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totalmess

@totalmess

Dazzler

Posted: 9 years ago

Attitudes in society have always interested me. What makes one person believe in religion and another in science, what makes one believe in globalisation and another in nationalism, what makes one person accepting of having the ability to make your own choices and another supportive of having them made for you? Now I know this all sounds a little heavy but it links to JNDSD and its exploration of societal norms very well.

We all know that this show is ultimately, a piece of entertainment. It is rare, especially in the Hindi TV and film industry, that a work of art has any other purpose than to entertain. Nayi soch' is coming, however it cannot be so nayi that it hurts the sentiments of those loyal viewers and members of communities who do not believe that things ought to change in society. It all worked for them very well, so why can't it work for their children and grandchildren and so on? Why should they be subject to new ideas on television that will poison the minds of the future generations?

Now, as mostly young(ish) people on here, we know why things must change. They do with every generation. Entertainment, though, is a hard one on the grand scale of things. As important as the arts are in starting a conversation about something, how much do they really alter in the real world?

It was easy for me to take my Aunt with me to the cinema to see Bajirao Mastani and get her to admit that she enjoyed the film; it was harder though to get her to admit that it made a point about inter-faith marriages.

"It's just a film! Films are not real life" she told me. It was hard to argue about her point. I remember when I was watching Dangal, thinking, how many people from small Indian villages will watch this, and not take a single thing home with them? It is not their fault if they don't, they simply go to the cinema to forget their problems, not to take on lessons about life. My secondary thought though was, what if just one family, out of literally millions, thinks, if they can do it, then why can't my little girl? It only takes one idea to change a life forever- perhaps another Geeta or Babita is being made right now.

The whole attraction of this show for me is the new attitude toward love and life. It makes a clear point about owning your own existence and choices in the face of much adversity.

My curiosity though, is how much of this will we really learn from and take on board in our own lives? I am well aware that a lot of this show is unrealistic and the same stuff that we have seen for many moons. But how does the revolutionary part impact us? Do we forget after 6pm to stand up for our love, or do we take this ideology with us and grow with it? I know from real life scenarios that a disregard for society, as admirable as it is, can cause great hurt to those left behind. But then, what is better than being the true you?

The predicament between you and society is such an interesting one. As easy as it is to admire ViTharv or Ravish, or whoever you appreciate, how much would we admire them if it was happening in our own home? Would you really want them to be together? Would you really want Ravish to be freed'? Would we really want Vividha to defy her Father? Would we really want two people to be stuck in a loveless marriage? The answer is, I don't know.

The face-off between convention and complacency is probably one that we will all face at some point. Whether or not we will take on the fresh attitudes that we see in our own lives is a whole different question.

I shall leave with you a lovely quote by Oscar Wilde, who can explain what I am talking about far better than I can!

"Life imitates art far more than art imitates life."

(My first proper post in a while. Sorry if it is a bit *yawn* for everyone! Just me and my genuine musings about life on screen and life everyday! Would love to hear your thoughts.)

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Frequent Posters

_innocent_

@_innocent_

Achiever

+ 4

Posted: 9 years ago

Beautiful post Alishah,

I believe we as individuals all love to judge but when we are placed in that situation (whatever it may be) we will be singing a different tune. Vividha was always a dutiful daughter to her hero (ie her father) until his true face came to the surface. Would we carry on respecting a man who beats our mother, who has done nothing but commit atrocities or would we stand up against such a man despite him being our father? I believe the truth is, most people would stay quiet and carry on, but the few who step up and shout and act against such behavior are looked down upon, but they stand strong and fight their battles to the point of where people have no choice but to respect them. Now that is merely an example but the teaching we get from that can be utilised in every situation. We should not be quick to judge, we should allow ourselves to stand up against wrong doings regardless of how society reacts because eventually even society will bound down. HOWEVER for that to happen we must remain strong and be ready to fight alone. Generations after generations come by but the mentality of many remain the same (which per me is a sad state of affairs in our real life).

