Chapter 51: Broken
The idea of Prachi's condition is taken from Eli Stones (an american show). I couldn't find medical backing for it but guess the creatives of that show might have done more research than me.😆
He sat in a bench outside the hospital with his hands buried in his hair. He felt like pulling at them, maybe the action would help him release the heat inside his head. But it didn't really help. It only kept him from realizing that his fingers were shaking. She was awake now. So it was harder to pretend that she had been lying.. that what she had told him with finality had also been a lie to keep him away.. to hurt him even more than she had already. That's the only way he could understand it. She was trying to hurt him more for whatever reason. Maybe she really did hate him and he was just a fool not to realize it. And if it meant that she was going to be alright.. that what she had said was a lie then it was easier to believe that she hated him. He could live with that now. It didn't really matter that she had no reason to feel such hate. No.. all that mattered was that she was lying.. she would be ok. But he knew the truth was otherwise. She was in the room right now with Anjali explaining the nature of the damn disease that was taking her away from him. But he didn't want to know. The longer he didn't know the longer he could continue to think it wasn't true.
He felt a hesitant touch on his shoulder. He didn't want to look up.. it would be either of them.. here to break his illusion. He turned away but Anjali came and sat next to him. Her face told the tale he didn't want to hear. "Prachi wasn't lying" she said in a vacant tone just like her face was now. He couldn't remember if he had ever seen Anjali not being lively and happy. Well, he knew now just how ashen her face could look when filled with sorrow. But he wouldn't be focused on that if he had cared to listen to her explanations. Maybe he should listen, if only just to figure out a loophole, a reason to have hope... to feel that all wasn't lost, just maybe. So he paid attention. "Milind bade papa ki death accident ki vajah se nahi hui thi" Bade papa didn't die from an accident was the first sentence he heard when he was paying attention. Bade papa? Who? Inder Shah.. right. His accident.. what does that have to do with anything? "Milind the actual cause of his death was stroke. But he was driving when it happened so everyone assumed it was an accident. But the autopsy report showed that he bled in parts of his brain that weren't injured in the accident. And the doctor told us that he had a brain aneurism which was the cause of it." Somehow his lips just seemed glued together and he couldn't speak or he was sure to ask What did any of this have to do with Prachi being sick???????????? But he realized a connection was coming up somewhere. "When we found out we all got tested to see if any of his children were at risk.. because there is a genetic link for it. Prachi was the one who got to the reports first and she hid it from us..she didn't tell us.. for so many years she knew..and she told no one." He digested that and suddenly was more worried that Anjali was about to break down. But she didn't and he sighed. Maybe if she had he too would have found it hard to control himself. "But there is treatment for it" it sounded a lot like his voice but seemed like it came from outside his body. It was meant to be a statement full of surety because of the faith he vested in modern science. He could now afford to give her the best treatment in the world so that's what they'd do. Treat her.. whatever it took. But the thought wasn't comforting enough maybe because of the pained expression on Anjali's face that said that it wasn't the case. "Her's is a rare case" she said almost inaudibly. She was trying hard not to cry. "Its inoperable..it will grow till there its too weak. and then.." Milind stood up having understood what he needed to know. He heard her calling out behind him but he didn't turn and he didn't hear her follow him and he was glad. He wanted to be with Prachi.. he needed to be with her.. and there wasn't going to be room for anyone else there.
