Posted:
Dear Jaana Na Dil Se Door,
Our relationship has recently taken a tumultuous turn, testing both our boundaries. I do write to you with a heightened awareness of the fact that I am not as important to you as you are to me since you have many like me but I have just the one of you. Our recent tensions and your many admirers do not, of course, take away from the fact that I found you and loved you so much that saying I was obsessed with you would not be an understatement. I devoured you to such an extent that after a few days of our meeting, I became acquainted with every part of you. But that was just it, even when I had apparently seen all there was of you, I could still see something new every time I looked at you. I watched you again and again and sat and pondered for hours about what every little part of you means. There were even times when I wondered, and still do wonder, if you actually mean most of what I took from you or that I was just overanalysing your words. But that doesn't matter, as long as you keep talking, I can make of the words whatever I may.
Faking perfection is something that neither of us are great at nor something that we aim for. I am therefore going to admit that there are times that you disappointed me. Even offended me. The most painful blow came just recently when your words, that usually sound like music to my ears, pierced my heart. Your words, that had previously found a comfortable and content spot in my heart and mind, now went against everything that I have ever believed in. I wondered how I could ever forgive you, when your previously revolutionary stance conformed to the pressures and callings of the masses. Perhaps admitting this is difficult but I even considered giving up on you, your betrayal feeling so heavy on my usually loyal heart. I took a short break from you to find out how it is that we could move forward. Ultimately though, I realised that giving up on you is the easy option. Your inconsiderate behaviour of late does not take away from all that you have given me. It hurts when you let me down, of course it does, but the soaring sensation of when you stay true to yourself, is too great to let go of. Indeed, I was once told that if you love something deeply, you are bound to get hurt. That doesn't mean that you stop loving!
Ours is a significant, complicated, confused and tumultuous relationship- but aren't all the great ones?
I started writing to you today in the pursuit of discovering how it is that I feel about you. I end with the feeling that, Khoya tha jo bhi use dhoond lenge...
Yours Ever
One Loving Fan
Cricket
