IS IT Hate Or Love CHAPTER 21 Page 144 ~ THREAD 1 CLOSE - Page 18

CHAPTER 9

Sudden realization of being lost in the moment totally shook Jodha... Seeing Jalal's dark passionate desireful eyes, her face got filled with fear...she pulled herself back and two steps away from him. (She prayed to god... hey Krishna help me, what have I done?)

Jalal got confused seeing Jodha stepping back with a fearful face.

Jalal held her face and lifted her chin up, he wanted look into her eyes and read her eyes once again. She slowly lifted her eyes up. Uninvited tears pricked out of her eyes with a little fear and lots of guilt in them. Seeing her in denial stage, Jalal merely asked her "Why are you testing my patience Jodha?"

Jodha stayed quiet, she had no answer to his question. He felt hurt, his ego got awfully bruised. With each passing second his patience was converting into anger. His head spin with refusal... He looked torn and extremely frustrated... His expression turns little by little dark and bleak; gradually his patience was diluted and converted in to rage... At last, with extreme fury, He shouted loudly "Jodha, It is so impossible to understand you, you are the one who allowed me to come so close to you, so why this rejection now?"

She stayed quiet as she had no answer to his question; she didn't respond to anything, her silence created fire inside him. With dangerous frustration, Jalal holds her shoulders harshly and pushed her away from himself and walked off.

Jalal's fury was at the mountain. Jodha got completely traumatized seeing his reaction, his. Jalal walked off and went near the pond. He took some stones in anger and started throwing them in the pond. Suddenly, he was feeling very empty and lonely.

Jodha decided to talk to him, she fearfully and cautiously went near the pond and in low tone she said "Shenshah" she paused briefly for a response from him but Jalal didn't respond and without looking at her, he started walking away from her.

Jodha called him again in pleading tone "Shenshah, please listen to me."

But he ignored her again. Jodha ran behind him and held his hand to stop him. He looked back with immense resentment and screamed "Get out from here, I don't want to see your face, I have no interest in having any conversation with you."

Jodha was still standing while holding his hand. Finally Jalal pushed her hand away with a jerk and before she could say anything he rode off towards the palace.

His anger was at the mountain... he felt like killing everyone, he was unable to handle her rejection, and he had never felt insulted like this before, ever. He always got what he wished for, many queens left their kingdoms to stay with Jalal. All of his begums were crazy for his one gaze, but there was something in Jodha which was completely different from others. Her every sentence, every word, every tear was affecting him intensely. This was the first time in his life that he was feeling defeated. He wanted to hurt her so much but he couldn't do that.

Jodha also rode back to the palace. She straight away went to see Jalal in his chamber but his guard stopped her at the entrance, she waited for Jalal's permission to go inside his chamber, Jalal saw her standing helplessly, while looking in her eyes he denied her request to meet him. She felt distinguish sting and antagonism in his eyes. She felt really guilty for making him feel this way and she wanted to make things right.

Jalal was completely shaken by what was happening between him and Jodha. He had realized and knew very well now that he was losing his control over his heart, His restless mind and heart both were broken and shattered. He cancelled all his meetings and requested Atgah Saheb, to take care of his political duties for the day. He wanted stay alone for the day.

Seeing him that vulnerable she was feeling guilty...Jodha wanted to apologies him somehow, so she decided to cook his favorite dish for him for lunch. She made the entire meal for both of them. Maha Manga noticed this and was surprised to see Jodha cooking for Jalal.

After getting everything ready she went to Jalal's chamber and told Jalal's special bandi to go inside and ask if Shenshan is ready for his lunch and instructed her not to mention her name.

Jalal was deeply lost in his thought... He recalled their first kiss, first hug, how he carried her in his arms, their peaceful sleep, cuddling each other, all those beautiful moments they shared were repeating in his mind over and over again just a like a movie. Remembering those beautiful moments his anger cooled down a little. The maid came inside and asked him "Shenshah, Are you ready to eat lunch?" and without looking at her he absentmindedly replied "Bring it in."

