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As the train approached the platform, she walked towards the tracks.. when she gazed at her left side and noticed a boy who went to her uni.. she immediatly changed her direction and walked towards him and thought to have a little chat. They had been facebook friends for some six months but had never exchanged a single sentance.
They sat together on the train ride, the young mans name was Jai, he was a computer science major something alien to Banis major of International Affairs. However they began to get along, and only went thr own ways when bani had to report to class.
During thefollowing week Jai messaged Bani on Facebook chat almost everyday, at the end of the first conversation Jai gave her his number, Bani smiled at this and gave him hers too.
Before the two knew it they began to txt each other during the day and chat all night long. Jai and Bani both didnt know whatto call this relationship but both of them had enjoyed speaking to each other and looked forward to it everyday. They talked about meeting up again hwever certain circumstances would come up and they werent able too.
Jai would send Bani smiles and kisses in txts during the night and Bani would reply with thesame gestures, their attraction to each other was apparent however no direct claim or name had been given to it. Bani would often ask Jai what "this" was and where they were headed but Jai would always give the same answer "I dont know".. Bani didnt want to pressurize him and so she let him be.
Soon with time passing Bani noticed that Jai was distancing himself from her.. she could tell in the way tht he would chat with her and speak to her.. this began to irritate her and she demanded an explanation to why he was doing this. He kept denying and saying he had no idea what she wa talking about.
Then finally the first ungly night of Banis life came.. she was visiting her parents at home for summer holdays when she signed on facebook..eagerly wanting to talk to Jai.. this day he was seeming a bit more pleasent and talkitive, something Bani had been dying to see in him for weeks now. He asked ehr a question Bani, a question Bani would neevr be able to forget her whole life, "What do you expect from this, soething more than friendship?" Bani stayed quiet .. she was shocked and excited.. naive Bani was certain that tongight their relationship would take a new turn. The next Instant message Jai sent was "Because i want you to know were just friends, good friends, im here for you and i know you'll always be thr for me".
After reading the last line bani felt a tingly feeling in her heart.. not the pleasent kind but one that caused her a lil pan and caused her eye to flinch. Bani told him that the answer to his question was yes! Yes i do expect more from you! and with that she also added that it wasnt the best idea for them to stay in contact and that they should go thr own seperate ways. Deep down bani was hoping jai would stop her and take his words back and claim that he wanted the same, and the only reason he didnt say at first was beause he was afraid of rejection. Unfortunate for Bani that did not happen, and Jai agreed with her descion and that night Banis house of dreams and aspirations came crashing down.
Indeed their relationship did take a new turn but not the one bani had intended for, but that of heading back to being strangers.
Bani and Jai both returned to Uni after thier holidays but ignored each other, if they were on the train together they wouldnt look at each other, if they were in the caf they would avoid each other as much aspossible. But still their eyes would meet countless times.
A month after this, Bani decided to put an end to this and txted him saying sorry, she didnt want to rekindle their friendship she just wanted ahealthy relationshp with a safe distance so they wouldnt continue to play around like children and avoid each opther.
Jai was happy to hear from her and again they began to tlak. But this time they didnt have nightly chats they moved up a notch and began having phone conversations tht lasted for hours. they both were like magnets, that just couldnt stay away from each other.
Before Bani knew it, she had started to fee the same way for Jai again
Their endless night conversations continued, until at last the topic was brought up. Bani hinted and asked Jai what she meant to him.. the reply struck her and appalled her to no extent. Jai had casually said "your a good friend, a really good friend, if you need me ill be their and if I need you I know you'll be there too". EVen after hearing that Bani had the courage to ask "just a friend" and Jai replied "yeah just a friend" That night everything came down to Bani, she understood that Jai simply wasnt attracted to her or didnt like her, and that was that. Bani felt a pain in her chest, this distinct pain occured for the first time. This is what they call.. heartbreak.
With in the next few days Bani made calls back home and it was final. She was moving back and transferring her university. She couldnt bare to see Jai just as a friend and not want her more than a friend.
