The Auction: A Tribute to the Forum! [29/4]

The Auction

The auditorium was filled with chairs, chatters and over a hundred excited fangirls, all awaiting their chance to bid for their favourite character from their favourite TV show, the one and only, Kis Desh Mein Hai Meraa Dil.

Bhavna stood at the podium, watching the girls. There was an amused expression on her face. She couldn't believe she had managed to arrange the gentlemen's auctions. She couldn't believe their wives had actually volunteered their husbands!

They stood at the back of the auditorium now, the five of them, pretty maids all in a row: Meher, Heer, Kulraaj, Veera and Maya. Like Bhav, they were all wondering how the night would turn out.

Bhav disappeared behind the heavy red velvet curtain, wondering why the curtains were so heavy. She emerged a moment later, a giddy smile on her face. The men were ready. (Although she needed a moment to compose herself again, before she broke out into giddy giggles.)

She cleared her throat. She tapped the microphone. All eyes turned to her, and she found herself suddenly feeling very nervous.

She smiled nervously. "Good evening, ladies! How are we all doing this evening?" There was a soft murmur. "Welcome to the first ever Gentlemen's Auction! Today we hope to raise enough funds to build a world-class laboratory for the research of a little-known disease that has struck a lot of you, EPE/EPHE. Now, I hope you're all ready to see the five gentlemen that you can bid for a date with?" This time she was greeted with loud cheers and fangirl screams. She grinned. A part of her wished she was doing the bidding as well, but down there, she wouldn't be this close to the five men.

"Well then, without much ado, let's bring on the men!"

Right on cue, Geri Halliwell's song It's Raining Men began playing, and Bhav looked around, frowning. She hadn't remembered this song in the programme. Well, that didn't matter very much, because it was apt and the curtain was pulling apart and out emerged Prem Juneja, dressed in a white kurta with the sleeves rolled up. There was a shy smile on his face. He wasn't used to this much attention.

The auditorium erupted into screams so loud that Bhav glanced up, half afraid the roof would come crashing down. Nonetheless, the excitement was getting to her.

"First up, we have someone who needs absolutely no introduction, Mister Prem Juneja! Hopelessly devoted to his wife, Prem is a family man. He loves spending time with his niece and nephews, and secretly longs for kids of his own!" (Both Heer and Prem turned bright red. Prem glared at Bhav, who obliviously carried on, a bright smile on her face.) "Prem is a closet romantic, and you will most definitely have a blast on a date with this man! Shall we start the bidding at, say $100?"

The numbers rose so quickly Bhav couldn't even process them.

"$500!"

"$700!"

"One thousand and two hundred!"

It was turning into nothing short of chaos. Suddenly someone stood up on a chair, put two fingers to her mouth and let out a loud, shrill whistle. All eyes turned to her. Bhav squinted, trying to see who it was. SHIFALI?!

"Alright everyone, I'm the Moderator, so I get him!" she announced, hands on her hips and a smug smile on her face.

There was a moment of silence. Then the auditorium broke into roars of disagreement, choruses of people giving absurd reasons as to why they should get Prem.

Prem looked at Bhav, his eyes wide, wondering what the hell was going on. Bhav merely shrugged. "That's what you do to them. EPE, remember?"

Prem nodded slowly, processing the information. "So…how come you're not affected by me?"

Bhav smiled. "Well, you have amazing eyes and a yummy smile" (Prem looked rather uncomfortable by her usage of the word 'yummy') "and your arms, oooh! But everyone knows I have a thing for Preet. Excuse me, please." She turned back to the auditorium. "Alright, everybody SHUT UP."

The auditorium fell into instant silence. The ladies froze, some of them holding chairs over their heads, others using their handbags menacingly.

"Now, put whatever you're holding down, and sit down, SLOWLY."

They did as she instructed.

Relieved, Bhav carried on. "Now. The highest bidder will get him. We will go one at a time, so raise your hands to bid." Bhav loved this position. It made her feel important, and she liked feeling important.

The bids proceeded in a much more civilized manner. The eventual winner was Estee, First Member of the IHP, 'where drooling is our birthright', with a bid of $10, 700.33. In a dazed amazement at the price he was worth, Prem retreated backstage, amidst a soundtrack of sobbing girls and broken hearts.

"Right. One down, four more to go! Let's bring out the next man, Preet Juneja!"

Preet sauntered out onto the stage, to the song Maa Da Laadla, dressed (as always) in a black shirt with purple stripes and jeans, the top few buttons of his shirt undone. As Bhav frowned and flipped through her notes, sure that she had selected Bachna Ae Haseeno for him, Preet began dancing, and the ladies cheered.