Jalal was still lost in his thoughts; he was standing near the window watching the birds flying in the sky. He didn't notice Jodha's presence; suddenly he heard the familiar sound of Jodha's payal and realized Jodha was there, he swiftly turned back towards her. She cheerfully smiled at him while serving food.

With anguished voice he shouted, "Why did you come to my chamber without my permission?"

Jodha playfully replied "I don't need anyone's permission to come to my husband's chamber."

Jalal got shocked with her answer and audacity , he replied with sarcastic tone, "Oh Jodha begum, so now you realized that I am your husband??"

She grinned at him and said teasingly "When did I deny that you are my husband?" She paused and smirked at him mischievously and then continued "Don't you see I am fulfilling my duty; I have cooked all this food for you."

Jalal's anger was slowly melting away seeing her cheerful impish face, "Do you know wife's duty?" he snapped,

Jodha replied sarcastically, "Shenshah, Actually this is my first experience, how would I know all my duties?? But you have more 500 begums, you seems very knowledgeable in that area...why don't you teach me my all duties?" she sounded very much playful.

Jalal's anger almost vanished but still he was feeling bitter.

Jalal in his arrogant tone replied "I have told my favorite begum Rukaiya to teach you wife's duties. You are not that important, why would I waste my time on you?"

His words... favorite begum gave deep sting in her heart... Jodha gazed at him exasperatedly and immediately she replied in furious tone "You know what, let me call your favorite begum to feed you this food, Ohh... I forget that I am worthless begum... You should spend your quality time with your special chief and favorite begum... Sorry I have wasted your precious time."

She glance at him dryly... then with anger she got up from the chair to walk towards the door and before she could go out Jalal grabbed her hand and pulled her close wrapping his hands on her waist and teasingly said, "Oh! My new begum is jealous of my favorite Rukaiya begum!"

Jodha while looking towards the other side from Jalal irritably said "I am not jealous of anyone, leave me alone, and let me go. Don't waste your precious time Shenshah." She tried to come out of his grip but the more she tried the more strongly he gripped onto her wrist. Jodha with frustration looked at him and said bitterly "Shenshah, you can do anything with anyone; it doesn't affect me at all. You are not important in my life as well, I am happy with my Kanah."

His lips curved with amusing smirk seeing her jealous and frustrated, he pulled her a little more closely towards him and whispered in her ear "So why did you cook food for me begum Jodha? I think you do care about me, and you like me as well. Your word doesn't reach to your eyes ... I see deep longing for me in your eyes... I have noticed as soon as you see me your pale face sparkle with glow. "

Jodha was constantly trying to release her wrist from him and getting more and more frustrated thinking how could he read her eyes... Jodha with fake masking anger said "Shenshah, leave my hand." He smirk viciously and grip on her more powerful. Finally Jodha shouted with anger "leave me alone Shenshah, you are hurting me" and unwanted tears pricked out of her eyes, she even didn't know what was bothering her... his sharp words or his harsh behavior.

Seeing her in tears, Jalal immediately released her hand and Jodha without saying anything started walking out of the room.

Jalal softly said "Jodha begum...Stop...come back."

His polite pleading tone stopped her, she turned to look back, Jalal asked in serious tone "Jodha begum, I thought, you wanted to talk to me about something and what about food, won't you like to have lunch with me?"

Jodha with hurtful tone replied with her moist eyes "I don't want to eat anything and I am not in mood to talk about anything anymore."

Jalal smirked a little seeing her cute cranky face "That's fine with me but if you don't serve me than I will have to call my special..." he said playfully... before he finish she came back and said in annoyance "I know my duty..." Jalal was getting pleasure seeing her jealousy.

He grabbed her hand and brought her to the lunch table. His eyes caught her red tattered wrist... Seeing that he loudly shouted holding his hand... Guards... Guard came running inside "bring malam (medicine) for bruise immediately." He pulled her bangles little up and started to caress on her wrist... Jodha got shocked seeing his sudden worry for her minor bruise... He said in guilty tone "Jodha, I don't know why but you always successfully awake monster in me. Remember I can't control my temper..."

Jodha smirk seeing his worried expression... Her eyes dance with humor... She replied playfully "Shenshah, Don't forget that I am a Rajvanshi begum... Not delicate like your other begum who scream for small wound... and also remember that I know how to fight with you and your monster..."