Next few days she tried her best to avoid Jai, semester end holidays were coming and not many people were left at uni. and so Jai and Bani ended up bumping into each other and speaking, Jai inquired to why she hadnt gone home for the holidays and she just brushed the question aside, and continued to silently pack and wrap things up silently. Finally when Bani broke up the news to Jai, he showed no reaction, all he said was Im going to miss you.
Three days were left before Bani was leaving, she was sitting at a bar with her best friend, who kept insisting that she make her feeling known to Jai. Bani finally gave in and decided to call him that night. When she got home late from partying that night, still sober since she didnt drink.. she called Jai. Jai kjnew she had something to say since she had referred to calling him for something before. and that night bani said it.. something she had never thought she would say to someone, something that she was scared of saying afraid of rejection.. she didnt know what to expect. Bani took a deep breath and told Jai that she was leaving because she couldnt be in the same city as him it would her her too much.. and she ended it by saying .. "because jai, I love you"
.....
Part TWO:
Bani had rehearsed this with her friend and completely went blank.. "The first time we met at the train station I didn't give you a second look. You were like any other guy on campus I had spoken too. I didn't think anything of you. It didn't cross my mind to think you were cute or attractive. But before I knew it… I.. this feeling I've never felt before.. At least not THIS strong.. I don't know what's going to happen after I say this.. What you might say do .. But I want you to know this before I leave. I'm leaving because I can't stand to be close to you in the same city .. It hurts me.. It hurts me to think that we're just friends. Because Jai, I love you"
She could hear Jai take long strong sighs.. And every time he would release his breath on the phone.. Her heart would melt. Bani was alien to all of these feelings..But at the same time she was more occupied on hearing what Jai had to say. But unfortunately his long sighs and silence continued for 7 minutes straight on the phone.. Bani broke the silence and said "you can leave if you want" to which Jai immediately replied "no, no, why would I do that, I don't want to"
Bani replied, with a shivering voice, "than say something"
Jai took one last long breath and said "Look, Bani , I'm sorry, I can't. Something happened to me .. After which I've lost the ability to feel.. I don't know I'm sorry"
Bani insisted he tell her what happened but Jai wouldn't budge … So bani said "I just put my heart out there for you, I told you something, reject me or accept me, don't say you can't feel, because I don't understand that, or tell me what happened. I deserve to know"
Jai replied, with a strong voice "Bani… I can't. "
Bani broke into tears on the phone, jai could hear her crying and asked her to stop, but bani continued to cry and in between sobs asked for him to shut the phone. Jai insisted that he can't shut the phone like this, unless she shuts the phone. Bani was crying hysterically and said to him "Jai, I've made a big enough fool of myself in front of you already, shut the phone"
Jai took a deep breath and said sorry and goodnight.
The next day bani went to her friend's house in tears crying.. Her friend Jessie didn't expect this answer from Jai. Jessie had never met Jai .. She had only heard of him through what Bani had told her and Jessie had grown to be very fond of him. She thought he had potential to be the perfect man for Bani. However it didn't seem that way anymore.
At last it was Banis last day and her flight was set for the following morning. She was at a lounge with her friends. It was her going away party and everyone BUT she was drunk. Bani was laughing and taking pictures with all the people she loved and knew she was going to miss like hell. When in the midst of all of this her phone buzzed with a txt message.
"I'm sorry for any pain I have caused you. I wish you a safe and relaxed trip and hope you love you new university. But mostly I hope you can remember the good in this. Take care of yourself Bani I will miss you" Jai
Bani read this and gave her friend her phone and ran to the bathroom with tears. Her friend Jessie read it and ran after her. Both friends cried in the bathroom and Jessie told her she had to distance herself from Jai. He doesn't love her and you love him, and so his presence in your life will only torment you, not better you in anyway. So under her friends influence Bani replied with a cold thank you message. But for the rest of the party Bani couldn't get that message out of her head.
