Known Unknown: Part 3 updated

'Dr. Nachiket Khanna' read the sign on the door. It was his sanctum. A place he rushed to for comfort. A place he found solace in, even when the most bitter of memories threatened to suffocate him. A place where he relegated himself to when memories of our mother troubled him. Not that the three of us understood it then. Perhaps Ranbir did. But Suhani and I? We were far too young to understand then. Of course, now we get it. That in that blurry, unknown image of Mom were Dad's deepest memories.

Sometimes, I wish the separation hadn't happened. I guess it affected us a lot. Especially Suhani, who craves for Dad's slightest approval. Now that I see Neeshi and Aarav, I know that we missed out on a huge part of our lives. Mom shouts at them. Mom looks out for them. But most of all, Mom was present. She was there for it all. All we got was Pam. And I don't mean any malice in this. She loved us like her own. She brought us up like her own. But deep down, we weren't her own. Perhaps that's why I could never bring myself to call her Mom. Because I knew my Mom was out there, somewhere. Far away. But there.

The day Dad and Pam came back from India, there was something in him that was different. I know now, that it was meeting Neeshi that had affected him so deeply. That very night Suhani came upto me, with tears in her eyes. Happy tears that Dad had shown her his love. After all these years, she'd finally gotten what she had so desperately craved.

Now standing at the door of his office, it struck me. It was not just my baby sister who had wanted his validation. It was me too. But now that I was here, I was not sure whether Dad would ever approve of me.

Come in', rang Dad's voice.

I took a deep breath and took a step forward. Was it just me or was Dad looking more aloof than usual? Was that disappointment on his face? Did he know what I was going to say? Did he know?

Dad, I..'

Pam, how about we have something different for dinner tonight?'

What do you have in mind, Aagham?'

How about dhoklas?' I beamed.

Within seconds, Pam's whole being changed. The love her eyes held for me, suddenly changed to anger. Her face went dark. It was the condescending look she gave me every time I went to play dandiya with my friends.

I knew, I knew from the very beginning that that look of sheer hatred was reserved for only person. My mother. And despite that look, I went to those Gujarathi pandals because they made me feel close to the woman who's face I barely remembered. It was the only form of rebellion a fifteen year old could display.

You can order whatever you want but no dhoklas.' Pam's sharp voice broke my thoughts.

Two hours later we sat for dinner. As usual, it was just Ranbir, Suhani, Pam and I.

Suhani and I kept looking towards the door, just hoping that this once Dad would walk in and we would share a meal as a family.

After dinner, Pam sat me down. Ranbir was busy with his books, preparing for a test in college. The dude was going to be a doctor, just like our Dad.

Aagham, what are you planning on doing with your life?'

This was yet another time Pam had taken over the role of both mother and father in my life. I knew behind her question, was an answer she would soon express.

'What do you mean?'

'I mean, you'll be done with high school next year. What after that?'

'I ... I ..' I fumbled. I hadn't thought that far ahead. Do fifteen year old boys worry about anything other than girls?

'Neil wants you to follow in his steps. He wants you to go to university and study and be a doctor.'

If he wants me to do something, why doesn't he come talk to me himself?' I lost my cool just like that. It had to do with years of the same thing: Dad stating things matter-of-factly, Pam relaying the message to us and us doing as he said.

Why couldn't my own father bring himself to talk to his own children? Why couldn't he for once attend our PTA and be a normal Dad? Why couldn't he attend our birthday instead of throwing lavish gifts our way?

Why?

Three days later, I told Pam I would do as Dad wished.

Standing here in his office, I thought back to the cold man who was my father. He'd changed, He'd changed every since we got to India. Was I about to disappoint this changed version of my father?

Part 3:

Two days ago:

'Mom' My voice cracked a little.

She looked up from the notebook she'd obsessed over at Neeshi's wedding. I knew it was the book in which she maintained finances. I'd chanced upon it at the farmhouse. It was yet another reminder of what a stark difference in lifestyle the five of us had. Aarav and Neeshi had love and we had nothing. All the cars, expensive phones and tablets meant nothing in comparison to a moment of togetherness.

As soon as she looked at me, her face lit up. She stood up ready to embrace me and then hesitated. That stupid deal, I smiled wryly.

My parents had made the deal, not I. So, I rushed forward to embrace her. She hesitated for a split second but then enveloped me in a bear hug.

It was this affection that I wanted. A hug from Dad. A kiss from Mom. But all I grew up with was a dream, a dream in which my life was perfect. A dream in which we lived together, ate dinner together, laughed a little, cried a little. May be, it was this dream that made me crawl back to my mother every time she rebuffed my advances. Was it selfish? Perhaps. But I had spent years living a lone existence among a horde of people. And now that I could see what I'd missed out on, I would do everything in my power to achieve my utopia.

We broke apart and she signaled me towards the chair.

'I've informed Dad and come. So don't worry.' Mom smiled in response.

'Dhokla?'

'Yes!' I squealed.

'Mom' I said I wanted to talk.'

'What is it, Aagham? Is everything okay?' All out once, her face changed emotions from concern to worry to fear. Only a mother could do that.

'I .. I am not sure.'

'About?' She took my hand in hers and looked into my eyes.

'Anything. Everything. My life.'

She looked into my eyes, unblinking, urging me to go on.

'Dad wants me to study medicine.'

'That's good.' She encouraged.

'Except I'm not sure, if it's something I want.'

'What do you mean?'

'I don't know what I want. May be I want to travel. May be I want to be a DJ.' Despite myself, I burst out laughing at the ghastly expression Mom held.

'No, I mean not that I want to be a DJ. Just that I want to make this choice. You know?'

Mom looked at me quietly. She was taking it all in, processing it.

Coming here was a mistake, I started freaking out mentally. How could Mom get it? Neeshi was studying to be a doctor. And Aarav went from class to class. How could Mom get it? This was a huge mistake.

'Aagham, have you spoken to your Dad?'

I shook my head in silence. This had been a bad idea.

'You should talk to Nachiket. He is your father.'

'But..'

'You can never let him down. He loves you.' She said, almost reading my mind.

'What about you..?' I trailed off.

'Oh, my sweet child. I just want what's best for you. Whatever that may be.'

I felt a tear down my cheek. She'd said it. She'd been my Mother, in that moment more than any other.

Yes. Yes. Yes. I'll update soon. 😃

Thank you! 😳

Part 2 under progress😉

This is a very refreshing take!

Can't wait to read more :)

And now you can😉

Thanks!

This is one kid whose POV I so want to understand, about why he loves his Mother so unconditionally. And years for his Father.

Please do update soon.

Thanks so much for updating..

I always wonder why Aagham does not hold anything against Nachiket despite being in such need of affection. No matter how affectionate and loving Pam is, I am sure she was never very demonstrative.. and must have always held something against Ragini AND the kids in general for having destroyed her life in the process. I do not think she is as selfless as she'd like to think..

Thank you :)

I guess, I thought of Aagham because of this very reason. There's more to him than just the happy go lucky kid that he portrays.