Jalal irritably replied "You know Jodha begum, one day your sharp tongue will put in big trouble."

Jodha playfully asked "Oh... Are you threatening Rajvanshi princess?"

"No I am warning Mughal begum" Jalal snapped at her crossly.

Guard gave medicine bowl and left... Jodha took away wrist from him... and don't worry Shenshah, I will put medicine later and food will get cold.

Jalal swiftly grab her hand and said "Jodha begum, I have given you this bruises so I will put medicine on it too...

Jodha pulled her hand again said "It's very minor bruise and this medicine gives sting... I don't want to put this medicine...

Jalal with smirk said "Oh... So Rajvanshi begum is scared of medicine..."

Jodha with cranky face replied "I am not scared of anything but I don't want to put this medicine..."

Jalal politely said "Jodha begum, trust me it will sting for a second only... Jalal to distract her mind from medicine asked "Jodha begum, don't you feel lonely in Agra."

Jodha replied instantly "In that case we both are in same boat Shenshah."

Jalal with shock stopped and looked in her eyes to understand what she said... he dryly asked "What you mean Jodha begum, I have thousands of people for me in the palace and in my harem. Why you think that we are in same situation?

Jodha simply replied "Shenshah you are right about our different situations... You have thousands but you still alone ... and I left my thousands in Amer. In sort we both are lonely.

Jalal gazed at her with dark sorrow and sadly replied " You know King always has to walk alone." then he grab her hand tenderly then took medicine and rub on her wrist and started to blow on it so it doesn't burns...

Jodha gazed at his charismatic dominating eyes without a blink. She couldn't defy to his controlling but caring act.

Jalal playfully said "Stop staring at me Jodha begum." His tease wakes her from his mesmerizing spell... She pulled her wrist from him... and started to blow on it...

He got up from the couch and said "Let's see what my new begum has cooked for me."

He noticed that there were two plates served, one with vegetarian food and other one with non-veg. He purposely sat by the vegetarian plate.

Jodha stopped him and said "Shehanshah, this plate is not for you, it is for me."

Jalal mischievously replied "But you just said you don't want to eat anything."

Jodha felt a little embarrassed and awkward.

"Jodha begum you have cooked for me with your wish for first time, so I would like both of us to eat in the same plate."

Jodha with little blush and smile nodded her face in agreement. Jalal took the first bite of Roti and vegetable gravy and as soon as he ate it he said "Subhan Allah Jodha begum, delicious and tasty...just like you."

It took her a seconds to comprehend his comment; suddenly realizing what he was talking about her entire face turned pink. She couldn't lift her eyes to see him and thought... how can he comment like this so smoothly impassively and make me blush heavily...

Jalal took another piece of Roti and vegetable curry and lovingly forwarded his hand towards her to feed her. She shyly opened her mouth to eat; she still couldn't lift her eyes. Both of them ate lunch in deep silence while stealing gazed at each other.

She was still feeling awkwardly shy eating with him under his piercing gaze, she couldn't lift her eyes. He lifted her chin up with his fingers and sensually said breaking their romantic silence "Jodha begum, your eyes are so beautiful and innocent, please don't hide them from me."

Jodha lifted her eyes slowly and saw his mild smirk on his face. His constant gaze made her very uncomfortable.

In low tone shyly she asked "Shenshah, why are you staring at me and smiling?"

His mouth sets in an amusing smirk... his eyes had mysterious smirk in it... he continued staring at her without breaking his gaze from her.

Jodha with little irritation said "Shenshah, don't look at me like this, you are making me uncomfortable."

Jalal was still smiling mysteriously and gazing at her which really annoyed her.

Irritably she asked him loudly "Why are you staring at me?"

Jalal with deep sensual grin replied "Jodha begum, I can't take my eyes off of you, your cheeks turn all pink and actually your lips..." he stopped purposely...

Jodha warily asked "What happened to my lips?"

Jalal silently sneered at her and said "Jodha begum, I advise you better stay in your room for the next few hours today after lunch."

Jodha looked at him with annoyance and innocently aksed "Shenshah, you are too confusing, why should I stay in my room?"

Jalal laughed out loud and asked her "Do you really want to know?"

Jodha with irritation "Seriously Shenshah, I think you have some problem, I have asked ten times and you are still asking me, do I really want to know, Yes, of course I want to know."

Jalal laughed at her innocence and asked her "Are you done with lunch?"

She nodded her head in Yes.

Jalal got up from his chair and wiped his hands then take hold of her hand and took her to the mirror. He made Jodha stand in the front and He stood behind her, both were looking in the mirror...before she could realize he whispered in her ear "Jodha our first kiss has made your lips more rosy and desirable."

Jodha's eyes caught at her little swollen lips and his passionate gaze through the mirror. She covered her face with both her hands. Jalal encircled his hands on her belly hugging her from back.

She felt him hugging her, she softly said, "Shenshah, please let me go."

Jalal whispered in her ears "Jodha I will never forget our beautiful morning together. You are deliciously sweet and beautiful. You have no idea how I am controlling myself right now to not kiss your rosy lips." he broke the hug and turned her towards himself and softly took her hands off from her face and said "Jodha, don't hide your face from me."

She again felt same magnetic attraction towards him... she realized his spell was again starting to work on her... before it's too late she decided to back off, she moved few steps backward from him and said "Shenshah, let me go please."

Jalal disappointing asked her "Why Jodha? We are a married couple then why are you running away from me and making me crazily mad??"

Jodha realized she needed to give him an explanation otherwise again he will feel his ego crushed. In very controlled and calm voice she replied "Shenshan, first of all I would like to apologize to you for this morning, it was my fault, I don't know how I went so far today but I need some more time. I had never seen any trouble in my life before I met you. I had no idea that life can be this cruel and interesting. There are so many ups and downs I have seen and experienced in the last few months. Some days you have terrified me, some days you have threatened me, some days you have wounded me, Some days you have insulted me in front of many people. You have punished my Amer just so you can take revenge on me, you forced me to marry you and your purpose of marriage was to take revenge on me. You have tried to smear me in front of the court. You have touched me without my wish...In the small number of days you have done so much to break my ego, my dignity and my self esteem and at some level you got successes too..." Jalal was extremely shocked...It took him while to comprehend.

After a short pause... she continues "Even after all this, you have surprise me many times. You promised that you will not touch me again without my consent; you took care of me genuinely when I was sick, and you understood my needs and respected my ritual by sending me to do my prayer. You allowed me to follow my religion and rituals. Even though you wanted to crush my ego and bend me down on my knees... you didn't let Adham insulted me in the court... When there was none chair for me in the Harem Hall and all begums were laughing at me, immediately you arranged chair for me. You have apologized for your mistakes; you have tried to compensate for your mistakes. You have given me lots of wounds and surprises. After all this, you have gained my respect but not love. I do not hate you anymore but I don't love you either... I will accept you completely when both of our hearts love each other." Jodha calmly said everything in one goes."

Jalal got shocked again with her transparency, her resistance, her admission of guilt, he understood everything but her last sentence bothered Jalal the most... LOVE.

Jalal replied softly "Jodha begum, I am very much thrilled with this openness and truth but one thing you are forgetting is that Jalal doesn't have a heart, all weaknesses come from the heart, I can give you everything you want but not my heart...because I don't have one."

Jodha with gratifying smile replied "Shenshah, do you know the meaning of the marriage? It's a bridge between faith, respect, trust and most importantly love for each other. It is a connection between two souls...two hearts. According to Hindu beliefs, once you are married to someone with your heart, then your souls are connected to each other for seven lives. MARRIGE IS NOTHING BUT CONNECTION BETWEEN TWO HEARTS."

Jalal couldn't say a word...he was utterly shaken, he tried to change the topic to mask his emotions and said in serious voice "I have to go to the court Jodha begum, Kudha Hafiz" and left. He couldn't stand her purity anymore.

On the other side Maham was getting more and more annoyed seeing Jalal and Jodha's increasing closeness. A maid came and gave her a bunch of messages to Maham. She was responsible manage all the mails and forward them to the appropriate people. There was a message for Jodha and she wickedly smiled seeing the message.