As last when bani finally got home she texted Jai with an apology for the cold txt. Jai replied with a smiley face, Bani instantly called him, surprised that he was awake. Bani asked Jai to forget everything and just give her a few more good memories for her to hold onto. Jai and Bani continued to talk till early morning. At last both of them realized it was time to say goodbye. But in this Goodbye Jai said something that bani couldn't understand. Bani didn't know whether it was inappropriate, rude, insulting or sweet. Jai had said "A big kiss from me on your lips"
Bani just kept silent and shut the phone and continued to think what the hell was wrong with him for saying such a thing, if he didn't feel for her and they were just friends.
Bani ignored it, got ready and boarded her flight for home. Bani and Jai were no longer in the same country, and would never be again. Bani had moved away taking all of her possessions except for the most important and precious one… her heart...which had now been given to Jai forever.
Part 3
Bani had arrived home just in time for her brother's wedding celebrations to start. For the next three weeks all Bani was planning on doing was to make this wedding the best and memorable one as possible. Quite a few things were about to happen, her second oldest sister in law Anu Bhabhi was 8 months pregnant, and due any day. Her oldest brother Salil, was on the verge of getting his second divorce, in all of this Bani was most excited to see her sister Simran whom she hadn't seen in 6 months! Bani and Simran were inseparable, both loved each other to death and were contently in contact with each other be it international phone calls, txt messages, msn you name it they got it!
Although Bani didn't have much time at this point to talk to her friends from University, she tried her best to keep in touch. Bani thought the timing of her brother's wedding was perfect, she would be so involved in all of the preparations that she wouldn't get a chance to think about Jai. How wrong was she! Bani found she contently thinking about him and being reminded of him consistently.
She remembered one specific conversation…
"ha-ha, Jaiiii you're so bad. Boys will be boys, no matter what!" Bani
"ammm, boy? Who are you calling boy? I'm not a boy im a ma"Jai
Bani interrupted "are you gona say man??" followed with loud laughter
Jai"YAH! Im a ma.."
Bani "Baby! You're a little whining cranky grumpy but adorable baby! A lil baby, that's what you are" bani laughed and jai just smiled at that.
From that day on Jais nickname was Lil Baby and Banis' was Lady. Bani insisted that she was a girl and Jai would say "no, trust me you're a lady".
Every morning when Bani would wake up and every evening before she feel asleep her first and last thought of the day was always Jai. Lucky for her that evening Jai called Bani. Bani was so excited to talk to Jai. She knew at the back of her head that she should stay away, but who could stop her?
Jai said he had to tell bani something.. and Bani was all ears.
Jai" Bani remember you told me to tell you if I ever meet someone? Well I think I did and I think its gonna be something.. I really like her"
Bani felt her heart disappear for a few seconds. She didn't believe the words that just came out of his mouth. Why did he think it was okay and perfectly normal to be with someone after claiming to bani that he didn't have the ability to feel, only some 2 weeks ago?? Bani didn't understand. But at the same time she thought, so what Jai didn't like me or feel for me more than a friend it's okay.. at least he's able to now. Maybe this girl is truly amazing. With that thought in mind, Bani fought her tears back and said in the most possibly calm voice "Jai, im happy for you, that's one lucky girl"
Jai "Thanks bani"
Bani"Oh, Jai mama is calling me, aaj dholki hain na. I have to go, tum apna khayal rakhna! And best of luck with this girl"
Jai "thanks bani, so much! Yeah I know I need luck, she's great. Okay you go ahead take care Bubye"
Bani shut the phone and ran to the bathroom. Stripped her of any clothes and stared at herself in the mirror and said to herself.. I spoke to this man for months, told him I loved him, wanted him needed him, then why didn't he want me… Bani asked herself a question almost every girl in this world comes across at least once in her life. What is wrong with me? What do I lack…
With that bani stepped in the shower and let the warm water mingle with her tears as she sat on the floor and cried her heart out…. And thought Was I played with?
