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Chapter 5 I guess!
It has been 4 weeks since I had slept properly.
(Ohky! Most major part! I don't think like I remember on of my dr friend told me that it's actually impossible for a human to not sleep even a wink for a certain days! I don't exactly remember but it was sth like that! So is it abnormal trait of her or impossible thing)
Sometimes I felt those sheep turning into dragons and started free roaming on their own as if my mind was their universe. With a continuous, carnivsaleque atmosphere inside my head, falling asleep seemed like a remote dream. I was aware of course that it was not real' and it existed only in my thoughts but oh, it was so beautiful all the same!
( this trait... Hmm I would say of course not normal but it's one of usual thing that people do to distract themselves... Like uhm.. I used to mummer backcounting when i was being injected... And the sheep being turning into dragon and stuff.. I think it just part of wild imagination... Imagination can be in anything in any and every impossible way... So no descent here at least for me then y did u made it in bold! Urghh! Am I too dumb for this! LOL)
I was becoming increasingly disregardful of my appearance too. I had lost a lot of weight. My already thin frame now looked positively haggard. My eyes took a haunted appearance. Ye t they glowed with a kind of energy. But these days I simply could not meet my own eyes in the mirror. As soon as I saw my reflection while brushing my teeth, I would look away hastily, averting my own glance. I hated looking at myself and so I managed with the bare minimum of personal grooming. I simply did not care anymore.
( GAL! U making me doubt myself! Coz I relate to her at many phases... Yeah it's normal to once not care about ur looks and stuff... Even due to study pressure I too had faced that.. Ohky I got it! Nandini doesn't have any stress like that to not care about herself!
No it can be two reasons, one these things are getting toll of her and second it's something to do with past. Hmm.. Go with first)
Parents outburst was a natural thing to these situation and I don't think they over reacted keeping in mind how Indian families especially the conservative ones are.
HE is not a mad bas***d, dad. HE IS DEAD. I wanted to say it but the words stuck somewhere in my throat and did not come out.
( f**k! That's height dammit! I don't even know who is HE and this HE is already dead... Buhahahahaa!
But on serious note! Is he dead in real or dead for her?)
Till now I was having this vague feeling in my mind but now when my mother actually spoke that. I was certain about me being it. I knew she was not entirely correct. It was not as if I had actively pursued or wooed any of these guys. It was they who had pursued me. I had not trapped them in any way. In HIS'S case I had not even told HIM I loved HIM. The logical part of me said that I was not responsible in any way. But there was no escape from the feelings that I was to blame in some way. Feelings are powerful and logic was crushed under its weight. I was governed by them, not by logic.
( again! It's a normal thing! She had doubts about it few nights back and today her mom actually gave her random thought words... How is this abnormal... It's absolutely normal to think this way!)
went to my room and lay down. I felt empty. A huge, dark void was inside me now. It was like a phantom pain which amputees experience when a limb is cut off. The limb does not exist anymore but the pain they feel in that limb which no longer exists is very real. I wanted it to stop. I wanted no more of this agony. I curled up my fist as tightly as I could and the finger nails dug deep into the flesh of my palm. I did it again and again. I could bear this. It was not like the phantom pain which was terrifyingly unbearable. I made my way to the bathroom and opened the cabinet which had cotton and Dettol. I applied undiluted Dettol directly on the cut. It stung sharply and almost burnt. Oddly, I felt comforted.
( once again! THIS IS NOT EXACTLY NORMAL BUT IN A WAY ITS NOT EVEN INSANE... Very very normal thing for teens... And when u are way attached to things around u or someone... It's happens... Then y did u put them in bold))
(f**k am I too dumb for this story or I am just as insane as Nandini! As I am finding max things normal to certain extent. )
Cabir I said she has forgotten me.she didn't even looked at me while passing by. I don't even know whether she has received my letter or not! Probably it felt she thinks I am dead" I said what I felt though I was confused as he struck the correct chord of my mind. "what if she is actually waiting for me" I thought
(Please say! This HE IS MANIK ITSELF)
It has been 4 weeks since I had slept properly.
