Manik Malhotra didn't think of himself as a rash driver. Oh, who was he kidding? It was a miracle that he had not managed to get himself into an accident considering the speed at which he drove. However, the thought of landing in a hospital was the furthest from his mind as he possibly broke all traffic rules known to man. He had to get to her. He knew he had to see her.
His car screeched to a halt outside her house, his head jerking at the impact. Muttering curses at the tears pricking his eyes, he got out of the car, slamming his door shut with such force that it was a surprise that it didn't fall off the hinges. His eyes shot to the window he knew was hers, and his lips couldn't help but turn upwards, at the thought of the last time he'd been here like this. His slight smile turned into a silent cry as he shook his head at the reason for his abrupt arrival outside her house. His eyes turned to her window once again and what caught his eye also broke his heart into a thousand pieces.
Nandini Moorthy was sitting by the window, jar of fireflies in hand, and muttering something incoherently. Manik's breath caught as he stared at her ranting form - he didn't know what she was saying, but the slight smile on his face and the glowing fireflies gave it away. He was the object of her musings, like he had wanted to be. He saw her gaze widening towards the jar of fireflies before staring right at him. He barely had the chance to be flustered before the front door flew open softly and she was standing before him, eyes sparkling, breathless.
'Aiyaaapppa, yeh ladka kitna impatient hai!?', he heard her mutter teasingly, and he couldn't help but join in as he let a ghost of a smile to linger on his face, when all he wanted to do was cry out in helplessness.
Nandini quickly stopped smiling as she took in his gargantuan form before her. His haunted eyes, screamed for her, the torn pallor of his face telling her what she needed to know - her Monster was damaged and she could practically see his aura being engulfed in darkness as his shoulders hunched. The confidently reckless Manik Malhotra stood before her, a broken man. She didn't waste a single moment in striding towards him and engulfing him in a hug and squeezing his limp form tightly in her arms. She didn't realise when she had stiffened in her posture, but as his arms slowly came around her, she felt the agitation leaving her body. They stayed like that for what seemed like ages, but was only a couple of seconds in reality. Those couple of seconds were all that Nandini needed, to know that her life was going to turn upside down and she wouldn't be able to do a single thing to stop it. Those minute frames of time were all that Manik needed, to know that he would never be able to truly let go off her.
She released him from the hug, and grabbed his hand, walking towards the apartment complex's garden. All Manik could do was follow her, head hung, but mind clearer than a couple of hours ago. She sat him down on the bench, and followed suit. Manik realised that he couldn't meet her eyes - not before what he was about to tell her. He felt tiny hands cupping his cheeks and lifting his head. His chocolate orbs met hers and that was all it took for him to lose the thin shred of control he had over his emotions. The salty water trickled down his face as he stared at her - the frown marring her features as her own eyes became glassy.
'Manik? Kya hua?', she spoke softly, trying to control the slight tremble in her voice as she took in, his vulnerable, torn features.
All he could do was shake his head as the tears continued to pour down his cheeks. He never realised when he let out a soft yelp of helplessness, but Nandini found it hard to even ignore the sound of his ragged breathing.
'Manik? You know what Amms says? That if you feel overwhelmed, you should let it all out - doesn't matter if it's by talking, singing, yelling, crying. You just need to let it all out to feel lighter. So do it. Do whatever it is that'll make you feel lighter'
'Can I...can I hug you?'he replied in a voice that could only be associated with that of a lost little boy.
Nandini wasted no time in enveloping him in her arms once more, his form shaking as he silently cried on her shoulder, hugging her back as fiercely as he could, perhaps for the last time? She gently rubbed her hands on his back, soothing him, acting as a balm on his tortured spirit. Manik shut his eyes tightly, letting the tears fall rapidly on the sleeve of her kurta, finding some solace as the feeling of helplessness overcomes him once more. He had tried everything - throwing things around, breaking more than half the breakable items present in his room, but nothing could calm him down. Nothing could compare to the kind of 'healing' he felt as he saw her sitting in front of him, whispering 'sab theek ho jaayega' into his ears. He knew he couldn't prolong the news anymore, and so he slowly, much to his own chagrin, detangled himself from her.
'Nandini, woh..damnit! I don't even know how to say this to you!', Manik cried out in frustration, slapping his fist on the bench he was seated on.
'Manik!' she scolded, immediately grabbing his red knuckled hand into her own, caressing it gently; so much so that his next words died on his lips, as his haunted gaze softened, and his other hand reached up on its own will, stroking her hair softly.
'Woh..Spot..main..tum..', he tried once more, cursing himself repeatedly for not being able to get his words out in a flow.
'Manik, you remember that time before the inter-college competition when we were at Alya's house? The time by the tree?' she reminded softly, and his mind went to happier times - times when everything seemed much simpler, and he gave a slow nod.
'You remember how we took a break from all the fighting and just spilled out whatever it was that was bothering us? I want you to do the same right now. Just...spill out whatever is bothering you?', she pleaded, wanting to wipe this look of defeat on his face now, and forever - she could never see her Monster defeated. She couldn't let her man lose. And if she could contribute even an iota of all she had to see him win, then damn it all, she'd do it.