Part 4
Bani couldn't help but doubt herself. She kept going back in her tracks and began to think, whats wrong with me why didn't he want me too. Why couldn't I be the girl that he finally began to feel for, why! Why did I have to meet him! Why did we meet if this is what was destined for us to be!? Bani often found herself staring at her reflection in the mittor and thinking "am I not desirable".. Bani had realized that her confidence in her looks and body was non-existant now. Throughout her life Bani had been told she was pretty beautiful and gorgeous, but the one person whose opinion mattered the most, never complimented her on her looks or anything for that matter.
Bani had told her close guy friend who was just like a brother to her about what happened. Ranveer loved Bani to death, he didn't have a sister so he treated and took Bani just like one. When he heard this he was furois with Jai he didn't understand why the hell aJai did what he did. Bani swore Ranveer to secrecy but Ranveer couldn't keep it. Ranveer confronted Jai, and told him that he was a fake, he played with Bani and a few more things on the same lines. Bani had no idea to what Ranveer was upto.
Jai told Bani what happened, and with that jai said
"I don't know what hes talking about, I was never with you so how was I fake with you? And how did I play with you? And why am I a Liar according to your friend? Bani I don't know what you've told your friend, but you tell me what is this about? I can't take all this stress!"
Bani was confused does this guy really not see what he has done? Three weeks ago he was incapable of feeling! I leave and he makes a miraculous recovery? And doesn't see anything skeptical about it? Bani was thinking all this in her head.. What she said to Jai was completely unparallel to what she was thinking.
"Im sorry that he spoke to you in a degrading and hurtful tone. More importantly sorry you were stressed. He just cares for me too much, after all of this if you think its best that we don't speak, ill respect that decision."
Bani knew there was no point in reasoning with Jai and trying to show him what he had done in actuality. She was perplexed to whether Jai was a born player or if he was a decent guy who really had no idea what he was doing… completely unaware of his actions.. either way Bani knew she had to stay away from him.
Hours passed after that conversation.. and those hours turned into days and days into weeks.. Jai didn't say anything to Bani. He didn't reply to her apology or realize what he had done.
Bani thought to herself that maybe she was a bit too traditional, maybe its normal now a days for a guy to say I can't feel and jump on to another girl a few weeks later.. Whatever it was Bani was certain that she was tired of thinking. Bani thought that the silence that was coming from Jai was good, this way they would keep distance and maybe Bani could gather the courage and strength to move on. Deep down Bani was feeling happy that Jai had met someone because a part of her heart had broken when she found out that Jai didn't have the ability to feel. But, knowing that he was happy with another girl brought peace and a sense of contentment to her heart and mind. However, her personal pain for her loss was still there and Bani couldn't possibly forget Jai or the love that was growing in her heart for him.
Part 5
At last wedding preparations were in full swing and Banis cousins were arriving from their university hostels. Raashi her cousin and friend, was shocked when she saw Bani. Bani had stopped taking care of herself, her eye brows weren't made, her hair was all tangled up, appeared as if she hadn't brushed it in days!
Raashi "Bani, what is this? Your eye brows are undone.. your hairs a nightmare.. whats going on?"
Bani "ohh nothing, just don't get time"
Raashi "Bull shit! Bull shit is the same word oyou said to me! You're the one who encouraged me to do my hair on a daily basis and always be presentable, so then what is this!"
Raashi finally forced Bani to a Salon and gave her a complete makeover. This was ironic because last time there was a makeover bani was giving it to Raashi.
***
Bani was thinking, she moved away to be away from Jai and get him out of her head. So this was perfect Jai wasn't speaking to her out of his own decision and Bani would pretty soon be distant from him by her mind soul and hopefully heart. On top of that, Bani had been accepted to a university that ranked in the top ten for her major in the states. It was a dream come true for her. Bani was certain that once she starts her university, she will be so caught up with her new life and campus that Jai will be nothing butsomeone from the past.
Deep down Bani also knew that if Jai were to ever come back to her, she would never be able to put her foot down, and say no.
A few days later Bani bumped into some information she wished she hadn't. A common friend of hers and Jais told her that the new girl in Jais life had left him. At that moment Bani told her firend not to tel her things about Jai, she doesn't want to hear it. But when Bani thought about it, she cried, she cried because Jai was hurt, by whatever means- didn't matter. What mattered was that Jai was hurt. Then and there it occurred to Bani that she was far more than just in love with this man. She was already on the verge of going crazy for him. She should be laughing at him right now, and telling this story to people as an example of Karma.. but Bani was sad, sad for Jai. So much that she contemplated on contacting him, but she knew better and kept to herself. But of course every time her hands were raised in prayer she prayed for Jais' well being.
The next day, the whole house broke in to celebrations! Her nephew had arrived at last! Bani was so excited and naturally on top of the world! Her sister-in-law named the precious bundle of joy –Jai! There and then Bani had a feeling that getting Jai out of her life wasn't going to be as easy as she had perceived it would be!
Part 6
Bani was ecstatic at the arrival of her nephew. But she knew she would have to wait a couple of weeks for him to grow up a little so she could actually play with him. Unfortunately byt then Banis University would start in the states and she would have to leave for that. Bani found herself going to the mall, boutique and tailor almost every day. That's all she did, help prepare for the wedding. Banis time was completely consumed, however her heart still found time for Jai. At the back of her head.. he still roamed all day long!
Bani, was tired from running around all day, their house was full of guests who were staying with them. So the whole day was spent in looking after them, and the new born and of course dholkis consumed the evenings. Her brother, Uday, was trying his best to lose weight before his marriage. However he couldn't keep himself from eating out all the time.. so it was a pointless effort! But very cute to watch, indeed! Banis oldest brother, Karthik, was about to face his second divorce. His second wife turned out to be a gold digger.. she was just in it for the money. And now that she had gotten a kid, the divorce settlement and alimony would be more than enough for her to live comfortably by. So, Banis brother was found drinking his pain away. Bani couldn't remember a single time she had seen him sober since she was ther. Her second oldest brother, Harsh, who is also a politician, was over the moon with his 3rd child, Jai. The whole house was still somewhat in a wedding spirit!
Bani lay in her bed.. crowded with memories of Jai. She remembered this one time where she was making chocolate Chip cookies and offered to take some for Jai.. and Jai politely told her he didn't eat chocolate, Bani was shocked! Jai told her he only ate white chocolate. And of course Bani found this cute, Bani liked everything about Jai good or bad. But unconsciously after that day, Bani started choosing white chocolate over milk. Bani tossed and turned in bed for atleast an hour before she finally fell asleep… a few hours later her phone buzzed with a text message. Bani reached under her pillow and forced one eye to open while the other one tried to sleep. Once Banis brain functioned and understood that the txt was from Jai, every inch in her body was awake and on full alert!
"I miss you, I miss talking to you for hours, I miss the way you say jai.. I didn't want to txt and remind you of something or someone you may have forgotten, Hope your well"
Bani read this at least 3 times.. she put her head back on her pillow.. and tried her best to get her sleep back, but she knew; that was just impossible now.
Bani thought to herself on what she should say. Was he only coming to her because it didn't work out with that girl? A part of Bani was happy that Jai was back but another part was sad because Bani knew she wouldn't be able to tell Jai to leave her alone or to keep her self away from jai.. She just wasn't strong enough to turn her back on this guy. And she hated that he could in a way control her. Bani was back on square one.. she was perplexed to what she should do.. reply? Or not? And If so, then what should she say!
Part 6B
When Bani woke up the next morning she picked her phone and replied. She said what was in her heart and didn't think of anything of her self respect or any other practical thing.
"I miss you too, if you think id forget this, this easily you never knew me then. Keep in touch as much as u feel comfy with..take care"
Bani sent it, I regretted it the very next second. But what could be done now. Bani trusted Jai, and knew he wouldn't hurt her. Bani missed Jai, her mind told her to stay away from him but her heart just didn't want to let go. And of course, unfortunately Banis heart ruled her mind.
Meanwhile Bani was catching up on life with her really good guy friend, Aman. Aman and Bani were the same age, they were friends and distant cousins. Bani met him on Karthiks wedding, that's where Aman asked her for her e-mail address. Ever since Bani and Aman had grown extremely close! They told each other everything! But, a few months ago Aman told Bani he expected more from her than just friendship and Bani told him she didn't feel the same way. They were frinds and that was it. They continued to be friends, but Bani still thought at the back of her mind to whether Aman was still keeping feelings for her. Anyway, Bani continued to be his friend, they would still talk for hours and do everything the way it was. The topic of him liking her had been buried and they had moved on.
Udays wedding was in full swing, throughout the whole wedding, Banis sister Simran noticed that Aman was starring at Bani non stop. Simran pointed it out to Bani, but bani just ignored it. Deep down Bani was a bit disgusted, she only liked Aman as a friend and him liking her was messing it up. Bani couldn't imagine having him in her life more than a friend. And understood she had to make distance between them slowly but permanently.
Bani sat in the lawn with her new Bhobi, Rakhshanda, nick was Raaki Bhabhi. They were sipping coffe and talking about where she would be going for her honeymoon, when Banis mama called Rakhi inside. Bani sat out alone and the weather was perfect. Not too cold and not too hot, with just a perfect small breeze. When her phone rang, she didn't recognize the number but picked up anyway,
The caller "Hello! Is Tushar there? Can you tell him its Ryan!"
All os a sudden memories swarmed banis mind, full of a past she didn't want to think of. She calmly replied,
"Im sorry, this isn't Tushars number"
The caller on the other side was a bit confused but didn't argue and shut the phone. Bani laid her head back and remembered the night of a runway Fashion show where she had met Turan. A meeting that she would have undone if given the chance.
Part 7
FLASHBACK:
9 Months ago
March
Bani was headed home from her friends house. They had just finished watching a movie, it was a bit late at night when she received a phonecall from her father.
"Hello beta, how are you" Banis father asked in a shaking voice
Bani replied, "Im well Dad, itni raat ko? Khariyat hai dad?"
"Oh yes, beta. I actually wanted to ask you something, can you take a week off from university to go to India."
"India, dad? Why whats wrong?" Bani was confused, only a week agi she was in New York for her Spring Break and now this..
"Yes, eveyrthingn is fine. But beta your grandmother has requested for you to visit her. She is not feeling well"
With out thinking bani replied and said "YES! i can take a week off from school. You can book my flight"
The phone disconnected.
Bani felt her right hand and right foot shake.. The right side of her body including her jaw was shaking. Bani was walking on her street where her apartment was, she was afraid that she would faint. But, Bani made it to her building. Bani started crying in her bedroom as soon as she got their. But she didn't know why she was crying. She just knew that it had felt like a part of her had been taken away from her. And she couldn't feel her soul with her. Bani was more than scared, but she didn't know why.
Next day, she went to uni, she was sitting in her caf when she called her father and asked him what the update was for her booking. Since it was Spring, Easter weekend was coming and so all flights were booked. Bani lived in Geneva, Switzerland and its well known Europeans take Easter very seriously. Her father told her that the only place he could find a flight for her was fromParis, France. Bani instantly took on the offer and said she could do it. Bani was sitting in her school cafeteria when she decided to rush home and pack her stuff up. While she was walking down the stairs, Some guy in her university bumped into her, she wa sin such a rush she didn't notice him, she quickly apologized and continued on walking. At the same time she tried to remember the guys name, she remembered she had taken a class with him but had dropped it, JAI! Ahan yeah that's his name Jai!
Next Morning:
Bani rushed to Gare Cornivan Geneva's Train Station, She boarded on to her train for Nyon, France from where she would switch her train for Paris. Bani had a long hectic journey ahead but not even for a second did she fall asleep. She prayed thorugh out her trip, for her grandmothers safe and healthy recovery.
Bani had arrived in India. She was headed to her family village where her grandmother was staying at the moment. Bani was confused at that and thought that shoulnt Grandma be in the city where the best doctors are available? But Bani knew better than to ask questions. The moment she sat in the car headed towards the village Bani dozed off. Banis distant uncle had come to the airport to receive her and he would be taking her to the village. When Bani arrived at her grandmothers house, she ran through the gates, and noticed that everyone was quiet and tense. She went inside the house, from room to room searching for her grandmother. Bani had imagined her whole trip, that when she would finally see her grandmother she would kiss her and hug her like never before. Howvee Bani was finding all the rooms in the house to be empty. At last this one room wasn't empty, her cousins were sitting inside. Upon her arrival they got up and hugged her really tight, actually too tight for her comfort. Bani didn't like the feeling of this, when Bani saw her sister-in-law she ran towards her and hugged and started crying. Bani didn't know why she was crying but the air around her was uncomfortable.. Bani was clutching onto her bhobhi as if her life depended on it. Her Bhobhi tried to sooth her and said..
"Bas Bani, hosla rakho, God gives us nice people, so we can enjoy their presence in our life and just like that he takes them away from us"
At having heard this Bani went completely confused, she pulled herself back and looked at her bhabhi in the eye and said "what do you mean? What are you taling about?"
Bhabhi was a bit puzzled and said: "why were you crying?"
Bani replied with tears "Bhabhi say it, I need to hear it"
.."Bani, Daadis not with us anymore"
Banis eyes widened she threw her purse on the flow, and screamed, she screamed her heart out. Meanwhile Banis cousins ran to the bathroom door and started banging on it, Simran was in the shower and they yelled and told her Bani had arrived and she was going hysterical.
Bani kept saying "mujhe bataya kyun nahi, mujhe kisi ne bataya kyun nahi" Beofre Bani knew it she was on the floor pulling her hair, screaming at the top of her lungs and hitting her fists on the floor.. she kept yelling and asking "mujhe bataya kyun nahi, mujhe bataya kyun nahi"
Banis brother, her father her sister everyone had tried to console her but Bani had lost her grip on reality, and didn't want to believe that the woman who had raised her, who had taught her everything, who was her role model, who was Banis everything had just left her, forever.
Part 8
For the next couple of days Bani was in a state of shock, she didn't know how she was going to continue with life. The last time she saw her grandma kept haunting her. It was earlier that year in Janruary, she remembered the exact date too, it was Janruary 4th. Bani was leaving India to go to Geneva to continue her university. It was the morning of her flight and she was set and ready to go. Her grandmother was sitting by the front door to say good-bye to her. When Bani had gone to her Grandma to say bye to her, Daadi (grandma) started to cry. Bani knew Daadi to be a very strong woman she had never seen her cry the way she was. Now it occurred to Bani that maybe Daadi knew then, that this would be the last time I was going to hug her. Just the thought of the last memory Bani had of Daadi was of Daadi crying and not smiling or laughing. And that truth killed her. Bani extended her time in India by one week. She wanted to be with her family for as long as possible.
For the two weeks Bani was in India, she witnessed her whole family go through a change. Everyone was scared and shocked. This was the first death Banis family had to deal with. Simran and Bani held on to each other as if they were life support for each other. Bani and Simran remembered happy moments they had had with Daadi. Baani distinctly remembered this one time where she had asked daadi what she should do prefesionaly in her career. And without giving it a single thought Daadi answered and said "Tu vakeel ban, tu bhes bhot kardi eh" and with that daadi had checkled.
From that say forward Bani had made up her mind that she would defiantely become a lawyer, no matter what. Bani had always been really ambitious, and everyone knew she would be a successful career woman one day.
Soon two weeks were over and it was time for Bani to return to Switzerland to continue her studies. Upon Banis return to Geneva, she had completely changed. No longer did Bani want to go out with her firneds anymore, she didn't enjoy talking to anyone, Daadi was constantly at the back of Banis mind. And Banis' friends had noticed this. Her one friend Ranbir actually made an effort and invited her to a fashion show. Bani often complained about the people in Geneva being fake, Ranbir argued with her and convinced her that his circle of friends was not fake. Ranbir wanted to introduce her to his friends Bani accepted his invitation for the Fashion show. As the days were going Bani began to close herself to the outside world, soon engouh she was completely isolated. Her friends would call her and she wouldn't answer. She avoid seeing people in her university campus, she would go to her classes, maybe the library if she had to study but mostly Bani would stay at home. Bani found herself lost in deep thoughts often. She felt as if a big part of her was missing. Bani developed a new habit, crying. Bani would get teary eyed while cooking, taking a shower cleaning, basically anywhere. Bani hadn't realzised she loved Daadi this much and her absence would affect her so much. Bani was tired of the world and people around her, something Bani didn't know at the moment then, but she was going into depression.
At last it was the day of the fashion show, April 20, 2008. In the afternoon Bani tried to call Ranbir and cancel out on hm but Ranbir wouldn't listen. He convinced her and threatened her to personally come to her place and force her to come. Bani gave in, but deeo inside she didn't want to go at all. Bani arrived at the hotel where the show was taking place, called Ranbir and was quickly excorted to the backstage. There she met Ranbir and Ranbir introduced her to the models, performers and the designers who were present. Bani met so many people that evening she didn't even remember how many people she had met and who they were. It was time for the show to begin and Bani went to her seat that Ranbir had gotten saved for her. There Bani met Ranbirs sister, she chatted with her a little bit but hushed up when the show finally began. Bani was enjoying the show, until she noticed a man sitting from across the ramp, he was wearing RayBan sunglasses, Bani found this odd why was he wearing these glasses inside! And Bani could have sworn he was starting at her from behind the tinted lense, but the show was so interested Bani didn't care about this indecent man.
At the end of the show Bani went to go congratulate Ranbir on a wonderful show and tols him that she was going to leave now. Ranbir didn't stop her he knew he had pushed her far enough and went to go walk her out, and smoothly introduced his friend Tushar to Bani. Bani and Tushar began to talk and Ranbir and Tushar wanted to have a cig break outside so Bani joined them. After a few minutes of talking Bani was bidding goodbye when Tushar insisted he drop her off Bani refused But tushar wouldn't take no for an answer Bani finally agreed. Tushar took her to his car whoch was actually Banis favorite car, but of course Bani didn't point that out. Tushar spoke to Bani and was amazed that they had been living in the same city for so long and he never seen Bani, anywhere. Geneva didn't have many Indians and the Indians that lived in Geneva were most of the time completely disconnected from their roots. And that's was Tushar admired about Bani, her values.
During the drive towards Banis apartment Tushar realized that he had birthday party to go to of his cousins. And he asked Bani if it was okay if he took her with him. Bani didn't mind, and agreed. However, she found this weird. Why was he going to take her to a family event. Anyhow, they arrived at the lounge soon and all fo a sudden Bani was overwhelmed with Tushars family. Everyone was looking at her a bit weird. Bani felt so uncomfortable and she wanted to leave, so she used the age old trick. She texted her friend to call her with a call for emergency. Bani played it smoothly and told Tushar she had to leave and go to her friends place, her friends boyfriend had just broken up with her. Of course Tushar insisted that he would drop her off but bani wouldn't hear it, and Tushar gave in. When they were bidding goodbye tushar leaned over to hug Bani and she hugged him back. While Bani was walking away she thanked God she hadn't given Tushar her number. Bani had a feeling that Tushar was interested in her and she just wasn't ready for a relationship.
When Bani finally arrived home, she took a long warm shower. That was her favirtoe thing to do after a long day, they were so relaxing. Bani cuddled up on her couch with cookies and a movie to watch when her phone rang. She didn't recognize the number but picked up,
"Bani?, tum ghar pohonch gayi na? I was worried about you reaching home safe so I asked Ranbir for your number.. toh tum pohonch gayi na?"
Bani took a long sigh and realized that getting ut of this was not going to be easy, Tushar was clearly interested in her, and Bani had no idea on how to break it up to him that this was not a mutual feeling.
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