Laughs -- Where Do The Lawyers Actually

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Man

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Posted: 17 years ago

Laughs

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Sue over the property - - > Did you know that heaven and hell are actually right next to each other? They are separated by a big chain - link fence. Well, one day hell was having a big party and it got a little out of hand. God heard the ruckus and arrived to find his fence completely smashed by the wild partiers. He called the devil over and said "Look, Satan, you have to rebuild this fence." Satan agreed. The next day God noticed that the devil had completely rebuilt the fence ... but it was 2 feet further into heaven than before. "Satan!" beckoned God. "You have to take that fence down and put it back where it belongs!" "Yeah? What if I do not?" replied the devil." I will sue you if I have to," answered God. "Sure," laughed Satan. "Where are you going to find a lawyer?"

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Man

@Manzz

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Posted: 17 years ago

Laughs

Story about infinity --> A very large mathematical convention was held in Las Vegas. The conventioneers filled two hotels, each with an infinite number of rooms. The hotels were across the street from each other and were owned by brothers. One evening, while everyone was out at a bar –b - que, one of the hotels burned to the ground. The brothers got together and worked out a plan. In the remaining hotel, they moved all guests to twice their room number -- room 101 moved to 202, room 1234 moved to room 2468, etc. Then all the odd number rooms were empty, and there were an infinite number of odd rooms. So the guests from the other hotel moved into them.

Edited by Manzz - 17 years ago

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Man

@Manzz

Coolbie

+ 5

Posted: 17 years ago

Laughs

A contest and a bird --> Very early one morning two birds are sitting at the side of a large puddle of oil. They see a worm on the other side. So ... the one flies over and the other one swims through - which one gets to the worm first? The one who swam, of course, because "Da oily boid gets da woim." There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did

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Man

@Manzz

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Posted: 17 years ago

Laughs

The Christmas airport --> It was a few days before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well, and he was ready to go back home. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols. Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he was not in a particularly good mood. (Almost a scrooge) Going to check in his luggage (which, for some reason, had become one suitcase with entirely new clothes), he saw hanging mistletoe. Not real mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on some of the rounder parts and green paint on some of the flatter and pointer parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort of way. With a considerable degree of irritation and nowhere else to vent it, he said to the attendant, "Even if we were married, I would not want to kiss you under such a ghastly mockery of mistletoe." "Sir, look more closely at where the mistletoe is." "Ok, I see that it is above the luggage scale which is the place you would have to step forward for a kiss." "That is not why it is there." "Ok, I give up. Why is it there?" "It is there so you can kiss your luggage good-bye."

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Man

@Manzz

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Posted: 17 years ago

Laughs

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Eating the piece of fruit --> Two guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train. A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they'd never seen before. Each bought one. The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his friend and said, "I would not eat that if I were you." "Why not?" "I took one bite and went blind for half a minute."

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Man

@Manzz

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Posted: 17 years ago

Laughs

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The office happenings --> Quote from a recent meeting: "We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done" .Quote from the Boss ... "I did not say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you." A motivational sign at work: The beatings will continue until morale improves. A direct quote from the Boss: "We passed over a lot of good people to get the ones we hired." My Boss frequently gets lost in thought. That's because it's unfamiliar territory My Boss said to me "What you see as a glass ceiling, I see as a protective barrier. My Boss needs a surge protector. That way his mouth would be buffered from surprise spikes in his brain I thought my Boss was an idiot, and quit, to work for myself. My new Boss is an idiot, too ... but at least I respect him. He is given automobile accident victims new hope for recovery. He walks talks and performs rudimentary tasks, all without the benefit of a SPINE. Some people climb the ladder of success. My Boss walked under it. Quote from the Boss after overriding the decision of a task force he created to find a solution: " I am sorry if I ever gave you the impression your input would have any effect on my decision for the outcome of this project!" HR Manager to job candidate "I see you have had no computer training. Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you are under - qualified for our entry level positions." Quote from telephone inquiry "We are only hiring one summer intern this year and we w ill not start interviewing candidates for that position until the Boss' daughter finishes her summer classes. !

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Laughs -- Where Do The Lawyers Actually

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