Posted:
there's something to be said for deadlines that will not give you the luxury of time. remarkably, my group have accepted my wednesday-8pm fidgets. in fact, one of them even let me borrow his car, under various promises that i would be boiled like the toe of frog that macbeth's witches put into their brew, if i got even a suspicion of a scratch on it anywhere. poor guy, how was he to know the show i was going to see today. the car did get back pristine pure and untouched. but not so me. not so my head. and that was not something to burden my in-the-end kind group with. those were secrets for me to know and keep, under cover and trembling, till i got here. to write today's bt,lt. for my forum. my sanctuary. my thrill haven. my weeping ground.
were there little things today? p'rhaps. but somehow... all those things, placed around the pathos of prem's panic, and the purity of his perfectly human love, and everything got magnified to a big thing. every little word. every little shrug. every longing look. every sigh - everything was big today. where do i start? what do i remember first? of course, prem's escalating fear that what he dreamt is coming true... that he will lose heer to some terrible accident..
* big thing: prem has never been hysterical about anything before. but about heer. anything to do with heer and he goes ballistic. you don't even get to see the path he takes to go ballistic! one second he's calm and peaceful. the next, he's stratospheric. remember when his secretary called and told him that preeto's last name was chabbaria? the leaps he made! calm prem. thinking prem. becomes insulted prem! offended prem! have-to-tell-heer-immediately-of-this-unbearable-hurt prem! fiery prem!
today, too, he loses all control. it's only because he knows heer is still at home, safe and sound, that he can hold on to some sanity when the secretary calling him in to the meeting. and how -- level-headed, business-man prem who is looking out for his baby brother's future happiness two days before his own wedding, that prem! -- is unable to really concentrate on what he used to think important now. his friend laughs at him for being there. prem can handle that. what he can't handle is the need to know where heer is. the need to know she is okay. he is constantly fingering his phone, as if there is a constant echo in his head: "make the call. keep her on the line. make the call."
* big thing: heer is so polite. but she is that way. has always been so. accepting to the point of being a carpet over which people walk. how many times have we seen this accepting-any-poop side of heer? the only person who she doesn't accept that from is... prem. *sigh* 'cause he's her prem. with whom she can be whatever she wants, without thought, without any consideration of what "people will accept". heer... she just can't say no. i have a feeling that of all the things that make heer, this is the first thing that will go.
(is it odd that i can't remember what the heck kooky said at this point? i really don't...)
* big thing: did anyone else think of a caged lion being set free the moment prem walks out of the office? i did. after which, the only thing that the lion does is... roar. from fear. from the pain in his heart. the imagined pain that he knows he will feel when there's a hole there. the hole from not having heer alive.
and y'know what i thought of at that sight, and the sound of prem's panic? i thought of this forum. seriously. of how there have been posts, panicking, imagining the worst, of not giving any good possibility a chance to exist. it's really weird how this forum is so deeply woven- at some level - into the story of prem-heer, for me.
'cause that was what prem was doing -- panic escalating at not being there, not knowing. i am ashamed to say that i was muttering under my breath "stooopid, stoooopid guy. why did you leave? why did you leave her there??" (sorry. i thought it was a darned sight better than what my friends were doing -- silently weeping big big tears, sitting on either side of me.)
* big thing: i have to say this -- this show has been an incredible showcasing of hc's talent. i'm not kidding. this crew, this team is in love with hc. i remember thinking that vividly on the day "prem finds heer's dead body" - that entire day was just a poem to hc's acting skills. as it was again, today. they gave it all -- story, situation, everything -- to prem today. what struck me as brilliantly remarkable was the difference of style and quality of how they did it between that day and today. that day, there were closeups. we could see every tremble in his lips. hear every break in his voice. today, there were no closeups. the camera was high above him -- they were displaying the whole package: the way his feet moved in a focussed way with no goal! the way his entire body was as tense as a finely tuned guitar string. the way his face was frozen in a fury driven by fear and panic both! those eyes of helpless fire! those taut fingers stabbing helplessly at nothing ! if heer had been there in front of him today, she would've been black and blue all over. for sure! his face! when he collapses at the sound of the child screaming and the firecrackers bursting! it was like he is dead - struck by a heart-attack on the spot.
but best of all, there was his voice. his out of control voice. it was not like the out of control voice of his confession day. there heer was in front of him, his love for her fighting with his sense of propriety. today, it was his helplessness - that he could hear her, tell her things - but that she was not obeying him. that she was walking right into something that he sees as ending in her being hurt, worse dead. walking into a life where he has no heer -- and he has no control! his voice was brilliant. when heer's voice comes crackling back on the phone, his voice -- he has no voice at first! he has to try more than once to get something out. and when he does, it's back to being a roaring lion. only the quality of that roar is a little different -- there is relief, so immense that it can be heard over the sound of the entire street, the whole city. it's just as harsh, - of course it has to be! he can't let heer know that he has died and just come back to life. he can't let her keep roaming around the city -- she has to go back home and be safe from anything that he might not have dreamed.
