A.N.: Surprised?
You guys almos belived I've left the story in the middle right? Even I started to feel so. But anyway, to those who are stull interested in following the story, the much awaited 'talk' is here.
Read it and let me know if I am still good or if I have ruined this because I'm writing after more than a month. Exams theee yaaar.
And, let the bashing begin ;)
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Chapter 14
Manik's POV
I knew she might not even come but still I had to be prepared. Well honestly I had no idea which preparation I am talking about because everything that I was prepared to do was dumped into the trash can. I was going to give her the kind of proposal she always dreamt of but nothing of that sort is going to happen. Now I have to face her hatred and everybody knows, every person in this world who can love someone unconditionally has the power to hate uncontrollably too.
"Dude, Cabir told me everything. What are you going to do now. In no time everybody would be coming."
"I don't know Maddy. I have no idea about what I should do. I am not even able to guess what she might be thinking right now and how she would react. She has always been so unpredictable."
"listen. Calm down first. We'll figure it out. You just go and get ready. We'll take care about rest of the things, okay?"
I nodded and left from there.
I went to my room and changed into the party wears. I was going to dress up formally in white for her as white s her favourite colour but now I wanted to wear anything but that.
The party was going on its full swing and everybody was enjoying themselves. This is the thing about inviting friends who are more like strangers. Nobody really cares what the other person is going through. They are just here to have a blast, dance till their muscles ache and consume alcohol till their head spins.
There wasn't even a single sign of Nandini. Her friends came in a little later. There faces told me they have no idea about the events that have already taken place.
"Hi everybody"
I went to them to know if they have any information.
"Hi Manik. Great party buddy"
"Thanks Arya!"
"Manik, why isn't Nandini here yet?"
Mukti asked me. Her eyes were piercing right into my soul. She already had a doubt on me. God! This girl and her instincts. How does she always manage to do this?
"I don't know Mukti. You guys must be knowing better."
"Oh really! Who's the one she spends her maximum time with?"
Here comes Navya.
Nandini and her girl friends.
But before I could answer, we heard Aryaman say,
"Thank god you picked up your phone. Where the hell are you lost?"
"What's wrong?" (As soon as those words left Aryaman's mouth, all eyes turned at me and I stood there like a criminal)
"Okay cool"
He hung up the call.
"She said she'll be here in 20"
He answered before anybody could raise the question.
I left them as soon as I realised she would be here in 20 minutes and I still don't have any idea what I should be doing.
"Guys what do I do?"
I was panicking like shit and all my friends were hell calm.
Cabir walked to my closet and took out the guitar. He handed it over to me and said,
"Go for it."
I always had a hobby of singing and I was pretty good at it but I never let anybody know. In fact, till Nandini was here she always thought that I don't even qualify as a bathroom singer.
But they were right. If there's anyway I could convey her what I want to without actually saying it, it is through that one song.
It was half n hour since Aryaman had the telephonic conversation with her and all of us were prepared. Maddy had told everyone to get go the sides ant empty the central area. Dhruv had to put the spot light on her and Cabir was supposed to inform us as soon as she arrives. Also, Abhimanyu had the responsibility to control our wild cat, Mukti.
After few more minutes Cabir told us she has reached and each of us took our positions.
As soon as she walked in, the spot light was put on her and I began with the music.
I loved the lyrics of that song since the very first day I heard them and realised how well they relate to my life and my emotions. And I don't know if there's any other person who gets affected by a song more that Nandini does. It was the best I could do in this moment.
I began with the tunes and started singing turning towards her. My heart stopped the same way as it did years ago when we came back to school after I broke up with her and saw her for the first time. She had absolutely the same expressions. Eyes swollen, cheeks puffed up and that blank look.
I continued singing and it was very obvious how hard we both were trying not to cry.
