Note: This message is being reposted as it was deleted during the upgrade.
The author takes no responsibility for any mental ailments caused by reading this story. All comments about characters and others have been made with the intent to make people laugh.
Prerequisite: Being able to tolerate Reading the first 2 parts of the story.http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=2830&PN= 1&TPN=1http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=2830&PN= 1&TPN=1đ
Part 1 Link: http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=2728&PN= 3
Part 2 Link : http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=2830&PN= 1&TPN=1
Jassi Jaissi Hell Mein Bhi Koi Nahin (Part 3)
"I miss Papaji, Mamma and Bebe," Jassi says, mournfully thinking about how no one made aloo parathas for her now. "You hurt them tremendously by committing suicide," Purab comments, his eyes still closed. "Why are you making me feel guilty? Kyun Purab, kyun?" she wails, not noticing the wince of a raven on a nearby tree. "I am stating a fact, Jassi. You must face facts or else you too will continue to suffer and feel depressed," Purab explains in a gentle voice.
"Aaaawwwk, LASSI! Do your job!" The raven caws irritably. Remember that you have to bring this monk back with you if you want to play the role of Armaan Sir's doormat in the new Hades Productions play! Jassi tells this to herself a dozen times before straightening her sooty glasses and adjusting her dupatta. "Purab, if you don't come to Hell with me, I will never speak to you again!" she announces, feeling pleased with herself.
"AAAAAWWWWKKK! Doofus! He's a MONK! Silence is the best background music for a mendicant! Annoy him like you annoy the rest of us," the bird screams. "If I had found Jassi annoying, I would have never agreed to marry her." Purab finally opens his eyes and fixes the evil bird with a stare. Jassi looks on in confusion as her fianc in a previous life looks at her finally. "Jassi, I cannot come with you. My attachment to you would only cause more sufferingâŚfor both of us. I can only give you one piece of advice. Wipe the soot off your glasses and see the truth for what it is."
With this cryptic comment, Purab closes his eyes once more and enters the first, then the second dhyana, concentrating on ascending to the third dhyana - the second last stage before Enlightenment. The last thing Jassi hears is a sharp crack and sees everyone glaring at her with accusing eyes. "Satan Sir, my threats always worked on Purab before. I don't know why he refused to do this for me," Jassi complains. The Lord of the Underworld leaps to his feet and takes hold of his pitchfork. "This time I am not going to tolerate your whining Lassi," he growls. His pitchfork turns into a broom which magically chases after Jassi and successfully smacks her on the head a couple of times.
"How DARE you!" Jassi screams, her chappals flying into the air and landing on Armaan Sir's head as she runs to escape the vindictive broom. "I am a C-E-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Armaan screams "DAMN!" as one of the chappals gets intertwined with one of the horns on his head. It is at this point of time that Purab ascends to the third dhyana and is invited for a day to the Tusita heaven by a satisfied Bodhisattva.
Jassi sits in her broom closet feeling irritable. The broom which had been chasing her had automatically returned to Satan Sir who was having a good laugh. Her hair felt like a porcupine's nest, broomstick bristles sticking out from all directions. She could hear the demonic harem screaming with delight. What happened? Did Armaan sir lose a bet again? Jassi peers out of her broom closet to make sure that there were no wayward broomsticks around before sneaking outside to see what was up.
Jassi's suspicions were right. This time, Armaan had been turned into a singing chameleon that kept changing its colours from black to white. Aryan Seth was there as well strumming an electric guitar as Armaan started a song. "OW!" he screams, in an odd lizard-like Michael Jackson voice. The air around them reverberates and Armaan blasts out the lyrics:
"I had a lot of fun this Saturday nightâŚ
Because ol' C-E-O was in a fight
With Satan and peeeeeople
Oh, it was awesome tooonnnight!"
(Guitar solo by Aryan with sighs of appreciation from the demonesses)
"Ol' Jassi whines if I am greeeeeey
She asks for Kohinoor and wants to staaaaayâŚ
I have a headache when-ev-er she coooooomes
Because she's so into the middle-class waaaayâŚ"
"The broooomstick chased her
My Piranhas laughed in deliiiiight!"
(Aryan switches to the drums)
"But, if you're worried 'bout my ladies
They don't care if I am Black or White!"
(Demonic Harem join into the chorus)
"It's black, it's white
It ain't tough for them
To get by
It's black , it's white, whoo"
Jassi reaches the place just as the chorus comes to an end. "Armaan Sir! Aaap ko kya ho gaya? Cheeeeeee! Chipkali!" she screams as the Armaan-the-chameleon catches a firefly with its long tongue. The minute it ingests the firefly, smoke begins to come out of its nostrils. "Paani, Paani, Reeeeee!" The demonesses sob. Jassi is annoyed. "You all are useless! Must I do everything?"
Jassi goes once more in her search for water which had not yet evaporated. Circumambulating the perimeter of Mount Doom, she comes upon a hot spring which had not yet been consumed by the lava emitted from the active volcano. "Arrey! Main bhi na! Paani ke liye Armaan Sir ka Piranha bowl laana bhool gayee!" Jassi scolds herself. Suddenly she notices something shimmering on a flat rock next to the hot spring. It was a bowl turned upside down! I am in luck! Jassi decides wondering how she hadn't noticed it before.
However, the minute her fingers touch the inverted bowl, it grows warm and the reddish-blonde dust at its bottom begins to swirl. Jassi wonders if the "bowl" is one of those fabled crystal balls which revealed one's future. Should I? she wonders. Satan Sir would probably send a vacuum cleaner after her if he caught her here this time. Eventually, curiosity overcomes her ingrained fear of the Lord of the Underworld and she commands in a shaking voice, a pale imitation of her usual CEO arrogance. "Shshshooow mmmme th-thhe f-f-fffuture. MY future!"
The smoky dust arches upwards like a miniature tsunami and crashes, revealing the grand chamber of Hades Palace where the Lord of the Underworld held court with his minions. Armaan Sir was sitting on the throne as expected, two demonesses fanning him from each side. "But where am I?" Jassi questions out aloud. The scene shifts like a camera being rotated three sixty degrees to face the entrance of the grand chamber. Jassi begins to feel sick as she gets a close-up of her impending future.
Two Uruk-Hai, armed with swords and spears, stood guard on each side of the large, roughly carved entrance. In between them, almost forgotten, lay a pink doormat, its colour fading as a result of constant use by demons and orcs. What was horrifying was the pattern on the doormat â a mournful round face with a fringe and large, square spectacle markings over its beady eyes. "Yeh sab mere saath kyun hua?" the carpet wails.
Jassi screams, "STOP! Stop showing this to me!" The dust settles down once more in an innocent heap. She sits down, hugging her knees to her chest to stop herself from quivering like a leaf. Wipe the soot off your glasses and see the truth for what it is. Jassi removes her glasses and holds them over the steaming hot spring for a few seconds, allowing moisture to cling to the lenses. Using a clean corner of her large kameez, she furiously rubs out all traces of the carbon from the glasses and puts them back on.
She stares at her reflection in the hot spring. The woman staring back at her has a black face, looks unhappy, wears rags and has wooden bristles stuck in her normally neat hair. She looks around and sees pain and suffering as Satan, Armaan Sir and the demonic harem cackle mercilessly in the background. But, I thought I knew Armaan Sir so well. Let me test him now.
She goes to Armaan who had been turned back into his normal demon-form and was now snoozing on a demoness' lap. "Armaan Sir! Wake up!" Jassi orders him. Armaan's eyes twitch irritably and he squints in Jassi's direction. "What the hell do you want?" he slurs, his breath reeking of alcohol. "Prove it that you still trust and value me. Make me the Queen of the Underworld, Armaan Sir!" she commands haughtily.
Armaan Sir stares at her for a nanosecond before bursting out into laughter. "Are you crazy? You have no hold over me here, Miss Jasmeet Walia. This is not Kohinoor. This is HELL and I DAMN well am not giving up my succession for a future to-be-doormat!" Realizing what he had just blurted out, Armaan clapped his hand over his mouth. "Oops?" he says, looking at the demoness questioningly and bursts into giggles.
Jassi jerks backwards, Armaan Sir's words hitting her like a slap on the face. The metaphorical slap was nevertheless successful in correcting her vision and she truly saw Armaan Sir for what he was. A man who had always worried more about his status and his company than anything else. A man who would do anything to keep that position, even if it meant wooing his innocent secretary.
"Then you can stay here and ask your demonesses to do everything for you. I no longer remain under your spell," she shouts, her eyes bright with fury. Armaan looked shocked as he stared at the girl before him. Her servile attitude had vanished and a hostile look made her face look striking. Was this the Jassi whom he had known for so long? Or had he even known her in the first place?
"You never knew me, never understood my feelings for you. But, I no longer want that from you. You, Armaan Sir, are a waste of my time!" Jassi's declaration had an astounding effect. With a sharp crack, Satan and the Bodhisattva Avalokiteshvara, known as Kannon in Japan and Kuan-yan in China, appeared in front of them. "All right, you won! Now what do you want from me?" Satan asks the Bodhisattva furiously.
"The girl has seen the truth for herself. You tricked her into coming here, evil one. I am here to take her back where she belongs â in the human realm," The Bodhisattva states calmly. "She will be reborn there as the child of a man named Nandan Verma." Jassi gawks at the radiant man in awe. "Nandu?" The Bodhisattva smiles gently. "Yes, your best friend Nandu. He has married a nice woman named Cheshta and she is pregnant with a girl-child. You will be that child."
For the first time in several Underworld-weeks (equivalent to several human years), Satan heaves a sigh of relief.
In the forest, a lonely monk ascends to the fourth dhyana and is about to ascend into Nirvana, when he is reminded of the sad girl who floats in the air, calling him "PurabâŚwhere are you?" Out of compassion, he decides to stay behind and teach. The minute he decides that, the levitating girl floats down into the forest and gazes at him with awe. Kanchi-lata becomes his first disciple and becomes a master at controlled levitation techniques.
Purab forms a new bhikshuni sangha â the order of the nuns â which finds followers from all over the human realm. The hungry she-ghosts in the realm above the underworld are reborn into the human realm after they stop arguing about whom Purab really belonged to and they too become Purab's disciples.
Armaan Sir Suri becomes the new Lord of the Underworld and turns Aryan into a doormat for the grand chamber at Hades Palace. Of course, since the doormat keeps biting everyone who steps on it, it manages to remain relatively clean and new even in the Underworld. His demonesses are very pleased with the way he runs the seven hells and sometimes he cooks pasta with piranhas for them as a treat.
On 1st September, Cheshta Verma delivers a beautiful baby girl. Nandu wonders why the baby looks so familiar. Its probably because she looks like me, he decides with a grin. The baby gives him a little glare as if she meant to say, "Nandu! Tu bhi naa!" When she grows older, Jassi Verma Mehra, wife of new takeover king Rohan Mehra, is known as one of the top ten CEOs in India.
As for the author of Jassi Jaissi Hell mein bhi nahinâŚheheâŚ
Well, she reaches Nirvana after writing this story and rides off with Harry Potter (on his broomstick) into the sunset.
As a wise old hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, always says, "And they all lived happily every after."
THE END
Credits:
Buddhist Cosmology and Narrative has been derived from the Pali Sutras with a few changes to adapt to the plotline.
Bilbo's ending, the orcs and Uruk-Hai have been borrowed from the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. (Thanks to the master JRR Tolkein)
Harry Potter has not been borrowed. I am flying with him now...ACCCCCkKKKK...Never knew that even brooms were turbulent.đ (On a serious Note: Thanks Jo Rowling, you are the best!)
Last, but not least, Thanks to Tony and Diya Singh for their current treatment of Jassi Jaissi Koi Nahin.đ
Arjun
Cricket