poor prem. and his poor heer. poor darlings. these two have just rushed from difficult situation to difficult situation. swamped with ridiculous parents and their idiotic advice. intrustive siblings with their idiotic problems. maggotty far-off relatives, and innocent bothersome children. poor darlings. perfect for each other. and stuck in the wrong story... 😭
* big thing: prem roaming aimlessly in the city, catching his breath and his mind back. what a perfectly understandable thing to do... but ultimately also eating away precious time from the clock in my frantic mind where i'd already begun to count down some intangible prem-heer-time left to me...
and so, i come to my biggest thing today -- this show, what we saw today, was incredible in what really happens when resentful people seeks to destroy a society made up of the life of millions and millions of people, some ordinary, some extra-ordinary, all infinitely precious... we never expect to be hurt by any single disaster, do we? 'cause each of these are totally random! and random things never happen to us, does it? the moment we wake up, we never expect to die that day. that's something no one ever does. not even patients who have terminal diseases. the moment we wake up, it's like the day is ours. the problem, if there is a problem, will happen tomorrow. we do today, thinking we will get to sleep at night. and then, if we wake up, we get another shot at life. at least, that's what i realised i think like. when i wake up, i don't think i might lose my mom today. i have her for today. i may lose her tomorrow. but today? she is mine.
i think today's show was all about saying that that thought is not true. 😭 it just isn't. maybe it never was. after all, even mkg** didn't think he was going to get shot the day he did. but somehow today, we are more aware of the fact that one of us may not make it before the end of the day. i'm typing my bt,lt just now - but i may not get to post it. 'cause some stooopid random thing might happen and then? all you will have are my old bt,lts to remember someone called estee.
** - mohandas karamchand gandhi
i think - below all the horror that i know i'm going to feel as they show us a bomb blast situation, behind all the pain that i will feel if we don't get to see prem again, or have a prem-heer-are-one-forever - this team is trying something incredible. and i applaud them for it. they will go back to hysterical sound tracks and poor editing and i'll curse those from the top of my voice. but to be fair, they are churning out the best love story that i've seen in years. and trying something noble too?! go kdmhmd team! they are creating a story that has me watching with my whole self, with all it's flaws, and perfections, it's happiness and sorrows. and i wouldn't have it anyother way. thank you.
(continued below -- if.com really thinks i should not do such long posts! *sigh* it's probably right....)
were there little things today? p'rhaps. but somehow... all those things, placed around the pathos of prem's panic, and the purity of his perfectly human love, and everything got magnified to a big thing. every little word. every little shrug. every longing look. every sigh - everything was big today. where do i start? what do i remember first? of course, prem's escalating fear that what he dreamt is coming true... that he will lose heer to some terrible accident..
* big thing: prem has never been hysterical about anything before. but about heer. anything to do with heer and he goes ballistic. you don't even get to see the path he takes to go ballistic! one second he's calm and peaceful. the next, he's stratospheric. remember when his secretary called and told him that preeto's last name was chabbaria? the leaps he made! calm prem. thinking prem. becomes insulted prem! offended prem! have-to-tell-heer-immediately-of-this-unbearable-hurt prem! fiery prem!
today, too, he loses all control. it's only because he knows heer is still at home, safe and sound, that he can hold on to some sanity when the secretary calling him in to the meeting. and how -- level-headed, business-man prem who is looking out for his baby brother's future happiness two days before his own wedding, that prem! -- is unable to really concentrate on what he used to think important now. his friend laughs at him for being there. prem can handle that. what he can't handle is the need to know where heer is. the need to know she is okay. he is constantly fingering his phone, as if there is a constant echo in his head: "make the call. keep her on the line. make the call."
* big thing: heer is so polite. but she is that way. has always been so. accepting to the point of being a carpet over which people walk. how many times have we seen this accepting-any-poop side of heer? the only person who she doesn't accept that from is... prem. *sigh* 'cause he's her prem. with whom she can be whatever she wants, without thought, without any consideration of what "people will accept". heer... she just can't say no. i have a feeling that of all the things that make heer, this is the first thing that will go.
(is it odd that i can't remember what the heck kooky said at this point? i really don't...)