(Ohky! Most major part! I don't think like I remember on of my dr friend told me that it's actually impossible for a human to not sleep even a wink for a certain days! I don't exactly remember but it was sth like that! So is it abnormal trait of her or impossible thing)
Sometimes I felt those sheep turning into dragons and started free roaming on their own as if my mind was their universe. With a continuous, carnivsaleque atmosphere inside my head, falling asleep seemed like a remote dream. I was aware of course that it was not real' and it existed only in my thoughts but oh, it was so beautiful all the same!
( this trait... Hmm I would say of course not normal but it's one of usual thing that people do to distract themselves... Like uhm.. I used to mummer backcounting when i was being injected... And the sheep being turning into dragon and stuff.. I think it just part of wild imagination... Imagination can be in anything in any and every impossible way... So no descent here at least for me then y did u made it in bold! Urghh! Am I too dumb for this! LOL)
I was becoming increasingly disregardful of my appearance too. I had lost a lot of weight. My already thin frame now looked positively haggard. My eyes took a haunted appearance. Ye t they glowed with a kind of energy. But these days I simply could not meet my own eyes in the mirror. As soon as I saw my reflection while brushing my teeth, I would look away hastily, averting my own glance. I hated looking at myself and so I managed with the bare minimum of personal grooming. I simply did not care anymore.
( GAL! U making me doubt myself! Coz I relate to her at many phases... Yeah it's normal to once not care about ur looks and stuff... Even due to study pressure I too had faced that.. Ohky I got it! Nandini doesn't have any stress like that to not care about herself!
No it can be two reasons, one these things are getting toll of her and second it's something to do with past. Hmm.. Go with first)
Parents outburst was a natural thing to these situation and I don't think they over reacted keeping in mind how Indian families especially the conservative ones are.
HE is not a mad bas***d, dad. HE IS DEAD. I wanted to say it but the words stuck somewhere in my throat and did not come out.
( f**k! That's height dammit! I don't even know who is HE and this HE is already dead... Buhahahahaa!
But on serious note! Is he dead in real or dead for her?)
Till now I was having this vague feeling in my mind but now when my mother actually spoke that. I was certain about me being it. I knew she was not entirely correct. It was not as if I had actively pursued or wooed any of these guys. It was they who had pursued me. I had not trapped them in any way. In HIS'S case I had not even told HIM I loved HIM. The logical part of me said that I was not responsible in any way. But there was no escape from the feelings that I was to blame in some way. Feelings are powerful and logic was crushed under its weight. I was governed by them, not by logic.
( again! It's a normal thing! She had doubts about it few nights back and today her mom actually gave her random thought words... How is this abnormal... It's absolutely normal to think this way!)
went to my room and lay down. I felt empty. A huge, dark void was inside me now. It was like a phantom pain which amputees experience when a limb is cut off. The limb does not exist anymore but the pain they feel in that limb which no longer exists is very real. I wanted it to stop. I wanted no more of this agony. I curled up my fist as tightly as I could and the finger nails dug deep into the flesh of my palm. I did it again and again. I could bear this. It was not like the phantom pain which was terrifyingly unbearable. I made my way to the bathroom and opened the cabinet which had cotton and Dettol. I applied undiluted Dettol directly on the cut. It stung sharply and almost burnt. Oddly, I felt comforted.
( once again! THIS IS NOT EXACTLY NORMAL BUT IN A WAY ITS NOT EVEN INSANE... Very very normal thing for teens... And when u are way attached to things around u or someone... It's happens... Then y did u put them in bold))
(f**k am I too dumb for this story or I am just as insane as Nandini! As I am finding max things normal to certain extent. )
Cabir I said she has forgotten me.she didn't even looked at me while passing by. I don't even know whether she has received my letter or not! Probably it felt she thinks I am dead" I said what I felt though I was confused as he struck the correct chord of my mind. "what if she is actually waiting for me" I thought
(Please say! This HE IS MANIK ITSELF)
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