When he walked in though, it all crumbled down, the defenses he had worked so hard to put up. The moment he saw her face having lost its light, the tears still wet on her eyelids, the thought that there might be a time when he won't see her dimpled smile, that he'll have to rake his brain to remember her fragrance.. it was enough to kill him. He rushed to her side and before she could react he held her close to his chest with no intention of letting go in a century. Maybe they could just stay that way and it would all end there. She didn't move and let him hold her that way for immeasurable time. It was what she had always wanted..to be this close to him and forget everything. It was her personal heaven but how could she be at peace knowing that he was tormented by the thought of loosing her. She tried extricating herself but he wasn't ready just yet. So she stayed in his arms, both of them silent, till his hold slackened and she could hear his heart beating more regularly. "Kuch nahi hone doonga tujhe" I won't let anything happen to you he whispered. And she pushed him away just slightly. This was no good. He should have never found out but now that he had he had to accept it. "Milind aap kuch nahi kar sakte mere liye. Koi kuch nahi kar sakta" you can't do anything for me, no one can do anything. she said slowly stressing each word. "Meri zindagi ki sabse badi chahat ho aap Milind. Agar koi chaara hota toh apne sapno se iss tarah peecha nahi chuda rahi hoti mein." You are the greatest desire of my life. If there was any hope i wouldn't have given up on living my dreams. He wasn't listening properly. He had that stubborn-child expression of his on the face and she could tell he would argue even after knowing that his argument wasn't valid. "Naamumkin toh kuch bhi nahi hota Prachi. nothing is impossible.There has to be something we can do and I'll make sure we do it" he had said what she had anticipated. "Yes, there is something we can do. We can make me a vegetable.. one who doesn't move, eat, or live..one who can't feel..one who can't love. Yes we can do that much" she said more sharply than she had intended and he was taken aback. "Mein har koshish kar chuki hoon, Milind" I've tried everything Milind her voice was back to its normal tenderness. "Jab se pata chala hai..ek saal tak har doctor aur specialiast ke paas gayi hoon mein. For a whole year after finding out i've seen every doctor and specialist.I did my own research. But nothing, no doctor can guarantee that after an operation I'll be myself. The Prachi that I am today. I don't want to be counted among the living when I am unable to live Milind." He just stared at her speechless. Why was she crushing any hope he was trying to grab onto. She could just allow him to hope instead couldn't she. "I am not going to stop trying" he said still in his stubborn mood. She realized there was no use talking to him right now. He wasn't listening. Maybe it would take time for him to understand what she was saying. "Milind.." she touched his face still wondering if he was really there in front of her. She took in every detail of his face as if she'd never see him again. "I don't want to breathe when I can't love you anymore" she had whispered with a sad smile. Just for that brief moment he let himself go and the tears that were hidden somewhere in the corners started peeking out. But he was quick to suspend them.. all it took was to hug her tightly again with no intention of letting go. We're going to be like this..always..in life or death..nothing will change that. It was the only thought that made any sense to him right now. He wasn't letting go..ever.
Part II-----Updated Feb 26th 2009
| She would have probably sat there like a stone with him..if it weren't for the people who were now waiting for them. Her mother would be wondering where all three of them disappeared to? Then as if shock waved through her body. Where was Anjali? What if she had gone home and told the rest of them..and Ritwik. It was his birthday. She was supposed to be celebrating it with him possibly for the last time. As if sensing her search Anjali walked in. "Ghar mein sab intezaar kar rahe hai" Everyone is waiting at home she declared not addressing anyone in particular. Milind shifted just slightly enough to allow Prachi to lift her head off his chest. "Ritwik bhi hamaara intezaar kar raha hoga cake kaatne ke liye" Ritwik would be waiting for us too to cut the cake. Prachi said looking at Milind who seemed the most reluctant to leave. Then she addressed Anjali.. "Anju mamma ko kya kaha tumne" Anju what did you tell mom and she shook her head just slightly in reply. "Vohi kaha jo tujhe yahaan laane ke liye kaha tha." The same thing i told you to bring you here. Prachi sighed relieved. It was hard enough on her mother to loose one daughter. Now to learn that the other one would leave her soon..she didn't want to think what it would do to her.
The ride home was quiet. Anjali took Neev's jeep back while she rode with Milind. He was distracted, even in the short ride back he must have looked to his side a hundred times as if to make sure she was still there. His eyes still held the desperation of not wanting to loose something precious and it reminded Prachi of why she had not wanted him to know anything. Why she had wished he'd hate her. But she couldn't help feeling just a bit relieved that he knew. It was easier to breathe when she didn't have to lie atleast to him, when she could express herself freely, when she could reach out and touch his face without hesitating or run her fingers through his thick curls. It was a good feeling. But at the cost of his peace of mind.. it wasn't a feeling she could cherish. She hoped when they got back to the farm house their silence would be drowned by the celebrations of the day. It was Ritwik's day and it was her job to make sure he'd remember, at least that he had fun.. she didn't want him to remember her.. and it would be easier for him to forget as he got older. Kids forget.
When they got back the house was silent unlike her expectation. As she was heading inside she felt a pull and noticed Milind holding her back by her dupatta. As she came back to him, he took her hands, "Thodi der baad chalen andar" Can we go inside after sometime the forlorn look had replaced his desperate eyes. How could she ever deny him anything. She could afford that much..a few more moments with him, beyond that wasn't in her hands anyway. She took his bandaged hand up to her face and placed a gentle kiss, "Promise me that you'll never do this to me again" His face twisted in pain. "Chahe kuch bhi ho..main rahun na rahun..tumhari zindagi meri amaanat hai ..tum apne aap ko yun takleef nahi doge" No matter what happens.. whether iam there or not..your life is my [amanat]?..you will never hurt yourself again she said firmly. "Main khud ko kyun takleef dunga Prachi..yeh hak toh sirf tumhaara hai." Why would I hurt myself again..only you have the right to hurt me. he replied sarcastically. After a moment of biting it back…she watched him loose control, the flood he was holding back became overwhelming. He tried in vain to burry his face in her tiny hands. Not finding it enough he moved forward and hid himself in her letting his tears wet her shiny hair. Before he could compose himself they heard voices and Prachi quickly helped him wipe away the wetness. She reminded him again that he had to pretend for her sake. They slowly made their way towards the house.
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The scene inside was not something they had expected. PL sat half lying on the sofa looking like she had just woken up from a bad dream. Suyesha was at her feet crying as her parents stood and watched helplessly. Alaap stood quietly facing away from all of them. They had to get closer to hear what was going on, and apparently Suyesha was begging PL to let her stay with ALaap. She didn't want to be taken away…but it didn't make sense. Why would PL send Suyesha away? And since when had Suyesha gotten so attached to Alaap that she didn't want to leave him..usually she was seen crying to her parents to take her home. It was Ayesha whose voice broke through their confusion. She was addressing Suyesha's parents, "Yeh sab aapki galti hai.. sahi vakt par agar apni beti ka illaj karvaya hota toh shayad yeh sab na hota.. aur kiya bhi toh kya.. ek aise gairzimmedaar insaan ke bharose apni beti ko chodna chahte the aap log?" this is all your fault..if you had gotten her treated in time we wouldn't see this day..and what have you done anyway..you wanted to leave her with such an irresponsible guy? she was furious Milind could tell.. but she was controlling her tongue a lot, otherwise for one of Alaap's mistakes she'd not waste the opportunity to lash out on him. "Whats happening here?" Anjali asked loudly so they finally realized all three of them had come back. Immediately Suyesha ran to Prachi and hysterically shook her to convince PL not to let her go. Prachi who was still confused tried to calm her down in vain until Milind stepped in and removed Prachi from her hold. Taking Suyesha back to PL he asked what the matter was while Suyesha looked at him with hope that he'd take her side. PL didn't answer.. because such was her state of mind.. instead Ayesha told him.. "She..she is a psycho Milind." Milind looked at her shocked that Ayesha of all people would use such a word to describe a mentally challenged person. "She..she tried to kill Sayaah" Ayesha said further followed by the absolute silence in the room. Milind suddenly noticed that Suyesha was holding his hand and he slowly extricated it. "But she is fine..Vishaal took her to the hospital..only because we were able to save her today. Lekin kal..what happens when we are not able to save her in time.. then this psycho will kill her..she can kill anyone..she is too dangerous for us. And that's all I am trying to tell them..she needs treatment.. but these people.." Ayesha was facing Suyesha's parents again.. "they think their reputation is more important. They want our family to risk our lives so that their daughter can enjoy the love of a family. Agar.. aaj Saayah ya Ritwik ko kuch ho jaata toh.." If something had happened to Sayaah or Ritwik today...
Mention of Ritwik suddenly triggered the panic in Prachi who had just calmed her heart beats after realizing that Sayaah was not harmed. "Ritwik ko kya hua Ayesha?" Ayesha assured her that Ritwik too was well just like Saayah was. Sukriti had taken him along with Vishaal to the hospital as he wasn't willing to leave Sayaah's side and Neev too had gone with them. Ayesha turned to PL, "Aap kuch bolti kyun nahi.. boliye inse ki yeh ladki ab aur hamaare saath nahi rahegi." Why don't you say something..tell these people that this girl can't stay with us anymore PL still didn't answer.