* big thing: did anyone else think of a caged lion being set free the moment prem walks out of the office? i did. after which, the only thing that the lion does is... roar. from fear. from the pain in his heart. the imagined pain that he knows he will feel when there's a hole there. the hole from not having heer alive.
and y'know what i thought of at that sight, and the sound of prem's panic? i thought of this forum. seriously. of how there have been posts, panicking, imagining the worst, of not giving any good possibility a chance to exist. it's really weird how this forum is so deeply woven- at some level - into the story of prem-heer, for me.
'cause that was what prem was doing -- panic escalating at not being there, not knowing. i am ashamed to say that i was muttering under my breath "stooopid, stoooopid guy. why did you leave? why did you leave her there??" (sorry. i thought it was a darned sight better than what my friends were doing -- silently weeping big big tears, sitting on either side of me.)
* big thing: i have to say this -- this show has been an incredible showcasing of hc's talent. i'm not kidding. this crew, this team is in love with hc. i remember thinking that vividly on the day "prem finds heer's dead body" - that entire day was just a poem to hc's acting skills. as it was again, today. they gave it all -- story, situation, everything -- to prem today. what struck me as brilliantly remarkable was the difference of style and quality of how they did it between that day and today. that day, there were closeups. we could see every tremble in his lips. hear every break in his voice. today, there were no closeups. the camera was high above him -- they were displaying the whole package: the way his feet moved in a focussed way with no goal! the way his entire body was as tense as a finely tuned guitar string. the way his face was frozen in a fury driven by fear and panic both! those eyes of helpless fire! those taut fingers stabbing helplessly at nothing ! if heer had been there in front of him today, she would've been black and blue all over. for sure! his face! when he collapses at the sound of the child screaming and the firecrackers bursting! it was like he is dead - struck by a heart-attack on the spot.
but best of all, there was his voice. his out of control voice. it was not like the out of control voice of his confession day. there heer was in front of him, his love for her fighting with his sense of propriety. today, it was his helplessness - that he could hear her, tell her things - but that she was not obeying him. that she was walking right into something that he sees as ending in her being hurt, worse dead. walking into a life where he has no heer -- and he has no control! his voice was brilliant. when heer's voice comes crackling back on the phone, his voice -- he has no voice at first! he has to try more than once to get something out. and when he does, it's back to being a roaring lion. only the quality of that roar is a little different -- there is relief, so immense that it can be heard over the sound of the entire street, the whole city. it's just as harsh, - of course it has to be! he can't let heer know that he has died and just come back to life. he can't let her keep roaming around the city -- she has to go back home and be safe from anything that he might not have dreamed.
poor prem. and his poor heer. poor darlings. these two have just rushed from difficult situation to difficult situation. swamped with ridiculous parents and their idiotic advice. intrustive siblings with their idiotic problems. maggotty far-off relatives, and innocent bothersome children. poor darlings. perfect for each other. and stuck in the wrong story... 😭
* big thing: prem roaming aimlessly in the city, catching his breath and his mind back. what a perfectly understandable thing to do... but ultimately also eating away precious time from the clock in my frantic mind where i'd already begun to count down some intangible prem-heer-time left to me...
and so, i come to my biggest thing today -- this show, what we saw today, was incredible in what really happens when resentful people seeks to destroy a society made up of the life of millions and millions of people, some ordinary, some extra-ordinary, all infinitely precious... we never expect to be hurt by any single disaster, do we? 'cause each of these are totally random! and random things never happen to us, does it? the moment we wake up, we never expect to die that day. that's something no one ever does. not even patients who have terminal diseases. the moment we wake up, it's like the day is ours. the problem, if there is a problem, will happen tomorrow. we do today, thinking we will get to sleep at night. and then, if we wake up, we get another shot at life. at least, that's what i realised i think like. when i wake up, i don't think i might lose my mom today. i have her for today. i may lose her tomorrow. but today? she is mine.
i think today's show was all about saying that that thought is not true. 😭 it just isn't. maybe it never was. after all, even mkg** didn't think he was going to get shot the day he did. but somehow today, we are more aware of the fact that one of us may not make it before the end of the day. i'm typing my bt,lt just now - but i may not get to post it. 'cause some stooopid random thing might happen and then? all you will have are my old bt,lts to remember someone called estee.
** - mohandas karamchand gandhi
i think - below all the horror that i know i'm going to feel as they show us a bomb blast situation, behind all the pain that i will feel if we don't get to see prem again, or have a prem-heer-are-one-forever - this team is trying something incredible. and i applaud them for it. they will go back to hysterical sound tracks and poor editing and i'll curse those from the top of my voice. but to be fair, they are churning out the best love story that i've seen in years. and trying something noble too?! go kdmhmd team! they are creating a story that has me watching with my whole self, with all it's flaws, and perfections, it's happiness and sorrows. and i wouldn't have it anyother way. thank you.
(continued below -- if.com really thinks i should not do such long posts! *sigh* it's probably right....)
