Part 1
A knock on the door. I open the door and smile at Hari Prakashji. He has a plate, my dinner. I take the plate carefully and let him in.
HP: Bhabhi its already 9 pm. You need to eat.
My heart swells listening to him. He is more than a brother to me. Even though he works for the Raizadas, he is more concerned for me. I am indeed lucky. I wonder if the Raizadas remember there is a person named "Khushi" in this house.
"I will have it soon. Thank you for this. You too have your dinner soon
" I reply. He nods his head.
I watch him leave the room. I keep staring at the food not wanting to eat now. I jerk hearing a familiar voice. I sigh, its my husband. He must have said a 'hi', I didn't hear him, who cares? He goes to the washroom, n comes out in two minutes. I appreciate his speed of changing clothes. He is wearing black track pants n white full sleeved tee.
"Why aren't u eating?" he asks me with a frown.
"I don't feel to" I reply softly.
I am surprised when he holds my hands n make me sit on the couch. HP enters again with another plate. I stare at Arnavji, confused. Is he accompanying me?
He dips the roti in the dal and brings it near my lips.
"I can eat" I say, feeling extremely awkward.
"I know you can but I want to feed you" he says huskily.
I am not surprised by his words. I am lost in his chocolaty brown eyes. I wonder why I always get lost in his eyes. I dont realize when I part my lips, n he feeds me. I stop him at the third bite and I start having the food myself. He didn't deny. He started having his food.
"Why are you here, you must be downstairs, in the dining hall?"
He clearly understands my question. He isn't accompanying his Di for dinner?
" I want to dine with you" he replies sternly.
"Why? Your family must be waiting for you"
"I have clearly told them that I would be dining in my room, because, you need me"
"Mrs.Jha needs you more" he isn't surprised by my instant mock.
He sighs.
"And I need you Khushi" he answers straight on my face. This reply did overwhelm me.
I know he needs me. I can see that by his lovey dovey actions from last week. Somewhere his words did reach my heart. He wants me and I can see that. I eat the last piece of roti. He was somewhere waiting for me to say something, he sighs and continues to eat.
"Why do you want me? Afterall I destroyed your Di's life?"
I can see him getting angry. But he tries to control
"Khushi you know its not your fault"
"But you think so" I murmur.
"I really did not mean it that day. I know you aren't responsible for it"
"Hmm" I don't want to argue with him. I am not in mood. There is mere silence.
"Can I go out tomorrow please? I want some peace" I request.
That's not what I wanted to say. I wanted to say i want to get out of this suffocating jail!!!
But I can't say so. He nods his head.
"You have an appointment with the doctor tomorrow. After that I will take you out"
I agree. I want some change from this not so peaceful Shantivan!!!
...
He switches off the lights. I m on the bed , dressed in my night salwars. I have my dupatta around my neck and I m scared to remove it. You might feel I m crazy but I don't know what's wrong...correction...whats right with my Laad Governor since a week. He hugs me tight and sleeps every night. Initially I had tried to protest but all my efforts went in vain. He hugs me as if I am his teddy bear. This time he is scared, scared to lose me. I close my eyes when I feel his hand around my waist. His actions are melting my heart, but I don't want to melt so soon. After all its not so easy to forget everything!! I am unable to sleep. I am lost in the past. The dreadful past.
It wasn't easy to digest his words. I know he didn't mean it. Yet his sharp tongue hurt me, a lot. He showed me what I am. I am nothing but a mistake, not just a mistake but the biggest mistake of his life. He didn't try to woo me but threatened me with the contract. I am here only to save my jiji's marriage. He is trying to win me but once bitten twice shy. Experience is the best teacher!!!
I want to speak with someone who can lighten my heart. Who other than jiji can understand me? I went downstairs. My jiji is upset. Somewhere I blame myself for all these. I can see the rift between her and jijaji. I feel bad for them .How I wish I could set everything alright!
"Jiji" I call her, while she is busy cleaning the vase.
She doesn't respond. I wonder why is she behaving like that?I hold her hand and call her again. She shoves my hand.
"Stay away from me" I am taken aback.
" What happened jiji? Why r u.."
"You aren't my sister. If you were then you wouldn't interfere in my and Akash's personal matters?"
"I just wanted to sort the things between you n jijaji" I reply softly.
"But that created more problems. Why Khushi? First of all we all are suffering because of you. Did you see Di? Did you see Dadiji? You know how shattered they are? Akash is right Khushi, I have to be the daughter in law of this house rather than being Khushi's sister. You are reason for the sorrow in this house" Payal exclaimed angrily.