I finished the song looking straight into her eyes. I tried to read what was going inside her head but I couldn't. She had once again closed all the windows to peek inside her soul as she did earlier. During these few months that I spent with her, I thought I was starting to know her again but I guess I forgot it wasn't really her. But now the real Nandini was standing in front of me and I didn't knowing about her.
I had no idea when she covered the distance between us and stood right in front of me.
"See me on the terrace. We need to talk"
That was all she said and left the place.
Nandini's POV
I moved to the terrace and was gazing at the stars when Manik came. I wasn't crying anymore. Tears make us weak and what I was going to do needed me to be strong af.
"Hi", he started.
"hey!"
"So how does it feel to remember everything after so long?"
"Pretty f**ked up!"
I answered and both of us chuckled.
And then, silence peeped in. Long and unbearable silence.
It was way too long since both of stood there saying nothing and it was now making me restless.
"so your diary..." I began again.
"Yeah. I heard you've read it."
"yeah. I did"; "and I loved that picture of mine"
He smiled.
"Yeah I took it earlier. Secretly."
"So, since when have you been writing it?"
"You've read it Nandu. I've been maintaining it since the first day I saw you."
"yeah Right.. stupid question.!"
Silence. Again.
He came near me and held me by my arms.
"Nandini?"
"Hmm"
"Will you ever be able to forgive me?"
There he goes. The only question I have no answer to.
"Forgive you? Forgive you for what Manik?"
I wanted him to say it. On my face.
"For everything. For ruining what we had. For playing with your emotions. For leaving you like that. For not accepting you. For being so stupid. For.."
"For being selfish?"
I completed his sentence.
"yeah.."
"No Manik. You shouldn't be sorry for being selfish. Who isn't? Tell me? Everybody is selfish. And the few people who aren't are the ones who end up making fool of themselves. What you did wasn't wrong. In fact, what you did was in a way very right.
We came together at a very young age Manik and that is no time for two people to get settled with the other. You had your entire life in front of you. Obviously, you wouldn't have wasted it with me. Where would have been all the adventure gone? How would have you scored on different girls? How would have you experience love, lust, liking, hatred, guilt, heart break and all these exciting emotions that ever teenagers goes through, if you would have decided to stay with me the whole time. You were not wrong Manik. You were never wrong.
In fact I was the one who was naive, foolish and stupid. I am the one who wasted years crying for something that wasn't meant to be. Something that wasn't supposed to be. Something that didn't even happen.
54 days? Really? That was all that it was. And I practically screwed 5 years of my life for those 54 days that we thought ourselves to be in love."
He was numb. He wasn't expecting this. He probably would have been expecting me too shout at him for leaving me and for making me cry and everything but what he doesn't know is that I have moved past that. Enough experience has shown me the mirror to the real world. And this is what the reality was. This is what I had understood and it was his turn to accept it too.
"Then why did you leave Nandini? Everything was fine. You told me earlier you have no grudges against me. When we met at the farewell before you left and you asked me to kiss you, and the moment we kissed, I had realised how much I am in love with you. I wanted to tell you everything but you were gone. Tell me, tell me why did you go?"
"I had decided to leave months before that kiss happened Manik. It only happened to be a coincidence that the date of our farewell was set up just the day before I was going to leave.
I wasn't actually going to leave like that without informing everybody. I really wanted to meet each of my friends before going away but when I got to know that I'll be meeting them anyway before leaving, I decided to stay quiet.
I wanted to move on with my life Manik. Each and every person who knew me here, knew about you and what happened in the past. My life was like an open book. Everybody knew me and everybody had to say something about it. I was fed up of it. I was fed up of the similar environment where everybody is crying over a nonsense messed up relationship and I have to give them example of me coping up with mine and advice them and explain them that life is much more than these shitty teenage love stories. I was tired of being in the same zone. I wanted to start a fresh life. I wanted to completely move on and get away from everything.