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*Reemz*

@*Reemz*

Trailblazer

+ 5

Posted: 9 years ago

This is actually one of the BEST posts I've ever read.

Fiction does have the power to influence, it gets you to think but you're right the percentage of people who actually take the 'lesson' from that piece of fiction will be minimal. Even I wondered about Dangal which has been seen by millions of people, has gone on to become the biggest success ever in Hindi Cinema but how many fathers in those small villages/towns reflected when that little girl was talking to Babita & Geeta about how lucky they are opposed to other girls like herself who are forced to marry at such a young age. How many people had that epiphany? Probably very few.

But as far as I'm concerned, I've always felt strongly about being able to DO what you WANT to do. Even before this show, I always had the notion that what we want for ourselves should override what others expect us to do. They're not living my life and I'm certainly not living theirs.

So films like Swades enhance my thinking and made me realise even more that cultural, religious, caste division actually causes more conflicts than resolves. We are HUMAN yet we are divided by these man-made rulers. Why? Where are we going to take this when we die? Are you really going to live your life according to what others say? Why?

JNDSD - again its enhanced what I've already felt for so many years. It's about equality, it's about not giving so much importance to societal norms especially when they've actually been created to divide and control.

Someone tell me, why should I let anyone allow to tell ME who I can marry, when I can marry and when I can divorce? Are you living this marriage? If later down the line my husband wants to leave me, what can I do? Am I going to beg him to stay because marriage is apparently sacred? Am I going to give that so-called sacredness more importance over the fact that I'll NEVER be happy staying in such a relationship?

For me, these thoughts have been there since I was a child and my parents haven't been my biggest fans due to that haha! But I stick by them and shows like JNDSD only encourage what I've already feel.

Even if a small percentage could change their closed mindset then I feel that piece of fiction has done more than enough.

Edited by *Reemz* - 9 years ago

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fusilli

@fusilli

Explorer

Posted: 9 years ago

That is a beautiful post.
You're so right. We have to make the choices in our life by ourselves. No one in our life has a say in it because no one else is living our life but ourselves. Our parents and our friends and relatives would all probably want the best for us but in the end only WE know what's best for US.
Again, a beautiful post darling.

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13thwish

@13thwish

Dazzler

Posted: 9 years ago

I can only speak for myself but personally, I like to absorb new viewpoints, particularly from art, be it books or shows or movies. Fiction is an ideal resource because you can have the benefit of the journey and the lessons without having to endure the consequences of the mistakes. On the other hand, I do believe that conditioning plays a huge part in who we are. By the time we develop into adults, we are too set in our ways to willingly change. Personal evolution while an appealing theoretical concept is definitely not easy to implement unless one makes an active effort to keep an open mind (and considering our personal biases, this can be a challenge indeed).

Regarding JNDSD, I frankly admit that I adore my Vividha because she is my draw to this show (I was never here for the love story). She is special because she has taught me self-acceptance in a way I never understood before. Vividha is wonderfully flawed and yet is perfectly at peace with her own steep learning curve. She has shown me by example, that it is okay to have helplessly human and weak days, but you must compensate for them with insightful and strong days where you overcome your own limitations. It is okay to have days when you are in so much pain that you just want to lash out at everyone you come in contact with, but never hesitate to apologize for your careless words and actions later. It's okay to have days when you're so tired and hopeless, you just wanna curl into a ball and withdraw from the world; on such days, cry but don't give up. In life, people will often misunderstand your intentions, take offense to even your most well-meaning actions and sometimes even irrationally dislike you. Don't take their judgments to heart. Be guided by the light of your own truth. How easily Vivi forgives! (she even told Atharv to stop hitting that dadaji; SuSu may have said a million cruel words to her, but Vivi loves them anyway). So, try not to hold grudges. They only increase your own baggage.

Vivi's empowerment journey has touched me because it is authentic (in the real world, how much control do we have over our experiences? How many decisions are truly ours?) Similarly, Vivi's growth didn't happen overnight. She has lost her way countless times, she has faltered and fallen, but she relentlessly pushes through her own weakness and confusion and picks herself up. Every. Single.Time.

I look at Vivi's journey, and I realize that life can be unpredictable. It can shatter your dreams in the fraction of a second, take away all your power, all your confidence, all your joy.

But that is the time when you must remain steadfast in your desire and respectful of yourself.

If your devotion is sincere and persistent, eventually even destiny shall be forced to surrender to your will (just look at Vivi and the impossible odds against which she has found her Atharv). If they can face that and emerge victorious, we can all face anything.

^^Lol, didn't mean to wax poetic about my girl, but once I started, I just couldn't stop. Thank you for helping me reiterate these lessons to myself.

Regardless of how the show ends, this experience will always be a win for me. :)

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kelly

@Africanqueenkel

Dazzler

Posted: 9 years ago

Am a very strong will person who will tell you yes I know yes I will stand by my believe ... And you can't live someone elses life for them...

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beagleboy

@beagleboy

Dazzler

Posted: 9 years ago

love your post/ Will come back and respon

Edited -

Alishah, firstly, this is a very very well written post and I enjoyed reading it.

I'm not quite sure who set the moral code that dictates society. Or who validated this writ that dictates how we behave, what is wrong or what is right. I do know that in the 21st century, parts of the world still follow archaic notions of morality. Why? Is it because the self proclaimed custodians of these values are afraid and feel threatened to come out of their safe cocoon and allow freshness in thought and outlook?

What is Right? And what constitutes a wrong? What may be right for me may be wrong for you. Under these circumstances, how can we define Right and Wrong? I'm not talking about murder or crime. How can any person or unwritten code decide for us who we can love and how we can love or how much we can love? Surely, each of us has the right to decide for ourselves if we want to love a man or any woman or perhaps not love at all. Who gave society the power to tell a person that he should be male or female, or to discriminate based on this choice? Is it not his/her own choice? After all we are all God's children and the blood that flows in every one of us is red. How can the law, or society decide for a man that he cannot love a man or for a woman that she cannot love a woman. These are normal people, and YET, have you seen how TV portrays the LGTB community? It's shameful! If the society cannot afford a human being the basic respect of being a person, of being human, I do not want any part in this society. I would rather make my own rules and have my children follow these rules.

This so called moral society is one which indulges in the politics of religion and thrives on a culture of hatred. TV and the current content shown on TV is geared at strengthening and cementing these false phony values. TV is a powerful medium. It can bring a sea of change. If every show on TV glorifies superstition and extols prejudice, how will wrong attitudes change? If every show or a majority of shows bring out freshness of thought and a message of empowerment, who knows, slowly attitudes will change. Slowly, it will be ok for Mary to marry Salim or Ram. Having said this, often, in educated circles it is less about the religion and more about habits.

When it comes to gender issues, why is a woman subordinate to a man? What is wrong for a woman should be the same for a man. Each should be considered and deliberated using the same yard stick.

The weight of importance of a mother and father in a child's life is equally balanced between two scales. Why then, are women and men given different weightage in the eyes of society?! And look at the attitudes toward women in India, especially in places like UP and Haryana. And even Delhi and Bangalore more recently. Funny, there is never a story about a man being raped but plenty reported and plenty more unreported about women being objectified and raped. I really need to stop. I am beginning to rant and rave now!

It does take but a small trickle to make change. As I said elsewhere, a stream becomes a river and then the sea and then ocean. So even if that ONE household makes the change, 2 or 3 will follow and then an entire village, city, cities and then suddenly the entire country is spearheading a positive change. But someone has to first take a baby step for the country to take a leap.

I watch this serial because of that message of empowerment. Its not about Vividha being married and unable to get intimate. Its not about Ravish or Atharv. It is about the combined message that a woman is not obliged to live her life in a certain anonymity, taking on the restricted identities of a wife, daughter, daughter in law and a mother. It is the message that a woman has a will, and freedom and choice. I tells you that a woman can be something other than a lover and a wife (as in the ealier episodes Atharv spoke about working and having a separate identity). And it tells you that a woman can abandon society if society decides to abandon her.