Manik took a deep breath and braced himself for the storm that was about to take over the calm. 'Nandini. I..I love you' He gave out a wry chuckle at the look of surprised adoration that took over her features, and continued. 'But..so does Dhruv.'
Nothing could have prepared Nandini for his last few words. She was taken aback, and saying that would be a gross understatement. She had always been perceptive and as she took in his forlorn form, sitting next to her, clutching his hand in his tightly, she quickly caught onto the way this conversation was going to shape up, and she knew that the feeling of someone punching her in the gut was her own heart breaking into a million pieces. She gave a sarcastic smile as she realised that her posture had begun to resemble Manik's by the second.
'And you know what he told me, Nandu? He told me, that I shouldn't spoil it for him - he told me that I should keep aside whatever I was feeling for you. Now obviously, he is thinking of the 'deep rooted hatred' we seem to have for one another, but my head just spun when I heard him say that. Main..toot gaya. Main...tum...I let you down Nandini. I didn't abide by my words of never hurting you. You don't know how much I've struggled with myself in order to tell you what I am. I had to tell you, Nandini. I couldn't sit with myself, distance myself, or treat you like some sort of garbage after the most special night that we've had and I didn't know what to do. I still don't know what to do. Dhruv..Dhruv is my family. And you're my anchor. You keep me from drowning, Nandu. What...what do I do?'
She took a deep breath and freed her hand from his grasp. He looked at her in shock and pain and his gaze softened as soon as he felt her cupping his cheeks once more. He'd never felt more broken. He'd never thought that he had the emotional range to feel so broken - not after all the walls he'd build around himself in order to save himself from falling apart. But weren't there a lot of first times when it came to Nandini Moorthy, anyway? Shaking his head, he raised his gaze to her face and wasn't surprised to find her cheeks wet from the salty water that had dropped from her eyes.
'Listen to me, Manik Malhotra. You are my Monster. You aren't a weak being. You aren't defeated easily. And as far as I'm concerned? Dhruv is a friend. A very special friend and I'll always care for him. He was my second ever friend in SPACE and he was always looking for ways to save me, when he didn't have to, and he has always made me smile.', she whispered out, never leaving his eyes once, not even when his gaze turned tortured at her words, perhaps berating himself for what he did to her in the past. She quickly carried on.
'But Manik, there is a difference. YOU make me smile by being who you ARE. You are my Monster - a tough being who can be ruthless for the people he loves and in order to protect his fortress that prevents anyone from hurting him. I'm in love with that guy who has promised not to hurt me, I'm in love with the guy who has let me in. I'm in love with YOU. YOU'RE the one who is going to be in my every prayer. And YOU are the one for whom I'd like to shine..now and forever. And I know you'd want nothing more than to sacrifice your feelings for your brother like friend, but is that really how it's supposed to go down?' Nandini ground out, feeling more confident , than she did a couple of minutes ago. Manik looked on, guilt consuming him once more.
'Isme kaun khush rahega, Manik? Dhruv doesn't need someone's pity; he needs someone who will love him more than life itself! That someone is not ME! Main tumse pyaar karti hoon, tum mujhse pyaar karte ho, lekin sacrifice tumhe karna hai because Dhruv mujhse pyaar karta hai? Kya logic hai iss baat ka?' she grated out, frustration and helplessness tinting her voice.
Manik let his tears flow freely, his hands covering hers on his cheek, touching his forehead to hers. He thought back to every single word she had uttered, letting the comfortable and yet painful silence surround the two o them. Nandini, on the other hand, could feel nothing but a sense of deep loss. What if whatever she had said, didn't sway Manik in his decision of making the stupid sacrifice? After what seemed like a million hours, he finally gathered the courage to look at her, staring at the hope evidently etched on her face.
'Nandini?'
'Hmm?'
Even that slightest hum from her made his heart beat faster, and he wanted nothing more than to keep her in his arms for as long as she'd have him. He was incapable of going away from her. He thought back to all the times when he'd end up seeking her out, especially when she was looking for him. The light she kept within her as nothing short of magnetic for him. And he knew he was unable to let go off her. He'd be a fool to lose his anchor, he would be crazy to walk away, and he would be an idiot to even THINK about going back to being an empty shell of a person, craving love that he never had beyond the capacity of his friends. Which is why, he said what he did next.
'Thank you for being my firefly.'
The watery smile she let out, her eyes holding all the love she had for him, let him know that his decision had been the right one. The weight seemed to lift off his shoulders, and his body crumpled with relief. And that's where we shall leave them; because what happens tomorrow will be another story for another time; for tomorrow is uncertain, but today? Today they're content in sitting on that park bench, soaking up the warmth, the love and most importantly, the light that surrounds them, eradicating all traces of darkness.
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AAAND that's a wrap! So? Good? Bad? Shit? You-should-just-stop-writing-nonsense? Whatever it is, let me know! Reviews are like cookies, I love 'em! 😳
-Raina
Itti Si Khushi Sab TV