It was Suyesha's mother who spoke this time. "Dekhiye.. mein samajh sakti hoon aap log kya soch rahe hai iss vakt. I can understand what you are thinking right now Lekin mera yakeen kijiye..meri beti ne aaj se phele kabhi kisike saath aisa nahi kiya. But believe me, my daughter has never behaved this way with anyone before. Yeh dimaag se bachchi zaroor thi..She might have had the maturity of a child lekin aaj tak kisiko baton se bhi takleef nahi pohunchai hai isne. but till date she has not even hurt anyone with words. Aaj joh hua isse hum bhi hairaan hai we are just as shocked by what happened today.. Hamari bachchi agar ilaaj se theek ho jaati toh hum kyun ilaaj na karvaate. If our child was going to be cured by treatment would we not have tried it. Humne koshish kit hi.. ke hamaare ghar mein hi iska ilaaj ho.. par koi asar hi nahi hua. And we did try to get her treated at home, but it had no effect. Agar aap log kahen toh phir se ilaaj shuru karva sakte hain…lekin meri bachchi ko kisi pagal khane mat bhejiye.. vahaan..apno se door.. chaar divaaron mein band.. jail jaisi zindagi kaise kaategi. If you want we can get her into treatment again but don't institutionalize her..away from her family..locked in a room how will she live the life like that of a jail. Iske liye main maafi maangti hoon..joh hua iski bimari ki vajah se hua..jaanbujh kar toh yeh kisi ko nuksaan nahi pohuncha sakti.."I am asking forgiveness for her..whatever happened was due to her illness..she would never do harm intentionally saying so she fell at PL's feet. Then she folded her hand in front of Ayesha who stood up unable to allow a woman of her age to fall at her feet. It just felt too wrong to hurt a mother who was pleading for her daughter's life. Sayaah and Ritwk both weren't permanent residents of Shah mansion.. but her soon to be born child would be and she couldn't risk having someone as unpredictable as Suyesha around. She knew Suyesha could not be held responsible for her actions..they all knew that.. but it didn't negate the fact that she was still dangerous..especially when no one would be able to focus their sole attention on her actions..Alaap who was expected to do so had failed.
It was then that Neev walked in. "Prachi you are back. Thank God. Please yaar tum aake Ritwik ko samjhao. Voh gaadi se uttar hi nahi raha." Please come and talk to Ritwik..he is refusing to get out of the car. Prachi went outside immediately to find that Ritwik was scared to death of the fact that Suyesha was waiting inside and she would hit him if she sees him. Sukriti explained that Ritwik had been a witness to Suyesha's attempt to hurt Sayaah. It was his scream that had brought everyone to the room where PL had left them just for a moment while she went to get Sayaah's milk. Since he had only been concerned for Sayaah's wellbeing and now he refused to come into the home because he was afraid of Suyesha. Prachi hugged him tight and assured him she'd not let anyone hurt him. He was apprehensive still, as he had set it in his mind that Prachi hated him too because he had been a very naughty boy, that was the reason she had not talked to him on the phone and she had left as soon as he got here to celebrate his b-day. Prachi had to repeat again and again to him that she didn't hate him and no one hated him and he was not a bad boy but infact had been the reason they were able to save Sayaah today. It was then he finally let her take him out of the car.
As soon as they walked inside, Prachi felt maybe they should have stayed outside a bit more. Suyesha was still crying to not take her to an asylum.. only this time PL was the one standing up and giving her verdict that Suyesha belonged in an asylum. Neev had told them that Vishaal had gone back to Mumbai straight from the hospital and had no intention of staying there anymore. He was preparing to go back to Delhi with Sayaah asap. It was the last straw for PL who had been trying not to hate or blame the mentally ill girl. Till now she had been blaming herself for leaving Sayaah alone even for a second. That was inexcusable on her part and maybe she deserved to not see her granddaughter anymore as a punishment for her carelessness. But the incidence had brought back too many suppressed memories for PL. She couldn't bare it. The fact that Sayaah..Soumya's "akhri nishaani" was being taken away from her..the one who has started to fill the void of Soumya in PL's heart was no longer there..it was too much for her faint heart to tolerate. But beyond her own hurt and angery... Ayesha was right.. Suyesha couldn't be trusted especially around children. She needed treatment but it wasn't the same as treating Amrita at home. Amrita had never tried to kill anyone. Amrita only got restless and frantic in her never ending wait for Inder. But Suyesha's illness was not in PL's grasp..what had caused it..how to treat it.. this all required professional care.. and it was too dangerous to keep Suyesha at home till then.
However, Suyesha had grown a sudden attachment to all of them. Till now the girl who cried to go home with her parents had started to beg to stay back with them. Even when her parents offered to take her back to Delhi she refused to go. She wanted to stay with them in Shah mansion so much that now she was clinging to Alaap like her life depended on it. Her father tried his best to separate her from him to force her to go back with him.. but she held with such force that Alaap was being dragged along with her. Alaap tried his best to remove her hold from his shirt.. but the best he could do was get his shirt ripped under her nails. It was difficult enough for him without her trying to cling to him so much. He hadn't realized it till today that he had started to care for his mad wife..possibly because she was the only one who expected anything from him. She was the only one who gave him a chance to prove that he too could be a better man..that he could take her responsibility. Or possibly it was because she was the only one who didn't point out his many flaws.. or maybe because she had become the sole meaning of family to him..the family he had missed for years..she had started to take the place of that family. But she is the one who ruined it too..if only he could have kept an eye on her..prevented her from doing what she did.. he couldn't forget that if they had delayed another minute or so Soumya's baby would no longer be in this world.. and he just couldn't expect his family to be any more kinder than they were being. Yet the way she cried out to him left him feeling guilty..wasn't he supposed to protect her..to keep her happy.
It was this scene that Prachi and Sukriti had walked in to witness. Ritwik came close to Prachi's ears and whispered, "Nayi anty roh kyun rahi hai" why is the new anty crying and Prachi answered in a whisper.. "kyunki voh hum sabko chodke nahi jaana chahti." because she doesn't want to leave all of us. Ritwik turned back to look at Suyesha who was now almost on the floor being dragged. "toh nayi vaali anty ko kyun le jaa rahe hai?" Then why are they taking the new anty away? he asked again loudly. "Kyunki unhone aaj jo kiya achcha nahi kiya..yeh uski punishment hai." Because what she did today was not good, so she is being punished Sukriti had answered his question carelessly. "Agar mein achcha kaam nahi karunga toh mujhe bhi aapse dur rehna padega?" If i too do something that is not good would i have to live away from you too? he questioned both his mothers apparently upset by the idea. Prachi hugged him tight.. "Hum sab aapse bohot pyaar karte hain beta..hum aapko kabhi apne se dur nahi bhejenge, kabhi bhi nahi." We love you a lot son, and we'll never send you away from us..never. He then wanted to know why Suyesha wasn't as loved as him because obviously they must not love her enough to keep her with them even after she had done something wrong. This question left Prachi speechless. Before she could explain anything to him he got out of her hands and ran towards Suyesha. Prachi and Sukriti both went after him but he stopped by Suyesha's father. Pulling on his clothes to get his attention, he asked the man to leave his Nayi anty as she was not going anywhere with him. While the rest of the Shah family and Suyesha's parents listened in shock he told them that they loved Suyesha just as much as they loved him and so they were not going to send her anywhere no matter what she does. Suddenly Suyesha who had freed her hands grabbed Ritwik and hugged him tightly. The action was so sudden that everyone in the room instinctively tried to take Ritwik out of her arms.. but she let him go just as fast as she had hugged him. He flashed her a smile and wiped her tears with his tiny hands as she smiled back at him, leaving the spectators awed into silence. "Mamma aap bolo na yeh wale uncle ko" Mom why don't you tell this uncle.. Ritwik asked Sukriti and Prachi when Suyesha's father again tried to grab hold of her. But this time it was PL who interrupted. "Dekhiye..ab joh bhi karna hai…Mumbai chalkar sochenge. Yun bachche ke samne koi zabardasti karne ki zaroorat nahi hai." whatever is to be done will be decided in Mumbai, With that final word everyone prepared to leave for Mumbai while Suyesha struck up a new friendship with Ritwik under apprehensive eyes of Sukriti and Prachi. |
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