Edited by beagleboy - 9 years ago

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933191

Hibernated

Posted: 9 years ago

Res I am a little caught up with work right but it's a really brilliant you have raised some valid questions.

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totalmess

@totalmess

Dazzler

Posted: 9 years ago

Originally posted by: _innocent_
Beautiful post Alishah,
I believe we as individuals all love to judge but when we are placed in that situation (whatever it may be) we will be singing a different tune. Vividha was always a dutiful daughter to her hero (ie her father) until his true face came to the surface. Would we carry on respecting a man who beats our mother, who has done nothing but commit atrocities or would we stand up against such a man despite him being our father? I believe the truth is, most people would stay quiet and carry on, but the few who step up and shout and act against such behavior are looked down upon, but they stand strong and fight their battles to the point of where people have no choice but to respect them. Now that is merely an example but the teaching we get from that can be utilised in every situation. We should not be quick to judge, we should allow ourselves to stand up against wrong doings regardless of how society reacts because eventually even society will bound down. HOWEVER for that to happen we must remain strong and be ready to fight alone. Generations after generations come by but the mentality of many remain the same (which per me is a sad state of affairs in our real life).

Thanks so much. That is very encouraging of you!

You are right, it is a difficult one really, doing what you think you should is not as easy as it sounds na!

Your ideas of how we should be ourselves and own what we believe in are really quite inspirational.

Especially this:

we should allow ourselves to stand up against wrong doings regardless of how society reacts because eventually even society will bound down

👏

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totalmess

@totalmess

Dazzler

Posted: 9 years ago

#10

Originally posted by: *Reemz*
This is actually one of the BEST posts I've ever read.

Fiction does have the power to influence, it gets you to think but you're right the percentage of people who actually take the 'lesson' from that piece of fiction will be minimal. Even I wondered about Dangal which has been seen by millions of people, has gone on to become the biggest success ever in Hindi Cinema but how many fathers in those small villages/towns reflected when that little girl was talking to Babita & Geeta about how lucky they are opposed to other girls like herself who are forced to marry at such a young age. How many people had that epiphany? Probably very few.

But as far as I'm concerned, I've always felt strongly about being able to DO what you WANT to do. Even before this show, I always had the notion that what we want for ourselves should override what others expect us to do. They're not living my life and I'm certainly not living theirs.

So films like Swades enhance my thinking and made me realise even more that cultural, religious, caste division actually causes more conflicts than resolves. We are HUMAN yet we are divided by these man-made rulers. Why? Where are we going to take this when we die? Are you really going to live your life according to what others say? Why?

JNDSD - again its enhanced what I've already felt for so many years. It's about equality, it's about not giving so much importance to societal norms especially when they've actually been created to divide and control.

Someone tell me, why should I else anyone allow to tell ME who I can marry, when I can marry and when I can divorce? Are you living this marriage? If later down the line my husband wants to leave me, what can I do? Am I going to beg him to stay because marriage is apparently sacred? Am I going to give that so-called sacredness more importance over the fact that I'll NEVER be happy staying in such a relationship?

For me, these thoughts have been there since I was a child and my parents haven't been my biggest fans due to that haha! But I stick by them and shows like JNDSD only encourage what I've already feel.

Even if a small percentage could change their closed mindset then I feel that piece of fiction has done more than enough.

I always get nervous before posting something of my own anywhere but that compliment means so much! Especially coming from you, I used to read your posts in EHMMBH days when I was 14/15 years old. A huge thank you from the depths of my heart.

I would have to agree with you. Perhaps because you are already so aware of your own ideas of what is right/wrong that fiction only enhances and opens your mind further?

Your analogy of Swades is so on point. I felt exactly the same way when I watched Highway. She only became free when 'tied up', away from the blaring gaze of how others thinks she should behave.

You are right. Even if one person ponders and takes action based on what what they have watched on television or film, then the lives of many generations of one family may already been changed forever.

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