That kiss was just like a memento. The most beautiful memory of ours that I wanted to take along. It wasn't like I moved away because of that little moment. That little moment happened because I was going to move. "
"Okay so we have no problem between us? You are not angry at me for not being with you, for making you cry, for breaking your heart and the new information that you must have got after reading the diary.. that I went through the same and I did not acknowledge my love for you just because I assumed that my friends wouldn't approve of you?"
"I am not angry with you for making me cry but for making yourself go through all that. Because that is not being selfish. That is compromising with yourself and that is one thing that you shouldn't have done. You should have said it, everything that you thought or felt. You expected Madhaym to understand you but that doesn't happen. Nobody understands. You have to speak for yourself. And in the first place, you should have trusted your friendship. If you chose to decide your life opinion on what your friends think is right, then at least you should have been sure if they are worthy of it or not. If they can't respect your choice and your decision then they on't deserved such truthfulness from your side. But they were right, it was you who assumed stuff. They would have respected your decision.
But Manik that's just one reason. If it wasn't for this reason then it would have been something else because it was just not meant for us to be together. So its okay. Relax now. We're fine."
I had said it all. Whatever I thought was right.
"We're fine? You mean.. we.. we can be together? ..forever? Nandu?"
NO. NO. NO.
He became pretty excited and was coming towards me when I stopped him mid-way.
"these words.. together'.. forever'.. they don't exist in my dictionary anymore.
Manik we're good as friends. We should have remained as friends in the first place. We are better off this way. You were right about us."
"No Nandini.. no no no. You were right. You were right when you said we can never be friends. We've always had something between us and it definitely isn't frienship."
"Manik listen.."
"No Nandini you listen to me. Enough of beating around the bushes. The bottom line is I love you and you love me. And may be we had to go through all this to realise how strong our love is and now .."
"you don't love me Manik"
"What?"
"You heard me and this is what the truth is."
"oh god Nandini you know I do. I can't believe you would say that even after reading the diary. Didn't you realise how much I have loved you. Always."
"That was not love Manik that was obsession followed by guilt?"
"What rubbish Nandini? Are you even hearing yourself?"
"Yes Manik. I know what I am saying. When we first me, you were so impressed with me that you wanted to know me more and more. We spent great quality time together and became the best of friends. That's when we thought that we are actually in love but we weren't. We were too young to even understand what true love is. And then after things between us got ugly, a sense of guilt engulfed you since the day you saw tears in my eyes because of you. And since then until today, it is that guilt that made you so obsessed with me that you started to believe that you love me. No Manik. You don't love me"
"Really? And what about you loving me? Don't you?"
"I don't know. I don't know if at all I ever loved you. Yes I felt it to be love earlier and I still believe I loved you then but now, I'm not sure. I'm not sure whether I love you for real or it is just about the fact that I always thought that I love you and so I still feel I do. I have no reason to love you Manik. I have no idea who you are or what kind of a person you have become . All those reasons that made me fall in love with you, I don't know if they are still in you or you've changed. I don't.."
"Nandiniii. Shut up. Just shut up. This is all crap, okay. Why do you think you are right? What am I? Stupid? What is everybody else who knows and believes that we love each other? Are they all idiot? All of us our dumb and we don't know what true love is and you're the only smart head who knows everything, right?
No nandini you are wrong. You cannot be right, all the damn time."
"Everybody knows and believes only what we have told them or shown them. They don't live inside us. Nobody understands us more than we do.
And if not for you, I can at least speak for myself. I don't know if I love you or not."
I said and started to move away.
"Where do you think you are going?"
He said again.
"Running away from this all over again, huh?
"I think we've spoken all that we had to and you clearly don't want to understand anything."
"And you want to? You too aren't understanding what I am saying."
"Okay fine. I do. What do you want me to do now?"
"Be with me."
"and how do you think it is possible?
"wht not?"
"Because I would have to go back. To canada."
A.N.: Will update soon. :p
Stay blessed
Love,
Asmi <3
Edited by asmi.6 - 9 years ago
CID
Anupamaa
Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon
