Chapter 11: Eventide
"I'm in love with you, Khushi."
Arnav stands before her, waiting for her to come running in his arms, to kiss him in joy, to say something. He watches her eyes light up for just a second before a facade of an unfamiliar emotion unfurls, confusing him. Instead of the million things he had thought she would do, she silently walks away in haste and gets in her car. Perplexed, he watches her drive away as he stands there, unable to register the reason behind her actions. The gust of the night remains bitter as his heart lay on his sleeve, shattered.
It had been the single most hardest thing Khushi had ever had to do in her life. To turn away when all she wished to do was the exact opposite - run into his arms, kiss his lips, tell him that she... loved him too, more than he'd ever know.
Instead, she put up an intentional guard, not allowing him to see the momentary glimmer of hope, forcing her feet away from him before it was too late.
His confession keeps ringing in her ears as she sits alone in her room in front of a blank laptop screen, his words louder and clearer which each painstaking moment. She shuts the screen with a slam, resting her head on her hands in a defeat to her aching heart.
She knows that if she chose to stand there and disclose the utmost truth of her love for him, he would do anything to keep her in his life.
And yet, she knows she did the right thing by walking away. In the span of a sleepless night, she had realized that she could not possibly get in the way of a son's promise. She cannot be the reason he strays, she cannot be the reason a dream stays unfulfilled.
And so, Khushi stepped away.
She envisions Arnav taking hold of his father's business here, his mother beaming with pride. She envisions herself in Delhi with her parents, buying them a house to grow old in, away from financial troubles.
She then envisions a certain coffee shop, evenings spent in endless conversations. Memories of starry nights spent in his embrace, of long drives through the highway, singing to their favorite music.
A tear escapes her eye and she wipes it away before it spills.
She picks up her phone, tapping on the number of the only person who brings a smile to her face no matter what, no matter when.
"Hello? Beta, it's 3 am in California right now. Are you alright? What happened?"
"I'm fine, Mamma. Just wanted to hear your voice. How are you guys?"
"We're good, Khushi, missing you as always. Actually, your timing couldn't have been better. Your Papa and I were about to call you and tell you ourselves, but we thought we should wait until it was morning over there-"
Khushi straightens in her chair, suddenly alarmed.
"What happened? What do you want to tell me?"
Her mother lets out a little laugh.
"Arre, nothing to be worried about. You're going to be an aunt!"
"WHAT?!" She yells, regretting it a moment later as she realizes the time.
"Yes! Payal called just a few minutes ago to let us know. She found out this morning!"
"Oh my god, this is great news. Jiji is preggers!!" A wide smile breaks through her tears as she visualizes a tiny baby in her elder sister's arms in about nine months.
"We couldn't wait to call you, beta. By the way, isn't your college ending soon?"
Khushi shrinks in her chair, the smile fading.
"Yes, Mamma. Senior year ends in about two weeks,"
"So you'll be home soon?" Her mother's voice is filled with excitement.
"Yes, I'll be home soon."
Amidst the bustling hallways crowded with students rushing to their classes, Khushi feels lost, something she hasn't felt in months. She walks slowly, engrossed in her thoughts when she feels a sudden grip on her arm, pulling her away from the sea of people. Looking up to see who it is, she finds herself led by the person whom she longs to see, and yet cannot.
"Arnav! Where are you taking me?"
He stays silent, walking with her hand firmly in his until they reach a secluded area behind the building, away from prying eyes.
"What's going on, Khushi?" Arnav lets go, turning to look at her.
She studies his features, hurt at the sight of his questioning, troubled gaze. A part of her screams to tell him the truth, but her mind refrains. She knows he won't let her go unless she gives him a reason to. Forcing herself to face him, she makes a decision that crushes her heart.
"I don't know what you're talking about," The sentence comes out devoid of expression.
"What do you mean? No answers to my calls or texts, not a single explanation. Why, Khushi?"
She stays helplessly silent, struck by the sentiment laced with the way he says her name.
"And last night? I bore my heart and you..." He continues, his voice breaking.
"What about how I feel, Arnav? Ever thought about that?" She raises her tone in an effort to convince her own stubborn mind rather than the man she so loves standing in front of her, dejected.
Arnav takes slow steps towards her, stopping an inch away.
"I know how you feel," Taking her hands in his, he pulls her close to his warmth. "I know the way you sink into my arms when I touch you. I know the way you laugh at my stupid jokes," He moves closer still, watching as her lips part at the proximity. "I know the way your eyes twinkle when we kiss,"
Right on the verge of melting within his hold, Khushi shuts her eyes and reluctantly pulls away from him.
"None of that means anything," The declaration is barely audible.
He takes a deep breath at the indifference in her words, unwilling to give up so easily on the one thing that has challenged his convictions, the one person that has changed his world.
"What did you say? I didn't hear you," He pulls her to him again in one swift move, the fire in eyes of umber as if offering a dare.
"It. Means. Nothing," She lies through her teeth as her gaze drops, unable to match the blaze in his.
His fingers draw insistent, roaming circles on the expanse of her back, her muscles tightening under his tantalizing touch. He reaches down painfully slow, stopping just a breath away from the fullness of her quivering lips.
"So... this means nothing to you?"
Khushi latches onto his shoulders to keep from swaying, powerless to how her body responds to him.
"Y-yes. It means nothing," The words tremble before they slip.
His lips come crashing down on hers just then, drawing her to his chest, joining them in an embrace so intimate, she forgets all reason. His hand grasps her open hair while his tongue relentlessly fondles the outline of her lips. If his usual kisses are slow and tender, this kiss is aggressive, a reflection of an inextinguishable fire. She finds herself responding, aching to meet each passionate touch, going against her mind in a frenzied craze. His head drops down to the nape of her neck, branding her skin with his heat.
Her eyelids fly open in awareness, pulling herself out of his embrace when all her heart longs to do is the opposite. Arnav takes in the sight of her swollen lips, the redness of her neck, her disheveled, ebony hair. A strong desire and possessiveness hits him, knowing that he was the one to make her look this way, before he realizes that he wants to be the only man to make her look this way.
Khushi composes herself, fumbling with the creases of her shirt, her still rapid heartbeats making it harder to think.
"Senior year ends in two weeks. I'm going home after that. It's best that we forget this and move on-"
"Forget?" He scoffs in disbelief. "I don't think I can ever forget you, Khushi. I love you,"
Her soul crushes at that, cursing herself for not being able to respond to him.
"And the sad thing is, you can stomp on my heart a million times over and I'd still love you," His smile is wistful, his words earnest.
Khushi tuns around to hide the tear that spills, forcing herself to stick to her decision.
"Learn to forget me," She takes in a sharp breath in an effort to keep from breaking down.
"That's not possible for me," He replies in a whisper. "Don't walk away from this, Khushi,"
She stays silent, still facing the other way. A few moments of stillness later, she hears fading footsteps, looking to see him go.
A last thought crosses her mind as she watches his back.
I love you, Arnav. I love you enough to walk away.
A/N: I hope you all understand Khushi's decision and her reasons behind it. The next chapter will clear things up even more.
I hope I don't bore you all when I really delve into a character's mind and their thoughts. To me, characters are one of the most integral parts of a story. To show why they say what they say, why they do what they do. This tale is one that relies on human emotions, emotions that you and I can feel as well. I hope it is portrayed that way. ❤️
- Rain
Anupamaa
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