All of a sudden, Bhav's notes fell as Preet pulled her away from her podium and began dancing with her. She was in a state of total shock, and merely stared at him with a slightly slack jaw and a dazed expression. Preet spun her back to her podium. Bhav stood there in shock for a moment, then dissolved into giggles, repeating "Preet danced with me!" over and over and over again.

Preet danced on, oblivious to the lack of introduction for him. The audience screamed, fuelling his energetic movements.

In the audience, Aradhna noted that her best friend wasn't doing anything. With a roll of her eyes, she raced to the podium and bumped Bhav aside, taking over.

"Here we have Preet Juneja, everyone! Witty, flirty, cheeky, charming and with a smile that can light up a room, Preet is also immensely devoted to his wife, with whom he is in love with, only he doesn't know it yet!" (Preet stopped dancing and turned to the podium. "What?!" Radz winked at him.) "With his boyish charm and dashing good looks, the lucky lady with the winning bid will most certainly have a night she will never, ever, EVER forget!"

Radz turned to the still-giggling Bhav. "By the way," she said, loud enough for only Bhav to hear, "I changed the songs."

What she said had the intended effect of startling Bhav out of her giddy stupor. Bhav narrowed her eyes at Radz. "You WHAT?!"

Radz smiled sweetly at her. "Start the bidding! And you're welcome!" With that, she danced off the stage, leaving a rather annoyed Bhav alone at the podium again. Bhav scooped up her notes and rearranged them.

"Alright, let's start the bidding for Preet Juneja at…$500!" (Bhav secretly wished she could bid for Preet. The possibility of having a date with Preet made her giddy again.)

"$700!" someone shouted from the back.

"One thousand!" another one called out.

One by one the numbers rose higher until finally only three bidders were left: Maddy, Shabz and Nonee. Within moments Shabz and Nonee had outbid Maddy. She slumped down in her chair, pouting. She couldn't believe $3400 hadn't been enough.

Shabz and Nonee were the last ones standing. Bhav half-watched them fighting it out, each trying to outbid the other for a weekend with Preet. (The other half of her was busy gazing at Preet. He's so dreamy, she thought with a giddy smile.)

"$4000!" Shabz shot.

"$4200!" Nonee shot back.

"$4500!" Shabz announced.

"Five thousand!" Nonee all but screamed.

Shabz panicked. She had no money left. She looked around, desperate. Spotting a wad of cash in the lap of the unfortunate girl beside her (who just happened to be Radz), she grabbed it and counted it quickly.

"Ten thousand and forty-seven dollars!" she announced triumphantly.

Nonee stared at her with indignation. With a 'hmph!' she sat back down, folding her arms impetuously.

"$10, 047! Do we have any more bids? No? $10, 047 going once, going twice, Shabz, you've got yourself a date!" Bhav said, trying to keep the pep in her voice even as she mentally threw stale cupcakes at Shabz, envious of her. Why couldn't she bid?

Shabz squealed and jumped up and down, hugging herself. On either side of her, Radz and Nonee glared at her.

Preet bowed and winked at Shabz, causing her to swoon. He withdrew backstage, muttering "I am not in love with Meher" to Bhav as he passed her. She scowled back at him.

"Moving on, we've got yet a devoted daddy and cool husband, Kiran…uh…" Bhav flipped through her notes, wondering what Kiran's surname was. "Kiran!" she gave up.

Kiran emerged from backstage, the only guy Bhav knew who could pull off a salmon pink shirt and black pants, catwalking to Biwi Number 1. His hands were in his pockets, and he walked with an easy manner. He waved, stopping at the edge of the stage for Bhav to give her introduction on him.

"Kiran is the father of three absolutely adorable kids. Even after years of marriage, he and Kul Di manage to keep their marriage fresh by flirting with each other. Awww! He may not be the best cook, but he does indeed love the kitchen. He guarantees you a wonderful home-cooked meal!" (Kiran turned to Bhav, a puzzled look on his face. "What?!") "So who's ready to bid?"

"$700!" someone from the back called out.

"$3400!" Maddy tried.

In one corner, two girls were huddled in whispers, discussing…something. As Bhav began to close the bid, the two girls – Meera and Ravjot, as Bhav eventually figured out – jumped up: "$9800!"

Without a moment's hesitation Bhav closed the bid. "Done! Meera and Ravz, you have won yourselves a date with Kiran!"