I felt as if someone stabbed my heart. This was the least thing I expected. I gulped my throat. What can i expect from others when my own jiji blamed me for the mishaps.
"Even you think that I am responsible?"
"Of course. If you hadn't opened your mouth about Shyam then this would have never happened. If you had not told anything against that man.."
She was stopped by me.
"So that he could destroy more lives? How could you expect me to tolerate further?"
"Tolerance is what you lack! Don't I tolerate the harsh words of my mother in law? What would have happened if you had tolerated his presence? You could have adjusted. What did you prove by telling his truth? You caused more harm to us. Di almost killed her baby! Me, maaji, akash, arnavji n dadiji are trying to make her smile but she isn't. You broke the family. Just for you, mine and Akash's marital life is at stake. I can't take more risk by supporting you Khushi. I don't want to lose Akash. So please stay away from me and forget that you ever had a sister! "
She left from there leaving me alone.
My heart broke into a millions of pieces.My jiji disowned me? Even she thinks its my fault?
'You have to marry me Khushi or else I will destroy Akash and Payal's marriage' I was reminded of arnavji's threat. I married him and stayed with him, bore his tortures for my jiji. But what did she do? She blamed me.
What is my fault? What did she expect? Expected me to beg Shyam! That won't happen in the worst case too. The world is selfish! No, every individual in the world is selfish. Including you jiji!
You just want to save your marriage. Just thinking about your life! But I spent my year in beautifying your life. I lost my reputation in Sheesh mahal to save your marriage. But when I returned I was told "you proved that you aren't our blood"
Why? Why am I blamed for every sh*t that happens in this world?
Today you proved me that I am not your BLOOD sister!!!!
Thank u for showing me your true colors jiji. I ruined my life to save your marriage and you rewarded me for that.
I won't blame you. You were just a part of my life, you became more devoted towards your marriage and inlaws. I will not bind you in this relationship anymore. After all who am I? I am just an orphan who grew in your house.
From now onwards neither you r my jiji nor I am your baby sister.
I took that decision. I don't want to burden anyone. I can't force anyone to love me like they used to. One truth, and a disaster in Shantivan.
And the root cause for the trouble is none other than Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada.
I open my eyes when I hear the sound of alarm. Its 8 in the morning. I am relieved when I don't see my Hubby's hands over my waist, or else it would have weakened me again, I would have been lost in admiring him. I don't want to forgive him so soon. He must be in the washroom. I slowly get up from the bed and start folding my bedsheet. My eyes drift to the tea table. There is my breakfast. I smile sarcastically. I am used to this room service now. I wonder what is the difference between this room and a jail. Its just that nobody hurts me physically, but mental torture is worst.
***************
The clothes are back from laundry. I see Hari Prakashji busy in cooking. Mrs.Payal Raizada is helping him. The water jug is also empty. I adjust my Saree. I have to go down to fetch some water n collect my clothes. I don't want to burden HPji with my work. As soon as I step out of my room I see Mrs.Jha coming out of her room.
Damn it!!
I step back immediately, and hide behind a pillar. I fold my arms n wait for her to go. I am very much tired of this one sided hide and seek game, which I and Mrs.Jha are playing since a month. She never seeked me, and this hiding game from my side is still on. I feel why doesn't it happen the other way round? Isn't this unfair? Even she should get a chance to hide. I sneak out. I see Mrs.Jha and her aunt Mrs. Manorama Raizada sitting in the sofa and watching TV. She wants to cheer up Mrs.Jha.
So basically I am not allowed to step out. I curse them under my breath. I need my clothes and I am indeed very thirsty. I see my dear Arnavji coming out. I know he cannot see me and he is walking straight, he stops when i catch his arm. He is pretty surprised to see me hiding behind the pillar n he sees his Di. He gulps his throat. But I can see some sort of happiness in eyes. But why? Oh!! He is happy because I am holding his arm!! Lol.
"Arnavji can you please get my clothes from there?" I point downstairs "and also a glass of water "
" Yeah sure" he cups my cheeks.
It feels so good when your husband listens to you without arguing.
"Everything will be alright. Di will be normal with you soon and she will want to talk to you soon" he tries to make me feel better.
I am so tired of these things and I am hell irritated.
"Why do you think I am too interested to speak to her?" I say angrily.
He doesn't say anything. He can see me getting irritated. I see him disappearing, HE has gone down to get my things. I am so tired of these games that I am least interested in Mrs.Jha or the family. I don't want to talk to any of them even if they are willing to. I am fed up. He comes back with my clothes and water. I thank him and in return I get a kiss on my cheek.
"Take care and don't stress yourself. I will come in an hour. We have to meet the doctor"
I nod my head and go back to my room.
*********
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