It was late when she woke. She narrowed her eyes; when piercing light came between the loosely closed drapes. She knew instinctively it wasn't early morning. All of a sudden, her consciousness brought confusion of thoughts and feelings.
Had she really done all those things with her husband last night? Memories spun through her mind, images that made her blush at the unbelievable boldness of her own behavior. She took a deep breath and tried to settle herself, and resolved not to start feeling squeamish about what had happened.
Realizing she felt a little achy in places, she eased herself onto her side. She found out he was gone. He must have left really early, if he intended to reach his office on time. She couldn't help but wonder what he was feeling this morning. Most especially, what did he feel towards her now?
His side of their room clearly told her it was empty of his presence. One of his pillows was carelessly tossed against the head board, obviously have been collected from the floor. The quilt was also in disarray, as it was dragged onto their bed diagonally and converted into a makeshift cover.
She stretched out her arms and dragged her legs to the side of the bed to stand up. As her feet touched the floor, she looked down and saw all the clothing that was strewn by the bed. She bent down and picked up the black colored shirt that pooled around the feet. Her insides stirred as the faint scene of his cologne filled her senses.
She closed her eyes. The pulses of last night's heartbeats are still echoing within her. Last night...
Smiling to herself, she took a glance at the clock on the side table. She panicked when it informed her it was already nearly 10 a.m. She briefly made the bed and quickly headed towards the bathroom. At the same time, she marveled at the fact that no one actually came up to her room to check up on her.
The moment she stepped into the bathroom, she noticed her own reflection at the mirror. She almost didn't recognize the woman staring back her. Her hair was slightly messy; most of her makeup had worn off, her neck and shoulders showed slight traces of her husband's passionate assault on her last night. She shook her head, almost embarrassed with what she saw. Finally, she stepped into the shower cubicle and let the calm spray of warm water sooth her muscles.
Once again, images of last night filled her mind. She had always known her husband, Jai Walia, one of the most successful industrialists in the country to be a callous, stern man. She had never dreamt she would ever discover another side of him. She had never dreamt of him to be such a skillful and generous lover, though exceptionally gentle and affectionate. She recalled how he took his time to please her, made her feel beautiful, and made her feel loved...
'But I can't love him,' she quietly told herself. She knew perfectly well he won't reciprocate her feelings towards him. Yet a part of her knew it was too late to save herself. She just couldn't regard everything that happened had simply been a brief coming together of a man and a woman whose momentary need had overwhelmed their common sense. Anything so intensely intimate can only bring two people closer together. In every sense.
Pushing her thoughts aside, she dried herself and got dressed. Mentally she prepares herself; she knew everyone will start questioning on her lateness today. As she stepped down the stairs, she was quite surprised to find the living hall was empty. Even the dining table had been cleared; she assumed everyone must have had their breakfast. She approached the kitchen, and noticed their ever-loyal butler Tony, delegating today's tasks to the other servants.
The servants noticed her presence and began to greet her warmly. Tony humbly approached her and informed her on everyone's whereabouts. He explained in detail about everyone, except for her husband.
Somehow Tony could sense her concern, and finally told her, "Mr. Walia had left for office early today, Bani maam. Mr. Bali accompanied him."
A feel of relief came over her. After what happened, she certainly wasn't ready to face him.
*****************************
He blinked hard, tried to concentrate what was in front of him. He could not make out how long he had been in this conference room, listening to the financial controllers of Walia Group of Industries explaining on the current year's turnovers. Once again he wondered, why he decided to call for this meeting today, when he should be at home. With his wife in his arms.
His wife... Since when did he start to regard Bani, as his wife? He used to remind her every single day; that she meant nothing to him and she was simply a replacement to her sister, Piya. He even felt satisfaction in hurting her emotionally.
A smile appeared on his lips unexpectedly. Without realizing, his attitude towards her began to change. He began to like waking up in the morning next to her; he loved seeing her smiling face every time he comes home from work, he loved seeing that blush which will appear on her cheeks when he would accidentally touch her. But she always remained distant to him, becoming a mystery for him to discover. He never really knew how she felt towards him. Not until last night...
He knew Roshni's presence at the party last night was a bad premonition. He was not really aware what was going on until he realized that Bani nowhere within his sight. Frantically he began questioning the other guests, but out of the blue Roshni came to his side, persuaded him to forget about his wife and enjoy the party.
"Dance with me, Jai? I just love this song," She put her hand on his arm flirtatiously.
He tried to refuse, but when she began tugging his arm, he gave in and reluctantly followed her to the dance floor. As a slow song was on, Roshni casually hooked her arms around his neck and began dancing. He was feeling totally uncomfortable. He looked down at her, who's clearly delirious after those drinks she had. He's aware that she moving closer to him, thus making their bodies touch while dancing.
"I've got to go now," he immediately broke free from her hold and walked past her. He could hear Roshni calling his name, but he simply ignored her. He was about to step into his car when he felt her pulled him back.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Roshni asked.
"What's wrong with me? You're asking what's wrong with me?" Jai asked back. "Damn it, it's you! Just look at you, you're not Roshni...the same Roshni I used to know."
They stood in silence for a moment.
"I'm sorry, Jai. I was just trying to fix us," she began to say.
"Fix 'us'? There is no more 'us', Roshni. I'm aware of that when you left me a year ago," Jai said bitterly. All of a sudden, everything became clear to him. "What did you say to Bani? No wonder she's upset... What did you say to her?!" He demanded.
"Bani." Roshni said with annoyance. "She doesn't love you like I do, Jai. You two got married because you wanted to save the family's name! And that too because Bani's little sister left you all alone at the altar," she added with more displeasure.
"Just shut up, Roshni. You have no idea what she had gone through," he told her quietly. He was surprised at his own statement. "I have to go. Goodbye."
He reached home, only to find Bani in their room, sobbing quietly to herself. For a moment he was not exactly sure what he was feeling. Part of him felt pleased, to see Bani is perfectly safe and unharmed, but at the same time he hated seeing tears staining her eyes. Carefully he approached her, but she avoided his eye contact all the time. He asked what was bothering her, but she quickly shrugged off his query, turning away from him.
Jai started to get impatient. He held her shoulders and made her face him. "What happened Bani? Please tell me?" he asked once again.
"It's nothing, Mr. Walia. I will... I will pack up... I'll leave tomorrow morning..." Bani told him between sobs.
"Leave?" He echoed. "What the hell are you talking about?" He gripped her hands by now, refusing to let her go until he gets the answer he wanted.
"You... and Roshni," her words were almost incomprehensible, as her sobs worsen.
He tried to clarify to her, that Roshni now meant nothing to him or whatever Roshni had told her were simply lies, but she shook her head, refused to listen to his explanations. He ignored her reactions and recklessly pulled her into his arms and held her close to him, a desperate attempt to persuade her to stop crying.
Finally her sobs subsided, but he could not bring himself to let her go. He kept caressing her hair, and felt Bani's head rested against his chest. He then moved his fingers to her face, and wiped the tears that tainted her cheeks. He held her chin, gently persuading her to look up to him, but she couldn't let her eyes meet his. The next thing he realised that he didn't fight his urge to kiss her.
Just one kiss and he was lost.
And everything else around him became irrelevant. He kissed her once again, marvelling at her sweetness, her innocence. Before he could comprehend what was going on, before he could figure out what was the indescribable maelstrom of sensations that overwhelmed his senses; both of them had landed on their bed, discovering each other's most intimate secrets.
He had constantly been aware of Bani to be attractive, but he had never seen her so beautiful, so desirable. He simply could not take his eyes off her. As she lay against the backdrop of the pale blue, rumpled sheets, hair had spread unreservedly over the pillow, her cheeks flushed, and her lips swollen from his kisses. By the wildest stretch of his imagination, he could not visualize himself turning away and refusing her.
And there had been nothing shy or hesitant about the way she touched him or any uncertainty in her tender caresses that had burned his skin and made him ache so much. Though no words were spoken, she made no secret to him of the pleasure she had found in his arms. He revelled at her responses she gave him, as he made love to her, every part, and every inch of her. Sweetly, intensely, thoroughly.
He took quite some time to comprehend what they shared. It was more than just a mere echo of passion. He felt as though they came together as two halves of a perfect whole.
He clamped down hard on his thoughts. It had happened and now it was over, and he foolishly made it perfectly clear enough. Like a coward he left this morning, leaving her all alone. Fear suddenly plagued him and questions began to flood his head mercilessly. What if she really decides to pack up and leave, just like what she told him last night?
He curled his hands into hard fists and stood up from his chair, causing everyone in the conference room to stare at him in shock.
"Jai? Is everything alright?" Aditya Bali who was seated next to him, voiced out his concern.
"Honestly, I don't know Adi. I just have to go now," Jai explained vaguely to Aditya as both of them began to pace out from the room.
"Go? Where? Jai, are you okay?" Aditya raised his brows, clearly confused with Jai's sudden change of behaviour. "What about the meeting?"
"Please wrap up without me Adi? Update me on the details later at home," Jai told him, and Aditya could only watch his brother-in-law walked into the elevator.
At moment he reached home, he scanned around for Bani, but he could not locate where his wife was. He then paced up the stairs, he was already panting when he finally reached in front of his bedroom. For the last time, a prayed quietly, hoping Bani would be there. He held his breath, and turned the knob.
He could not help but smile when he saw her, arranging fresh white lilies at the side table of their bed. She was totally unaware of his presence as she had her back facing him. And once again, he could not take his eyes off her. He had threaded the silky softness of her long hair last night and the orange sari she is wearing did nothing but accentuate her curves further.
"Bani."
For no reason at all, the timbre of his voice made her heart jump crazily. She turned, only to find him standing at the door. She noticed he had taken off his coal grey jacket and the silk scarf that matched his suit.
"Mr. Walia? I didn't expect you'd be home this soon." Bani was surprised at her the calmness of her own voice. She turned and let her back face him once again, as she waited for his response.
Suddenly, there was an enormous lump in his throat. As he watched her carefully handling the white lilies, he wished he knew what to say. Last night she had been so warm, so eager... He wanted to reach out and touch her, tell her how much last night meant to him, how much she meant to him but her manner indicated she wanted to distance herself from him. Now, she seemed almost cold and withdrawn, making it plain that last night was now a forgotten incident. Quietly, he cursed at himself, at his helplessness.
On the other hand, Bani waited miserably for his reply. She wondered what he must be thinking. The very fact that he had not referred anything on last night proved how little it must have meant to him. Sensing he was slowly approaching towards her, she took a deep breath before turning to face him once again. But this time she saw worry line edge his face.
"Bani about... about last night..." his voice trailed off. He stared at her intently before saying, "Bani, I'm sorry."
Heat began to flood her face; tears began to form on her eyes. He had voiced out his remorse after what had happened between them. Afraid with what he might say further, she walked away from him.
"We can't erase what that had happened. And no, Mr. Walia, I have no regrets," Her tears was flowing freely now.
Jai frowned when he heard her stifled sobs. Frustrated, he held her shoulders and gently forced her to turn to face him. He brought one hand to her face, his thumb brushing away her tears. The same exact manner he did last night.
"My darling wife," he began, and Bani looked at him in amazement. "Will you please stop crying and listen to me? I'm not sorry for what happened between us last night."
Bani wondered momentarily if she dared to believe what she was hearing.
"Bani, I'm sorry for putting you through so much misery, even after you've done so much for my family, for me. I'm sorry for not realising soon enough... or even have the guts to admit to myself what I feel for you," Jai began telling her.
Bani could hear raw emotion filled every word he spoke to her. Just one look into his eyes, she was convinced he was telling her the truth. Yet insecurity still clouded her mind.
"What about Roshni?" she asked.
"Whatever Roshni insinuated to you was for her own ends, Bani," he explained. He suddenly hang his head low. "And I'm sorry... damn it, I totally lost it last night. Knowing it was your first time, then to go on for so long..." He shook his head. He looked deeply disturbed, unable to excuse himself.
"But you didn't hurt me, Mr. Walia," Bani insisted quietly, appalled with her own honest outburst. She let her eyes locked with his, and that unexplainable tingle started once again, spreading like wild fire all over her.
Jai just took her in his arms, and kissed her forehead. He smiled, relishing the warm feel of her against him. Bani let her head rest against his chest, as she listened to the faint rhythm of his heartbeats.
"I can't pretend last night was just a dream, Bani. I don't even want to imagine what my life would be without you," he whispered. "And I'm afraid tonight just won't be long enough for me to show you how much I need you." He held her chin, as he let his thumb trace the blush that rose to her cheeks.
She glanced up, and gave him her golden smile. "I took a vow, and made a promise to you. I'm not going anywhere, Mr. Walia." She brought her hand to his face, imitating his action. "Pleased?" She asked him, her smile never leaving her face.
"Pleased?" He echoed. "Most definitely." He added, and let his hand curl around her waist. He finally found her, his love... Love that gave his life a new meaning and he was never going to let it go.
The End