CHAPTER 13 C
That moment was the scariest of all- the dream that i had been scared of all my life just popped out as the harsh reality today. I was breathing heavily, trying hard to drink in the truth. "Nandini .are you alright? What nightmare are you talking about?" I could hear Aryaman's faint voice in my head, composing myself I replied with weird pauses in between," I always had this nightmare wh..where a blur face of a women would...would ask me to go out and play...the moment I used to be out I would hear a lou..loud noise and would see that house burn into ashes, with just smoke and fire everywhere..." I looked up at Aryaman and Aunt Nyonika who could'nt join in the dots and replied in a whisper," This is that house!!" I saw Aunt Nyonika's face change into an expression of shock; it was a big revelation for her, a part of the truth about her sister's unknown death, while Aryaman could only sympathize with us both. The next moment I know Aunt Nyonika pulled me into a tight hug. It was a difficult moment for both of us and I don't know why but I felt this need to talk to mom, the one who brought me up. Breaking the hug I looked into Nyonika Aunt' eyes and asked with a heavy heart," I want to talk to my Mom, I know you still are in a contact with her, please...please!" It was weird how even after all this I wasn't crying but the very mention of Mom made my eyes wet and my voice trembling. Aunt Nyonika simply nodded at my request and dialed her number and handed me the phone. I could hear her phone ring and found my heartbeats thumping with an unimaginable speed. I lost my voice when I heard her voice from across the room," Hello! Nyonika?" I could feel my stomach turn and unexpectedly a loud wail escaped through my mouth," MOM!!!!m..mom.." I could'nt speak anything else and I heard her gasp, "Nandini! Is that you?" It was stupid of me but instead of speaking out aloud I nodded my head and kept on crying," Ohh my dear, why are you crying honey, and why did you call me from your Aunt's phone...did she tell you?" Her sweet voice filled me up with nostalgia and her fearful tone ripped my heart apart. It was the truth, Aunt Nyonika wasn't lying, her fear told me all, she wasn't my real mom," M..om, ple..please say that yu..you are my mother...you are mm..my mother, aa..nd all of this is a lie..Mm.mom!!" I don't remember the last time I had cried with this intensity, crying was really not me...the last time I cried like this was when mom told me about me leaving her and Delhi, but even then I just cried, but this time I could hardly breath. My face was completely wet, I was hiccupping in between and my voice was hardly audible. "Ohh my dear..of course I am your mother..yes I didn't give you birth, yes I didn't carry you for 9 months in my womb but I surely did brought you up for 13 of your life, you were the only reason of my existence Nandini, you are, were and will always be my daughter.." Hadit been any other occasion, such words would have made me angry because such things only looked like flattery to me, but right now they were my only solace, I found a weird peace when she called me her daughter," You promise!!" I asked her in between my hiccups and I could feel her smiling across the phone," I promise sweetheart..i love you my bachcha.." Her voice was trembling but her words were coated with love..i felt my heartbeat come back to normal and replied with utmost sincerity and honesty," I love you too Mom." She then disconnected the call while I was still shedding silent tears and I ran out of her house to the porch area.
I don't know how long I had cried but I was sure it had been hours since then. I was silent now but I could feel cheeks tighten up because of the continuous crying, my eyes had turned puffy and I was looking at the clouds and the depth they carried. I could feel Aryaman come and join me. He sat just beside me without any voice and started staring at the clouds just like me. I was in 8 standard when for the first time i realized the meaning of death." I looked at Aryaman who by then had already faced me because of my sudden words. Looking back at the clouds I continued," I had found a small bird in my backyard and I tried my best to save its life..unfortunately I couldn't, but just before it died I saw it trembling, looking at me with pleading eyes, asking me to save it..but I couldn't do it and it died in my hands. That day I realized what helplessness really was..and I for the first time got introduced to the feeling of guilt and fear in literal sense. You know before my father left me, when I was really young, he told me something, he said in his heavy voice-choopoo, the feeling of guilt is the most painful emotion. That day when I saw that bird dying I understood what he meant and I understood what fear was. I thought fear was the emotion of helplessness when we are left all alone to fight." I looked at him again and saw him nodding at me and I continued," Few months later I realized something else..the fear of death was the greatest, even bigger than helplessness but then I thought again and I found my answer, Death was peaceful, the torture was feeling that fear of death that we experience before we sleep forever, just like that bird experienced- I understood that we do not die when we stop breathing, we die just seconds before we sleep..we die while we are still alive. That thought scared me, and I started to fear that feeling of death and then the ultimate reality struck me- life was precious because we feared death, without death, life had no meaning. Ever since then my biggest fear had been the fear of death and then today I felt something more intense, something I could have never thought." I looked straight into Aryaman's eyes and said," I realized the fear of being alive, the fear of facing your reality everyday..i feared life!" Aryaman looked at me and sighed, I knew my words disturbed him but it was just a fraction of what I was feeling right now..he knew nothing.