The two girls giggled and sank back down into their seats. Kiran waved and headed backstage. Bhav eyed Meera and Ravz cautiously, wondering what they had planned. Oh well, that was for Kiran to suffer.

"Next up, we have a man who has put up with a lot of crap, Nihaal Maan!"

The curtains parted again and Nihaal emerged, blinded by the spotlights and wholly reluctant to be there. Shielding his eyes, he slowly walked to the edge of the stage, surprised that people were cheering for him.

"Nihaal is devoted and patient, putting up with Vitchface – I mean, Veera –" (At the back of the hall, Veera folded her arms, fuming) "and all her insane demands. We've all seen how…hot…he is without his shirt on, and we all also know how sweet he is to tolerate her, and I'm sure we're all dying to give him a break from Vitchface – I mean…oh, heck, I'm callin' her Vitchface and ain't nothing you can do about it! Who wants to start the bidding?" Bhav looked out into the audience, one eyebrow raised.

"$200!"

The bids slowly rose, stagnating around the $1000 range.

Radz sighed, arms folded, sulking. Thanks to Shabz she now effectively couldn't bid anymore. She'd been looking forward to a date with Nihaal. She glanced at Shabz, who was still high over winning a date with Preet. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a $50-note. She sighed again. There was no way she could bid for anyone now.

Maddy looked around, wondering why no one was going over $1200. Her face lit up in realization. She jumped out of her chair, brandishing her $3400 proudly. "Three thousand and four hundred dollars!"

Feeling bad for Maddy, Bhav closed the bid. "Sold!"

Veera glared at Maddy. "I didn't think he'd be worth so much," Maya whispered to her.

"If only I could get my hands on that money," Veera replied wistfully.

"Did you say something?" Kulraaj asked, glancing at her.

Veera forced a smile. "Uh, ji, nahin, Di."

Back on stage, the curtains were parting for the final time.

"Finally, we have Harman Juneja!" Bhav announced as Harman made his way onstage. The auditorium fell silent. Harman stopped, suddenly feeling very self-conscious. Bhav glanced at him and rolled her eyes. "Go!" she hissed.

Harman carried on as Bhav began her introduction.

"Well, Harman doesn't have too good a reputation with the ladies, considering he left Meher and got married to the Shrimp…Oops. Heh. Maya. He got married to Maya." (If looks could kill, Maya would've killed Bhav by now. Harman merely snickered.) "So he left Meher (thank God for that!) and married…Maya…What was I saying?" Bhav flipped through her notes, confused. "Oh, yeah! So Harman doesn't have a very good reputation with the ladies, but he loves his family unconditionally. And he has a nice smile." She looked up at the audience. "Shall we start the bidding at $300?"

The only sound in the auditorium was Shaadi Kar Ke Phas Gaya. Harman and Bhav looked at each other.

"Um, anyone?" Bhav asked.

"Fine. $500," came a voice from the back.

Bhav squinted. "Sorry, Maya, but wives can't bid." Maya shrugged apathetically. "So we have…no bids for Harman?"

There was more silence.

"$50?" Radz tried, raising her hand.

"$50! Do we have anymore bids? No? $50 going once, $50 going twice, sold!"

Harman felt rather embarrassed. He shuffled backstage, knowing he was going to be teased mercilessly by his brothers.

Bhav stacked up her notes. "Well, ladies, I hope you've had an enjoyable night! Congratulations to those of you with winning bids! Thanks to you, we managed to raise $33, 997.40, all of which will go towards building a brand new laboratory for the research of EPE/EPHE. Congratulations and thank you for helping make the first ever Gentlemen's Auction a huge success! Please help yourselves to the mini cupcakes on the way out, and remember to stay on for the reception! Goodnight!" With that, Bhav left the stage, feeling rather accomplished.

-|end|-

Heh. Okay. So yes, that was rather silly, wasn't it? Nonetheless, I hope you had a good laugh! 😳 I'm so sorry for leaving people out of this, but know that you guys make up the rest of the audience!

I'm sure you guys would love to know how the dates go/went, right? Heh. So I've got two options for that: 1. I can list down what happened briefly, which will be much easier for me; or 2. I write out each part, which will probably kill me because I've been stuck on Prem and Estee's date for a very long time now. But if you guys insist, I shall try my best to write them out! So, vote! Also, if I do post each date individually, I cannot promise that updates will be consistent. Heh.

Anyway, hope you guys liked it! 😳 Comments and criticisms are always welcome!

Love,

Bhav (: