needed to have him hold her again.

she moved to his side, her hand trembling as she timidly reached to tug at his sleeve.

''prem?'' she hated that her voice was wobbly, or that there was a hint of the tears that she could feel begin to start in her eyes. but she could not help it. she had spent all of the last eight months away from what she had discovered was part of her soul. it had been tiring, and if he did not mind, she did not want to stay away any more. but she had to tell him that. and she needed to have him understand what she knew now.

''prem.'' she wanted to sob, and instead started sniffling against the unwanted tears spilling from her eyes.

when suddenly prem looked up at her, and time, the world, everything stopped for heer when she saw his look. those deep dark eyes. she had seen them look intent and fierce. she had seen them helpless and drowsy with desire. she had seen worry there, thoughtfullness, frowns and laughter.

but she had never quite seen this look before. she had never seen a look like that in any man's eyes before. it was a basic look, primal -- of ownership??? he looked almost neanderthal, and that look started a blaze in her own heart that rushed like a bushfire, destroying all those feelings of tiredness, of pain. she was his. all his. he did own her. just as she owned him. there was nothing either of them could do about it. that was all that could be said, all that could be done. and she was content with that.

she could hear nothing but the loud harsh beat of her heart. she could see nothing but that look in his eyes. and soon, she could touch and feel nothing but him. in the fierceness with which his arms grabbed her and crushed her to him. or the headiness with which his mouth drank from hers. she sank into him, giving up everything to him. and he took it all.

in a world that was exploding with feeling around her, heer had a brief moment of sane thoughts when prem broke away from her to sweep her up before striding out of the den with her locked up in his arms.

that what she had to show him was indeed worth it. that what he had seen had pleased him.

she thought it was a pity that she did not have all the time in the world to enjoy and savour feeling a happiness that was greater than anything that she had ever felt before.

but as prem took over her senses again, the last thought she had was: then again, maybe it was not such a pity after all.