It had been quite long and it was evening by now, my mood was still better and Aryaman helped me a lot, he made fire in front of my eyes and it was beautiful. I had been trying to do the same but it was not happening," It wont happen like that Nandini, you need to have appropriate training for that." I sighed and looked at him," And how am I suppose to get that?" I huffed at his stupidness. " The way I got it, you will be trained!" My eyes popped out when he said that." And who will train me, you?"He laughed at me and replied," I wouldn't mind but no, you will come with me tomorrow, your training starts from tomorrow, in the woods, with hundreds of other students like you and like me." I was curious about this new information," There are others?" He quietly nodded while relaxed a bit, at least now I was not the odd one out and just ten something struck me," Aryaman, yesterday when all that happened, Madhyam..he kind of saw my past.. I mean I know it sounds crazy but I swear he touched my hands and then like a fil my past passed through my eyes and he saw it as well, how did he do that." I had got really excited by then. This question had been bothering me since long but Aryaman seemed chilled out about the new information. " Yeah I know, that is his macula." I stared deep into his eyes at the mention of a new phenomenon I wasn't told about," What is a macula?" I asked him with curiosity. He faced me and then took in a deep breath," Macula is like a tattoo that is given to a hunter once he/she turns 16. A macula is not just a tattoo, it is like a power, something like your macula determines the kind of power you will possess." Aryaman replied rather coolly but it surely did blow my head off," No wait! I didnt really understand" Aryaman smiled at my shocked face and replied," Of course you did Nandini, that face of yours explained it all to me. Don't worry, its really cool, its like the thing that all hunters wait for, and tha is the reason why you were sent here just 1 month before your 16 birthday, because you surely couldn't have handled its power without any prior knowledge and training." I was gaping at him like a dumb ass," Aryaman seriously, what all have you hidden from me, Why didn't you tell me this earlier." That jerked chuckled at my question and raised his shoulders," I thought it would be too much for you at that time." If looks could kill I swear Aryaman would have been a dead man by now," Oh yeah sure...so you wanna say that being able to see someone's past is Madhyam's macula." He nodded at my question," Yeah, Madhyam can see your past, all he needs to do is touch you."This was interesting, I was thinking about this when Soha's skeleton tattoo crossed my mind," Ok so before we went to Mussoorie, that night, I saw a skeleton tattoo on Soah's ankle, what does that mean." Aryaman looked at the clouds again and replied," Umm..Soha has a really powerful macula, she is like a X-ray machine. She can point out the weakest part about you, be it physically or mentally." Well explained a lot," So that is how she knew what was going on in my mind when I first came...thats how she knew I was thinking about mom abandoning me!" OMG I just figured out the most irritating question. Aryaman was smiling at my curiosity," What is you macula?" I asked him like a child, I really wanted to know about his," I am a fox, I can run fast like a fox, my senses are more sensitive and yeah, I can manipulate people just like a fox." He winked at me while I rolled my eyes," Show me your macula na!" He giggled and pulled up his shirt sleeve. On his left arm was a tattoo of a fox. It was beautiful. "What about Mukti and Abhimanue? What is their macula?" I asked him still staring at his," Mukti can control electricity and Abhi can see the future." My eyes shot up at the new information," Really? Abhimanue can see the future! How?" Aryaman laughed at me," How would I know stupid, ask him tomorrow when you meet him during the training." I smiled at the very thought of it, for the first time I was excited about my birthday. Just two weeks more and I would get my macula. I was still thinking about this when Nyonika Aunt came out and broke my trance
Debate Mansion
